EVEN SHARKS WOULDN'T RAPE THIS MESS

One of the reasons that we love Tara Reid is that she's such a hot mess and still actually believes that she's hot and everyone wants to fuck her. The actress who now does shitty TV movies (let's face it American Pie was the height of her career) posted a pic to on Twitter of her splashing around on the beach in Malibu and boy did it look rough to say the least. The poor bitch has always just had that cheap and used look and of course the fuck off fake tits and anorexic frame don't help. We're guessing Californian chicks must age amazingly well with all that sun exposure and poor diet.

[Image via TWITTER]

DID THIS BITCH GET RAPED PRE-ARRIVAL?

Seriously what the fuck is Patricia Krentcil exactly? Besides being one of the biggest hot messes ever, she literally always looks like she's been gang raped and then spat on. The trashy Tanning Mom was papped arriving at some Howard Stern event in LA over the weekend (no idea why it was invited) and boy did she look fucking rough. The tatts, the body, the hair, the make-up...just the dog of a woman in general is offensive in itself.

[Images via GETTY]

THE MISEDUCATION OF APPLYING MAKE-UP...

Seriously what the actual fuck love? Lauryn Hill seemed to wanna look like a butters clown while performing at a recent concert and boy did the bitch exceed. The singer who recently had a run-in with the IRS didn't look too happy to be back performing and sources say she's being forced cause of mounting debts. It's seems pretty low of her to get into debt when she was earning so much and not living an extravagant lifestyle, but maybe it was cosmetic surgery procedures to make her ugly or something?

[Image via REX FEATURES]

SERIOUSLY WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS?

Nice teeth honey! This definitely gives dog a new meaning cause Jade Goody's mother Jackiey Budden was papped looking rough as pure shite recently. Jesus do you all remember when Jade paid for her mom to have a makeover? Nice to know she took it seriously huh! Good old Jackiey was back to her rough dyke self when she went shopping the other day, but this seriously takes fugly to another level. Like don't even bother leaving your house when you look like this cause you've gone and offended us bitch. It's the kind of "woman" who's proud of glassing another bird outside her local for shagging her fella. Urgh we can't deal with this amount of common.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

THIS ACTUALLY MAKES US FEEL QUEASY...

Teresa Giudice is one weird looking bitch don't cha think? We haven't featured her on The Sizzling Mess for quite some time now, but when we clapped eyes on the above pic we remembered why it made us feel sick. We seriously can't comprehend how low this bitch's hairline is...is it for real? To add insult to injury the broke Real Housewives star was sporting an awfully blended in hair donut, but really we just can't get past that hair. If she's got that much on her head, her hubby must need a weed wacker to find her minge.

[Image via SPLASH]

WE'RE HOPING NOMI WOULD STILL BE HOT

Surely you all remember that fabulous Oscar worthy movie Showgirls starring sexy slut Elizabeth Berkley from Saved By The Bell? Well if you don't you're not very cultured cause it's definitely a movie that intellects rave about. Anyway in the movie Liz portrays this whore of a stripper called Nomi and as you can see she'd have given a dog a boner, but fast forward to 2013 and things ain't looking so pretty. The days the poor bird doesn't get much work, which is probably cause it's bordering on tubby to say the least and we get that she represents the "average woman of today" but we simply don't care. Now she doesn't look THAT bad, but it sadly resembles any other chubby new mom who's too lazy to shift the baby weight and we want to look at unattainable and unrealistic. We don't think this is too much to ask of celebrity mothers, but at least this proves that kids are the root of all weight gain (evil) yet again.

[Image via MGM/SPLASH]

WELL IT SEEMS THAT PIGS CAN ACTUALLY FLY

For the unculured bunch who don't know who Holly Hagan is, she's a reality TV star (pig in a wig) who stars on MTV show Geordie Show aka slags from the north. The tranny mess was seen arriving in Australia with her cast mates and it looked like a chubby clown whilst walking through the airport. Apparently a customs officer asked her if she had anything to declare and she replied "I'm a dog" so we've gotta give the bitch props for her humor. Oh, that's one evil face though.

[Image via INF]

IS THIS BITCH EVEN BLACK ANYMORE?

No you're eyes aren't fooling you, this is in fact ghetto rapper bitch Lil' Kim but these days it would seem she's been taking tips from La Toya cause it's going whiter on us by the day. The past-it singer was seen leaving a club in NYC recently and to be honest it could've easily been mistook for a Chinese take-out owner in drag. The fucked up eyes, swollen face and trout pout don't look good honey so maybe you should take some beauty tips from the younger and better you aka Nicki Minaj. Oh yeah we went there.

[Image via SPLASH]

NO ONE WANTS TO EAT YOUR PUSSY NOW

Oh honey, such a bad one for you but such a great one for us! Tara Reid aka the down and out hot mess of an "actress" was seen in LA earlier this week and boy oh boy it looked rough as fuck. For some reason and despite this lovely article we've always had a little soft spot for Tara, but when we saw this shit we knew it just couldn't fly cause the bitch literally looked like a drowned rat that'd been passed around and fucked. Have you ever noticed that some women just look used like they're vessels waiting to be filled? Go and get a blow out and lay off the partying honey.

[Image via AKM-GSI]

HOW WAS THIS A FRICKIN' MODEL PEOPLE?

This actually makes us kinda sad to see Janice Dickinson looking like she's left her retirement home for the afternoon to go play bridge with the girls, but no you're eyes ain't fooling you she really does look that fucking awful and may we stress old. The former model (shocker) was seen leaving her local market in Malibu and the bitch had either smuggled kids into the country or she'd had a fuck off nasty perm. To top it all off, the stretched skin and puffy lips just make her look even more desperate to stay young and it's really not hot. When will these LA dummies learn that less is more?

[Image via FLYNET]

IT AIN'T LOOKING TOO HAPPY THESE DAYS

It's such a shame when a young actress ends up being a big ole mess with a trailer to call home, but sadly that seems to be the case for Happy Days actress Erin Moran who played slut Joanie Cunningham in the classic TV show. These days Erin can be found hanging around her local bar getting drunk and the above photo proves how bad things have gotten cause the poor bitch can't even afford a real Adidas tracksuit. Lindsay needs to take note of this and focus real hard.

[Image via ABC/X17]

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK TERESA?

Teresa Giudice from the CLASSY show Real Housewives of New Jersey really does offend our fucking eyes. The dirty Italian import can be seen in the above pic doing an interview for the hit Bravo show and we swear to God that her hair is eating her fucking head. We really don't get why she doesn't just ditch the clown make-up too?  The only thing worse than a drag queen is an unconvincing dirty foreign one. Go shave your head honey cause the money would come in handy for paying off your fuck off massive debts.

[Image via BRAVO]

HOW WAS THIS THE FIRST SUPERMODEL?

Oh dear, it looks like Mr. Gravity ain't been so kind to Janice Dickinson lately cause bitch looked rough as fuck when she stepped out in LA recently. The world's first ever supermodel (supposedly) was seen visiting her local Starbucks for a caffeine hit and it looked full on emmaciated to say the least. Her mouth resembled a gaping anus and those arms are just making us hurl to be honest. Someone needs to tell grandma that anorexia just doesn't work when you're like 85 years old.

[Image via SPLASH]

THIS IS HOW WE SHOULD REMEMBER HER

We know it's not our most respectful post, but we must say that we were in fact avid fans of the late Whitney Houston. We recently came across a vintage pic of the late smack addict at the airport and she looked high as a fucking kite to say the least. Doncha' think it'd make an awesome greatest hits album cover? We think we spot a crack pipe hidden in her hooker weave too. Oh how we miss the days when you could rely on old Whitters for making it a good show. RIP ennit love.

[Image via WIRE]

THIS NEEDS TO HAVE A WASH

Okay, so we will say that we're over the moon that Lindsay Lohan is making such great progress with her community service and all that shit, but what the fuck is going on with it's face? Lately she's looked like her head is inflated and we just wish she'd take her Porsche (thanks to the Playboy cheque) through the car wash and stick her fuckin' head out the window. To top it all off she wore a Miu Miu dress that she PAID for (low) and completed the look with SUBTLE bronzer and a lovely blue pedicure. Just lookin' at it's toe nails is making us gag. We're praying that the bitch gets her shit together and quick.

[Image via JUST JARED]

TWO CAN PLAY THAT GAME

Now we ARE aware that Bobby Christina Brown's mom (Whitney ennit) has recently snuffed it, so although this post may seem insensitive just remember that we're only hating on the way the poor bitch looks. Until iconic Whitney passed on no one knew about Bobby or frankly gave a shit, but it looks like she is loving the limelight now. According to sources, she's got lots of projects in the pipeline including a range of Diet Coke for former addicts, multiple "tell-all" books and a debut fragrance called I Have Nothing. Is it just us or does Bobby look like a ghetto Cabbage Patch Kid with AIDS?

[Image via FLYNET]

LAST HOLIDAY WEARING THIS WE HOPE

Now we know she's never been someone who you'd associate with class or money, so we're not too shocked to see Queen Latifah lookin' ghetto whilst on the beach in Barbados. The funny lady picked a feminine one piece for her vacay, but we're surprised she's not wearing a Speedo seeing as she's a big fat lesbo...allegedly. We do love the neck/ear tattoo she's got though...it's just SO classy.

[Image via SPLASH]

FILL IN THE BLANK

We're not sure what to make of her "burnt people" expression, but we love it when the young girl (teen mum on benefits) tells her to shut the fuck up. Emma West, 34, of New Addington, London, is absolutely ________ and we ____ her.

WHAT WOULD CADY HERON SAY?

What the FUCK has happened to Lindsay Lohan? The former actress and now Playboy model was pictured lookin' like a bloated hooker with bee stung lips in her latest mugshot and boy did it look CHEAP as fuck. It was a far cry from her very first mugshot back when she was 14 and actually managed to look photogenic. We don't get how she can even afford to keep up with her collagen injections, but we're guessing her latest paycheck from Playboy to reveal her russy (rank pussy) will help out. Erm they do know that it won't be the first time the world's seen her money box right?

[Image via TMZ]

YOU'RE BEING VERY, VERY HARSH

Meet the STUNNING Kelly who auditioned on The X Factor during it's early years but didn't get quite the response IT had hoped for. This trailer trash skank bitch mess is just BEYOND in every way. On top of her "voice" (which sounds remarkably like Christina Aguilera), we actually believe that she may have invisible oral herpes. To top it all off, the poor thing missed her shift at Iceland and spent her last giro (that's welfare check for you Yanks) on her TASTEFUL Playboy necklace from Argos. 1-2-3 all together now...WHAT A FUCKIN' DOG!