DID MISCHA EAT MARISSA OR SOMETHING?

Okay seriously Mischa Barton what the fuck happened to you? The actress who was once known for playing regulation hottie Marissa Cooper in The OC was seen grabbing lunch in LA the other day and she's totes piled on the pounds. Even her poor dog looked on with an expression of disgust as she clutched at her burger and Starbucks drink. You need to ditch the junk food, hire a trainer and stop eating cause otherwise you're headed for Kirstie Alley territory.

[Image via X17]

WHAT WORLD ARE YOU LIVING IN MARIAH?

Okay so it's well known that Mariah Carey always employs a body double or just airbrushes herself to shit on her album covers but this one takes the fucking cake. Everything about her body on the left has been digitally altered and then on the evening that this photo was released she was dumb enough to wear a skin tight black dress to her album launch party which of course revealed the truth. Mariah has always been a foodie and we're guessing that getting into that black dress was like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube. The poor woman needs to realize that she's a big bird and just live with it or she should just starve herself like Xtina.

[Image via DEF JAM/SPLASH]

DREAM LOVER HAS BECOME CAKE LOVER...

We honestly don't get what goes on in the kitchen of singer turned beast Mariah Carey these days. The high note songstress was papped leaving her apartment in NYC yesterday and judging by her fat ass cheeks it looked as though she'd been back on the pies again. Seriously did someone just inflate her head cause it looks fucking huge? At least she kept her massive tits and thighs hidden cause we know MC loves dressing like a whore, although it doesn't work when your body resembles the frame of a pig honey. Just pick a side like Nicole Richie and Kirstie Alley have and stay there!

[Image via AKM/GSI]

PRECIOUS COULD LITERALLY EAT RUSSIA

Okay so we get that Gabourey Sidibe is a really good actress and she's got the whole cuteness appeal, but fuck does the bitch have nasty figure. The star was papped filming scenes for her latest stint on American Horror Story in New Orleans recently and it looked like she'd ballooned even more...we guess pigs can fly. Seriously though it's waaay unhealthy for her to be this fat and the woman ain't even got small ankles or anything...it's fucking huge everywhere. Please stop eating Gabby cause you're gonna put yourself in an early grave!

[Image via SPLASH]

WHO KNEW THAT PIGS WORE CONVERSE?

Now we get that Adele is talented as fuck and can hold a note, but fucking hell she is a beast to look at that's for sure. The super size Grammy winner was papped walking around Surrey and without her glam squad she looked like a normal fat girl from England. Usually black would flatter most figures, but when you're related to Free Willy even tents won't conceal the flab unfortunately. Just sayin'.

[Image via JOHN CONNOR]

DOES KHLOE COUNT AS TWINS?

Fuckin' hell Khloe Kardashian packs one hell of an ass that's for sure. In fact we reckon this BEAST of a behind is capable of cracking a walnut. We don't really understand why she chose to highlight her slim frame by wearing skinny jeans, but we guess when you're as new money as she is who gives a shit. The businesswoman (erm pig) was papped leaving the doctor's office as she's rumored to be preggers and we'd be willing to put money down that she's having a whole litter. Jesus, those jeans are fucking sprayed on love.

[Image via XPOSURE]

DOES JAMIE STILL PORK THIS?

Once upon a time Jools Oliver was the cute, sexy, girl next door wife of famous chef (binge eater) Jamie Oliver. Fast forward about 30 years and the picture isn't so pretty. The housewife (ouch) was snapped on a morning run around London the other day and let's just say it shows that she runs around after 5 kids. Her face looks kinda fucked in the above pic and the poor bitch looks worn out. Maybe her doting husband should bring her breakfast in bed and try not to polish it off whilst he walks it up the stairs.

[Image via EROTEME]

MOVING INTO ANIMATION?

We can exclusively reveal (cause we made it up) that Kirstie Alley is in negotiations to lend her voice (not body) in the new movie adaptation of popular Facebook game Farm Ville. The actress (walking heart attack) has recently seen a rise in her popularity thanks to it's stint on Dancing With The Stars and according to sources she's so desperate for work she's even offered to voice the role of the pig. We've gotta say we love a fatty that can poke fun at themselves so we can't wait to see this shit.

[Image via FARM VILLE/OPRAH]

COOK IT...DON'T FUCKIN' EAT IT

Ooo we can't believe how much Jamie Oliver has PILED it on lately. What's even more of a piss take is that the chef (food addict) was promoting healthy eating for kids whilst looking like a beached whale. We realize he's known as The Naked Chef, but we'd prefer if he'd keep his clothes on and that back fat covered up.

[Image via GETTY]

AIN'T NO OTHER CANDY BAR

We couldn't resist when we found this pic of singer (food addict) Christina Aguilera performing at the Michael Jackson tribute concert last summer. To be honest we're not that shocked that she's now using a Snickers bar as a microphone, but it does look a tad unprofessional doncha think? On a more positive note, we're loving everything about this look from the birds nest hair, drag make-up, pig nostrils, double chin and how we can we not notice her mouth, which was wide open in case some fans had treats for her. Them fat people are well devious ennit.

[Image via GETTY]

XTINA HAS OFFICIALLY BECOME A PIG

We decided to spend our day lazing around and prank calling celebrities for fun, but when we called Christina Aguilera at her house (pigsty) she scared the shit out of us. The above clip is what we recorded and the way she answered her phone proves that she's no longer human.

BREAKAWAY FROM YA EATING PATTERNS

Fuck us hard cause we just can't believe what Kelly Clarkson's stylist has put her in this time. The former Idol winner has become a right funt (fat cunt) lately and we just wish she'd put down the donuts and record a decent song already. Good old Kel wore a skin tight Herve Leger dress, which is a popular choice with celebs who like to show off their curves (fat). Unfortunately on this occasion it was another fail for the fattie and it's back to the drawing board or in her case the fridge.

[Image via WENN]

ROLLING IN THE DEEP FRYER

Now we do love ourselves some Adele but cause she's morbidly obese and at risk of dropping dead anytime soon, we hope we can see it perform live one day. Anyhoo the singer (beached whale) didn't look so great whilst out to lunch with friends (eating again shocker) and we didn't realize it was her at first. She appeared to be wearing a beige colored tent, her rank greasy hair was tied up and it looked like she got so hungry she tried to eat her own lip. We can't help but notice that wherever she is, a glass of wine seems to follow, so we're inclined to think that not only is she a cake addict but also a piss head. Save ya money love and don't spend it all on food.

[Image via GOFF]

PIGS CAN'T FLY

Vanessa Feltz is a relative unknown when it comes to the world of celebrity, but the SLIM D-Lister (lower than low) was photographed a while back en route to work after having made several pit-stops at Gregg's. We'll take a rough guess and say she probably got dressed in the dark, unless she (questionable) intended to look like a bloated pig in a mini-skirt from The Muppets. Oh Vanessa, we'd KILL to have your figure.

[Image via XPOSURE]