THE REAL LILY SURE AIN'T A PRETTY SIGHT

Lily Allen is apparently making a return to the spotlight cause for some reason she thinks she's relevant and interesting. The truth is obviously that her savings account is getting low and she wants more $$$ cause she's a fashion whore who lives beyond her means. Anyway the pop star (trying to not laugh) was snapped leaving a club the other night in London and the poor bird looked like a rough mom who needed some sleep. Also is anyone confused by the lyrics in her latest song Sheezus cause it would seem that she believes she's in the same league as some pretty big singers and it's just erm a little awkward cause she's Lily Allen?

[Image via XPOSURE]

FILL IN THE BLANK FOR A GHETTO MESS...

After I stuck my hairline down with superglue I thought DAYUM I look so _____________________ I'm gon' leave the house looking like this.

[Image via GOOGLE]

BITCH PLEASE DON'T TWERK, YOU AIN'T SEXY!

Someone needs to seriously give Miley Cyrus the memo that says she is plenty of things but sexy just ain't one of them. We'll give credit where it's due though cause bitch has got a nice little body on her, but besides that there ain't much else going on for the skank. The face on it is evil and coupled with those teeth she ain't got no fucking chance at finding true love. Please just put the tongue away, hang up the microphone and go work in a zoo cause that's where you belong.

[Image via GETTY]

BAGGY PUSSY OR THUNDER THIGHS?

Lily Allen has apparently started making music again...even though she said she was gonna retire before shitting out kids. Anyhow the singer must've ran outta money or something cause while her latest tune isn't the worst thing we've ever heard, the music video screams budget cut and they could've at least touched up her whale thighs in the editing room. What do we know though?

[Image via WARNER MUSIC]

HEARING MY BONES CLICK MAKES ME HAPPY!

You know that Alexa Chung is just a fame hungry half Chinese chick who loves king prawn fried rice but won't ever eat the fucker. The former T4 presenter (she wants people to forget about that) was snapped having a crafty fag after yet another day of starvation on the streets of Brooklyn and boy did the bitch look ill. It must be so tiresome being such a trendsetting NYC hipster, so we're guessing she just doesn't have time to eat? Oh and FYI Alexa, you're from Hampshire or somewhere in China so it doesn't really work love. Either cover up those rank legs or just admit you know how many calories are in toothpaste cause everyone knows you're fat inside. Oh and if there's an annoying PC person reading this, we ain't racist cause we had a Chinese last night.

[Image via X17]

HOW DOES THIS BITCH WORK IN FASHION?

We literally have no idea how Anna Dello Russo landed the job as an editor for Vogue cause the bitch is so fugly she actually offends our face. The fashion victim was seen in NYC recently and it appeared to be wearing a piece from every collection all at once. Mmm aren't fashion editors supposed to edit every aspect of their lives? It's a total plastic surgery train wreck and those fucking shoes look ridiculous.

[Image via GETTY]

NEXT TIME KEEP YOUR GLASSES ON KARL

What we find so hilarious about "designer" Karl Largerfeld is that he slammed Adele for her weight when not so long ago he was morbidly obese himself. For our tens of readers, do not fear as this will be making a hilarious future blog post. Anyhow the douche bag was papped at lunch with his fashion click like every other "straight" pensioner and was a sight for sore eyes when he took his sunglasses off. Not to mention he also thought it was appropriate lunch etiquette to whip out his phone and show the girls his latest Grindr hook up. We just don't get the big deal with this thing and on a side note Chanel is looking tired these days, so just get someone who wasn't born in the 1800's to replace him.

[Image via COCO PEREZ]

FUCK NEXT TO, WE DON'T WANT THIS NEAR US...

Oh the lovely and talented and NOT annoying in anyway Emeli Sande is just the picture of perfection right here. We really don't know why this bitch fucks us off so badly, but her cocky attitude don't help for one and second of all that face (and cockatoo barnet) really makes us moody. The average singer was seen leaving LAX after performing at this years Oscars (AS IF it got invited) and it looked like a cockerel with special needs to say the least. Please just do us all a favor and go live inside a piano.

[Image via WENN]

PICKING UP THE PIECES...OF BROKEN MIRROR

Now for some reason ginga singer (she does try) Paloma Faith just fucks us off cause the bitch has got the kinda face that just puts us in a bad mood. We're guessing she already got the Google alert on herself and is reading this and if so please just stop trying to sing and go work with animals honey. Those fucking evil teeth and birds nest hair are making us gag and we're not sure if it's got a third tit or something, but that dress is either fifty sizes too small or bitch needs to be in the Guinness Book Of Records. Just sayin'.

[Image via XPOSURE]

DOES SHE THINK SHE'S FROM HACKNEY?

Miley Cyrus seems to be very confused lately as she's dressing like she's London trash from Hackney's east end, as opposed to the Ozark skank from hickville that she's so ashamed to actually be. The singer (if auto-tune counts) was papped strolling around LA on a shopping spree and it just looked a fucking state. We know it's young so she's trying out different styles and shit, but have you ever seen such a lame ass try hard in your life? Get your cowboy boots out of your closet Miley and embrace your southern (incestuous) background.

[Inage via X17]

WHY WOULD ANYONE WAKE YOU UP?

You're all familiar with the fact that singer (wife beater) Chris Brown likes to teach his women a lesson when they don't have his dinner ready, but surely to God no woman on earth would want this to fuck them? The dick with a temper was snapped walking around NYC the other day and he looked worse for wear to say the least in comparison to his usual self, which let's face it ain't that much better. We've always thought he resembled a ghetto hamster and we'll always hate his shitty attitude. In fact the only reason we do like him is for hitting Rihanna and no we're not endorsing domestic violence, but that bitch just fucks us off plain and simple.

[Image via XPOSURE]

WHO IS THIS BITCH TRYING TO KID?

Oh ain't Alexa Chung just the picture of health! Now the only thing that pisses us off more than a wannabe fashion icon, is one who actually believes they're relevant. The triple size zero "model" (dickhead) was papped walking the streets of NYC recently with what appeared to be a packet of Cheetos and a can of Coke in her hand. Erm sorry but is this bitch having a laugh? If it's weight is anything to go by then the only coke this thing has seen is the type that you keep on a CD case. Oh and holding a packet of chips is like calling us all fucking idiots. Did we mention that we're not really a fan?

[Image via BIG PICTURE]