WE CAN'T TELL WHO THE WOMAN IS PEOPLE...

Paz De La Huerta has always been a funny looking bird but now she's packed on about 300 pounds she's just a fugly hot mess. We've never been truly sure about what it is and at times we've doubted that it was born a woman with a face like that, but it would seem that someone does love her as she was snapped leaving a club in West Hollywood with her partner (we don't know what it is either) and the bitch looked happy as fuck. The dress is actually kinda nice but the body is ballooning and her face is just way too bloated. We all know that it's either down to overeating or drugs...allegedly.

[Image via SPLASH]

THIS JUST CANNOT BE LEGEND WHITNEY!

We kinda hate the last tour Whitney Houston did before she died cause not only was it her worst vocal performance, but the woman looked horrendous. The ridiculously talented and now deceased singer was papped doing her show in London back in 2010 and you literally can't tell who it is to be honest. Where the hell did her cheekbones disappear to guys? Such a shame cause music is such shit nowadays. Just sayin.'

[Image via GETTY]

THIS DOG WILL SNORT A LINE IN 5 SECONDS

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson really puts the d-o-g in DOG cause bitch is a fucking mess and she better know it people. The coke whore former IT girl was snapped at a party in London recently and as usual it looked like a hot mess covered in crystal meth. First off we need to point out that she's only wearing one false eyelash, but we're guessing she pulled off the other one and rolled it up to snort a line? Allegedly for the lawyers reading this! We think it's pretty safe to say that Tara ain't go chance of looking good these days.

[Image via GETTY]

GET BACK ON THE ADDERALL AND QUICK!

Women these days just can't win can they? Lindsay Lohan is fresh outta rehab and while that's great news, her weight seems to have skyrocketed cause bitch was spotted rocking some fuck off chunky thighs the other day. The coke whore (allegedly) was papped filming a commercial in LA recently and it proper looked like she'd switched heroin for cherry bakewells. We're just not sure we're digging the fuller real woman look? We've always been advocates for anorexia and drugs so we do feel a little let down. Please get skinny again LiLo cause you know fatties don't get the roles.

[Image via WENN]

DOES LILO LIVE NEAR A BEE FARM PERHAPS?

Oh honey, what have you done to yourself now? On top of the fact that Lindsay Lohan has got another new (and shit) movie coming out, bitch ain't looking too hot in the newly released trailer. The actress is seen in her new flick The Canyons opposite porn star James Deen (no joke) and she literally looks like she's about 38 as opposed to 20 fucking 5. We just can't deal with the trout pout, bloated face and double chin any longer, cause this bitch needs to get outta rehab pronto and get her shit together.

[Image via IFC]

SURE LOOKS LIKE AN EAST ENDER STILL

Remember the dirty drug scum that was (and probably still is) Daniella Westbrook from classy TV show Eastenders? Well feast your eyes on the above trollop cause lady decided to finally put down her syringe and take her kid out for the day...to visit her dealer. We're not sure what's going on with that car crash of an outfit but at least bitch has got normal nostrils now.

[Image via FLYNET]

LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER...

Can you actually blame Lindsay Lohan for the way she's turned out sometimes cause let's face it the mother ain't really much to go by is she? This is actually a vintage pic of the almost a-list again actress when she was papped clubbing it up with her mom, we repeat her mom just last year. This photo is nasty and wrong on so many levels and we just thank our lucky stars that LiLo finally saw the light and decided to go back to being a ginga bitch.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

EVEN PET RESCUE WOULDN'T WANT THIS

Oh dear. Tara Palmer-Tomkinson felt like reading more shit about herself, so she left her gaff and headed out for a night on the tiles. The royal (ish) hot mess was snapped leaving a club in London and it looked fucking evil to the point where the photos actually make us wanna throw up. What grosses us out the most is that fucking arm, the eyes, the teeth and the nose, but to be honest she needs a major total overhaul and she really shouldn't leave the house until it's been sorted out.

[Image via XPOSURE]

THE PLASTIC SURGEON NEEDS FIRING

Sorry but what the FUCK is going on with Tara Palmer-Tomkinson's face? The royally connected former IT girl (past-it coke whore) was snapped walking around London looking for a syringe and looked fucking DOG rough. It's amazing how she's got so much confidence (less after reading this) cause if it looked like our nose had been broken and we'd been spat on, we just wouldn't be able to find the courage to leave the house. Oh and if you haven't been lucky enough to listen to this thing's new song (yes it tries to sing) then we insist you watch the AMAZING video here.

[Image via GOTCHA]

THIS THING IS FAR FROM LADYLIKE

Poor old Tara Palmer-Tomkinson just NEVER looks camera ready and continually shows herself up whenever she leaves her gaff. The royal mess was papped bending over in London after dropping her coke on the floor and we almost got a glimpse of what the bitch ate (yeah right) for breakfast. It really is a pure breed DOG and that nose has just fucked her over for good. What has she done with her life besides try every drug known to man?

[Image via XCLUSIVE]

EVEN A NEW HAIR STYLE CAN'T SAVE IT

Oh dear honey. Tara Palmer-Tomkinson was recently papped leaving her flat in London and once again she gave us all a laugh. The royal (she wishes) mess appeared to be sporting a new hairdo, but it seemed to have gone tits up cause she looked like a fucking tranny. We just can't figure out what's wrong with this woman cause she must have magic mirrors all over her gaff? Oh and there's added shame cause she's carrying a VERY old season Fendi bag. Looks like even over the hill IT girls are feeling the financial pinch ennit.

[Image via GOTCHA]

HE LIKES TO BE HOME ALONE WITH A NEEDLE

What has happened to the once cute MaCaulay Culkin? The child actor who is best known for his role in Home Alone was snapped walking around LA recently and he looked like he was wasting away. According to sources he's a dirty smack addict who considers "finding the vein" a hobby and if we're honest we can't say we're surprised. First LiLo and now MaCaulay...does anyone think there's some sort of pattern amongst kids who find fame young?

[Image via INF]

THIS IS HOW WE SHOULD REMEMBER HER

We know it's not our most respectful post, but we must say that we were in fact avid fans of the late Whitney Houston. We recently came across a vintage pic of the late smack addict at the airport and she looked high as a fucking kite to say the least. Doncha' think it'd make an awesome greatest hits album cover? We think we spot a crack pipe hidden in her hooker weave too. Oh how we miss the days when you could rely on old Whitters for making it a good show. RIP ennit love.

[Image via WIRE]

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER MOSSY

Now we know this was taken in the moment of a terrible facial expression, but there ain't no denying that Kate Moss is a fucking dog. The supermodel (past-it slapper) once again ditched her kid and did an "all-nighter" with the girls (fellow slappers) around London and looked like she'd been gobbed on at the end of the night. We are very miffed as to why all these companies want such overrated trash to be their muse, but maybe a coke head skank helps with sales these days? We'll admit we're pretty bitter she earns a fortune looking a mess posing in front of a camera, but if she's so hot why does everyone airbrush it huh?

[Image via OPTIC]

GET THIS A PAPER BAG QUICKLY

Just when you think you've seen Tara Palmer-Tomkinson looking her worst, she steps out in public and proves that she does in fact get uglier by the day. The deformed coke whore was snapped walking around London in a very old Prada dress (embarrassing) and she looked like Gollum's twin sister. It also appears to have a receding hairline which is most unusual for women and we'd be willing to put money on the fact that we could sleep on her forehead. The lovely nose and teeth just finish off this chic look doncha' think?

[Image via FLYNET]

DOES MOSSY HAVE AN UGLY TWIN?

Without the use of Photoshop "models" like Kate Moss would frankly have no career. The coke whore was snapped arriving at the airport in London recently and it looked fucking DOG rough. Can you even believe that she's capable of looking like the photo on the left without FUCK loads of retouching? It's like she has a head transplant for every print ad she does, cause there ain't no way in hell Mossy can scrub up this well compared to her unfortunate reality. Rank skin, flat hair, crooked teeth and wrinkles galore doesn't really make us think of a supermodel.

[Image via DAVID YURMAN/REX FEATURES]

LURCH HAS A "ROYAL" TWIN

Ooo it must've taken GUTS to leave ya gaff lookin' like this love. Socialite (coke whore) Tara Palmer-Tomkinson was once again papped leaving her drug dealer's flat and even by her standards it looked rough. We don't get why she always looks like she's been fucked a thousand times times and then spat on? The one eye blinking is just classic Tara at this point and we can't help but make a fuck off massive forehead remark. Her publicist will probably respond to these allegations with: "Tara has recently taken up aerobics and it's a perfectly normal thing to perspire more so than usual." Oh yeah aerobics MUST be the reason why she looks FUCKED all the time.

[Image via FLYNET]

WE'RE PISSED BUT SECRETLY HAPPY

Yes! Lindsay Lohan FINALLY decided to dye her hair back to it's natural ginga roots and she looks SOOO much better for it! Just compare this to our below post...it looks like a different person already. We secretly root for a lot of these celebs and The Sizzling Mess could be a lot more positive if they'd ALL get their shit together. The bitch is looking good for once (minus the fucked right leg), cause we're not even seeing any facial puffiness here. Now who the fuck do we write about?

[Image via SPLASH]

THIS NEEDS TO HAVE A WASH

Okay, so we will say that we're over the moon that Lindsay Lohan is making such great progress with her community service and all that shit, but what the fuck is going on with it's face? Lately she's looked like her head is inflated and we just wish she'd take her Porsche (thanks to the Playboy cheque) through the car wash and stick her fuckin' head out the window. To top it all off she wore a Miu Miu dress that she PAID for (low) and completed the look with SUBTLE bronzer and a lovely blue pedicure. Just lookin' at it's toe nails is making us gag. We're praying that the bitch gets her shit together and quick.

[Image via JUST JARED]

WE BET THE FAMILY ARE FUCKED OFF

Ooo now this is low we gotta say, but who else but the National Enquirer (and now us) to publish the LAST ever photo of Whitney Houston lying in her casket. Upon closer inspection the inside of her casket has the word "Nippy" sewn into the silk. We wonder if she's chilly or summink?

[Image via NATIONAL ENQUIRER]