DID MISCHA EAT MARISSA OR SOMETHING?

Okay seriously Mischa Barton what the fuck happened to you? The actress who was once known for playing regulation hottie Marissa Cooper in The OC was seen grabbing lunch in LA the other day and she's totes piled on the pounds. Even her poor dog looked on with an expression of disgust as she clutched at her burger and Starbucks drink. You need to ditch the junk food, hire a trainer and stop eating cause otherwise you're headed for Kirstie Alley territory.

[Image via X17]

MONICA GELLER IS JUST A DISTANT MEMORY...

It makes us kinda said that Courteney Cox feels the need to do all this shit to her face cause she used to be so pretty. The former star of hit TV show Friends posted a pic to her Instagram account of her filming a new movie, so while that hair is most likely a wig those lips are very much hers (or not). It's like she's just been told her entire family died in an airplane crash and this is her expression of sadness. The frozen dead eyes and puffy fish lips are just awful and you'd think her "natural is the way" BFF Jennifer Aniston would at least say something.

[Image via INSTAGRAM]

WHAT WORLD ARE YOU LIVING IN MARIAH?

Okay so it's well known that Mariah Carey always employs a body double or just airbrushes herself to shit on her album covers but this one takes the fucking cake. Everything about her body on the left has been digitally altered and then on the evening that this photo was released she was dumb enough to wear a skin tight black dress to her album launch party which of course revealed the truth. Mariah has always been a foodie and we're guessing that getting into that black dress was like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube. The poor woman needs to realize that she's a big bird and just live with it or she should just starve herself like Xtina.

[Image via DEF JAM/SPLASH]

THIS IS THE FUTURE OF LINDSAY LOHAN TOO...

Seriously WTF is going on with Tara Reid in general? Her career has been on a downward spiral since American Pie and her weight is always going up and down although more down of late. The mediocre actress was papped walking around LA the other day and the bitch looked skeletal to say the least. With the exception of the air bags in her chest she pretty much looked like a fake skeleton stolen from a high school and then put in a trashy LA outfit. We hope she gains weight before she dies and she really needs to fix the gold color of her hair too cause it's rank. Oh dear... it's pretty evident that these celebs need us in their lives.

[Image via WENN]

TANNING MOM MUST BE BLIND IT'S OFFICIAL...

Patricia Krentcil aka Tanning Mom always brightens our day cause we love that she thinks she actually looks good enough to leave the house looking like this. Anyone who thinks this is presentable should be sectioned under the mental health act cause she looks like a $2 hooker with chlamydia and that's being nice. We just don't understand how that patchy tan can go unnoticed when she looks at her reflection in the mirror...well unless the cracks in it cause a blur. Seriously though go buy a loofah and some industrial strength scrub and take a shower cause you look disgusting.

[mage via MEDIA PUNCH]

EWWW PLEASE JUST STOP WEARING SHORTS!

Something must be hiding inside Lena Dunham's thighs cause that shape just ain't normal for a white girl unless she majorly lucked out on the gene lottery. Seriously though this bitch makes Nicki Minaj look anorexic. The annoying main star of HBO show Girls was seen walking (those poor shoes) in NYC wearing some horrific shorts that showcased her nasty legs and God knows what else from behind. Furthermore we noticed how oddly shaped her midriff is and how small her tits are...it's like the textbook definition of a pear shape but gone wrong. We get that she's a good writer and bla bla bla, but all we really wanna do is shove a sock in her mouth.

[Image via SPLASH]

THE REAL LILY SURE AIN'T A PRETTY SIGHT

Lily Allen is apparently making a return to the spotlight cause for some reason she thinks she's relevant and interesting. The truth is obviously that her savings account is getting low and she wants more $$$ cause she's a fashion whore who lives beyond her means. Anyway the pop star (trying to not laugh) was snapped leaving a club the other night in London and the poor bird looked like a rough mom who needed some sleep. Also is anyone confused by the lyrics in her latest song Sheezus cause it would seem that she believes she's in the same league as some pretty big singers and it's just erm a little awkward cause she's Lily Allen?

[Image via XPOSURE]

WHEN FASHION QUEEN'S GET IT OH SO WRONG

Now we've only ever done one other post on erm we guess style icon Olivia Palermo cause let's face it the bitch looks good about 99% of the time. Unfortunately for her she rocked up to a movie premiere this week in NYC looking like she'd been hanging out with the Tanning Mom. Her hair was also very close to Cousin Itt territory as it looked like her head was being consumed by some odd follicular being. Such a shame when someone like this gets it so wrong but at least she's not as lame as Whitney Port right.

HOW IS THIS BITCH STILL ALIVE...FOR REAL?

We genuinely don't understand how Gabourey Sidibe both continues to walk the earth and also breathe in general? The actress isn't just huge she's mammoth and must live in multiple zip codes due to her larger than life frame. While we liked her in Precious and AHS Coven there ain't no denying that this bitch is one epic walrus. Surely her heart is crying on a daily basis and her toilet must literally hate her and sweat in fear after every meal she ingests.

[Image via GETTY]

YOU KNOW ANGELINA LOVES SEEING THIS

Poor old Jennifer Aniston is the girl that's always going to be pitied no matter what her net worth grows to. She's got the career (luck and timing at best) and the cute girl looks when she's made up, but one thing she ain't is a natural beauty people. On top of that it's gotta hurt your self esteem for life when you're man was tapping another woman's pussy behind your back and then left you for her...oh and it makes it all worse when the woman was Angelina Jolie. We'd love to be a fly on the wall when Jen & Ange are doing their weekly grocery shop...talk about about a soap opera.

[Image via GC/WARNER BROS]

NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THIS SHIT HONEY

Lauren Goodger is either really clever and has a fitness DVD in the works or she's just a fat mess who's more deluded than Madonna is about her career. The former TOWIE star was papped "working out" in clothing about 50 sizes too small and it really did look evil. To be honest we pity the poor onlookers who were trying to do their daily workout without bringing up their lunch. We just can't think of any men who would want to procreate with this mess.

[Image via FLYNET]

BRITISH WOMEN ARE SO CLASSY AIN'T THEY?

No the above is not a group of pigs playing dress up, it's actually a group of women wearing their finest to the opening day of the Grand National in Liverpool. Wow we're actually surprised we kept our lunch down whilst writing that opener. Anyway we just had to give these ladies their extra 2 minutes of fame cause they really do look like a bunch of beasts...and that's being polite. We're guessing the first bird on the left pulls in shifts as a barmaid to make ends meet cause she's got that brassy Northern look and let's face it that outfit has Primark written all over it. We don't even know what the second woman is if we're honest but we'll go with a hooker that's experiencing cum erosion on her teeth. The third is obviously the best looking out of them all but those legs are just evil and the salesperson should be fired just for selling her that dress. Last but not least we'll take a guess and say the pig in the floral dress works as a hairdresser (nothing to back this theory up of course), but she does look like one of those birds that always has an excuse to not start the diet and ends up looking like Free Willy and feeling insecure in her holiday snaps. Now we ain't perfect but what you've just read is what we like to call saying it like is people.

[Image via DAILY MAIL]

DREAM LOVER HAS BECOME CAKE LOVER...

We honestly don't get what goes on in the kitchen of singer turned beast Mariah Carey these days. The high note songstress was papped leaving her apartment in NYC yesterday and judging by her fat ass cheeks it looked as though she'd been back on the pies again. Seriously did someone just inflate her head cause it looks fucking huge? At least she kept her massive tits and thighs hidden cause we know MC loves dressing like a whore, although it doesn't work when your body resembles the frame of a pig honey. Just pick a side like Nicole Richie and Kirstie Alley have and stay there!

[Image via AKM/GSI]

YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA BE COCO CHANEL!

Liza Minnelli gets a lot of heat from us but if you look like this then you're bound to be our favorite hot mess. The campy singer was seen attending a charity event in NYC the other night and judging by the above snap she was trying to channel Coco Chanel and failed miserably as per usual. The dressy hat, curled sideburn, fake beauty mark and excess pearls screamed drag queen and as usual the deluded star thought she'd looked a million dollars. You've gotta love hot mess fag hag who thinks she's the shit though!

[Image via GETTY]

EVEN SHARKS WOULDN'T RAPE THIS MESS

One of the reasons that we love Tara Reid is that she's such a hot mess and still actually believes that she's hot and everyone wants to fuck her. The actress who now does shitty TV movies (let's face it American Pie was the height of her career) posted a pic to on Twitter of her splashing around on the beach in Malibu and boy did it look rough to say the least. The poor bitch has always just had that cheap and used look and of course the fuck off fake tits and anorexic frame don't help. We're guessing Californian chicks must age amazingly well with all that sun exposure and poor diet.

[Image via TWITTER]

WE CAN'T FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT FOR ELT...

Poor old Elton John was finally snapped out shopping in LA the other without his famous round spectacles and let's just say we now get why he wears them all the time. The campy legend was seen browsing a wig store (shocker) in the Hollywood area and we're hoping he was planning to replace the dodgy rug he was papped wearing. What's going on with that bloodshot eye though and you'd think with all his dosh he'd get those eye bags removed wouldn't you?

[Image via GOLDEN EYE]

DOES POOR ANTONIO ACTUALLY FUCK THIS?

Whatever happened to the cute Melanie Griffith that graced out screens in Working Girl people? Nowadays the poor bitch looks more like a Beverly Hills science project than an aging actress and we don't get why she continues to screw with her face. Even a $4,000 Balenciaga jacket in goat leather can't save her from looking a freak show which is incredibly sad. Even money can't save this bitch no more so maybe she should do a Mia Farrow and become a weird "I am of the Earth" freak who adopts every kid she lays her eyes on.

[Image via GETTY]

WE LOVE A WOMAN WITH AN ANKLE TATTOO

Angela Raiola aka Big Ang seems to get uglier by the minute cause judging from the latest pics of her sunning her massive tits on the beach in Florida she's got even more scary. The big lipped and full chested Italian reality star is mainly known for getting drunk, sucking cock and saying outrageous shit...but this is of course why we love her. You've gotta love a legend even when they're cheap as fuck and sport tattoos above their pussies.

[Image via SPLASH]

THIS BIRD WAS BORN TO BE ON CORRIE...

When you're born in Leeds you've never got much chance of being classy and good old Beverly Callard from Corrie is living proof of this. The rough Northern bitch was papped leaving her local pub in Manchester the other night and looked like an old slapper who loves cock to say the least. We heard that she glassed a younger girl in the face for trying to chat up her fella...allegedly. The tacky metallic dress, rank gold nails and campy pose are what this woman is known for and we doubt she'll ever change. You've gotta love a rough bit who tries though don't you?

[Image via REX]

PICKING UP THE PIECES...OF BROKEN MIRROR

Holy shit balls peeps! Paloma Faith was looking fucking dog rough the other day whilst out on a run in Hyde Park and according to sources passers by were gagging cause bitch looked so fugly. Overall it's a bit annoying and he tunes are mediocre at best, but boy does the poor woman look like the back end of a bus without slap. The singer is known for her glam retro appearance and now we get why she cakes on so much shit.

[Image via GETTY]

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU LOOK LIKE HONEY?

Oh honey why have you still not bought a mirror? Lauren Goodger really doesn't understand just how fucking mucky and nasty she looks cause bitch turned up to some shitty product launch recently looking like a walking turd. The former TOWIE star seems to like resembling a diarrhea strain cause that tan just ain't going nowhere. All we wanna do it rip out the extensions, wipe all that muck off her face and stick her through a car wash.

[Image via REX]

MR GRAVITY EVEN HATES ON 60'S ICONS!

Twiggy used to be known for her waif like figure and big eyed appearance, but fast forward 40 ish years and you can see that we do in fact live in a cruel world. The former model was seen running errands around London and although we know she's not 20 anymore the woman looked rough. At least brush your hair and lift the chin up when you know there's paps around.

[Image via GETTY/FLYNET]

SELFIES SHOULD DO YOU JUSTICE HONEY

We're not sure if Nicki Minaj understood that when you take selfies you're supposed to look hot and not like some ghetto bitch who looks like she'd give you a black eye for the last seat on the subway. Anyway the Starships singer apparently thought she looked fuckable enough cause lady posted the above snap on her Instagram account sans make-up and to be honest she looked rough as shit. At least she ditched the wig and has taken a more natural approach, but in a way we can kinda see why she shovels on so much slap #justsaying.

[Image via INSTAGRAM]

HOW THE FUCK IS THIS WOMAN 60 YEARS OLD?

Okay so we know that it's totally unfair to follow an Adele post with someone this hot, but y'all can't deny that Christie Brinkley is one smokin' hot bitch considering the woman is 60 years old! The supermodel was papped walking the pink carpet at an event for Barbie (she doesn't look THAT young) and lady was a force to be reckoned with. She flaunted her shit hot curves in a slinky Victoria Beckham number and we literally think she had the carpet sweating. Who in God's name is this woman's plastic surgeon?

[Image via GETTY]

MOTHERHOOD IS TREATING YOU WELL #LYING

Oh honey why've you let yourself turn into such a mess? We know Adele shat out a baby in the last year or whatever but it looks like she's still eating for 2 judging by the snap above. The singer was papped walking round London sans baby and looked rather special if you catch our drift. Maybe she'd recently had some dental work done cause her lips looked a little dodgy to say the least. We're not sure what she does these days besides eat and spend her royalties (rich bitch), but we hope some new music is in the works.

[Image via VANTAGE]

DAMN IT LIZA YOU WERE SO CLOSE THIS TIME!

Okay y'all know that we LOVE us some Liza Minnelli but at the Oscars on Sunday the campy singer rocked up wearing a blue ensemble (notice the blue hair steak too) and yet again slightly missed the mark. While we can't deny her hair and make-up looked damn fine for a old broad who's close to 70, the fact that she forgot to wear a bra which showed off her massive erect nipple kinda ruined the moment and made onlookers gag. We also can't deal with the shoes cause they make her look like she's got a dodgy club foot. Anyway we totes thought Liza brought her A game, but as always the humor crept in again cause we just can't take her seriously.

[Image via AP]

OH MANDY, WHAT'S BARRY DONE TO HIMSELF?

Barry Manilow has always had that high maintenance pedophile kinda look about him and it was no different the other day when it stepped out looking like a total freak of nature. The singer was seen running errands around Palm Springs and boy did he look odd to say the least. What we don't get is why he'd have all that plastic surgery and not get the fuck off massive Jew nose fixed? Even that ear lives in it's own zip code and those cheeks look suspiciously plump for a dude who's almost 70 years old. We think it's best when men go au naturel and this case is no different...oh and FYI Barry we know you're wearing a rug on your head.

[Image via SPLASH]

DID ROSS GELLER WHITEN THIS BITCH'S TEETH?

What in the fuck does Stacey Solomon think she looks like cause it's sure as shit beyond our cultured brains? The former X Factor contestant was snapped walking the red carpet at some shitty magazine event in London and looked like an Oompa Loompa from Essex. On top of the toxic tan (notice the Xtina esque hands) and drag queen hair, she decided to top it off by whitening those already evil nashers that we've had the privilege of seeing since her debut. Just gome home honey, get under the sheets and eat ya feelings.

[Image via REX]

WTF IS GOING ON WITH MISS SPEARS Y'ALL?

Before we start the hate we wanna say that we do genuinely like Britney Spears cause even though the bitch ain't talented, she's always been a grafter and had that likable appeal. The pop star was papped grabbing lunch in Las Vegas recently during rehearsals for her new show and as always something just looked off about her. Britters looks so much older than her 32 years and lately looks like a barmaid in her 40s who's had too much cock. Furthermore the accelerated aging process that she seems to be enduring won't do her career any favors, but let's face it that's headed for the toilet anyway. On a more positive note at least she's having salad and juice for lunch and not a fucking Frappuccino.

[Image via BROAD]

ROMEO WOULDN'T DIE FOR THIS NO MORE

You gotta admit that Claire Danes ain't looking too hot these days...especially when you compare her to the Romero + Juliet days. The actress was seen on a run around NYC yesterday and it looked rough, old and haggard to say the least. We also never realized how mannish and plain she was without the slap and we're writing this shit cause we think it's world news that everyone needs to see. We're of course lol'ing at that but in all seriousness if you take anything we say on this blog seriously then you're a fucktard.

[Image via FLYNET]

WHAT HAPPENED TO NENE LEAKES Y'ALL?

If you're all cultured and well educated then you'll be up to speed when it comes to Nene Leakes' bad wigs on the latest season of Real Housewives of Atlanta. The reality star who's really just more of a mannish bully was seen on the latest episode looking like a hot ghetto mess. The horrendous hairpiece, tacky jewelry and bad outfit are just a glimpse into the awful style choices bitch has made thus far in the new season. We don't know what's going on girl but you better look in the mirror before you sit in front of a camera next time.

[Image via BRAVO]

EVEN ANNIE HALL WOULD THINK IT'S A MESS

There ain't enough words to describe how much love we have for Diane Keaton cause she's totes a ledge, but someone needs to tell the poor thing that dressing like Charlie Chaplan ain't cool when you're only 5 years away from being wheelchair bound. We know this bitch will always be quirky but it really didn't work when she was papped arriving at a Miley Cyrus concert (we just lost some respect for her) with her actress buddy Sarah Paulson aka the annoying witch who goes blind from American Horror Story. Anyhow we hope Diane had a good time and her ears didn't bleed too much, but next time please don't dress like an idiot.

100 BUCKS SAYS THIS THING TUCKS IT...

Okay so we've never really gotten the deal with Ellie Goulding and why people like her so much cause her voice sounds like a child with a sore throat who's trying to hit different notes but failing. The erm singer was seen leaving a studio in London last week and minus the fuck off huge cock hanging between her legs (we totes didn't add that), she was once again sporting that nasty jawline. We at The Sizzling Mess like our women to resemble women and we've never been overly keen on a bird with a strong jaw if we're honest. It don't even have hips, has chunky calves and those guns seem quite well defined so we're just saying we'd like to be a tile on her shower wall to see the truth. What do you all think besides the fact that we're evil cunts?

[Image via SPLASH]

IF SHE CAN MAKE IT THERE...ANYONE CAN!

Liza Minnelli really does prove that even the most butters bitch on the planet can achieve worldwide fame and even though you may be laughed at for being so hilariously campish and ugly, who gives a fuck when you're worth in excess of $50 million right? The iconic fag hag was snapped performing in her best at a charity event in NYC the other day and the poor thing looked like a tranny clown with a gammy eye to say the least. Now we get that dressing like you're from the 60s can be cool if you're young, hip and cute, but when you're an munter who limps cause you've got a dodgy hip...it ain't so great. On the other hand we love us some Liza cause the bitch is totes cray!

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

DOES THIS SKANK NOT LEARN ANYTHING?

Seriously does Lauren Goodger actually think resembling a perma-tanned pig is a good look cause we're confused? The whale was papped leaving a club in Essex (classy) the other night and as per usual she was sporting another ill fitting outfit, thunder thighs and huge color differences all over her body. You'd think that with money and seeing yourself pretty much everyday in pap shots would be enough to tell you that you're failed beauty routine needs reassessing. Just sayin'.

[Image via LUMINOUS]

FILL IN THE BLANK FOR A GHETTO MESS...

After I stuck my hairline down with superglue I thought DAYUM I look so _____________________ I'm gon' leave the house looking like this.

[Image via GOOGLE]

FASHION POLICE + KELLY OSBOURNE = JOKE

Okay so we have NEVER understood why Kelly Osbourne was hired by E! in the first place to be judge on their show Fashion Police cause well just look at it for a start. The daughter of drug addict Ozzy was seen attending several shows for London Fashion Week over the weekend and although the outfit here is kinds nice by her standards, the face just goes in the opposite direction as always. The problem with Kel is that she's a chubby indie girl at heart, but for some reason she keeps trying to hide it underneath cute outfits and sophisticated shit which blatantly isn't her. When you're born into one of the trashiest families in showbiz, have a mouth like a cesspit and comfort eat through life you just shouldn't be getting paid to judge others and what they wear #truth.

[Image via GETTY]

BITCH PLEASE DON'T TWERK, YOU AIN'T SEXY!

Someone needs to seriously give Miley Cyrus the memo that says she is plenty of things but sexy just ain't one of them. We'll give credit where it's due though cause bitch has got a nice little body on her, but besides that there ain't much else going on for the skank. The face on it is evil and coupled with those teeth she ain't got no fucking chance at finding true love. Please just put the tongue away, hang up the microphone and go work in a zoo cause that's where you belong.

[Image via GETTY]

STOP RIGHT NOW AND GET THE SLAP LOVE!

So after seeing this shit it's pretty clear that Mel B is one of the unfortunate women out there that need a fuck load of make-up to look good cause bitch looks nasty sans slap. Scary Spice was papped en route to dinner in London recently and she sure lived up to her rough bitch from Leeds name cause it looked she'd deck anyone who fucked her off. Not much else to say cause let's face it she's kinda boring and far too brassy for our liking.

[Image via AKM-GSI]

VOICE OF AN ANGEL OR AVERAGE FARM GIRL?

Charlotte Church used to be kinda pretty back in her successful pop career days, but fast forward not even 10 years and what you see could easily be mistaken for an average looking farm girl en route to mucking out the pig troughs. The pissy gold hair, bloated face and tree trunk thighs is not exactly what you'd call a former pop star so we're not sure what's going on here? We know it shat out a kid but that was a while ago now so to be honest there ain't no excuse for looking like a overweight hippy who doesn't shower.

[Image via WENN]

ALL THAT $$$ AND IT'S STILL CHEAP AS FUCK

Poor old Mariah Carey can never quite seem to get it just right in the class department cause despite having a personal fortune of almost $600 million she still looks like a $2 hooker in drag at times. MC was snapped knocking out a tune at the recent BET awards and appeared to have taken some major inspiration from Jessica Rabbit. It's kinda awkward when a cartoon wins in the sexy stakes though and the seams on this dress must've been screaming for help.

[Image via SPLASH]

THIS SHIT TOTES MAKES US WANNA ROAR!

Another day another flattering pic of Katy Perry without make-up for us all. The singer (if you can even call it that) was papped getting her nails did in LA this week and boy did she look rough (and slightly special needs) sans slap. When this bird is made up don't get us wrong she looks nice, but she couldn't get anymore average when she puts the make-up brush down cause this is one Plain Jane right here. On top of that everyone knows her career is fluff and let's face it she ain't ever gonna win a Grammy cause the academy ain't deaf. Anyway rant over...happy weekend!

[Image via X17]

CORPSE SPOTTED WALKING STREETS OF MILAN

It seems that every time we do a post on poor Donatella Versace she actually manages to get uglier. The designer was spotted walking the streets of Milan the other day and apparently onlookers panicked as they believed they were walking amongst the dead. Seriously though everything is wrong with this woman and it's super bad considering she heads the house of Versace looking like a liver sausage in a wig. Her body is too skinny and rank for her age and we don't need to say much about that face do we? Man whoever sleeps with this must scream when they see it first thing in the morning cause we think we'd have a mini coronary if we'd penetrated something so unworthy of love.

[Image via SPLASH]

YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE A WRECKING BALL

Oh dear that ain't a good shot is it honey? Miley Cyrus was sporting one fuck off nasty hairdo the other day while on a classy cig break around LA and boy did the bitch look retarded. The singer wasn't really rocking the bowl cut well and looked more like a boy in drag than a pop star. We just don't see the fuss with this one cause not only is she butters but her voice is shit too. Just sayin'.

[Image via SPLASH]

MIRRORS MUST FUCKING HATE THIS FACE!

Jackie Stallone is one of those birds who we're not sure what they've done their whole life besides look fucking ugly. The mother of now irrelevant Sylvester was seen shopping in LA recently and even with a dab of slap it still looked horrific to say the least. Obviously this bitch has taken her plastic surgery addiction way too far, but it doesn't seem like she gives a shit. Who knows...maybe she likes looking like a corpse in drag?

[Image via COLEMAN-RAYNER]

DID THIS BITCH GET RAPED PRE-ARRIVAL?

Seriously what the fuck is Patricia Krentcil exactly? Besides being one of the biggest hot messes ever, she literally always looks like she's been gang raped and then spat on. The trashy Tanning Mom was papped arriving at some Howard Stern event in LA over the weekend (no idea why it was invited) and boy did she look fucking rough. The tatts, the body, the hair, the make-up...just the dog of a woman in general is offensive in itself.

[Images via GETTY]

ERM SO WAS KRIS THE HUSBAND OR THE WIFE?

Bruce Jenner has literally become a middle aged dyke or that's what he's looking like these days. The former husband of new money trash reality star Kris Jenner (mom of slut Kim K) was snapped leaving a plastic surgeon's office in Beverly Hills the other day after having his Adam's Apple shaved down...er what the fuck though right? We're not sure if it wants to be a chick cause we can spy some titties growing under his shirt there, but whatever anyway it's just creepy and we don't know what he is at all.

[Image via SPLASH]

ANGE KINDA PASSES WITH FLYING COLORS...

Okay so we get that Angelina Jolie is a cunt and Jennifer Aniston is a "serious actress", but c'mon people when you put these bitches side by side it's easy to see why Brad chose the Tomb Raider actress. Don't get it twisted cause we do think that Jen is cute and all, but she's always had that clownish smile going on and her looks are average with lip gloss and cute hair at best. Now when you look at Ange it's just obvious that she's got it cause she can say come fuck with her eyes and still have an air of mystery about her. There's probably plenty of girls out there who think Jen is beautiful, but we think they need their eyes testing. Cute and pretty sure...beautiful not.

[Image via GETTY/PACIFIC COAST]

GIRL DON'T WANNA REMEMBER THIS MOMENT

Nicki Minaj basically personifies all things fake and over the top, but girl seriously needs to check her hairline before leaving the house cause she looked a mess during a recent personal appearance. The ghetto singer was papped doing promo for her shit perfume and looked like a drag queen being swallowed by a cheap wig. We kinda like the music she shits out but besides that it's pretty much a ghetto train wreck.

[Image via SPLASH]

GRAMMY FOR THE MOST UNRECOGNIZABLE...?

Seriously what the ACTUAL fuck Madonna? What in God's name have you done to your face and bitch would you please just ditch the grille already cause it ain't even cool to copy Hannah Montana with an STD...that's right you know who. The alleged queen of pop was snapped walking the red carpet at the annual Grammy awards...with a cane can we add, but we're told she only needs to do this when it's damp cause it makes her dodgy hip play up. Anyhow fellow gay icon and singer Cyndi Lauper presented an award at the show and looked equally strange to be honest. Both of their faces are puffed up and bloated beyond recognition and we just don't understand how they think this looks good. Such a shame when you know you're career is slipping like quick sand and you can't do a thing to stop it cause you ain't relevant. Bad times for Madge and Cyndi ennit.

[Images via AP]