DID THIS BITCH GET RAPED PRE-ARRIVAL?

Seriously what the fuck is Patricia Krentcil exactly? Besides being one of the biggest hot messes ever, she literally always looks like she's been gang raped and then spat on. The trashy Tanning Mom was papped arriving at some Howard Stern event in LA over the weekend (no idea why it was invited) and boy did she look fucking rough. The tatts, the body, the hair, the make-up...just the dog of a woman in general is offensive in itself.

[Images via GETTY]

ERM SO WAS KRIS THE HUSBAND OR THE WIFE?

Bruce Jenner has literally become a middle aged dyke or that's what he's looking like these days. The former husband of new money trash reality star Kris Jenner (mom of slut Kim K) was snapped leaving a plastic surgeon's office in Beverly Hills the other day after having his Adam's Apple shaved down...er what the fuck though right? We're not sure if it wants to be a chick cause we can spy some titties growing under his shirt there, but whatever anyway it's just creepy and we don't know what he is at all.

[Image via SPLASH]

ANGE KINDA PASSES WITH FLYING COLORS...

Okay so we get that Angelina Jolie is a cunt and Jennifer Aniston is a "serious actress", but c'mon people when you put these bitches side by side it's easy to see why Brad chose the Tomb Raider actress. Don't get it twisted cause we do think that Jen is cute and all, but she's always had that clownish smile going on and her looks are average with lip gloss and cute hair at best. Now when you look at Ange it's just obvious that she's got it cause she can say come fuck with her eyes and still have an air of mystery about her. There's probably plenty of girls out there who think Jen is beautiful, but we think they need their eyes testing. Cute and pretty sure...beautiful not.

[Image via GETTY/PACIFIC COAST]

GIRL DON'T WANNA REMEMBER THIS MOMENT

Nicki Minaj basically personifies all things fake and over the top, but girl seriously needs to check her hairline before leaving the house cause she looked a mess during a recent personal appearance. The ghetto singer was papped doing promo for her shit perfume and looked like a drag queen being swallowed by a cheap wig. We kinda like the music she shits out but besides that it's pretty much a ghetto train wreck.

[Image via SPLASH]

GRAMMY FOR THE MOST UNRECOGNIZABLE...?

Seriously what the ACTUAL fuck Madonna? What in God's name have you done to your face and bitch would you please just ditch the grille already cause it ain't even cool to copy Hannah Montana with an STD...that's right you know who. The alleged queen of pop was snapped walking the red carpet at the annual Grammy awards...with a cane can we add, but we're told she only needs to do this when it's damp cause it makes her dodgy hip play up. Anyhow fellow gay icon and singer Cyndi Lauper presented an award at the show and looked equally strange to be honest. Both of their faces are puffed up and bloated beyond recognition and we just don't understand how they think this looks good. Such a shame when you know you're career is slipping like quick sand and you can't do a thing to stop it cause you ain't relevant. Bad times for Madge and Cyndi ennit.

[Images via AP]

PIGS CAN'T FLY...THEY CAN SWIM APPARENTLY

Oh man what does this bitch see when she looks in the mirror! Gemma Collins once again decided to buy a bikini that was 10 sizes too small and wear it on the beach in Dubai recently...she knows exactly what gets our hearts racing and stomachs churning. Seriously though y'all what the fuck is the woman thinking when she parades her lard ass body around looking like this? We're all for inner confidence but when you've got a second cleavage and are losing thing in your rolls of fat it's time to make a change. We're pretty sure the poor fuckers who saw this walrus are now in therapy or on a major diet.

[Image via SPLASH]

WHY WAS THIS BITCH EVEN ON BB PEOPLE?

Oh dear that ain't a good shot is it Liz Jones? The former fashion editor was seen leaving Channel 5 studios after being evicted from Big Brother the other day and the bitch looked rough as shit. Now usually we wouldn't write about someone so irrelevant, but when you look like a Muppet character it's hard not to people. We don't really know what it is and we really don't understand how some bitter columnist managed to get onto a show (it's shit granted but still) that features celebs?

[Image via FLYNET]

THAT'S NOT WHAT MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL...

Now don't get us wrong cause Harry Styles is a good looking guy with great eyes, lips and bone structure, but man does he need to revaluate his skin routine cause the boy looked like a pizza face when he stepped out recently. The lead singer of band One Direction was seen out with friends and we're not sure if we should look away or try and play Dot To Dot with his acne? Anyhow we're sure that with some Proactiv his skin would clear right up so get on it quick boy.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

DID YOU FORGET YOUR BOULDER HOLDER?

Okay so we know most men would probably want Lauren Goodger to give them a tit wank, but really did the skank actually have to go shopping in the winter wearing no bra and a sheer top? The former TOWIE star was papped walking the streets of London laden with shopping bags and we're hoping there's at least a bra in one of them. On the upside she didn't look as obese as usual and we never realized how huge her fucking tits were...the poor things are suffocating and no doubt freezing in that top. You can't buy class can you people?

[Image via XPOSURE]

CADY HERON ARE YOU IN THERE SOMEWHERE?

We genuinely miss the days when Lindsay Lohan didn't look like an alcoholic housewife from Orange County cause we just don't recognize the woman above. The actress was snapped attending some shitty fashion show in China a while back and boy did she look rough. The usual bloated face and trout pout lips made an appearance and we're not sure what's going on with the front part of her hair cause it looks like straw. Poor old LiLo needs to look in the mirror cause for 27 she looks weird and haggard.

[Image via REX]

THE CAST OF 'FRAGGLE ROCK' TOUCH DOWN

Poor old Liza Minnelli never really stood a chance in life with that face, but despite looking like the back end of a bus she went on to have a successful singing career (beyond us) and star in campy musicals. Now obviously having Judy Garland as your mom doesn't hurt and we're pretty sure that the poor woman would turn in her grave if could hear how this bitch knocks out a tune. To be honest a cat getting gang raped with Parkinson's disease comes to mind. Even the butters tranny Tubbs from TV show The League Of Gentleman does a better job as passing off as a chick...pretty embarrassing ennit. Do you think Liza farted too cause that airport worker looks as though she's sniffed something that's making her gag?

[Image via NPG]

THE POOR GIRL GETS FUGLIER BY THE DAY...

Oh man it really can't be easy when you're Tori Spelling cause the bitch truly is a dog bless her. The former 90210 actress was papped shopping in Beverly Hills with her dog and it didn't look good at all. It's kinda like Barbie got raped by Frankenstein and this was the product that came out...much to shock of the mother we can imagine. We're not sure what she does these days but Tori could definitely take advantage of the many plastic surgeons in the area cause it'd be money well spent. Just sayin'.

[Image via SPLASH]

WHEN GOOD PEOPLE WEAR BAD OUTFITS!

You gotta love Sandra Bullock cause for one thing the woman looks great for almost 50 and secondly she adopts black kids and not just for publicity. Hear that Madonna? The actress walked the red carpet the other day at the Golden Globe awards and unfortunately for her it seemed her stylist may be holding some sort of grudge cause she looked like a Liquorice Allsort gone wrong. It was a crying shame that such a great actress rocked up looking like a fool but hey hopefully she hired the bitch who dressed her and has hired a fairy who can get the job done well.

[Image via GETTY]

SERIOUSLY HONEY LOOK IN THE MIRROR...

We honestly don't understand what Lauren Goodger see's when she looks in the mirror cause it don't look good to the general public. The tacky and tanned reality star was papped leaving a party in Essex recently and once again her legs looked toxic in comparison to the rest of her body. We're also not sure what the fuck is going on with her lips cause it looks like the bitch got stung by a bee. Everything about this look is just gross and the Louboutin's just add to the tacky factor cause they're so 2007 WAG now.

[Image via XPOSURE]

LOIS LANE IS LOOKING ROUGH THESE DAYS

Teri Hatcher used to be pretty back in the day and even though she was on the verge of looking like a wax figure in Desperate Housewives, it seems the actress has totes let herself go in the looks department lately. The original Lois Lane (sorry but Amy Adams ain't got shit on this bitch) was snapped on a run around LA the other day and the woman looked rough as shite. Although she's managed to stay anorexic (huge applause and great role model) something just didn't look right cause she looked tired and gaunt. Get yourself a burger and fries honey!

[Image via X17]

HAS THIS BITCH GONE AND GAINED WEIGHT?

It really pisses us off that all these lame ass fashion blogs and online showbiz sites diss the fuck out of a hot bitch who rocks up in a nasty dress to an awards show, but when mammoth Gabourey Sidibe shows up they all decide to be nice and fake. Please say you agree or even know what we're taking about cause if not you're an idiot too...vent over. Anyway the human version of Free Willy was papped walking the red carpet at the Golden Globes last night and while bitch looked kinda nice in the dress, she just looked like the ghetto version of Octomom. We love her as an actress and she's super cute but fuck does it need to lose a shit load of weight otherwise bitch gon' die. When your arms look more at home in a kebab shop action needs to be taken. Just sayin'.

[Image via GETTY]

BRITNEY IS BECOMING A REAL HOUSEWIFE

Holy shit balls! What the fuck has happened to Britney Spears lately people? The pop star was snapped attending the People's Choice Awards the other night and the woman looked truly horrific. We're obviously being a tad dramatic but her piss colored hair, spotty complexion, drag make-up and botoxed appearance made her look like a total freak show. Someone needs to introduce this woman to purple shampoo cause she's in desperate need! Britney literally looked like an extra from the Real Housewives and that's being nice.

[Image via GETTY]

DID YOU GO AND SHIT YOURSELF HONEY?

Okay so we're really not sure what Julianne Moore was thinking when she looked in the mirror and left her house cause bitch looked like she'd gone and doodied in her pants. The ginga actress was papped walking the streets of NYC the other day in what can only be described as hareem pants gone wrong. Do you think she tried to salvage the look by tucking her pants into those foul boots thinking it made the ensemble look better? We love her nonetheless but she looks like a lemon and lady can do way better.

[Image via SPLASH]

HOW DOES THIS HAVE THE X FACTOR?

Oh fucking dear. We're guessing Stacey Solomon was on a quest to make herself look even uglier when she threw this horrendous ensemble together? Now we get that this is clearly some sort of rank Pantomime theme but we just ain't feeling it and the woman looks awful. The drag make-up, horse teeth and birds nest hair do her no favors and we gotta say it's embarrassing that she's supposed to be a singer yet doing this kinda shit to pay the bills.

[Image via WENN]

WE CAN'T TELL WHO THE WOMAN IS PEOPLE...

Paz De La Huerta has always been a funny looking bird but now she's packed on about 300 pounds she's just a fugly hot mess. We've never been truly sure about what it is and at times we've doubted that it was born a woman with a face like that, but it would seem that someone does love her as she was snapped leaving a club in West Hollywood with her partner (we don't know what it is either) and the bitch looked happy as fuck. The dress is actually kinda nice but the body is ballooning and her face is just way too bloated. We all know that it's either down to overeating or drugs...allegedly.

[Image via SPLASH]

MOMMIE DEAREST AIN'T LOOKING SO GOOD

To open the new year we found this corker of old Hollywood legend Faye Dunaway leaving her hotel in London a few days ago. The former actress had either got gang raped on New Year's Eve and done too much coke or simply just aged terribly. Her once razor sharp features have been replaced with tight looking skin covered in liver spots and what's going on with that mammoth ear? We also didn't know that 72 year old stars are now dressing like chavs.

[Image via GREG BRENNAN]

MEG EVEN POSES LIKE A FRICKIN' DOG!

We still don't understand why Ashton cheated on Demi with this Jewish thing? Now we ain't got nothing against Jews, we simply use the term for effect but fuck Mila Kunis is one rough dog. The voice of stunner Meg Griffin was seen out with her stolen goods (boyfriend) and some random dog who by chance happened to be making the same facial expression as her. Still don't think the bitch is a dog or a husband stealer?

[Image via AKM-GSI]

BAGGY PUSSY OR THUNDER THIGHS?

Lily Allen has apparently started making music again...even though she said she was gonna retire before shitting out kids. Anyhow the singer must've ran outta money or something cause while her latest tune isn't the worst thing we've ever heard, the music video screams budget cut and they could've at least touched up her whale thighs in the editing room. What do we know though?

[Image via WARNER MUSIC]

THE MISEDUCATION OF APPLYING MAKE-UP...

Seriously what the actual fuck love? Lauryn Hill seemed to wanna look like a butters clown while performing at a recent concert and boy did the bitch exceed. The singer who recently had a run-in with the IRS didn't look too happy to be back performing and sources say she's being forced cause of mounting debts. It's seems pretty low of her to get into debt when she was earning so much and not living an extravagant lifestyle, but maybe it was cosmetic surgery procedures to make her ugly or something?

[Image via REX FEATURES]

DID YOU DREAM A DREAM OF BAD TASTE?

Oh we love when horrendous outfits happen to cute and kinda crazy people. Scottish nutter Susan Boyle was papped leaving a TV studio in London the other day and it looked like she'd raided the wardrobe of Dame Edna. The singer also looked rather glum and it was no doubt down to seeing her reflection and realizing what a horrendous ensemble she'd decided to throw on. Still hey ho that's life and at least she's not poor anymore.

[Image via XPOSURE]

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES!

Holy shit balls people! Christina Aguilera rocked up to this years AMA's looking shit hot compared to the disaster of a dress she turned up in last year. Initially we thought her overall look last year wasn't that bad, but after comparing it to this year she looked a total orange mess. The trampy singer scrubbed up damn well for the event and looked like she was revisiting her throwback glam look...let's just hope she keeps the weight off.

[Image via GETTY/SPLASH]

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER RANK PIC OF NAT

Poor old Natalie Cassidy can't catch a break and we're guessing she's our most featured celeb (pushing it), but let's face it there's good reason here. The former Eastenders actress was seen leaving a gym in London the other day and while her body was looking better, we just can't say the same for that horrific face. Yeah we get we're evil and we're insecure but they're anyway to package this thing up as pretty and cute. If we're honest we think mannish would be the most complimentary term we'd ever use to describe it on here. Still though the bitch is driving a Land Rover so we respect her a little more.

[Image via SPLASH]

LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER IS TOTES TRUE

We do love a good golden oldie and this Dina & Lindsay Lohan one definitely doesn't disappoint. The actress was snapped partying with her mom a while back and boy did they both look a sight for sore eyes. To be honest they'd look super at home walking up and down Hollywood Blvd during the night and let's face it that would help with LiLo's money problems. Talk about one fuck off catastrophic downward spiral.

[Image via REX]

WE'RE NOT SURE IF SHE'S STILL PREGGERS?

Adele is one of those birds who scrubs up super well for awards shows, but in her downtime she can look rough as shit. The rich as fuck singer was snapped running errands in London with her new sprog and it look rough bless her. We get that she's tired and her tits are sore, but brush her hair and swap that KFC for salad once in a while love. At least she's wearing trainers but we still can't picture this working out.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

TIME TO GET YOUR JAW WIRED UP HONEY

Oh no honey as if you left your gaff looking like this again. Lauren Goodger just never seems to learn and you think after getting the boot from TOWIE for being too fat she'd learn, but the woman still continues to stuff her fat face. What's more embarrassing is that the bitch ain't even 6 months along or anything...she's just that fucking obese. Next time stay away from dresses made out of elastic cause nobody want to see those rank curves hugged love.

[Image via FLYNET]

MAYBE THIS IS WHAT AIDS LOOKS LIKE?

You know we really don't give a shit if you think our title isn't politically correct or offensive cause Perez Hilton is actually that disgusting. It's not even that he likes dick, it's cause his unfortunate face does nothing but offend us to our very core. The blogger who is raising a kid (poor fucking thing) turned up to Heidi Klum's annual halloween bash dressed as Miley Cyrus and looked like a walking strand of the HIV virus. It's just wrong on so many levels...you have a dick for a reason.

[Image via GETTY]

THE SIMPSON SISTERS HAVE GONE TO SHIT

Okay so the story goes that Ashlee Simpson was always the fuglier sister of then hot Jessica Simpson, but when she decided to get her rank nose fixed she looked way better. Well that is until now of course if you've got eyes. The former singer (bitch please) was papped leaving a restaurant with a new man friend (totes a slut) and let's just say it's looked better. Maybe it's just a bad angle cause she looked like a fugly witch with a double chin. At least her new nose won't use any many Kleenex when she's sick.

[Image via GSI]

THIS JUST CANNOT BE LEGEND WHITNEY!

We kinda hate the last tour Whitney Houston did before she died cause not only was it her worst vocal performance, but the woman looked horrendous. The ridiculously talented and now deceased singer was papped doing her show in London back in 2010 and you literally can't tell who it is to be honest. Where the hell did her cheekbones disappear to guys? Such a shame cause music is such shit nowadays. Just sayin.'

[Image via GETTY]

HOLY MOLY WHAT HAPPENED TO JAKE?!

Now usually Jake Gyllenhaal looks pretty good but when he stepped out to an event the other night in LA he looked like an AIDS victim on death row. The actors plump face and looks appeared to be long gone and in their place was a gaunt and skeletal looking thing...pretty rank if you ask us people. We hear it's for a movie role so props to him for losing the weight so fast, but is it wrong that we're kinda jealous and wanna know his secret?

[Image via REX]

WTF BRITNEY'S GOT AN EIGHT HEAD NOW?

Man it's actually quite disturbing to see what a mess Britney Spears is these days...and you all thought Xtina had issues when she was heavier. The pop star was snapped leaving a dance rehearsal in LA over the weekend and bitch looked a total state. What the fuck is going on with the receding hairline, that fuck off spam forehead and the yellow hair? Jesus love sort yourself out cause no one will pay to see you perform live (lip sync) in Vegas looking like this!

[Image via X17]

WE DIDN'T KNOW SHAZZA WAS A GYPSY?

What the fuck has happened to the once attractive Sharon Osbourne? These days the money grabbing Jewish music manager is looking more like the Bride of Frankenstein than an aging woman. The cheap looking red barnet and puffy frozen face ain't a good look and it seems Shazza has taken her surgeries a few steps too far. Less is more lady!

[Image via REX]

CARINE ROITFELD DEFINITELY NEEDS A RAISE!

Mila Kunis really is one of those birds that needs make-up cause without it she looks dog rough and that's being kind. The actress was the face of Dior accessories not so long ago and it seems stylist Carine Roitfeld has magical powers cause she turned her from a pig into a swan judging by the above snaps. It really is shocking that this is even the same person and just proves how much celebs rely on slap these days.

[Image via DIOR/PACIFIC COAST]

WHY OH WHY DO GAYS CARRY BIRKIN BAGS?

Ew we really can't bare to look at the above snap of Johnny Weir too much cause it totes grosses us out and we ain't homophobic but he just looks wrong on so many levels. First he needs to figure out if he even wants to be a dude cause those thighs are rivaling Vicky B's pins and the boots, bag and eyebrows (oh the eyebrows people) just make us cringe inside. We just don't get what it is people?

[Image via FLYNET]

PRECIOUS COULD LITERALLY EAT RUSSIA

Okay so we get that Gabourey Sidibe is a really good actress and she's got the whole cuteness appeal, but fuck does the bitch have nasty figure. The star was papped filming scenes for her latest stint on American Horror Story in New Orleans recently and it looked like she'd ballooned even more...we guess pigs can fly. Seriously though it's waaay unhealthy for her to be this fat and the woman ain't even got small ankles or anything...it's fucking huge everywhere. Please stop eating Gabby cause you're gonna put yourself in an early grave!

[Image via SPLASH]

CRUELLA WOULD TOTES NOT HIRE THIS

Looks like another hair and make-up queen has got it in for actress Joely Richardson cause lady was looking weird at a recent product launch in London. The sister of the bird who died in a skiing accident (very sad no BS) was papped walking the red carpet and her hair looked fucking rank to say the least. The woman's only in her late 40s but looks so much older with the dated attire and horrendous makeover. Better luck next time Joely!

[Image via CONTACT MUSIC]

YOU WANNA A RANK BODY? WORK BITCH!

Oh man this kinda sucks cause we were rooting hard for Britney Spears after seeing how SMOKING hot she looked in her new video for Work Bitch. Sadly it seems digital trickery was heavily used as leaked images show the before and after and let's just say she didn't get that body from doing crunches at the gym. Long gone are her naturally rock hard abs and legs and in their place sits a flabby muffin top and chunky thighs. Now we get that she ain't fat but for Britney this is a mess.

[Image via HOAX VID/RCA]

SINCE WHEN DID DIANA HAVE A MULLET?

Following a pretty shit attempt to be Princess Diana in the new movie Diana (too creative), actress Naomi Watts graced the cover of In Style although something looks a little off. Wouldn't have something more classic looked better seeing as she's promoting a movie about a fucking princess? Also what's the with Scandinavian dyke hair and make up cause it looks nasty and don't suit Naomi at all. Now of course we always think we know best, but in this case bitch don't look hot. Just sayin'.

[Image via IN STYLE]

THE ADDAMS FAMILY HAVE ARRIVED PEOPLE

Back in the day Sharon Osbourne looked damn good for her age, but nowadays Shazza don't even look like herself. As for the daughter Kelly she's one big retro tranny mess who gives fashion advice...sorry we just can't even go there. What the fuck has Sharon done to her lips though cause it just looks like one massive trout pout people. There is a limit to what you should have done honey!

[Image via SPLASH]

THIS AIN'T GONE MAKE A CUTE BRIDE...

Man now we LOVE us some Nene Leakes but girl really ain't the best looking crayon in the box. The hilariously blunt reality star can be seen in her new show I Dream Of Nene and it sure as hell ain't the most flattering shot of the Atlanta housewife. What's going on with that waddle fat too Nene...you're only 45 years old?

[Image via BRAVO]

DON'T TRY AND EAT THE MICROPHONE TOO

Kelly Clarkson has always had a good set of pipes, but for some reason the singer and former Idol winner can never seem to stabilize her weight. It seems she's either Free Willy or Nicole Richie and we don't get why it's so hard for some birds? The poor thing really needs a new stylist too cause the person behind all her recent outfits is clearly holding a grudge.

[Image via WENN]

THE INSIDIOUS BRIDE WOULD BE SHOCKED

The Sizzling Mess is still finding it kinda hard to get over how rough and plain Rose Bryne looks minus the slap and this occasion was no exception! The actress was snapped having a quick coffee in LA over the weekend and looked virtually unrecognizable if you compare her to Helen from Bridesmaids! It's totes shocking and tbh we're just wondering how she landed such a hot fucking husband?

[Image via SPLASH]

MILEY HONEY...YOU JUST AIN'T SEXY!

It totally escapes us as to why so many people think Miley Cyrus is hot cause all we see is a wannabe try hard with too many teeth trying to perform fellatio on a sledgehammer. The pop star can be seen in an outtake from her slutty video for Wrecking Ball and it's safe to say bitch looks like a chipmunk with an STD. We think Liam is totes better off without the skank.

[Image via RCA]

THERE AIN'T NOTHING VOID TO ENTER NO MORE

What in the fuck has happened to Paz De La Huerta? We like how that reads she's so relevant but in reality everyone is gonna be like who the fuck is this bitch? Anyway the actress (she ain't done much) was snapped partying with a pal who looked suspiciously like Paula Yates from beyond the grave and lady looked like a total bloated mess. We're not sure if she's eating scripts as opposed to reading them nowadays, but bitch seriously needs to assess her portion control. Girl's got a right pair of birthing hips on her en all!

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

KEEP YA EYES WIDE SHUT FOR THIS SHIT!

Nicole Kidman was once a beauty that graced our screens, but for some reason she felt different and had a fuck load of work done cause bitch was looking plain nasty the other day at a press junket. The money hungry actress who took Tom Cruise to the fucking cleaners was seen sporting some fuck off awful trout lips and just a bizarre face in general. Why in God's name did she do this to herself?

[Image via GETTY]

MERCEDES WOULDA CHECKED THAT WEAVE

Oh honey as if you left your dance rehearsal without looking in the mirror! Poor old Amber Riley was snapped in LA the other and it looked like she'd finally started working up a sweat...talk about overdue. The actress sported some strange kinda stocking things and her trusty new money LV bag was by her side as usual (for the ghetto in her), but what was going on with that sweaty weave and horse mouth? We love you Mercedes but next time check yo'self in the mirror girl.

[Image via GSI]