BITCH PLEASE DON'T TWERK, YOU AIN'T SEXY!

Someone needs to seriously give Miley Cyrus the memo that says she is plenty of things but sexy just ain't one of them. We'll give credit where it's due though cause bitch has got a nice little body on her, but besides that there ain't much else going on for the skank. The face on it is evil and coupled with those teeth she ain't got no fucking chance at finding true love. Please just put the tongue away, hang up the microphone and go work in a zoo cause that's where you belong.

[Image via GETTY]

YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE A WRECKING BALL

Oh dear that ain't a good shot is it honey? Miley Cyrus was sporting one fuck off nasty hairdo the other day while on a classy cig break around LA and boy did the bitch look retarded. The singer wasn't really rocking the bowl cut well and looked more like a boy in drag than a pop star. We just don't see the fuss with this one cause not only is she butters but her voice is shit too. Just sayin'.

[Image via SPLASH]

AIN'T THIS BITCH THE EPITOME OF CLASS?

The world knows the above woman simply as "tanning mom" aka Patricia Krentcil, however all we see is a tired old slapper who sucks cock to pay the lecky bill. We don't even get how this skank gets invited to events, but lady put on her best clobber (cheap shite) and worked the red carpet looking like the corpse version of Pam Anderson with the clap. Didn't she think to look in the mirror before she leaves her gaff too? Body-con dresses just don't work when you've got saggy tits and a muffin top and we gotta say that ankle tatt finishes off this look to perfection. Wouldn't you be proud if this was your mom?

[Image via GETTY]

WHY THE FUCK DOES KIMMY WEAR WIGS?

Holy shit is what we thought when we first clapped eyes on this pic of Kim Zolciak. Now we ain't her biggest fan cause let's face it; she's a trashy and talentless hick who looks like a drag queen. That is until she ditched the fake tan, wigs and clown make-up, cause judging by her latest Twitter snap lady is looking mighty fine. Now we know it totally goes against the rules of The Sizzling Mess to be nice to celebs (even to Xtina), but there ain't no denying that Kim looks pretty stunning in the right pic, albeit in the Anna Nicole Smith (non-corpse) porn star kinda way. Still though bitch looks beautiful and should keep it au naturel by rockin' her own fabulous hair more often. Remember that less is always more honey!

[Image via SPLASH/TWITTER]

MAMA JUNE DEF OWNS A MAGIC MIRROR...

You can't help but love Mama June (aka hick whale) from Honey Boo Boo, cause no matter how fucking obese it becomes she still rocks any mess of a look with no apology. The reality TV star was papped at her own wedding (low) and the above snap shows it posing for the press in her luxurious living room scattered with her kid's pageant trophies. It must truly suck to be fat and poor, but we still love you June cause you make us feel so much better about ourselves!

[Image via SPLASH]

LOOKS LIKE COUSIN ITT MOVED TO ATLANTA

We guess that some people will just never learn to look in the mirror (or at least buy one) before they leave the house and this does seem to be the case for the trashy as hell Kim Zolciak from Real Housewives Of Atlanta, but secretly we hope she never learns cause we love that she's a state. The reality star can be seen in an exclusive sneak peek preview into the new season of the hit Bravo show and as always her wig and it's quality looks uber questionable. We can see that she's not ditched the tacky and so 2003 nails either.

[Image via BRAVO/MGM]

MONKEY BUSINESS

Now we've never really been that bothered when it comes to "singer" LeAnn Rimes, but what truly makes us interested in her is the fact that she ain't no oil panting whether she's dressed up or down. We get that she's a total health freak (bulimic in denial), but even after shedding 50 pounds (much needed), she still resembles an extra from Planet Of The Apes. In our minds she seems about 46, but she's actually just 28. Rather hard to believe if you ask us. Anyhoo here she is looking like a ugly duckling that is trying to convince the world she's a swan. B+ for the outfit though.

[Image via SPLASH]

SIMPSON IS A WHOLE LOTTA BLOATED

What exactly does Jessica Simpson do anymore besides design mediocre clothing for Middle America? The only time we loved her is when she did Newlyweds with Nick Lachey, but since then she has just BALLOONED and grown a rather unflattering "jeck" aka jaw neck. Yuh huh, that's how obese she's become. Overall her outfits pretty cute, but the chubby thighs (listen up Xtina), bloated face and blue nail polish (SO classy) make us miss the anorexic Jess even more.

[Images via WARNER BROS & SPLASH]