DREAM LOVER HAS BECOME CAKE LOVER...

We honestly don't get what goes on in the kitchen of singer turned beast Mariah Carey these days. The high note songstress was papped leaving her apartment in NYC yesterday and judging by her fat ass cheeks it looked as though she'd been back on the pies again. Seriously did someone just inflate her head cause it looks fucking huge? At least she kept her massive tits and thighs hidden cause we know MC loves dressing like a whore, although it doesn't work when your body resembles the frame of a pig honey. Just pick a side like Nicole Richie and Kirstie Alley have and stay there!

[Image via AKM/GSI]

GRAMMY FOR THE MOST UNRECOGNIZABLE...?

Seriously what the ACTUAL fuck Madonna? What in God's name have you done to your face and bitch would you please just ditch the grille already cause it ain't even cool to copy Hannah Montana with an STD...that's right you know who. The alleged queen of pop was snapped walking the red carpet at the annual Grammy awards...with a cane can we add, but we're told she only needs to do this when it's damp cause it makes her dodgy hip play up. Anyhow fellow gay icon and singer Cyndi Lauper presented an award at the show and looked equally strange to be honest. Both of their faces are puffed up and bloated beyond recognition and we just don't understand how they think this looks good. Such a shame when you know you're career is slipping like quick sand and you can't do a thing to stop it cause you ain't relevant. Bad times for Madge and Cyndi ennit.

[Images via AP]

CADY HERON ARE YOU IN THERE SOMEWHERE?

We genuinely miss the days when Lindsay Lohan didn't look like an alcoholic housewife from Orange County cause we just don't recognize the woman above. The actress was snapped attending some shitty fashion show in China a while back and boy did she look rough. The usual bloated face and trout pout lips made an appearance and we're not sure what's going on with the front part of her hair cause it looks like straw. Poor old LiLo needs to look in the mirror cause for 27 she looks weird and haggard.

[Image via REX]

WE CAN'T TELL WHO THE WOMAN IS PEOPLE...

Paz De La Huerta has always been a funny looking bird but now she's packed on about 300 pounds she's just a fugly hot mess. We've never been truly sure about what it is and at times we've doubted that it was born a woman with a face like that, but it would seem that someone does love her as she was snapped leaving a club in West Hollywood with her partner (we don't know what it is either) and the bitch looked happy as fuck. The dress is actually kinda nice but the body is ballooning and her face is just way too bloated. We all know that it's either down to overeating or drugs...allegedly.

[Image via SPLASH]

THIS JUST CANNOT BE LEGEND WHITNEY!

We kinda hate the last tour Whitney Houston did before she died cause not only was it her worst vocal performance, but the woman looked horrendous. The ridiculously talented and now deceased singer was papped doing her show in London back in 2010 and you literally can't tell who it is to be honest. Where the hell did her cheekbones disappear to guys? Such a shame cause music is such shit nowadays. Just sayin.'

[Image via GETTY]

THERE AIN'T NOTHING VOID TO ENTER NO MORE

What in the fuck has happened to Paz De La Huerta? We like how that reads she's so relevant but in reality everyone is gonna be like who the fuck is this bitch? Anyway the actress (she ain't done much) was snapped partying with a pal who looked suspiciously like Paula Yates from beyond the grave and lady looked like a total bloated mess. We're not sure if she's eating scripts as opposed to reading them nowadays, but bitch seriously needs to assess her portion control. Girl's got a right pair of birthing hips on her en all!

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

THERE'S NOT REALLY MUCH DIFFERENCE NOW

Poor old Anjelica Huston really doesn't have gravity on her side cause the poor bitch has aged terribly to say the least. The actress known for her portrayal of some fugly witch was snapped at a charity event in London recently and boy did it look scary. We'd like to know what's under that wig of hers tbh...any guesses?

[Image via WARNER BROS/REX]

DESIGNERS WANT THIS SITTING FRONT ROW?

Is it just us or is the weight slowly creeping back onto Kelly Osbourne? It can't be easy for fat birds to keep it off forever cause food must be all they crave and we totes think those upper thighs have gotten chunkier in recent months. We gotta give her props for not being obese anymore, but the hair mixed with the paleness and the outfit makes us think of a bad tranny and we're floored that E! hire this to co-host a FASHION based TV show. Awkward that her boyfriend is more feminine than her huh?

[Image via REX]

LOOKS LIKE IT'S STILL EATING FOR TWO...

Seriously did Jessica Simpson go and eat her kids or something? The former singer and now food addict was snapped out to dinner in NYC recently (shocker) and boy did she look a world away from her Newlywed days. We literally don't know if she's pregnant or not cause it seemed like she was carrying a whole litter last time, but whatever she's got planned for the future we hope a diet's in the mix somewhere. Come on Jess don't you miss seeing your feet?

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

WHEN CHANDLER BUMPED INTO CHRIS BROWN

It's definitely a random cross of paths but according to our eyes Matthew Perry bumped into Chris Brown the other day when leaving LAX airport and it looks like the wife beater is finally doing a job more suitable. Now we're not being racist and this has nothing to do with the fact that he's black (for the rude bunch), but simply because every woman he's dated has a tendency to "walk into doors" ahem. Anyway the real news value in this story is that Matt is now fat and old, Chris is a cunt and Jennifer Aniston will always be the hottest FRIENDS cast member.

[Image via FLYNET]

WHO WOULD APPLAUSE FOR THIS MESS?

Oh dear what happened here Lady GaGa? The songstress was seen arriving at a radio station in LA the other day to promote her new gayer than life club tune and looked like a fucking state. We're not sure what the look is for this new era, but we think it's safe to say that even regular clowns will be offended by this shit. The way this bitch dresses does nothing to convince haters that she was in fact born with a pussy and not a fuck off dick. She could of at least finished the look off with a daisy in her hair and clown shoes no?

[Image via WENN]

EVEN AGING HOT GUYS AREN'T SAFE...

What the fuck happened to Nick Stokes guys? Okay we totes get that he's not a real person but the actor, George Eads, has full on let himself go in recent episodes of hit TV show CSI. Even during one of his many postmortems we used to get TV screen envy, but lately we don't know what it is to be honest. The serial killer haircut, bloated facial features and puffy eyes ain't making us wanna blow him anytime soon. Such a shame when you look at the left pic too...we owe our thanks once again to a couple of cunts called time and gravity.

[Image via WIRE/CBS]

GUESS JEN REALLY NEEDS THE SLAP THEN!

We really don't know what's been going on with Jennifer Aniston and her fuck off bloated face and mannish appearance lately, but bitch finally looked hot the other day after 3 hours in the hair and make-up chair! The actress (laughable really) was seen en route to an interview in NYC the other day complete with her usual blown out mane and mini dress look and we definitely get why she sticks to this now cause it works like a cunt. Show off your pins, push up your tits, make sure your hair covers that strong jaw and pray your balls don't fall out girlfriend.

[Image via WIRE/FLYNET]

WHAT'S MRS O DONE TO HER FACE Y'ALL?

It may come as a shock but we actually used to think Sharon Osbourne was one hot sexy mama for her age, but what the fuck has the bitch done to her face? The wife of The Prince Of Darkness aka rich cross dresser was seen hanging backstage with Jennifer Aniston at a recent awards show and lady looked like she'd been filled with air. Jen looked like her usual Plain Jane self but poor Shazza's face stood out like a sore bloated thumb. In fact the cutest thing in this pic is clearly the dog and for once we're actually talking about an animal.

[Image via TWITTER]

DOES LILO LIVE NEAR A BEE FARM PERHAPS?

Oh honey, what have you done to yourself now? On top of the fact that Lindsay Lohan has got another new (and shit) movie coming out, bitch ain't looking too hot in the newly released trailer. The actress is seen in her new flick The Canyons opposite porn star James Deen (no joke) and she literally looks like she's about 38 as opposed to 20 fucking 5. We just can't deal with the trout pout, bloated face and double chin any longer, cause this bitch needs to get outta rehab pronto and get her shit together.

[Image via IFC]

EVEN VAMPIRES CAN'T ESCAPE AGING...

You know there's no God when even the beloved Spike from Buffy ages so badly he looks like a coke addict living in welfare. James Marsters has struggled to find a job since leaving the popular TV show, but was recently snapped at his local market in LA and let's just say he's looked better. Word on the street is that he was left so embarrassed when he was unable to pay for his goods (due to maybe an expensive addiction) that he offered to act out a scene from Buffy as a method of payment. That was of course a complete lie, but didn't it give you a fun image?

Image via WARNER BROS/FLYNET]

THEODORA LOOKS BETTER WITHOUT SLAP

Holy shit balls Mila Kunis really does look rough as arse holes minus the warpaint! The voice of Meg was seen leaving her hotel in London during her Oz promo trip and it looked fucking horrific in comparison to the previous night when she walked the red carpet. To be honest we can't actually believe this is the same frickin' person cause it's like she's got a hotter twin, but no this is in fact the same bitch minus about 4 hours in the hair and make-up chair. Life is a bitch but if you steal people's husbands then God will make you pay.

[Image via REX FEATURES/ISO]

OOMPA LOOMPAS HAVE MONEY TROUBLES TOO

Oh honey just no, no, no. Lindsay Lohan and her train wreck of a "mother" were papped strolling through LAX airport looking like the ugly sisters the other day and boy were they a sight. We literally cannot believe that this bitch left her house wearing such a horrendous outfit and did we forget to mention that she's become an Oompa Loompa now? The only good thing about this look is the fact that she left her fucking hair natural, but besides that the bitch looks a fucking state and don't deserve any film roles.

[Image via XPOSURE]

THE ONLY GAY WHO ISN'T BOTOXED TO DEATH

Seeing as Graham Norton likes to dip his pen in the homosexual ink pot, we just assumed it was standard that he'd have a totally unexpressive face filled with botox, but apparently this isn't the case as it was seen wandering around London recently looking bloated as fuck. The TV host was seen leaving his gaff and it looked as though the poor bastard had lost 50 stone around his eyes what with the saggy shopping bags underneath them. The depth of those forehead wrinkles are almost deep enough for us to move into as well. All that money and this face...what's wrong with this picture?

[Image via MEL]

EVEN MAKE-UP DOESN'T SAVE THE BITCH

Just when you think Lindsay Lohan can maybe pull it together and look good for the premiere of her new TV movie (embarrassing) Liz & Dick she turns up looking like a big ass hot mess. The actress (debatable) was snapped arriving at the airport in LA looking like a bloated alcoholic and didn't look much better a few hours later when walking the red carpet. The bloated face, fish lips and hooker dress just did nothing for her and once again we'd love to know what the fuck the stylist was thinking? Well if she can even afford one.

[Image via SPLASH/GETTY]