WE CAN'T FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT FOR ELT...

Poor old Elton John was finally snapped out shopping in LA the other without his famous round spectacles and let's just say we now get why he wears them all the time. The campy legend was seen browsing a wig store (shocker) in the Hollywood area and we're hoping he was planning to replace the dodgy rug he was papped wearing. What's going on with that bloodshot eye though and you'd think with all his dosh he'd get those eye bags removed wouldn't you?

[Image via GOLDEN EYE]

DAMN IT LIZA YOU WERE SO CLOSE THIS TIME!

Okay y'all know that we LOVE us some Liza Minnelli but at the Oscars on Sunday the campy singer rocked up wearing a blue ensemble (notice the blue hair steak too) and yet again slightly missed the mark. While we can't deny her hair and make-up looked damn fine for a old broad who's close to 70, the fact that she forgot to wear a bra which showed off her massive erect nipple kinda ruined the moment and made onlookers gag. We also can't deal with the shoes cause they make her look like she's got a dodgy club foot. Anyway we totes thought Liza brought her A game, but as always the humor crept in again cause we just can't take her seriously.

[Image via AP]

OH MANDY, WHAT'S BARRY DONE TO HIMSELF?

Barry Manilow has always had that high maintenance pedophile kinda look about him and it was no different the other day when it stepped out looking like a total freak of nature. The singer was seen running errands around Palm Springs and boy did he look odd to say the least. What we don't get is why he'd have all that plastic surgery and not get the fuck off massive Jew nose fixed? Even that ear lives in it's own zip code and those cheeks look suspiciously plump for a dude who's almost 70 years old. We think it's best when men go au naturel and this case is no different...oh and FYI Barry we know you're wearing a rug on your head.

[Image via SPLASH]

WTF IS GOING ON WITH MISS SPEARS Y'ALL?

Before we start the hate we wanna say that we do genuinely like Britney Spears cause even though the bitch ain't talented, she's always been a grafter and had that likable appeal. The pop star was papped grabbing lunch in Las Vegas recently during rehearsals for her new show and as always something just looked off about her. Britters looks so much older than her 32 years and lately looks like a barmaid in her 40s who's had too much cock. Furthermore the accelerated aging process that she seems to be enduring won't do her career any favors, but let's face it that's headed for the toilet anyway. On a more positive note at least she's having salad and juice for lunch and not a fucking Frappuccino.

[Image via BROAD]

IF SHE CAN MAKE IT THERE...ANYONE CAN!

Liza Minnelli really does prove that even the most butters bitch on the planet can achieve worldwide fame and even though you may be laughed at for being so hilariously campish and ugly, who gives a fuck when you're worth in excess of $50 million right? The iconic fag hag was snapped performing in her best at a charity event in NYC the other day and the poor thing looked like a tranny clown with a gammy eye to say the least. Now we get that dressing like you're from the 60s can be cool if you're young, hip and cute, but when you're an munter who limps cause you've got a dodgy hip...it ain't so great. On the other hand we love us some Liza cause the bitch is totes cray!

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

GRAMMY FOR THE MOST UNRECOGNIZABLE...?

Seriously what the ACTUAL fuck Madonna? What in God's name have you done to your face and bitch would you please just ditch the grille already cause it ain't even cool to copy Hannah Montana with an STD...that's right you know who. The alleged queen of pop was snapped walking the red carpet at the annual Grammy awards...with a cane can we add, but we're told she only needs to do this when it's damp cause it makes her dodgy hip play up. Anyhow fellow gay icon and singer Cyndi Lauper presented an award at the show and looked equally strange to be honest. Both of their faces are puffed up and bloated beyond recognition and we just don't understand how they think this looks good. Such a shame when you know you're career is slipping like quick sand and you can't do a thing to stop it cause you ain't relevant. Bad times for Madge and Cyndi ennit.

[Images via AP]

THE CAST OF 'FRAGGLE ROCK' TOUCH DOWN

Poor old Liza Minnelli never really stood a chance in life with that face, but despite looking like the back end of a bus she went on to have a successful singing career (beyond us) and star in campy musicals. Now obviously having Judy Garland as your mom doesn't hurt and we're pretty sure that the poor woman would turn in her grave if could hear how this bitch knocks out a tune. To be honest a cat getting gang raped with Parkinson's disease comes to mind. Even the butters tranny Tubbs from TV show The League Of Gentleman does a better job as passing off as a chick...pretty embarrassing ennit. Do you think Liza farted too cause that airport worker looks as though she's sniffed something that's making her gag?

[Image via NPG]

MAYBE THIS IS WHAT AIDS LOOKS LIKE?

You know we really don't give a shit if you think our title isn't politically correct or offensive cause Perez Hilton is actually that disgusting. It's not even that he likes dick, it's cause his unfortunate face does nothing but offend us to our very core. The blogger who is raising a kid (poor fucking thing) turned up to Heidi Klum's annual halloween bash dressed as Miley Cyrus and looked like a walking strand of the HIV virus. It's just wrong on so many levels...you have a dick for a reason.

[Image via GETTY]

WHY OH WHY DO GAYS CARRY BIRKIN BAGS?

Ew we really can't bare to look at the above snap of Johnny Weir too much cause it totes grosses us out and we ain't homophobic but he just looks wrong on so many levels. First he needs to figure out if he even wants to be a dude cause those thighs are rivaling Vicky B's pins and the boots, bag and eyebrows (oh the eyebrows people) just make us cringe inside. We just don't get what it is people?

[Image via FLYNET]

THE DIVINE MISS M HAS GOT ONE BIG RACK!

Now you just gotta love Bette Midler cause the fag hag is totes hilare, but the other day the poor bitch went swimming whilst on vacay and wore THE most unflattering bathing suit. The all round talent was seen splashing around in the ocean and according to sources even the dolphins were getting hard at the sight of her fuck off erect nips. For a bird that's almost 70 years old she is packing some serious knockers. We are totes thinking that Wind Beneath My Tits is way more appropriate after seeing this...we love you Bette!

[Image via SPLASH]

LOOK IT'S THE MAD HATTER GONE WRONG!

How the fuck can Perez Hilton be judgmental when he looks like a fucking butters tranny? The bitchy queen was seen filming something for his crappy blog in LA the other day and calling it ugly would be a fuck off huge understatement. We just don't know what it is people? Even though it's lost 20 stone there's still button strain, moobs and belly rolls. This queen just makes our stomachs turn if we're honest.

[Image via PEREZ HILTON]

YOU AIN'T 25 YEARS OLD ANYMORE HONEY

Seriously what the fuck does Madonna think she looks like? The singer was snapped vacaying in Italy recently and for some reason she thought it'd look cool to sport a grille like Rihanna. We would of referenced Miley but it doesn't work on that bitch either...another story in itself. Anyhow the past-it slapper appeared to have had a little more work done to her famous mug cause her cheeks were plumped up like hell and it's pretty much impossible for a 55 year old to be wrinkle free. It's a shame she's so irrelevant now, but maybe if she ditched the hooker look and went for something more age appropriate audiences would start to embrace her again?

[Image via AP]

WE PREFER THIS THING AS A WOMAN

Now we've never been big fans of drag queens cause to be quite frank they scare the living shit out of us, but in the case of RuPaul we think it's safe to say it looks better as a chick. The elderly homo was seen walking the red carpet for his new book release the other night and he looked like a walking skeleton with AIDS. Seriously what's going on with that jawline buddy? It's kinda shocking how bad and fucking sick he looks without all the drag crap he usually sports.

[Image via LOGO TV/WENN]

WHO WOULD APPLAUSE FOR THIS MESS?

Oh dear what happened here Lady GaGa? The songstress was seen arriving at a radio station in LA the other day to promote her new gayer than life club tune and looked like a fucking state. We're not sure what the look is for this new era, but we think it's safe to say that even regular clowns will be offended by this shit. The way this bitch dresses does nothing to convince haters that she was in fact born with a pussy and not a fuck off dick. She could of at least finished the look off with a daisy in her hair and clown shoes no?

[Image via WENN]

LIFE IS A BUTTERS CABARET DARLING!

Liza Minnelli has got one of those faces that just doesn't look good period. It don't matter if you slap it up with 3 inches of warpaint or go bare, it's gonna look rough as fucking shite. The legendary fag hag was snapped leaving an NYC eatery during the week and according to sources a couple paparazzi photographers screamed and fainted in shock. Maybe if she lost the rank eyebrows, stopped with the surgery, changed that fucking dyke mullet hair and got her teeth whitened, we could be persuaded to write something nice. Surely she knows our approval means more than winning a Tony award?

[Image via FLYNET]

AS IF THIS THING WASN'T FUGLY ENOUGH HUH?

We'd love to see inside the mind of Pete Burns for just 5 minutes cause we're guessing we'd either "get it" or be completely disgusted. All we ever think of when looking at him is "WTF is it?!" but we're just gonna give in and go with weird fuck off shemale. The former singer from Dead or Alive can be seen being interviewed for a new TV special and boy does it look fucking weird. He kinda looks like a reject Shakespears Sister member with a dick or one ugly mermaid. How the fuck does he eat with those lips and wipe his asshole with those creepy ass nails?

[Image via CHANNEL 5]

ARE YOU IN THERE SOMEWHERE XTINA?

Okay so we know we're showing Xtina major love at the moment but talk about wowza! Bitch wasn't messing around during a recent photo call to promote the new season of The Voice and we're kinda shocked to be honest cause we never actually thought she'd put down the fries. Christina Aguilera was papped walking the red carpet with her fellow judges to announce the new season which kicks off in September and lady literally looked like a shadow of her former self. We can't get over those razor sharp cheekbones and that itty bitty waist. Seriously stay on the diet cause it's paying off Xtina. We are however slightly concerned that she's only 5'1'' yet Cee Lo Green (who's a man) doesn't seem that much taller.

[Image via NBC]

WHY THE FUCK DOES KIMMY WEAR WIGS?

Holy shit is what we thought when we first clapped eyes on this pic of Kim Zolciak. Now we ain't her biggest fan cause let's face it; she's a trashy and talentless hick who looks like a drag queen. That is until she ditched the fake tan, wigs and clown make-up, cause judging by her latest Twitter snap lady is looking mighty fine. Now we know it totally goes against the rules of The Sizzling Mess to be nice to celebs (even to Xtina), but there ain't no denying that Kim looks pretty stunning in the right pic, albeit in the Anna Nicole Smith (non-corpse) porn star kinda way. Still though bitch looks beautiful and should keep it au naturel by rockin' her own fabulous hair more often. Remember that less is always more honey!

[Image via SPLASH/TWITTER]

THE POOR KID DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE

No we don't mean that cause Cynthia Nixon likes to munch on carpet, but because of the way the bitch looks. Don't get it twisted cause we love us some Miranda but lately the actress has totally let herself go and is often seen wandering the streets of NYC looking a total dyke mess. On this occasion however she left her Home Depot overalls in the closet and threw on a dress and some wedges (the horror) and she didn't look all that bad. The poor bitch did look dog rough though as she pushed her carrot top kid around in a stroller whilst shopping for a new drill. We miss the androgynous wardrobe Miranda used to sport!

[Image via REX FEATURES]

YOU KNOW JUDY CRIED WHEN THIS CAME OUT

To this day we still don't get why Liza Minnelli is considered a legend (or fag icon) cause the bitch can't hold a note to save her fucking life. The overpaid fag hag was papped at the Tony Awards (shocker) in NYC recently and it looked like a gay Bilbo Baggins covered in glitter. The old broad seemed to have had more plastic surgery since the last time we saw her too, but we don't get why she'd make her already fucked up face look worse?

[Image via WENN]