YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA BE COCO CHANEL!

Liza Minnelli gets a lot of heat from us but if you look like this then you're bound to be our favorite hot mess. The campy singer was seen attending a charity event in NYC the other night and judging by the above snap she was trying to channel Coco Chanel and failed miserably as per usual. The dressy hat, curled sideburn, fake beauty mark and excess pearls screamed drag queen and as usual the deluded star thought she'd looked a million dollars. You've gotta love hot mess fag hag who thinks she's the shit though!

[Image via GETTY]

SELFIES SHOULD DO YOU JUSTICE HONEY

We're not sure if Nicki Minaj understood that when you take selfies you're supposed to look hot and not like some ghetto bitch who looks like she'd give you a black eye for the last seat on the subway. Anyway the Starships singer apparently thought she looked fuckable enough cause lady posted the above snap on her Instagram account sans make-up and to be honest she looked rough as shit. At least she ditched the wig and has taken a more natural approach, but in a way we can kinda see why she shovels on so much slap #justsaying.

[Image via INSTAGRAM]

DID ROSS GELLER WHITEN THIS BITCH'S TEETH?

What in the fuck does Stacey Solomon think she looks like cause it's sure as shit beyond our cultured brains? The former X Factor contestant was snapped walking the red carpet at some shitty magazine event in London and looked like an Oompa Loompa from Essex. On top of the toxic tan (notice the Xtina esque hands) and drag queen hair, she decided to top it off by whitening those already evil nashers that we've had the privilege of seeing since her debut. Just gome home honey, get under the sheets and eat ya feelings.

[Image via REX]

IF SHE CAN MAKE IT THERE...ANYONE CAN!

Liza Minnelli really does prove that even the most butters bitch on the planet can achieve worldwide fame and even though you may be laughed at for being so hilariously campish and ugly, who gives a fuck when you're worth in excess of $50 million right? The iconic fag hag was snapped performing in her best at a charity event in NYC the other day and the poor thing looked like a tranny clown with a gammy eye to say the least. Now we get that dressing like you're from the 60s can be cool if you're young, hip and cute, but when you're an munter who limps cause you've got a dodgy hip...it ain't so great. On the other hand we love us some Liza cause the bitch is totes cray!

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

MIRRORS MUST FUCKING HATE THIS FACE!

Jackie Stallone is one of those birds who we're not sure what they've done their whole life besides look fucking ugly. The mother of now irrelevant Sylvester was seen shopping in LA recently and even with a dab of slap it still looked horrific to say the least. Obviously this bitch has taken her plastic surgery addiction way too far, but it doesn't seem like she gives a shit. Who knows...maybe she likes looking like a corpse in drag?

[Image via COLEMAN-RAYNER]

GIRL DON'T WANNA REMEMBER THIS MOMENT

Nicki Minaj basically personifies all things fake and over the top, but girl seriously needs to check her hairline before leaving the house cause she looked a mess during a recent personal appearance. The ghetto singer was papped doing promo for her shit perfume and looked like a drag queen being swallowed by a cheap wig. We kinda like the music she shits out but besides that it's pretty much a ghetto train wreck.

[Image via SPLASH]

PLEASE THROW OUT YOUR MAGIC MIRROR!

Oh honey no what the fuck do you look like now? Natalie Cassidy braved the cruel world we live in (courtesy of us) and stepped out to get some treats from her local offy the other. We ain't gonna lie but she really ain't easy on the eyes and we don't know what she was thinking with the glasses. She's probably a really nice girl but we really haven't got a clue what is is people.

[Image via SPLASH]

WE AIN'T RUBBING A MAGIC LAMP FOR THIS!

Now we LOVE us some Nene Leakes but lady often looks like a fuck off drag queen and on this occasion the bitch got the look spot on. The outspoken Real Housewives star was seen on the set of Extra the other day rocking a new hairpiece and let's just say it didn't do her any favors. With the addition of the double chin that perfectly finishes this look off, we think it's safe to say that this genie should stay inside the magic lamp.

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

WE PREFER THIS THING AS A WOMAN

Now we've never been big fans of drag queens cause to be quite frank they scare the living shit out of us, but in the case of RuPaul we think it's safe to say it looks better as a chick. The elderly homo was seen walking the red carpet for his new book release the other night and he looked like a walking skeleton with AIDS. Seriously what's going on with that jawline buddy? It's kinda shocking how bad and fucking sick he looks without all the drag crap he usually sports.

[Image via LOGO TV/WENN]

EVEN $3 BILLION CAN'T SAVE THIS THING...

Oprah Winfrey may have a ridiculous personal net worth, but the woman has NEVER been able to stay the same weight for more than a week. The media mogul was seen at the premiere of her new flick The Butler and the poor bitch looked like the obese version of Ru Paul. You'd think that with all that money she'd at least be able to buy a dress in the right size and hire a hair stylist who wasn't related to Stevie Wonder. We bet her heels are fucking screaming too!

[Image via REX FEATURES]

AS IF THIS THING WASN'T FUGLY ENOUGH HUH?

We'd love to see inside the mind of Pete Burns for just 5 minutes cause we're guessing we'd either "get it" or be completely disgusted. All we ever think of when looking at him is "WTF is it?!" but we're just gonna give in and go with weird fuck off shemale. The former singer from Dead or Alive can be seen being interviewed for a new TV special and boy does it look fucking weird. He kinda looks like a reject Shakespears Sister member with a dick or one ugly mermaid. How the fuck does he eat with those lips and wipe his asshole with those creepy ass nails?

[Image via CHANNEL 5]

BEING MURDERED IS BETTER THAN THIS!

Seriously what the fuck happened here love? Angela Lansbury is the LEGENDARY fierce bitch who portrays weird talking detective Jessica Fletcher in the classic TV show Murder, She Wrote but lady weren't looking so fierce the other night. The talented OAP was papped walking the red carpet at some charity event in NYC and although bitch is nearly 90, which is why we'll ignore those fuck off wrinkles, her make-up artist clearly wanted to show her up that night. What could of been an opportunity look shit hot turned into a disaster and Angie ended up looking like a clown in drag. Who knew Mrs. Potts could've been a dude?

[Image via GETTY]

WHY THE FUCK DOES KIMMY WEAR WIGS?

Holy shit is what we thought when we first clapped eyes on this pic of Kim Zolciak. Now we ain't her biggest fan cause let's face it; she's a trashy and talentless hick who looks like a drag queen. That is until she ditched the fake tan, wigs and clown make-up, cause judging by her latest Twitter snap lady is looking mighty fine. Now we know it totally goes against the rules of The Sizzling Mess to be nice to celebs (even to Xtina), but there ain't no denying that Kim looks pretty stunning in the right pic, albeit in the Anna Nicole Smith (non-corpse) porn star kinda way. Still though bitch looks beautiful and should keep it au naturel by rockin' her own fabulous hair more often. Remember that less is always more honey!

[Image via SPLASH/TWITTER]

WE BET HORSES ARE PISSED ABOUT THIS

Just when you think Katie Price is done making herself look like a total dick head, she stepped out to promote another cheap product of hers dressed as a slutty pantomime horse. The glamor model with herpes arrived at the photo call in this one of a kind (embarrassing as fuck) ensemble and worked the paparazzi like the whore she's always been. We seriously don't know who wilfully hands over their cash for this shite.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

LITTLE MIX NEEDS TO GET RID OF THIS SHIT

Even though the shitty British pop group Little Mix are pure crap, we feel that may fair better if they trim the fat aka literally kick out that fat bitch Jesy Nelson. The overweight drag queen lookalike was seen grabbing a late night snack with her band mates and it looked like a pig who had raided a Max Factor counter. Honey please just lose some fucking weight, lay off the make-up (and food) and go get a real job for someone who looks like you.

[Image via SPLASH]

OUR FACE IS TRULY OFFENDED BY THIS SHIT

Why is it that whenever we've eaten a full meal we have to stumble across a pic of downs dog Natalie Cassidy? The "actress" was seen getting her eyebrows tattooed on (like every classy gal does) and it looked fucking horrific whilst it was sat in the salon chatting away to most likely no one. Good old Sonja always pulls through with a car crash appearance and once again she didn't disappoint cause we're pretty sure this shit would turn our dog gay. We could literally sleep on it's forehead and don't get us started on the Lurch jaw.

[Image via DRAPER]

GLAMOUR MAGAZINE SHOOTS TRANNIES NOW?

Although talented as fuck Dakota Fanning isn't really the best looking thing in the tool box, but she sure as hell didn't have the right team with her on this shoot for the latest issue of Glamour magazine. We're not sure what look they were going for here, but the poor bitch ended up looking like a downs clown aka Christina Aguilera. The gold curls, drag queen slap and cankles wouldn't make us pick up the issue, so we're guessing there are some blind gals out there that would wanna look like this thing.

[Image via GLAMOUR]

WILL IT GO MORE NATURAL IN 2013?

Why oh why does Katie Price think she looks good? It truly baffles us over at The Sizzling Mess and we'd be willing to bet that the bitch uses a magic mirror or something cause surely she can't think she looks hot. The former glamor model aka cheap tart who shags lads for a tenna was papped leaving her local offy after getting her ciggies and it looked like the fucking bride of Frankenstein...and that's being polite. The shaped eyebrows and false eyelashes remind us of slappers from the North and the lips are verging on animal territory. You just look like a big ole tranny mess love so sort ya life out.

[Image via ISO]

RINGING THE NEW YEAR WITH A CARTOON

For some reason Nicki Minaj always looks like a fucked up inflated cartoon in drag, but despite her unfortunate appearance we still love the catchy fluff she shits out that's called music. The fierce ghetto bitch was snapped walking the red carpet at the NYE party for Pure nightclub in Las Vegas the other night and we're pretty sure it's ass could second as a life raft. We wonder if she's used some of her hard earned $$$ and had a tit job too?

[Image via WENN]

HER MOM MUST BE SO PROUD

Katie Price aka Jordan has once again reminded the public as to why she's such a classy gal. The glamor model (at a push) was seen at Selfridges earlier this week to promote her 400th book of the year and let's just say that she let something out of the bag. The cheap slapper obviously loves to pose but she stretched a little too far when one of her tits popped out of her top to say hello. We must say the sun spots all over her chest and nip are just lovely, but someone needs hanging for doing that make-up. Do drag queens actually aspire to look like a clown with syphilis?

[Image via FLYNET]