TANNING MOM MUST BE BLIND IT'S OFFICIAL...

Patricia Krentcil aka Tanning Mom always brightens our day cause we love that she thinks she actually looks good enough to leave the house looking like this. Anyone who thinks this is presentable should be sectioned under the mental health act cause she looks like a $2 hooker with chlamydia and that's being nice. We just don't understand how that patchy tan can go unnoticed when she looks at her reflection in the mirror...well unless the cracks in it cause a blur. Seriously though go buy a loofah and some industrial strength scrub and take a shower cause you look disgusting.

[mage via MEDIA PUNCH]

YOU KNOW ANGELINA LOVES SEEING THIS

Poor old Jennifer Aniston is the girl that's always going to be pitied no matter what her net worth grows to. She's got the career (luck and timing at best) and the cute girl looks when she's made up, but one thing she ain't is a natural beauty people. On top of that it's gotta hurt your self esteem for life when you're man was tapping another woman's pussy behind your back and then left you for her...oh and it makes it all worse when the woman was Angelina Jolie. We'd love to be a fly on the wall when Jen & Ange are doing their weekly grocery shop...talk about about a soap opera.

[Image via GC/WARNER BROS]

DOES POOR ANTONIO ACTUALLY FUCK THIS?

Whatever happened to the cute Melanie Griffith that graced out screens in Working Girl people? Nowadays the poor bitch looks more like a Beverly Hills science project than an aging actress and we don't get why she continues to screw with her face. Even a $4,000 Balenciaga jacket in goat leather can't save her from looking a freak show which is incredibly sad. Even money can't save this bitch no more so maybe she should do a Mia Farrow and become a weird "I am of the Earth" freak who adopts every kid she lays her eyes on.

[Image via GETTY]

WE LOVE A WOMAN WITH AN ANKLE TATTOO

Angela Raiola aka Big Ang seems to get uglier by the minute cause judging from the latest pics of her sunning her massive tits on the beach in Florida she's got even more scary. The big lipped and full chested Italian reality star is mainly known for getting drunk, sucking cock and saying outrageous shit...but this is of course why we love her. You've gotta love a legend even when they're cheap as fuck and sport tattoos above their pussies.

[Image via SPLASH]

DAMN IT LIZA YOU WERE SO CLOSE THIS TIME!

Okay y'all know that we LOVE us some Liza Minnelli but at the Oscars on Sunday the campy singer rocked up wearing a blue ensemble (notice the blue hair steak too) and yet again slightly missed the mark. While we can't deny her hair and make-up looked damn fine for a old broad who's close to 70, the fact that she forgot to wear a bra which showed off her massive erect nipple kinda ruined the moment and made onlookers gag. We also can't deal with the shoes cause they make her look like she's got a dodgy club foot. Anyway we totes thought Liza brought her A game, but as always the humor crept in again cause we just can't take her seriously.

[Image via AP]

OH MANDY, WHAT'S BARRY DONE TO HIMSELF?

Barry Manilow has always had that high maintenance pedophile kinda look about him and it was no different the other day when it stepped out looking like a total freak of nature. The singer was seen running errands around Palm Springs and boy did he look odd to say the least. What we don't get is why he'd have all that plastic surgery and not get the fuck off massive Jew nose fixed? Even that ear lives in it's own zip code and those cheeks look suspiciously plump for a dude who's almost 70 years old. We think it's best when men go au naturel and this case is no different...oh and FYI Barry we know you're wearing a rug on your head.

[Image via SPLASH]

DID ROSS GELLER WHITEN THIS BITCH'S TEETH?

What in the fuck does Stacey Solomon think she looks like cause it's sure as shit beyond our cultured brains? The former X Factor contestant was snapped walking the red carpet at some shitty magazine event in London and looked like an Oompa Loompa from Essex. On top of the toxic tan (notice the Xtina esque hands) and drag queen hair, she decided to top it off by whitening those already evil nashers that we've had the privilege of seeing since her debut. Just gome home honey, get under the sheets and eat ya feelings.

[Image via REX]

IF SHE CAN MAKE IT THERE...ANYONE CAN!

Liza Minnelli really does prove that even the most butters bitch on the planet can achieve worldwide fame and even though you may be laughed at for being so hilariously campish and ugly, who gives a fuck when you're worth in excess of $50 million right? The iconic fag hag was snapped performing in her best at a charity event in NYC the other day and the poor thing looked like a tranny clown with a gammy eye to say the least. Now we get that dressing like you're from the 60s can be cool if you're young, hip and cute, but when you're an munter who limps cause you've got a dodgy hip...it ain't so great. On the other hand we love us some Liza cause the bitch is totes cray!

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

BITCH PLEASE DON'T TWERK, YOU AIN'T SEXY!

Someone needs to seriously give Miley Cyrus the memo that says she is plenty of things but sexy just ain't one of them. We'll give credit where it's due though cause bitch has got a nice little body on her, but besides that there ain't much else going on for the skank. The face on it is evil and coupled with those teeth she ain't got no fucking chance at finding true love. Please just put the tongue away, hang up the microphone and go work in a zoo cause that's where you belong.

[Image via GETTY]

MIRRORS MUST FUCKING HATE THIS FACE!

Jackie Stallone is one of those birds who we're not sure what they've done their whole life besides look fucking ugly. The mother of now irrelevant Sylvester was seen shopping in LA recently and even with a dab of slap it still looked horrific to say the least. Obviously this bitch has taken her plastic surgery addiction way too far, but it doesn't seem like she gives a shit. Who knows...maybe she likes looking like a corpse in drag?

[Image via COLEMAN-RAYNER]

DID THIS BITCH GET RAPED PRE-ARRIVAL?

Seriously what the fuck is Patricia Krentcil exactly? Besides being one of the biggest hot messes ever, she literally always looks like she's been gang raped and then spat on. The trashy Tanning Mom was papped arriving at some Howard Stern event in LA over the weekend (no idea why it was invited) and boy did she look fucking rough. The tatts, the body, the hair, the make-up...just the dog of a woman in general is offensive in itself.

[Images via GETTY]

WHY WAS THIS BITCH EVEN ON BB PEOPLE?

Oh dear that ain't a good shot is it Liz Jones? The former fashion editor was seen leaving Channel 5 studios after being evicted from Big Brother the other day and the bitch looked rough as shit. Now usually we wouldn't write about someone so irrelevant, but when you look like a Muppet character it's hard not to people. We don't really know what it is and we really don't understand how some bitter columnist managed to get onto a show (it's shit granted but still) that features celebs?

[Image via FLYNET]

THE CAST OF 'FRAGGLE ROCK' TOUCH DOWN

Poor old Liza Minnelli never really stood a chance in life with that face, but despite looking like the back end of a bus she went on to have a successful singing career (beyond us) and star in campy musicals. Now obviously having Judy Garland as your mom doesn't hurt and we're pretty sure that the poor woman would turn in her grave if could hear how this bitch knocks out a tune. To be honest a cat getting gang raped with Parkinson's disease comes to mind. Even the butters tranny Tubbs from TV show The League Of Gentleman does a better job as passing off as a chick...pretty embarrassing ennit. Do you think Liza farted too cause that airport worker looks as though she's sniffed something that's making her gag?

[Image via NPG]

THE POOR GIRL GETS FUGLIER BY THE DAY...

Oh man it really can't be easy when you're Tori Spelling cause the bitch truly is a dog bless her. The former 90210 actress was papped shopping in Beverly Hills with her dog and it didn't look good at all. It's kinda like Barbie got raped by Frankenstein and this was the product that came out...much to shock of the mother we can imagine. We're not sure what she does these days but Tori could definitely take advantage of the many plastic surgeons in the area cause it'd be money well spent. Just sayin'.

[Image via SPLASH]

HOW DOES THIS HAVE THE X FACTOR?

Oh fucking dear. We're guessing Stacey Solomon was on a quest to make herself look even uglier when she threw this horrendous ensemble together? Now we get that this is clearly some sort of rank Pantomime theme but we just ain't feeling it and the woman looks awful. The drag make-up, horse teeth and birds nest hair do her no favors and we gotta say it's embarrassing that she's supposed to be a singer yet doing this kinda shit to pay the bills.

[Image via WENN]

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER RANK PIC OF NAT

Poor old Natalie Cassidy can't catch a break and we're guessing she's our most featured celeb (pushing it), but let's face it there's good reason here. The former Eastenders actress was seen leaving a gym in London the other day and while her body was looking better, we just can't say the same for that horrific face. Yeah we get we're evil and we're insecure but they're anyway to package this thing up as pretty and cute. If we're honest we think mannish would be the most complimentary term we'd ever use to describe it on here. Still though the bitch is driving a Land Rover so we respect her a little more.

[Image via SPLASH]

MAYBE THIS IS WHAT AIDS LOOKS LIKE?

You know we really don't give a shit if you think our title isn't politically correct or offensive cause Perez Hilton is actually that disgusting. It's not even that he likes dick, it's cause his unfortunate face does nothing but offend us to our very core. The blogger who is raising a kid (poor fucking thing) turned up to Heidi Klum's annual halloween bash dressed as Miley Cyrus and looked like a walking strand of the HIV virus. It's just wrong on so many levels...you have a dick for a reason.

[Image via GETTY]

CARINE ROITFELD DEFINITELY NEEDS A RAISE!

Mila Kunis really is one of those birds that needs make-up cause without it she looks dog rough and that's being kind. The actress was the face of Dior accessories not so long ago and it seems stylist Carine Roitfeld has magical powers cause she turned her from a pig into a swan judging by the above snaps. It really is shocking that this is even the same person and just proves how much celebs rely on slap these days.

[Image via DIOR/PACIFIC COAST]

CRUELLA WOULD TOTES NOT HIRE THIS

Looks like another hair and make-up queen has got it in for actress Joely Richardson cause lady was looking weird at a recent product launch in London. The sister of the bird who died in a skiing accident (very sad no BS) was papped walking the red carpet and her hair looked fucking rank to say the least. The woman's only in her late 40s but looks so much older with the dated attire and horrendous makeover. Better luck next time Joely!

[Image via CONTACT MUSIC]

SINCE WHEN DID DIANA HAVE A MULLET?

Following a pretty shit attempt to be Princess Diana in the new movie Diana (too creative), actress Naomi Watts graced the cover of In Style although something looks a little off. Wouldn't have something more classic looked better seeing as she's promoting a movie about a fucking princess? Also what's the with Scandinavian dyke hair and make up cause it looks nasty and don't suit Naomi at all. Now of course we always think we know best, but in this case bitch don't look hot. Just sayin'.

[Image via IN STYLE]