EWWW PLEASE JUST STOP WEARING SHORTS!

Something must be hiding inside Lena Dunham's thighs cause that shape just ain't normal for a white girl unless she majorly lucked out on the gene lottery. Seriously though this bitch makes Nicki Minaj look anorexic. The annoying main star of HBO show Girls was seen walking (those poor shoes) in NYC wearing some horrific shorts that showcased her nasty legs and God knows what else from behind. Furthermore we noticed how oddly shaped her midriff is and how small her tits are...it's like the textbook definition of a pear shape but gone wrong. We get that she's a good writer and bla bla bla, but all we really wanna do is shove a sock in her mouth.

[Image via SPLASH]

BAGGY PUSSY OR THUNDER THIGHS?

Lily Allen has apparently started making music again...even though she said she was gonna retire before shitting out kids. Anyhow the singer must've ran outta money or something cause while her latest tune isn't the worst thing we've ever heard, the music video screams budget cut and they could've at least touched up her whale thighs in the editing room. What do we know though?

[Image via WARNER MUSIC]

DON'T TRY AND EAT THE MICROPHONE TOO

Kelly Clarkson has always had a good set of pipes, but for some reason the singer and former Idol winner can never seem to stabilize her weight. It seems she's either Free Willy or Nicole Richie and we don't get why it's so hard for some birds? The poor thing really needs a new stylist too cause the person behind all her recent outfits is clearly holding a grudge.

[Image via WENN]

WE'D WALK STRAIGHT PAST THIS THING TOO...

We just wanna be clear that we know we're total cunts, have no morals and are deeply insecure. People this blog is driven by insecurity and we wouldn't have it any other way. Anyhow the classy Rihanna was snapped leaving her NYC hotel the other night and THE most unfortunate looking fan was papped standing behind her. Not a good comparison when your legs resemble something that would look more at home in a kebab shop. You know that the sidewalk is crying too.

[Image via SPLASH]

EARTHQUAKE OR IS MISCHA ON THE MOVE?

Who knew that Mischa Barton would leave The OC and become so fucking fat? While we'll always have a soft spot for Marissa and her fuck off razor sharp cheekbones (well not anymore), we seriously can't excuse her for sporting these nasty ass whale thighs. Also what the fuck did she think when she put on skinny jeans? We ain't feeling the silver metallic winkle pickers either honey so please just hire Rachel Zoe again and stop eating.

[Image via SPLASH]

GET BACK ON THE ADDERALL AND QUICK!

Women these days just can't win can they? Lindsay Lohan is fresh outta rehab and while that's great news, her weight seems to have skyrocketed cause bitch was spotted rocking some fuck off chunky thighs the other day. The coke whore (allegedly) was papped filming a commercial in LA recently and it proper looked like she'd switched heroin for cherry bakewells. We're just not sure we're digging the fuller real woman look? We've always been advocates for anorexia and drugs so we do feel a little let down. Please get skinny again LiLo cause you know fatties don't get the roles.

[Image via WENN]

YOU WOULDN'T WANT THIS TO FART NEAR YOU

Lena Dunham aka the annoying feminist dyke from HBO's Girls has got one hell of a nasty physique and although some readers think we hate on people cause we hate ourselves we don't care...these thighs are making us gag. Sorry but if you're morbidly obese from the neck down you shouldn't wear denim shorts and strut around Manhattan thinking you're hot. We kinda like the show but both this bitch and her character can get kinda annoying.

[Image via JOSE PEREZ]

YOUR BODY AIN'T ON FIRE GIRLFRIEND!

Alicia Keys recently kick started her world tour and boy oh boy can the stage feel it every night judging by the above snap. The hit maker who screams rather than sings was seen wearing sprayed on skinny jeans (great look when you're obese) and t-bar heels...huge no no! The top was okay but fucking weird and we never realized how much ass and hip this bitch packs. Just sayin'.

[Image via GSI]

THOSE BEAUTIFUL LYRICS ARE JUST LIES...

Christina Aguilera clearly doesn't own any mirrors cause bitch has full on PILED it on these past few years and nothing is changing for the better. The diva bitch singer was seen en route to lunch (shocker) in LA recently and even her dog was pictured gagging whilst watching the whale walk away. We really don't know what's going on in Xtina's head, but bitch really needs to get her jaw wired up pronto and hit the gym cause when you're not relevant and morbidly obese you've gotta work extra hard to make those sales. Just sayin'.

[Image via X17]

ALL BLACK ONLY WORKS IF YOU'RE NOT OBESE

Good old Lauren Goodger is a crafty bitch cause it thinks that by wearing black the whole world (well the south of England) will think she looks smaller. Yeah well you didn't fool us Miss Piggy and we hate to play up to our bully rep but this bitch really is a mess crying for help. The former reality star was seen walking around London at night and even the pavements were crying as they tried to withstand the weight. We also don't get why this thing doesn't own a mirror cause her face is saying Stevie Wonder, but her neck is making us think of Bjork so maybe she should rethink her make-up? Oh dear honey just admit that those thighs were not made for leggings and go buy a hammock.

[Image via FLYNET]

CALIFORNIA GURLS SHOULD BE OFFENDED

What makes us laugh about Katy Perry is that her image is all about fun and being glamorous, but in reality she's a plain dog with thunder thighs and rank skin. The tone deaf "singer" was snapped on vacay in Hawaii with her latest and 6th boyfriend John Mayer since her infamous divorce from twat Russell Brand. Anyway we just wanted y'all to see what a fucking mess it is minus the old warpaint.

[Image via SPLASH]

IF I AIN'T GOT FOOD BABY

You'd think the above pic was of a cash-strapped mom in the 90s, but no it's talented (and fucking obese) Alicia Keys. The star was snapped walking around NYC doing some last minute Christmas shopping (mostly food related), and she looked like a walking denim commercial gone wrong. Now we know that the holiday season is here and she's a new mom (blah blah blah), but she really needs to put down the fuckin' turkey cause her thighs are evil. She's been looking DOG rough lately bless her, but at the end of the day we bet her clothes and her toilet hate her.

[Image via SPLASH]

TRY SLEEPING WITH A BROKEN BED

FUCK those legs almost brought up our cereal too. The talented Alicia Keys decided she was sick of lying in bed eating so she braved the paparazzi and went for a walk around NYC. Well what a fuckin' mistake that was love. Now we know she's in the "in between an album phase", which means she can stuff her face and judging by her thighs (OOO the thighs) our theory is spot on. Her tree trunk legs look like they belong in a fuckin' kebab shop spinning around and we DO NOT understand why she even owns denim shorts. Another case of a celebrity stylist hating their client we think.

[Image via SPLASH]