THE SIMPSON SISTERS HAVE GONE TO SHIT

Okay so the story goes that Ashlee Simpson was always the fuglier sister of then hot Jessica Simpson, but when she decided to get her rank nose fixed she looked way better. Well that is until now of course if you've got eyes. The former singer (bitch please) was papped leaving a restaurant with a new man friend (totes a slut) and let's just say it's looked better. Maybe it's just a bad angle cause she looked like a fugly witch with a double chin. At least her new nose won't use any many Kleenex when she's sick.

[Image via GSI]

LOOKS LIKE IT'S STILL EATING FOR TWO...

Seriously did Jessica Simpson go and eat her kids or something? The former singer and now food addict was snapped out to dinner in NYC recently (shocker) and boy did she look a world away from her Newlywed days. We literally don't know if she's pregnant or not cause it seemed like she was carrying a whole litter last time, but whatever she's got planned for the future we hope a diet's in the mix somewhere. Come on Jess don't you miss seeing your feet?

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

THIS MOUTH WAS MADE FOR EATIN' MORE LIKE

Okay it's officially a fact that kids just ruin everything and the proof here is the mess that former hot slut Jessica Simpson has become since shitting her sprog out. The country singer (fat ass shoe designer) was seen spending time with her daughter who is responsible for the whale we now see before us and boy did it look different. The bloated face and double chin really should be enough for her to realize that eating is totally off limits after birth if you want to be socially acceptable again, and we're guessing her earrings are so large because they contain emergency treats in case Jess gets peckish whilst out. It's times like this when we think pro-anorexia truly is the way.

[Image via FLYNET]

THIS MOUTH WAS MADE FOR EATING

Fucking hell love, you clearly embraced the term "eating for two" whilst you were preggers didn't you? Jessica Simpson FINALLY shat out her little of babies a couple months ago and was recently snapped arriving at her local gym to start shifting some of that baby weight. What's even juicier is that the walking whale is apparently being paid $4 million by Weight Watchers to lose all the weight she gained during her pregnancy. We bet motivation isn't hard to find when you're getting paid ridiculous sums of money. We can't get the image of this body wearing Daisy Duke's out of our head. Such a lovely visual right?

[Image via PACIFIC COAST/SPLASH]

HAVING KIDS RUINS EVERYTHING

Jesus, what a difference 8 years can make huh? Former pop star (even that's stretching the truth) Jessica Simspon who's 2 years pregnant was snapped walking around Miami the other day and it looked like the Incredible Hulk. The poor bitch looked like she was about ready to shit out her baby on the street and not only is her belly expanding...it looks like every fucking body part has gone up 10 sizes. Jess is clearly one of those mom's who takes advantage of the "eating for two" excuse, as it looks like no food is off limits for the funt (fat cunt). She's a right sneaky bitch too cause even though she's just holding a bottle of Perrier, we know for sure there are donuts waiting in the car.

[Image via WIRE/SPLASH]

THROW SHAMU BACK IN THE OCEAN

Fuckin' hell Jess ya piling it on ennit? Former anorexic pop star Jessica Simpson was pictured signing autographs at the launch for her new Too Fat To Chew business venture. According to the whale herself, you can blend anything from strawberries (in her case doughnuts), transfer the contents to a drip bag, insert an easy-to-use needle into your favorite vein and bam you've got yourself a quick and instant food hit. No chewing necessary. We get that she's pregnant (fat), but it looks like this bitch is eating for 4 judging by the double chin and bloated facial features. Won't be long now until she's bed bound and getting sores everywhere. Yuck.

[Image via GETTY]

WALKING TAKES MY BREATH AWAY

We love a bit of Jessica Simpson, but FUCK it really looks like she's ditched the calorie counting for good. The bloated whale was pictured on a walk (shocker) in Texas and her male friend was carrying what looked like a snack...those fatties are sneaky bastards. We wish she'd just be honest with herself and wear a tent with the words "I'm really insecure about my body" written across it. On a slightly more alarming note, it appears her overeating has spun outta control as she's missing her left hand.

[Image via COLEMAN-RAYNER]

JESS DA VOCAL MESS

This is a variety of "mess" that we've not yet ventured into, but once again Jessica Simpson leaves us with no choice. At least Jess only has one chin here, but the real focus (besides her now obese frame) is her AMAZING vocal ability. We've always thought of her as the hotter, poor man's version of Xtina, but why does it look/sound like she's climaxing when she "sings"...? Don't forget to note the BEAUTIFUL facial expressions she makes whilst singing (pushing out a turd) that would look more at home in a commercial for Pepto-Bismol.

SIMPSON IS A WHOLE LOTTA BLOATED

What exactly does Jessica Simpson do anymore besides design mediocre clothing for Middle America? The only time we loved her is when she did Newlyweds with Nick Lachey, but since then she has just BALLOONED and grown a rather unflattering "jeck" aka jaw neck. Yuh huh, that's how obese she's become. Overall her outfits pretty cute, but the chubby thighs (listen up Xtina), bloated face and blue nail polish (SO classy) make us miss the anorexic Jess even more.

[Images via WARNER BROS & SPLASH]