CADY HERON ARE YOU IN THERE SOMEWHERE?

We genuinely miss the days when Lindsay Lohan didn't look like an alcoholic housewife from Orange County cause we just don't recognize the woman above. The actress was snapped attending some shitty fashion show in China a while back and boy did she look rough. The usual bloated face and trout pout lips made an appearance and we're not sure what's going on with the front part of her hair cause it looks like straw. Poor old LiLo needs to look in the mirror cause for 27 she looks weird and haggard.

[Image via REX]

WE CAN'T TELL WHO THE WOMAN IS PEOPLE...

Paz De La Huerta has always been a funny looking bird but now she's packed on about 300 pounds she's just a fugly hot mess. We've never been truly sure about what it is and at times we've doubted that it was born a woman with a face like that, but it would seem that someone does love her as she was snapped leaving a club in West Hollywood with her partner (we don't know what it is either) and the bitch looked happy as fuck. The dress is actually kinda nice but the body is ballooning and her face is just way too bloated. We all know that it's either down to overeating or drugs...allegedly.

[Image via SPLASH]

LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER IS TOTES TRUE

We do love a good golden oldie and this Dina & Lindsay Lohan one definitely doesn't disappoint. The actress was snapped partying with her mom a while back and boy did they both look a sight for sore eyes. To be honest they'd look super at home walking up and down Hollywood Blvd during the night and let's face it that would help with LiLo's money problems. Talk about one fuck off catastrophic downward spiral.

[Image via REX]

THIS JUST CANNOT BE LEGEND WHITNEY!

We kinda hate the last tour Whitney Houston did before she died cause not only was it her worst vocal performance, but the woman looked horrendous. The ridiculously talented and now deceased singer was papped doing her show in London back in 2010 and you literally can't tell who it is to be honest. Where the hell did her cheekbones disappear to guys? Such a shame cause music is such shit nowadays. Just sayin.'

[Image via GETTY]

THIS DOG WILL SNORT A LINE IN 5 SECONDS

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson really puts the d-o-g in DOG cause bitch is a fucking mess and she better know it people. The coke whore former IT girl was snapped at a party in London recently and as usual it looked like a hot mess covered in crystal meth. First off we need to point out that she's only wearing one false eyelash, but we're guessing she pulled off the other one and rolled it up to snort a line? Allegedly for the lawyers reading this! We think it's pretty safe to say that Tara ain't go chance of looking good these days.

[Image via GETTY]

WHEN CHANDLER BUMPED INTO CHRIS BROWN

It's definitely a random cross of paths but according to our eyes Matthew Perry bumped into Chris Brown the other day when leaving LAX airport and it looks like the wife beater is finally doing a job more suitable. Now we're not being racist and this has nothing to do with the fact that he's black (for the rude bunch), but simply because every woman he's dated has a tendency to "walk into doors" ahem. Anyway the real news value in this story is that Matt is now fat and old, Chris is a cunt and Jennifer Aniston will always be the hottest FRIENDS cast member.

[Image via FLYNET]

GET BACK ON THE ADDERALL AND QUICK!

Women these days just can't win can they? Lindsay Lohan is fresh outta rehab and while that's great news, her weight seems to have skyrocketed cause bitch was spotted rocking some fuck off chunky thighs the other day. The coke whore (allegedly) was papped filming a commercial in LA recently and it proper looked like she'd switched heroin for cherry bakewells. We're just not sure we're digging the fuller real woman look? We've always been advocates for anorexia and drugs so we do feel a little let down. Please get skinny again LiLo cause you know fatties don't get the roles.

[Image via WENN]

DOES LILO LIVE NEAR A BEE FARM PERHAPS?

Oh honey, what have you done to yourself now? On top of the fact that Lindsay Lohan has got another new (and shit) movie coming out, bitch ain't looking too hot in the newly released trailer. The actress is seen in her new flick The Canyons opposite porn star James Deen (no joke) and she literally looks like she's about 38 as opposed to 20 fucking 5. We just can't deal with the trout pout, bloated face and double chin any longer, cause this bitch needs to get outta rehab pronto and get her shit together.

[Image via IFC]

EVEN VAMPIRES CAN'T ESCAPE AGING...

You know there's no God when even the beloved Spike from Buffy ages so badly he looks like a coke addict living in welfare. James Marsters has struggled to find a job since leaving the popular TV show, but was recently snapped at his local market in LA and let's just say he's looked better. Word on the street is that he was left so embarrassed when he was unable to pay for his goods (due to maybe an expensive addiction) that he offered to act out a scene from Buffy as a method of payment. That was of course a complete lie, but didn't it give you a fun image?

Image via WARNER BROS/FLYNET]

WHAT THE FUCK DID JUDE SEE IN THIS MESS?

It's kinda hard to believe that in her early days Sadie Frost was a model who earned thousands per day cause just the other day it stepped out and looked like a dog that'd been raped and cummed on to say the least. The gold diggin' slapper was papped at the launch for some new shitty kitchen range she'd designed and the poor bitch looked like a tired drag queen. We really can't imagine Jude giving this bitch one cause let's face it, she's plain as fuck and looks rough as arse holes. Granted she's probably a great mother to all her kids (who have different fathers) but pretty woman she ain't.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

HOW CAN THIS POSSIBLY SHIT OUT A KID?

We don't usually hate on people that ain't relevant but even Peaches Geldof deserves some blog inches every now and then. The "we don't know what it does D-lister" was seen attending some shitty fashion show during London fashion week and it looked full on REXIC and not in the good Nicole Richie way either. On top of looking like she's about to eat her own head, one of the bitch's tits is bigger than the other and those shoulders are sharper than a Leona Lewis note. Get a cheeseburger down ya neck love.

[Image via WENN]

OOMPA LOOMPAS HAVE MONEY TROUBLES TOO

Oh honey just no, no, no. Lindsay Lohan and her train wreck of a "mother" were papped strolling through LAX airport looking like the ugly sisters the other day and boy were they a sight. We literally cannot believe that this bitch left her house wearing such a horrendous outfit and did we forget to mention that she's become an Oompa Loompa now? The only good thing about this look is the fact that she left her fucking hair natural, but besides that the bitch looks a fucking state and don't deserve any film roles.

[Image via XPOSURE]

NO ONE WANTS TO EAT YOUR PUSSY NOW

Oh honey, such a bad one for you but such a great one for us! Tara Reid aka the down and out hot mess of an "actress" was seen in LA earlier this week and boy oh boy it looked rough as fuck. For some reason and despite this lovely article we've always had a little soft spot for Tara, but when we saw this shit we knew it just couldn't fly cause the bitch literally looked like a drowned rat that'd been passed around and fucked. Have you ever noticed that some women just look used like they're vessels waiting to be filled? Go and get a blow out and lay off the partying honey.

[Image via AKM-GSI]

SURE LOOKS LIKE AN EAST ENDER STILL

Remember the dirty drug scum that was (and probably still is) Daniella Westbrook from classy TV show Eastenders? Well feast your eyes on the above trollop cause lady decided to finally put down her syringe and take her kid out for the day...to visit her dealer. We're not sure what's going on with that car crash of an outfit but at least bitch has got normal nostrils now.

[Image via FLYNET]

EVEN MAKE-UP DOESN'T SAVE THE BITCH

Just when you think Lindsay Lohan can maybe pull it together and look good for the premiere of her new TV movie (embarrassing) Liz & Dick she turns up looking like a big ass hot mess. The actress (debatable) was snapped arriving at the airport in LA looking like a bloated alcoholic and didn't look much better a few hours later when walking the red carpet. The bloated face, fish lips and hooker dress just did nothing for her and once again we'd love to know what the fuck the stylist was thinking? Well if she can even afford one.

[Image via SPLASH/GETTY]

LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER...

Can you actually blame Lindsay Lohan for the way she's turned out sometimes cause let's face it the mother ain't really much to go by is she? This is actually a vintage pic of the almost a-list again actress when she was papped clubbing it up with her mom, we repeat her mom just last year. This photo is nasty and wrong on so many levels and we just thank our lucky stars that LiLo finally saw the light and decided to go back to being a ginga bitch.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

EVEN PET RESCUE WOULDN'T WANT THIS

Oh dear. Tara Palmer-Tomkinson felt like reading more shit about herself, so she left her gaff and headed out for a night on the tiles. The royal (ish) hot mess was snapped leaving a club in London and it looked fucking evil to the point where the photos actually make us wanna throw up. What grosses us out the most is that fucking arm, the eyes, the teeth and the nose, but to be honest she needs a major total overhaul and she really shouldn't leave the house until it's been sorted out.

[Image via XPOSURE]

THE PLASTIC SURGEON NEEDS FIRING

Sorry but what the FUCK is going on with Tara Palmer-Tomkinson's face? The royally connected former IT girl (past-it coke whore) was snapped walking around London looking for a syringe and looked fucking DOG rough. It's amazing how she's got so much confidence (less after reading this) cause if it looked like our nose had been broken and we'd been spat on, we just wouldn't be able to find the courage to leave the house. Oh and if you haven't been lucky enough to listen to this thing's new song (yes it tries to sing) then we insist you watch the AMAZING video here.

[Image via GOTCHA]

LILO WAS LOOKING SO GOOD TOO...

It looks like Lindsay Lohan is back to her old ways of looking like a big old mess, as the actress (pushing it) was snapped having a sneaky fag whilst chilling with friends in LA recently. What we can commend here is the hair cause it looks a hell of a lot better than that blonde mess it was sporting for way too long, but how can we excuse the double chin and droopy tits? Oh and is that a classy back tattoo we can see? The poor thing's just a state and for 25 years old she looks fucking horrendous. We want Cady Heron back!

[Image via SPLASH]

THIS THING IS FAR FROM LADYLIKE

Poor old Tara Palmer-Tomkinson just NEVER looks camera ready and continually shows herself up whenever she leaves her gaff. The royal mess was papped bending over in London after dropping her coke on the floor and we almost got a glimpse of what the bitch ate (yeah right) for breakfast. It really is a pure breed DOG and that nose has just fucked her over for good. What has she done with her life besides try every drug known to man?

[Image via XCLUSIVE]