DOES POOR ANTONIO ACTUALLY FUCK THIS?

Whatever happened to the cute Melanie Griffith that graced out screens in Working Girl people? Nowadays the poor bitch looks more like a Beverly Hills science project than an aging actress and we don't get why she continues to screw with her face. Even a $4,000 Balenciaga jacket in goat leather can't save her from looking a freak show which is incredibly sad. Even money can't save this bitch no more so maybe she should do a Mia Farrow and become a weird "I am of the Earth" freak who adopts every kid she lays her eyes on.

[Image via GETTY]

ALL THAT $$$ AND IT'S STILL CHEAP AS FUCK

Poor old Mariah Carey can never quite seem to get it just right in the class department cause despite having a personal fortune of almost $600 million she still looks like a $2 hooker in drag at times. MC was snapped knocking out a tune at the recent BET awards and appeared to have taken some major inspiration from Jessica Rabbit. It's kinda awkward when a cartoon wins in the sexy stakes though and the seams on this dress must've been screaming for help.

[Image via SPLASH]

THE POOR GIRL GETS FUGLIER BY THE DAY...

Oh man it really can't be easy when you're Tori Spelling cause the bitch truly is a dog bless her. The former 90210 actress was papped shopping in Beverly Hills with her dog and it didn't look good at all. It's kinda like Barbie got raped by Frankenstein and this was the product that came out...much to shock of the mother we can imagine. We're not sure what she does these days but Tori could definitely take advantage of the many plastic surgeons in the area cause it'd be money well spent. Just sayin'.

[Image via SPLASH]

HOW THE FUCK DID THIS EVER GET ON 90210?!

This poor bitch has to be one of the most unfortunate looking birds out there and we really don't get how Tori Spelling ever landed a role on Beverly Hills 90210 in the first place...oh yeah cause her dad created the show. The funny looking actress was papped doing her weekly grocery shop in LA and looked butters as usual bless her. You think she'd at least get her roots done seeing as she wipes her shitter with 50s no?

[Image via XPOSURE]

EVEN $3 BILLION CAN'T SAVE THIS THING...

Oprah Winfrey may have a ridiculous personal net worth, but the woman has NEVER been able to stay the same weight for more than a week. The media mogul was seen at the premiere of her new flick The Butler and the poor bitch looked like the obese version of Ru Paul. You'd think that with all that money she'd at least be able to buy a dress in the right size and hire a hair stylist who wasn't related to Stevie Wonder. We bet her heels are fucking screaming too!

[Image via REX FEATURES]

WHAT'S MRS O DONE TO HER FACE Y'ALL?

It may come as a shock but we actually used to think Sharon Osbourne was one hot sexy mama for her age, but what the fuck has the bitch done to her face? The wife of The Prince Of Darkness aka rich cross dresser was seen hanging backstage with Jennifer Aniston at a recent awards show and lady looked like she'd been filled with air. Jen looked like her usual Plain Jane self but poor Shazza's face stood out like a sore bloated thumb. In fact the cutest thing in this pic is clearly the dog and for once we're actually talking about an animal.

[Image via TWITTER]

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL...DON'T VOMIT!

Oh dear honey. Jocelyn Wildensein seems to have had some more procedures done if this photo is anything to go by. The bored rich bitch was seen arriving at a charity gala in NYC recently and apparently some kids even screamed and said they thought cats had two legs. Ouch that's gotta hurt Jossy but what'd you expect when you look like a fucking extra from The Lion King? Those eyes and lips are truly horrendous and her surgeon def needs to have his license revoked cause this is now way beyond a total joke.

[Image via FLYNET]

PREGNANCY SURE AIN'T MAKING IT GLOW

If you've been keeping your fingers on the Kim Kardashian radar lately you'll notice that it ain't looking too good whilst preggers. The reality TV slapper was seen around LA eating in the streets and pulling several retarded facial expressions. We wonder if the reason behind her appearance is that she did a sick burp and some oatmeal came up, because yes even food doesn't wanna be near a Kardashian people.

[Image via X17]

BEING STONED WITH YOUR MOM MUST SUCK

Oh how we feel for this poor kid. Tori Spelling took her sprog out on the town over the weekend and they did a little retail therapy, but to be honest it looked more like the kid was gonna gag from the sight of her mom's fuck off head. The has-been actress was obviously never a looker but her head seems to have grown even more and those frog eyes are just freaking us out. The poor kid even has to look away for fear of vomming.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

FOR ONCE VICKY B GETS IT SO WRONG

It may happen once in a blue moon but Victoria Beckham stepped out looking not so great recently. The fashion "designer" was seen strolling around London in a jacket made of hot air balloons and a pair of jeans that did her match stick pins NO favors whatsoever. To finish off this fashion fail look her feet looked like they belonged to Coco The Clown rather than an international fashion icon. Better luck next time hey Vicky!

[Image via SPLASH]

GERI SO HIRED THIS TO WALK PAST HER

You know you're a desperate nobody when you hire regular fatties to walk past you in the street thus making you look hotter, but we're onto you Geri Halliwell and those kinda cheap tricks just won't fly with us. The former Spice Girl was papped on the school run with her many sprogs and we gotta say it did look good seeing as it's like 50, but it reminds us that every woman could look this good if she chucked up after every meal so it's kind of a downer too. Did y'all notice that the pissed looking stranger in the great outfit is like 3 times the size of Geri?

[Image via GOFF]

EVEN A GREMLIN WOULDN'T FUCK THIS

Oh dear honey, did you come straight from killing Bill or something? Uma Thurman who used to be semi attractive was papped walking the streets of NYC looking for more rich guys to get pregnant by and the bitch looked fucking butters. Since hitting a goldmine with her latest baby daddy the actress doesn't seem to wanna work much anymore, but then again if you were wiping your ass with $100 bills would you? On a more serious note, we would like to offer our condolences to anyone who was involved in a car wreck whilst driving past this mess.

[Image via INF]

QUEEN B WENT AND STOLE ALL DA GENES

Poor old Solange must get fucked off that her sister Bey stole all the look genes cause the bitch sure does look like the ugly duckling in comparison. The less successful singer was papped strolling around LA with Queen B and if we're honest it looked like a post-op ghetto clown with downs. Now while we love the music that both these bitches put out, there ain't no denying that Solange fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on her way down. We tried looking for the bird that lives in her fro but no luck this time, however if you spot it do let us know.

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

WE WOULDN'T WANT THIS NEAR OUR FOOD

Now usually the sexy Nigella Lawson would have guys lining up to fuck her, but when it stepped out recently there were zero men waiting and we can see why. The rich bitch TV chef was seen walking around London deciding what she should cook next and it looked like Dumbo in a yellow tent to say the least. We literally cannot get over her fuck off massive ears and that hair is so flat and rank looking bless her. Maybe check the mirror before you leave ya gaff next time love?

[Image via MEL]

SKINNY GIRLS DON'T ALWAYS HAVE IT ALL

Yeah we get that this is like the mother of all photos but Bethenny Frankel ain't never been a looker and y'all know it. The former star of NYC Housewives was seen walking the streets of Brooklyn the other day and we think even the wind dodged this shit. It's always looked like a tranny with a Lurch esque jawline if you ask us, and even though it's rich now this just proves that money can't make you look like a woman. Good luck with your divorce though girl!

[Image via INF]

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE MAKE-UP LADIES

All you girls (and trannies) know that make-up is probably the most powerful tool when it comes to making yourself look shit hot and this has been PERFECTLY proved by reality TV star (slut with a pushy mom) Kim Kardashian. The overexposed tramp was snapped arriving at the airport in London looking worse for wear in comparison to her usual preened to fuck red carpet appearances. Now it ain't ugly by a long shot but the panda eyes, spotty skin and cross-eyed look just ain't working for us, thus proving that Kim is normal after all. We'd like to highlight the fact that "thus" is the smartest word we've ever used on The Sizzling Mess, so we've moved up a notch on the class scale.

[Image via INF]

KEEP UP THE CLEVER DRESSING XTINA

It's become pretty evident that Christina Aguilera isn't quite as obese as Adele, but it is clear that dressing appropriately for her body shape (so wearing a tent) can in fact do wonders. The super talented fag hag was snapped arriving at a Samsung event in LA this week and looked pretty bangin' if we're honest. We're really loving the fun throwback look to her Stripped days with the trucker cap and colorful hair and what d'ya know her legs don't resemble tree trunks. Keep whoever's been styling you lately cause you need them honey.

[Image via WIRE]

LOOKS LIKE IT'S FREEZING IN LA FOR ONCE

It's common knowledge that Khloe Kardashian is the ugly duckling (bless her) of the Kardashian clan so the above snap of it really ain't no surprise if we're honest. The reality TV star (tranny) was papped en route to the gym and it looked fucking rough what with the flat ass hair, bad complexion and potato head. Oh and erm what's with those fuck off coat hook nipples honey? We'll give her some points for her Celine bag but even that's unoriginal aka LA style.

[Image via FLYNET]

LOOKING THIS CHEAP SURE DOES COST

Doesn't the humble Tamara Ecclestone just look the picture of class here? The billion dollar heiress was papped walking around a casino in Las Vegas over the weekend and she was dressed to the nines (as a hooker) for her evening out. The cheap looking frock, orange tan, suffocated tits and clown make-up resembled a Monet painting aka a fucking mess. That lovely foot tattoo is just the perfect finishing touch too.

[Image via CRUISE]

DID JILL ZARIN PUT A SPELL ON HER?

Poor old Bethenny Frankel who used to be on the now boring as hell Real Housewives of New York City was seen getting her hair did in NYC recently and boy did she look different. The rich bitch founder of Skinny Girl Drinks appeared to have morphed into an alien-like species right before our very eyes, cause the above thing was definitely not present on the hit Bravo show. For some reason she reminds us of Lurch from The Addams Family and those lips look like they got stuck in a pool drain. Sort yourself out honey and quick.

[Image via INF]