DID MISCHA EAT MARISSA OR SOMETHING?

Okay seriously Mischa Barton what the fuck happened to you? The actress who was once known for playing regulation hottie Marissa Cooper in The OC was seen grabbing lunch in LA the other day and she's totes piled on the pounds. Even her poor dog looked on with an expression of disgust as she clutched at her burger and Starbucks drink. You need to ditch the junk food, hire a trainer and stop eating cause otherwise you're headed for Kirstie Alley territory.

[Image via X17]

WHAT WORLD ARE YOU LIVING IN MARIAH?

Okay so it's well known that Mariah Carey always employs a body double or just airbrushes herself to shit on her album covers but this one takes the fucking cake. Everything about her body on the left has been digitally altered and then on the evening that this photo was released she was dumb enough to wear a skin tight black dress to her album launch party which of course revealed the truth. Mariah has always been a foodie and we're guessing that getting into that black dress was like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube. The poor woman needs to realize that she's a big bird and just live with it or she should just starve herself like Xtina.

[Image via DEF JAM/SPLASH]

DREAM LOVER HAS BECOME CAKE LOVER...

We honestly don't get what goes on in the kitchen of singer turned beast Mariah Carey these days. The high note songstress was papped leaving her apartment in NYC yesterday and judging by her fat ass cheeks it looked as though she'd been back on the pies again. Seriously did someone just inflate her head cause it looks fucking huge? At least she kept her massive tits and thighs hidden cause we know MC loves dressing like a whore, although it doesn't work when your body resembles the frame of a pig honey. Just pick a side like Nicole Richie and Kirstie Alley have and stay there!

[Image via AKM/GSI]

MOTHERHOOD IS TREATING YOU WELL #LYING

Oh honey why've you let yourself turn into such a mess? We know Adele shat out a baby in the last year or whatever but it looks like she's still eating for 2 judging by the snap above. The singer was papped walking round London sans baby and looked rather special if you catch our drift. Maybe she'd recently had some dental work done cause her lips looked a little dodgy to say the least. We're not sure what she does these days besides eat and spend her royalties (rich bitch), but we hope some new music is in the works.

[Image via VANTAGE]

DOES THIS SKANK NOT LEARN ANYTHING?

Seriously does Lauren Goodger actually think resembling a perma-tanned pig is a good look cause we're confused? The whale was papped leaving a club in Essex (classy) the other night and as per usual she was sporting another ill fitting outfit, thunder thighs and huge color differences all over her body. You'd think that with money and seeing yourself pretty much everyday in pap shots would be enough to tell you that you're failed beauty routine needs reassessing. Just sayin'.

[Image via LUMINOUS]

LOIS LANE IS LOOKING ROUGH THESE DAYS

Teri Hatcher used to be pretty back in the day and even though she was on the verge of looking like a wax figure in Desperate Housewives, it seems the actress has totes let herself go in the looks department lately. The original Lois Lane (sorry but Amy Adams ain't got shit on this bitch) was snapped on a run around LA the other day and the woman looked rough as shite. Although she's managed to stay anorexic (huge applause and great role model) something just didn't look right cause she looked tired and gaunt. Get yourself a burger and fries honey!

[Image via X17]

WE CAN'T TELL WHO THE WOMAN IS PEOPLE...

Paz De La Huerta has always been a funny looking bird but now she's packed on about 300 pounds she's just a fugly hot mess. We've never been truly sure about what it is and at times we've doubted that it was born a woman with a face like that, but it would seem that someone does love her as she was snapped leaving a club in West Hollywood with her partner (we don't know what it is either) and the bitch looked happy as fuck. The dress is actually kinda nice but the body is ballooning and her face is just way too bloated. We all know that it's either down to overeating or drugs...allegedly.

[Image via SPLASH]

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER RANK PIC OF NAT

Poor old Natalie Cassidy can't catch a break and we're guessing she's our most featured celeb (pushing it), but let's face it there's good reason here. The former Eastenders actress was seen leaving a gym in London the other day and while her body was looking better, we just can't say the same for that horrific face. Yeah we get we're evil and we're insecure but they're anyway to package this thing up as pretty and cute. If we're honest we think mannish would be the most complimentary term we'd ever use to describe it on here. Still though the bitch is driving a Land Rover so we respect her a little more.

[Image via SPLASH]

THIS JUST CANNOT BE LEGEND WHITNEY!

We kinda hate the last tour Whitney Houston did before she died cause not only was it her worst vocal performance, but the woman looked horrendous. The ridiculously talented and now deceased singer was papped doing her show in London back in 2010 and you literally can't tell who it is to be honest. Where the hell did her cheekbones disappear to guys? Such a shame cause music is such shit nowadays. Just sayin.'

[Image via GETTY]

DON'T TRY AND EAT THE MICROPHONE TOO

Kelly Clarkson has always had a good set of pipes, but for some reason the singer and former Idol winner can never seem to stabilize her weight. It seems she's either Free Willy or Nicole Richie and we don't get why it's so hard for some birds? The poor thing really needs a new stylist too cause the person behind all her recent outfits is clearly holding a grudge.

[Image via WENN]

MERCEDES WOULDA CHECKED THAT WEAVE

Oh honey as if you left your dance rehearsal without looking in the mirror! Poor old Amber Riley was snapped in LA the other and it looked like she'd finally started working up a sweat...talk about overdue. The actress sported some strange kinda stocking things and her trusty new money LV bag was by her side as usual (for the ghetto in her), but what was going on with that sweaty weave and horse mouth? We love you Mercedes but next time check yo'self in the mirror girl.

[Image via GSI]

DESIGNERS WANT THIS SITTING FRONT ROW?

Is it just us or is the weight slowly creeping back onto Kelly Osbourne? It can't be easy for fat birds to keep it off forever cause food must be all they crave and we totes think those upper thighs have gotten chunkier in recent months. We gotta give her props for not being obese anymore, but the hair mixed with the paleness and the outfit makes us think of a bad tranny and we're floored that E! hire this to co-host a FASHION based TV show. Awkward that her boyfriend is more feminine than her huh?

[Image via REX]

LOOKS LIKE IT'S STILL EATING FOR TWO...

Seriously did Jessica Simpson go and eat her kids or something? The former singer and now food addict was snapped out to dinner in NYC recently (shocker) and boy did she look a world away from her Newlywed days. We literally don't know if she's pregnant or not cause it seemed like she was carrying a whole litter last time, but whatever she's got planned for the future we hope a diet's in the mix somewhere. Come on Jess don't you miss seeing your feet?

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

EARTHQUAKE OR IS MISCHA ON THE MOVE?

Who knew that Mischa Barton would leave The OC and become so fucking fat? While we'll always have a soft spot for Marissa and her fuck off razor sharp cheekbones (well not anymore), we seriously can't excuse her for sporting these nasty ass whale thighs. Also what the fuck did she think when she put on skinny jeans? We ain't feeling the silver metallic winkle pickers either honey so please just hire Rachel Zoe again and stop eating.

[Image via SPLASH]

WHAT A DIFFERENCE SIX MONTHS MAKES!

Holy shit talk about a total style make under! Christina Aguilera took to Venice Beach over the weekend to show off her new slimline physique and bitch looked good and dare we even say it...CHIC in her classy yet casual black ensemble. The talented screamer was papped shopping for furniture with her toy boy Matthew Rutler, but to be honest we can't get over those slimline thighs. Do you think maybe Xtina contacted Alexa Chung for tips on how to lose weight quickly? Whatever she's been doing it deserves a huge fuck off bravo!

[Image via GSM]

HEARING MY BONES CLICK MAKES ME HAPPY!

You know that Alexa Chung is just a fame hungry half Chinese chick who loves king prawn fried rice but won't ever eat the fucker. The former T4 presenter (she wants people to forget about that) was snapped having a crafty fag after yet another day of starvation on the streets of Brooklyn and boy did the bitch look ill. It must be so tiresome being such a trendsetting NYC hipster, so we're guessing she just doesn't have time to eat? Oh and FYI Alexa, you're from Hampshire or somewhere in China so it doesn't really work love. Either cover up those rank legs or just admit you know how many calories are in toothpaste cause everyone knows you're fat inside. Oh and if there's an annoying PC person reading this, we ain't racist cause we had a Chinese last night.

[Image via X17]

WE PREFER THIS THING AS A WOMAN

Now we've never been big fans of drag queens cause to be quite frank they scare the living shit out of us, but in the case of RuPaul we think it's safe to say it looks better as a chick. The elderly homo was seen walking the red carpet for his new book release the other night and he looked like a walking skeleton with AIDS. Seriously what's going on with that jawline buddy? It's kinda shocking how bad and fucking sick he looks without all the drag crap he usually sports.

[Image via LOGO TV/WENN]

GET BACK ON THE ADDERALL AND QUICK!

Women these days just can't win can they? Lindsay Lohan is fresh outta rehab and while that's great news, her weight seems to have skyrocketed cause bitch was spotted rocking some fuck off chunky thighs the other day. The coke whore (allegedly) was papped filming a commercial in LA recently and it proper looked like she'd switched heroin for cherry bakewells. We're just not sure we're digging the fuller real woman look? We've always been advocates for anorexia and drugs so we do feel a little let down. Please get skinny again LiLo cause you know fatties don't get the roles.

[Image via WENN]

WOULD MONICA STILL WANNA MARRY THIS?

Chandler what the fuck happened? Matthew Perry from TV show FRIENDS was seen on vacay with his bird recently and boy did he look different. He was never super hot or anything but boy he certainly looked old and rough whilst waiting to see if a jet ski could hold his mammoth weight. Get on the dermal fillers like Courteney Cox and you'll better in no time.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

ARE YOU IN THERE SOMEWHERE XTINA?

Okay so we know we're showing Xtina major love at the moment but talk about wowza! Bitch wasn't messing around during a recent photo call to promote the new season of The Voice and we're kinda shocked to be honest cause we never actually thought she'd put down the fries. Christina Aguilera was papped walking the red carpet with her fellow judges to announce the new season which kicks off in September and lady literally looked like a shadow of her former self. We can't get over those razor sharp cheekbones and that itty bitty waist. Seriously stay on the diet cause it's paying off Xtina. We are however slightly concerned that she's only 5'1'' yet Cee Lo Green (who's a man) doesn't seem that much taller.

[Image via NBC]