NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THIS SHIT HONEY

Lauren Goodger is either really clever and has a fitness DVD in the works or she's just a fat mess who's more deluded than Madonna is about her career. The former TOWIE star was papped "working out" in clothing about 50 sizes too small and it really did look evil. To be honest we pity the poor onlookers who were trying to do their daily workout without bringing up their lunch. We just can't think of any men who would want to procreate with this mess.

[Image via FLYNET]

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU LOOK LIKE HONEY?

Oh honey why have you still not bought a mirror? Lauren Goodger really doesn't understand just how fucking mucky and nasty she looks cause bitch turned up to some shitty product launch recently looking like a walking turd. The former TOWIE star seems to like resembling a diarrhea strain cause that tan just ain't going nowhere. All we wanna do it rip out the extensions, wipe all that muck off her face and stick her through a car wash.

[Image via REX]

DOES THIS SKANK NOT LEARN ANYTHING?

Seriously does Lauren Goodger actually think resembling a perma-tanned pig is a good look cause we're confused? The whale was papped leaving a club in Essex (classy) the other night and as per usual she was sporting another ill fitting outfit, thunder thighs and huge color differences all over her body. You'd think that with money and seeing yourself pretty much everyday in pap shots would be enough to tell you that you're failed beauty routine needs reassessing. Just sayin'.

[Image via LUMINOUS]

PIGS CAN'T FLY...THEY CAN SWIM APPARENTLY

Oh man what does this bitch see when she looks in the mirror! Gemma Collins once again decided to buy a bikini that was 10 sizes too small and wear it on the beach in Dubai recently...she knows exactly what gets our hearts racing and stomachs churning. Seriously though y'all what the fuck is the woman thinking when she parades her lard ass body around looking like this? We're all for inner confidence but when you've got a second cleavage and are losing thing in your rolls of fat it's time to make a change. We're pretty sure the poor fuckers who saw this walrus are now in therapy or on a major diet.

[Image via SPLASH]

DID YOU FORGET YOUR BOULDER HOLDER?

Okay so we know most men would probably want Lauren Goodger to give them a tit wank, but really did the skank actually have to go shopping in the winter wearing no bra and a sheer top? The former TOWIE star was papped walking the streets of London laden with shopping bags and we're hoping there's at least a bra in one of them. On the upside she didn't look as obese as usual and we never realized how huge her fucking tits were...the poor things are suffocating and no doubt freezing in that top. You can't buy class can you people?

[Image via XPOSURE]

SERIOUSLY HONEY LOOK IN THE MIRROR...

We honestly don't understand what Lauren Goodger see's when she looks in the mirror cause it don't look good to the general public. The tacky and tanned reality star was papped leaving a party in Essex recently and once again her legs looked toxic in comparison to the rest of her body. We're also not sure what the fuck is going on with her lips cause it looks like the bitch got stung by a bee. Everything about this look is just gross and the Louboutin's just add to the tacky factor cause they're so 2007 WAG now.

[Image via XPOSURE]

TIME TO GET YOUR JAW WIRED UP HONEY

Oh no honey as if you left your gaff looking like this again. Lauren Goodger just never seems to learn and you think after getting the boot from TOWIE for being too fat she'd learn, but the woman still continues to stuff her fat face. What's more embarrassing is that the bitch ain't even 6 months along or anything...she's just that fucking obese. Next time stay away from dresses made out of elastic cause nobody want to see those rank curves hugged love.

[Image via FLYNET]

PIGS ARE DIGGIN' MAGALUF THIS YEAR...

At least it's half covered up right? Gemma Collins aka the walking walrus from Essex was papped on vacay with her fellow dumb ass buddies in the culture filled island of Magaluf and once again it looked like a stick of butter playing dress-up. The reality TV fatty was seen walking (yes walking) around her resort and according to a source people fell off their sun beds due to the mini earthquake-like sensation. Oh the embarrassment to cause such situations huh? We can't even imagine how sweaty this bitch's muff must of got from being abroad. Ya major fucking ew.

[Image via SPLASH]

HORSES ARE BETTER LOOKING THAN THIS

What the fuck has this bitch done to her face? Chloe Sims from that crazy culture filled show TOWIE was seen exiting a night club in Essex (shocker) and it looked truly horrendous for her age. The actual horse teeth and orange skin would make most people run in fear, but we just don't understand why she wanted to make herself this fugly? We pity the guys she gives head to cause it can't be pretty.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

WHO KNEW BLACK BEAUTY LIVED IN HARLOW

Joey Essex is the definition of a waste of space and for any of you who have bothered to even watch that Emmy worthy show The Only Way Is Essex you'll see that he's a closet fag who thinks he's hot. The reality TV "star" was seen running errands around the shit hole that is Essex and it looked liked he'd broken out of his stable cause his nashers looked evil as fuck. As we all know he's definitely "straight" so we're assuming he just keeps hay to nibble on in that "man bag" of his. Oh and does anyone else think he's got birds living in that nest he calls hair?

[Image via MAGIC MOMENTS]

HOW IS THIS BITCH NOT SKINNY ALREADY?

Okay we really don't get how there are always pictures of Gemms Collins "working out", yet the bitch still seems to resemble a walking whale from Essex. The reality TV porker was once again papped fake running through her local park in skin tight black lycra and although it wasn't white it didn't make her look good in anyway. Just looking at those vomit worthy rolls of fat and a double chin we could hide in is enough to make us purge to be honest. Usually when you exercise you lose weight so erm yeah we don't know what the deal is here.

[Image via TM MED]

ALL BLACK ONLY WORKS IF YOU'RE NOT OBESE

Good old Lauren Goodger is a crafty bitch cause it thinks that by wearing black the whole world (well the south of England) will think she looks smaller. Yeah well you didn't fool us Miss Piggy and we hate to play up to our bully rep but this bitch really is a mess crying for help. The former reality star was seen walking around London at night and even the pavements were crying as they tried to withstand the weight. We also don't get why this thing doesn't own a mirror cause her face is saying Stevie Wonder, but her neck is making us think of Bjork so maybe she should rethink her make-up? Oh dear honey just admit that those thighs were not made for leggings and go buy a hammock.

[Image via FLYNET]

USING A DYSON TO GET DRESSED ISN'T GOOD

Oh honey no! Poor old Lauren Goodger who got fired from TOWIE for being too fat was snapped out to dinner in Essex recently and her dress was crying at the seams. The human walrus appears to have an issue with buying clothing that actually fits her lard filled frame and this shit is making us shake our heads. The hair, make-up and excess flub just make her look like a total car crash of events and we'd be embarrassed to call this out girlfriend. Just sayin'.

[Image via FLYNET]

PLEASE JUST PUT IT AWAY HONEY!

Gemma Collins always seems to be wearing gym gear and "working out" but at the same time still resembles a pig in a wig so what's the deal here? The reality star (funt) was papped leaving her local gym clutching a bottle of water and some obesity control tablets, but we're guessing she's not started taking them yet judging by the size of that fuck off belly. Oh, we actually just think the floor shook cause those thighs are fucking EVIL looking. Just quit with the pretending to work honey and go eat some more.

[Image via FLYNET]

NOT EVEN ALL BLACK CAN SAVE THIS SHIT

Oh dear, when will Lauren Goodger learn that she's just a big ole fucking hot mess who should stay indoors? The overweight walking satsuma was papped leaving a restaurant (shocker) in London the other day and the color of it looked fucking toxic. We're guessing that the poor bitch's shoes must hate her too cause the weight on them must be fucking unbearable and what's with the sprayed on jeans honey? What's even more embarrassing is that Essex is probably proud to have some sort of link with this whale.

[Image via FLYNET]

FREE WILLY'S BOUGHT A WINTER WARDROBE

We really should be paying Gemma Collins cause whenever she leaves her gaff and we write a post our hits instantly increase. The classy Essex version of Free Willy was papped leaving her local offy after paying her lecky bill, as according to sources her electricity supply had been cut off due to the fact that she'd spent her monthly budget on food. Now she's very clever cause her whole ensemble is black, however that ain't hiding her EVIL looking thighs that most likely shook the whole road she was walking down. What's going on with those lovely eyebrows too? Oh dear, it's not easy it it fatty boom boom.

[Image via MATRIX]

DOES THIS THING NOT OWN A MIRROR?

Gemma Collins is really giving us a treat this week cause she left her gaff again to go to some tacky party in Essex and low and behold she looked a fucking state. The reality star (pig in a dress) appeared to have a major make-up malfunction cause her face looked red and blotchy and didn't match the rest of her lardish body. We've really given it to the whale lately but it looks like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards and then wanked on. How about you stay in more next week and eat from ya trough love?

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

BABE THE PIG WAS BASED ON THIS SHIT

Oh dear honey. Why does Gemma Collins continue wear clothing that's about 50 sizes too small for her? The reality TV star porker was snapped out to dinner with her whale of a boyfriend and it looked a fucking state. On top of having no neck and being so fat she's unworthy of love, she felt the need to show off her sausage legs so we could all bring up our brekkie. So considerate huh?

[Image via XPOSURE]

PIGS IN BLANKETS MUST HAIL FROM ESSEX

No one in this world should really be forced to have to see the above out and about. Gemma Collins aka Free Willy from the culture filled TV show TOWIE was papped walking around her native Essex doing some shopping that we're guessing was mostly food related. The two ton Tessie appeared to be wearing some discounted catalogue curtains as a dress cause the outfit looked cheap as chips. As always she gave onlookers something to purge about and made sure a little knee (or white kebab meat) was visible for everyone to see.

[Image via SPLASH]

MAYBE HER DAD IS A HORSE?

Talk about bravery. Chloe Sims from that AMAZING show The Only Way Is Essex once again gave us more to write about and decided to leave her house the other day. It was papped walking around Essex (shocker) and looked more like a freak show than a youthful 21 year old. Yeah that's right this shit is 21 years old. Even without make-up she looks like a fucking stretched mess with horse teeth.

[Image via MAGIC MOMENTS]