TANNING MOM MUST BE BLIND IT'S OFFICIAL...

Patricia Krentcil aka Tanning Mom always brightens our day cause we love that she thinks she actually looks good enough to leave the house looking like this. Anyone who thinks this is presentable should be sectioned under the mental health act cause she looks like a $2 hooker with chlamydia and that's being nice. We just don't understand how that patchy tan can go unnoticed when she looks at her reflection in the mirror...well unless the cracks in it cause a blur. Seriously though go buy a loofah and some industrial strength scrub and take a shower cause you look disgusting.

[mage via MEDIA PUNCH]

DID THIS BITCH GET RAPED PRE-ARRIVAL?

Seriously what the fuck is Patricia Krentcil exactly? Besides being one of the biggest hot messes ever, she literally always looks like she's been gang raped and then spat on. The trashy Tanning Mom was papped arriving at some Howard Stern event in LA over the weekend (no idea why it was invited) and boy did she look fucking rough. The tatts, the body, the hair, the make-up...just the dog of a woman in general is offensive in itself.

[Images via GETTY]

THIS ACTUALLY MAKES US FEEL QUEASY...

Teresa Giudice is one weird looking bitch don't cha think? We haven't featured her on The Sizzling Mess for quite some time now, but when we clapped eyes on the above pic we remembered why it made us feel sick. We seriously can't comprehend how low this bitch's hairline is...is it for real? To add insult to injury the broke Real Housewives star was sporting an awfully blended in hair donut, but really we just can't get past that hair. If she's got that much on her head, her hubby must need a weed wacker to find her minge.

[Image via SPLASH]

AIN'T THIS BITCH THE EPITOME OF CLASS?

The world knows the above woman simply as "tanning mom" aka Patricia Krentcil, however all we see is a tired old slapper who sucks cock to pay the lecky bill. We don't even get how this skank gets invited to events, but lady put on her best clobber (cheap shite) and worked the red carpet looking like the corpse version of Pam Anderson with the clap. Didn't she think to look in the mirror before she leaves her gaff too? Body-con dresses just don't work when you've got saggy tits and a muffin top and we gotta say that ankle tatt finishes off this look to perfection. Wouldn't you be proud if this was your mom?

[Image via GETTY]

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK TERESA?

Teresa Giudice from the CLASSY show Real Housewives of New Jersey really does offend our fucking eyes. The dirty Italian import can be seen in the above pic doing an interview for the hit Bravo show and we swear to God that her hair is eating her fucking head. We really don't get why she doesn't just ditch the clown make-up too?  The only thing worse than a drag queen is an unconvincing dirty foreign one. Go shave your head honey cause the money would come in handy for paying off your fuck off massive debts.

[Image via BRAVO]

EVEN NEW JERSEY ARE EMBARRASSED

We get hundreds of requests to feature Jersey Shore's infamous Snooki on The Sizzling Mess but until now we never quite found the right photo. The reality TV skank was papped at some shitty launch recently and it looked like a bottle of fake tan had raped the bitch. It's become known as New Jersey's most famous midget and she's famous for her garish make-up and crazy outfits, but we're pretty sure that even the trashiest of states (Jersey included) are embarrassed by the connection. We bet there was a lovely missing chunk of foundation when she removed her headband. Can you say classy?

[Image via WIRE]

KATIE PRICE IN 20 YEARS MUCH...

Patricia Krentcil of New Jersey really does put the N into natural doncha' think? She recently became known worldwide as the "tanning mom", as she is a self-proclaimed sunbed addict who spends up to an hour a day tanning. Insanity or clever bitch who craves attention? You see we have a theory that she just never showered after a spray tan and then sold this story to get a buck. Also, we hear she's already been asked to be the face of Fake Bake. Move over Kim Kardashian, there's a new fame hungry skank in town.

[Image via SPLASH]

IT'S A JERSEY THANG!

Wait, is that a giant ball of pubic hair or is it the RICHEST Real Housewives Of New Jersey cast member Teresa Giudice? Never before have our eyes seen a Real Housewife (human being) with SO much hair, and the fact that her hairline starts on her eyelids just pushes the ick factor. She always seems to resemble a dirty Mediterranean troll/hobbit that needs to wash off her fake tan, and the candy wrapper style outfit, drag queen make up and HAIR do absolutely nothin' to help. Wonder if she coughs up hair balls too?

[Image via Bravo]