HOW IS THIS BITCH STILL ALIVE...FOR REAL?

We genuinely don't understand how Gabourey Sidibe both continues to walk the earth and also breathe in general? The actress isn't just huge she's mammoth and must live in multiple zip codes due to her larger than life frame. While we liked her in Precious and AHS Coven there ain't no denying that this bitch is one epic walrus. Surely her heart is crying on a daily basis and her toilet must literally hate her and sweat in fear after every meal she ingests.

[Image via GETTY]

DREAM LOVER HAS BECOME CAKE LOVER...

We honestly don't get what goes on in the kitchen of singer turned beast Mariah Carey these days. The high note songstress was papped leaving her apartment in NYC yesterday and judging by her fat ass cheeks it looked as though she'd been back on the pies again. Seriously did someone just inflate her head cause it looks fucking huge? At least she kept her massive tits and thighs hidden cause we know MC loves dressing like a whore, although it doesn't work when your body resembles the frame of a pig honey. Just pick a side like Nicole Richie and Kirstie Alley have and stay there!

[Image via AKM/GSI]

DOES THIS SKANK NOT LEARN ANYTHING?

Seriously does Lauren Goodger actually think resembling a perma-tanned pig is a good look cause we're confused? The whale was papped leaving a club in Essex (classy) the other night and as per usual she was sporting another ill fitting outfit, thunder thighs and huge color differences all over her body. You'd think that with money and seeing yourself pretty much everyday in pap shots would be enough to tell you that you're failed beauty routine needs reassessing. Just sayin'.

[Image via LUMINOUS]

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES!

Holy shit balls people! Christina Aguilera rocked up to this years AMA's looking shit hot compared to the disaster of a dress she turned up in last year. Initially we thought her overall look last year wasn't that bad, but after comparing it to this year she looked a total orange mess. The trampy singer scrubbed up damn well for the event and looked like she was revisiting her throwback glam look...let's just hope she keeps the weight off.

[Image via GETTY/SPLASH]

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER RANK PIC OF NAT

Poor old Natalie Cassidy can't catch a break and we're guessing she's our most featured celeb (pushing it), but let's face it there's good reason here. The former Eastenders actress was seen leaving a gym in London the other day and while her body was looking better, we just can't say the same for that horrific face. Yeah we get we're evil and we're insecure but they're anyway to package this thing up as pretty and cute. If we're honest we think mannish would be the most complimentary term we'd ever use to describe it on here. Still though the bitch is driving a Land Rover so we respect her a little more.

[Image via SPLASH]

DON'T TRY AND EAT THE MICROPHONE TOO

Kelly Clarkson has always had a good set of pipes, but for some reason the singer and former Idol winner can never seem to stabilize her weight. It seems she's either Free Willy or Nicole Richie and we don't get why it's so hard for some birds? The poor thing really needs a new stylist too cause the person behind all her recent outfits is clearly holding a grudge.

[Image via WENN]

GENIE CAN FIT IN THE BOTTLE AGAIN YAY!

We couldn't help ourselves when we saw the latest pics of Christina Aguilera cause she's taking this weight loss to another level! Looking back she DEF looks better minus all the flab cause heavy doesn't look good on her. This totes proves that all women should be skinny cause if you think she looked like a "real woman" in the left pic, then you're just kidding yourselves cause you're probs fat.

[Image via PACIFIC COAST/NBC]

WHAT A DIFFERENCE SIX MONTHS MAKES!

Holy shit talk about a total style make under! Christina Aguilera took to Venice Beach over the weekend to show off her new slimline physique and bitch looked good and dare we even say it...CHIC in her classy yet casual black ensemble. The talented screamer was papped shopping for furniture with her toy boy Matthew Rutler, but to be honest we can't get over those slimline thighs. Do you think maybe Xtina contacted Alexa Chung for tips on how to lose weight quickly? Whatever she's been doing it deserves a huge fuck off bravo!

[Image via GSM]

HEARING MY BONES CLICK MAKES ME HAPPY!

You know that Alexa Chung is just a fame hungry half Chinese chick who loves king prawn fried rice but won't ever eat the fucker. The former T4 presenter (she wants people to forget about that) was snapped having a crafty fag after yet another day of starvation on the streets of Brooklyn and boy did the bitch look ill. It must be so tiresome being such a trendsetting NYC hipster, so we're guessing she just doesn't have time to eat? Oh and FYI Alexa, you're from Hampshire or somewhere in China so it doesn't really work love. Either cover up those rank legs or just admit you know how many calories are in toothpaste cause everyone knows you're fat inside. Oh and if there's an annoying PC person reading this, we ain't racist cause we had a Chinese last night.

[Image via X17]

OMGEEE CHRISTINA, IS THAT ACTUALLY YOU?

Holy shit is literally all we thought after seeing the above snap of Christina Aguilera and can you blame us? We loved to hate on Xtina when she was a flubber but it seems this flower has bloomed and decided it don't wanna be obese no more, cause lady SHUT IT DOWN over the weekend. The songstress was seen on promotional duties at an NBC gala on Saturday for the new season of The Voice and not only did she look totes amaze balls, but he body was OOC! Even though she was rocking her usual trailer trash look, bitch worked it as she looked like a hot teenage slut who didn't make the cast of The Hills. You can finally see your feet again...go Xtina!

[Image via JUST JARED]

ARE YOU IN THERE SOMEWHERE XTINA?

Okay so we know we're showing Xtina major love at the moment but talk about wowza! Bitch wasn't messing around during a recent photo call to promote the new season of The Voice and we're kinda shocked to be honest cause we never actually thought she'd put down the fries. Christina Aguilera was papped walking the red carpet with her fellow judges to announce the new season which kicks off in September and lady literally looked like a shadow of her former self. We can't get over those razor sharp cheekbones and that itty bitty waist. Seriously stay on the diet cause it's paying off Xtina. We are however slightly concerned that she's only 5'1'' yet Cee Lo Green (who's a man) doesn't seem that much taller.

[Image via NBC]

GOOD LORD YOU SURE AIN'T BEAUTIFUL!

Holy shit balls, Mimi is one hell of a yo-yo dieter that's for sure! Mariah Carey was snapped leaving a TV studio in NYC this past week and it looked totally different from her latest music video featuring fellow singer Miguel. Gone was the flowing shiny hair, hot body and skimpy outfits and in it's place was a frumpy fat average mom (we know we'll get hate for that but fuck it) with a bad 80s perm. We literally don't get how this bitch can go from looking so hot to a complete mess who needs to go back in the time machine.

[Image via X17]

BITCH HAS KNOCKED IT OUT THE PARK!

Sorry if you hate Xtina but we simply can't ignore how good lady is looking lately. Christina Aguilera was seen rocking the stage at the Billboard Music Awards in Vegas last weekend and bitch has dropped some serious pounds. The singer and judge on The Voice will hopefully keep it up cause we'd hate to put her back in our top 10...or would we?

[Image via AP]

POSH WILL ALWAYS BE A DIRTY WAG AT HEART

People seem to think that Victoria Beckham has always been chic, but if you literally go back about 5 years you can see that she was cheap as fuck. The WAG turned fashion designer can be seen at The Prince's Trust event back in 2005 and boy did it look cheap. The birds nest extensions, orange tan, tacky accessories, slutty gown and French manicure (quiver) is a world away from her current look. It just goes to show how much styles can change! Wonder what happened to natural DD tits too?

[Image via WENN]

EVEN WE DON'T BELIEVE THIS SHIT XTINA!

Okay so hell must've just frozen over cause Christina Aguilera was seen out again (yes again) looking totes amaze balls! The talented coach of The Voice was seen out shopping in West Hollywood with that guy who's living off her (Matt something) and bitch looked pretty damn good. The whale thighs are slowly shrinking and according to sources she's now able to paint her own toe nails for the first time in years...hoorah! All jokes aside though, lady is getting her shit together and buying clothes in the right size and we'd like to think it's cause she reads The Sizzling Mess.

[Image via XPOSURE]

WE'RE HOPING NOMI WOULD STILL BE HOT

Surely you all remember that fabulous Oscar worthy movie Showgirls starring sexy slut Elizabeth Berkley from Saved By The Bell? Well if you don't you're not very cultured cause it's definitely a movie that intellects rave about. Anyway in the movie Liz portrays this whore of a stripper called Nomi and as you can see she'd have given a dog a boner, but fast forward to 2013 and things ain't looking so pretty. The days the poor bird doesn't get much work, which is probably cause it's bordering on tubby to say the least and we get that she represents the "average woman of today" but we simply don't care. Now she doesn't look THAT bad, but it sadly resembles any other chubby new mom who's too lazy to shift the baby weight and we want to look at unattainable and unrealistic. We don't think this is too much to ask of celebrity mothers, but at least this proves that kids are the root of all weight gain (evil) yet again.

[Image via MGM/SPLASH]

XTINA FINALLY FIRED HER BLIND STYLIST!

Holy Shit what did this woman do with Xtina! You're eyes ain't fooling you either cause this actually is Christina Aguilera looking a MILLION times better than usual thanks to some much needed weight loss and a stylist who isn't visually impaired. The talented singer was snapped walking the red carpet at the Time 100 event in NYC recently and she looked a million bucks. We literally can't think of a bad word to say and we don't often have this problem as you all know. Just keep doing whatever you're doing honey!

[Image via GETTY]

GERI SO HIRED THIS TO WALK PAST HER

You know you're a desperate nobody when you hire regular fatties to walk past you in the street thus making you look hotter, but we're onto you Geri Halliwell and those kinda cheap tricks just won't fly with us. The former Spice Girl was papped on the school run with her many sprogs and we gotta say it did look good seeing as it's like 50, but it reminds us that every woman could look this good if she chucked up after every meal so it's kind of a downer too. Did y'all notice that the pissed looking stranger in the great outfit is like 3 times the size of Geri?

[Image via GOFF]

HOW DO I LIVE WITHOUT MARRIED MEN?

Another day another husband to steal is a good motto to live by according to singer Leanne Rimes, but the other day she took a break from riding cock and decided to get a work out in after the holidays. If you ask us she really needed it cause her thighs were looking a lot heftier after having a whole can of tuna for Christmas diner...greedy bitch. Anyway we just thought she looked like a baby pig straining for a shit minus the slap and as always we love to share world news like this. Enjoy!

[Image via REX FEATURES]

WE NEVER GOT THE RACE CHANGE MEMO

La Toya Jackson may as well just join the Ku Klux Klan cause at this point it's evidently clear that she's embarrassed to be black. The former singer (porn star) was seen walking the red carpet at some shitty charity event in LA and she literally looked like an embalmed hooker. The dire highlights and Michael nose are obvious features here, but nothing looked good or natural. We can however commend the cock hungry whore on the fact that she's been a size zero for almost 50 years, as that in itself is hugely impressive in our opinion. Take note of the latter Xtina.

[Image via SPLASH]