HOW THE FUCK IS THIS WOMAN 60 YEARS OLD?

Okay so we know that it's totally unfair to follow an Adele post with someone this hot, but y'all can't deny that Christie Brinkley is one smokin' hot bitch considering the woman is 60 years old! The supermodel was papped walking the pink carpet at an event for Barbie (she doesn't look THAT young) and lady was a force to be reckoned with. She flaunted her shit hot curves in a slinky Victoria Beckham number and we literally think she had the carpet sweating. Who in God's name is this woman's plastic surgeon?

[Image via GETTY]

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES!

Holy shit balls people! Christina Aguilera rocked up to this years AMA's looking shit hot compared to the disaster of a dress she turned up in last year. Initially we thought her overall look last year wasn't that bad, but after comparing it to this year she looked a total orange mess. The trampy singer scrubbed up damn well for the event and looked like she was revisiting her throwback glam look...let's just hope she keeps the weight off.

[Image via GETTY/SPLASH]

GENIE CAN FIT IN THE BOTTLE AGAIN YAY!

We couldn't help ourselves when we saw the latest pics of Christina Aguilera cause she's taking this weight loss to another level! Looking back she DEF looks better minus all the flab cause heavy doesn't look good on her. This totes proves that all women should be skinny cause if you think she looked like a "real woman" in the left pic, then you're just kidding yourselves cause you're probs fat.

[Image via PACIFIC COAST/NBC]

XTINA IS STILL OUR CURRENT IMPROVER FAVE!

Xtina is literally on fire at the moment and we can't believe how much difference a year makes! Christina Aguilera was seen promoting her latest fragrance over the weekend in LA and bitch was looking fierce in a skin tight LBD with cut-out panels. It looks like the songstress and The Voice coach finally had enough of the haters and is now flipping them one fuck off middle finger. Let's hope she keeps the weight off this time cause nobody wants to look at a whale.

[Image via TWITTER]

WE'D WALK STRAIGHT PAST THIS THING TOO...

We just wanna be clear that we know we're total cunts, have no morals and are deeply insecure. People this blog is driven by insecurity and we wouldn't have it any other way. Anyhow the classy Rihanna was snapped leaving her NYC hotel the other night and THE most unfortunate looking fan was papped standing behind her. Not a good comparison when your legs resemble something that would look more at home in a kebab shop. You know that the sidewalk is crying too.

[Image via SPLASH]

WHAT DID THIS WOMAN DO WITH XTINA?

Okay so we're becoming totally obsessed with Christina Aguilera at the minute, but c'mon people she looks fucking stunning and after hating on the former fatty for so long we feel she deserves all the praise! The belter and coach of The Voice can be seen posing for the latest issue of Maxim magazine in a series of stunning and surprisingly tasteful photos and lady is looking SMOKING hot. To be honest we're more puzzled by the fact that she looks nowhere near 32 years old...what's her secret? Keep it up honey cause we love what we're seeing.

[Image via MAXIM]

MAKE-UP ARTISTS ARE TOTES UNDERPAID!

So we're kinda being nice lately but Jennifer Aniston looked pretty fucking hot at the Berlin premiere of her new comedy (shocker) We're The Millers recently. The actress was snapped working the red carpet like a cunt, but we can't quite believe how she can go from this to looking like a butters tranny. Do you feel us people? Anyway bitch is almost 45 so she must be doing something right, but then again money does help dunnit?

[Image via EPA]

GUESS JEN REALLY NEEDS THE SLAP THEN!

We really don't know what's been going on with Jennifer Aniston and her fuck off bloated face and mannish appearance lately, but bitch finally looked hot the other day after 3 hours in the hair and make-up chair! The actress (laughable really) was seen en route to an interview in NYC the other day complete with her usual blown out mane and mini dress look and we definitely get why she sticks to this now cause it works like a cunt. Show off your pins, push up your tits, make sure your hair covers that strong jaw and pray your balls don't fall out girlfriend.

[Image via WIRE/FLYNET]

OMGEEE CHRISTINA, IS THAT ACTUALLY YOU?

Holy shit is literally all we thought after seeing the above snap of Christina Aguilera and can you blame us? We loved to hate on Xtina when she was a flubber but it seems this flower has bloomed and decided it don't wanna be obese no more, cause lady SHUT IT DOWN over the weekend. The songstress was seen on promotional duties at an NBC gala on Saturday for the new season of The Voice and not only did she look totes amaze balls, but he body was OOC! Even though she was rocking her usual trailer trash look, bitch worked it as she looked like a hot teenage slut who didn't make the cast of The Hills. You can finally see your feet again...go Xtina!

[Image via JUST JARED]

ARE YOU IN THERE SOMEWHERE XTINA?

Okay so we know we're showing Xtina major love at the moment but talk about wowza! Bitch wasn't messing around during a recent photo call to promote the new season of The Voice and we're kinda shocked to be honest cause we never actually thought she'd put down the fries. Christina Aguilera was papped walking the red carpet with her fellow judges to announce the new season which kicks off in September and lady literally looked like a shadow of her former self. We can't get over those razor sharp cheekbones and that itty bitty waist. Seriously stay on the diet cause it's paying off Xtina. We are however slightly concerned that she's only 5'1'' yet Cee Lo Green (who's a man) doesn't seem that much taller.

[Image via NBC]

WHY THE FUCK DOES KIMMY WEAR WIGS?

Holy shit is what we thought when we first clapped eyes on this pic of Kim Zolciak. Now we ain't her biggest fan cause let's face it; she's a trashy and talentless hick who looks like a drag queen. That is until she ditched the fake tan, wigs and clown make-up, cause judging by her latest Twitter snap lady is looking mighty fine. Now we know it totally goes against the rules of The Sizzling Mess to be nice to celebs (even to Xtina), but there ain't no denying that Kim looks pretty stunning in the right pic, albeit in the Anna Nicole Smith (non-corpse) porn star kinda way. Still though bitch looks beautiful and should keep it au naturel by rockin' her own fabulous hair more often. Remember that less is always more honey!

[Image via SPLASH/TWITTER]

WE JUST WANNA FEEL THIS WEIGHT MOMENT!

Praise the Lord! The current Christina Aguilera weight loss crush continues people and lady is looking even better than ever. While it's not back to her skinny Burlesque days, she's definitely shed the pounds off those evil thighs and that ass is looking a little trimmer too. Only thing that looks odd is how far down her tits are in comparison to her overall body and how big is that bra? Melons much Xtina!

[Image via NBC]

SPONGE BOB WAS ALWAYS A DIRTY GAY

We gotta admit that Tom Daley is TOTES one of our many illegal crushes (we feel like pedos) and it seems even Sponge Bob can't keep his animated hands (and tongue) off his hot torso. What we wouldn't give to be the pool this thing dives in...preferably minus the Speedos.

[Image via NICKELODEON/GETTY]

HOW IS GOD REAL IF THIS SHIT HAPPENS?

Do y'all remember watching Tarzan and paying more attention to Brendan Fraser's rock hard abs (bulge) than the shit storyline? Well fast forward almost 15 years and this is what it's become...chubby, pasty and oh so NOT hot. Such a shame when hoy guys let go of themselves cause how else are they going to gain respect in the world without their killer looks? Anyhow aside from the thinning hair, muggs (man juggs), beer belly and Muppet-like face, we'll give him credit for at least covering up cause  that torso without coverage would be a sight for sore eyes. Oh and is it just us or does he look like he enjoys gay kiddy porn?

[Image via WARNER BROS/WENN]

BITCH HAS KNOCKED IT OUT THE PARK!

Sorry if you hate Xtina but we simply can't ignore how good lady is looking lately. Christina Aguilera was seen rocking the stage at the Billboard Music Awards in Vegas last weekend and bitch has dropped some serious pounds. The singer and judge on The Voice will hopefully keep it up cause we'd hate to put her back in our top 10...or would we?

[Image via AP]

EVEN WE DON'T BELIEVE THIS SHIT XTINA!

Okay so hell must've just frozen over cause Christina Aguilera was seen out again (yes again) looking totes amaze balls! The talented coach of The Voice was seen out shopping in West Hollywood with that guy who's living off her (Matt something) and bitch looked pretty damn good. The whale thighs are slowly shrinking and according to sources she's now able to paint her own toe nails for the first time in years...hoorah! All jokes aside though, lady is getting her shit together and buying clothes in the right size and we'd like to think it's cause she reads The Sizzling Mess.

[Image via XPOSURE]

XTINA FINALLY FIRED HER BLIND STYLIST!

Holy Shit what did this woman do with Xtina! You're eyes ain't fooling you either cause this actually is Christina Aguilera looking a MILLION times better than usual thanks to some much needed weight loss and a stylist who isn't visually impaired. The talented singer was snapped walking the red carpet at the Time 100 event in NYC recently and she looked a million bucks. We literally can't think of a bad word to say and we don't often have this problem as you all know. Just keep doing whatever you're doing honey!

[Image via GETTY]

GERI SO HIRED THIS TO WALK PAST HER

You know you're a desperate nobody when you hire regular fatties to walk past you in the street thus making you look hotter, but we're onto you Geri Halliwell and those kinda cheap tricks just won't fly with us. The former Spice Girl was papped on the school run with her many sprogs and we gotta say it did look good seeing as it's like 50, but it reminds us that every woman could look this good if she chucked up after every meal so it's kind of a downer too. Did y'all notice that the pissed looking stranger in the great outfit is like 3 times the size of Geri?

[Image via GOFF]

WILHELMINA SLATER WOULD SPIT ON THIS

It's pretty shocking that even the likes of Vanessa Williams who usually looks erection inducingly hot is a bit of a dog minus the war paint. The actress was seen running errands around NYC and looked a world away from her character on the now cancelled show Ugly Betty, which let's face it got pretty tired towards the final season. We'll admit that the bitch looks good for 49 years old, but can you believe this won Miss America at one point?

[Image via REX FEATURES]

MRS POTATO HEAD LIKES MARRIED MEN

Okay so before you all freak out and think we're crazy for featuring actress (husband stealing whore) Mila Kunis then calm down and hear us out. Now we do love us a bit of Mila but for some reason her head just looks like a fuck-off potato and even though lady ain't fat she's packing a lot more flub compared to her Black Swan days. We like skinny girls and in this case anorexia was a good option for her cause she looked better, but of course as soon as filming wrapped the fat bitch had to go and start eating again. We're guessing she's doing something right though cause Ashton would rather tap a tubby Jewish ho than a skinny over the hill hottie.

[Image via SPLASH]