DID MISCHA EAT MARISSA OR SOMETHING?

Okay seriously Mischa Barton what the fuck happened to you? The actress who was once known for playing regulation hottie Marissa Cooper in The OC was seen grabbing lunch in LA the other day and she's totes piled on the pounds. Even her poor dog looked on with an expression of disgust as she clutched at her burger and Starbucks drink. You need to ditch the junk food, hire a trainer and stop eating cause otherwise you're headed for Kirstie Alley territory.

[Image via X17]

TANNING MOM MUST BE BLIND IT'S OFFICIAL...

Patricia Krentcil aka Tanning Mom always brightens our day cause we love that she thinks she actually looks good enough to leave the house looking like this. Anyone who thinks this is presentable should be sectioned under the mental health act cause she looks like a $2 hooker with chlamydia and that's being nice. We just don't understand how that patchy tan can go unnoticed when she looks at her reflection in the mirror...well unless the cracks in it cause a blur. Seriously though go buy a loofah and some industrial strength scrub and take a shower cause you look disgusting.

[mage via MEDIA PUNCH]

NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THIS SHIT HONEY

Lauren Goodger is either really clever and has a fitness DVD in the works or she's just a fat mess who's more deluded than Madonna is about her career. The former TOWIE star was papped "working out" in clothing about 50 sizes too small and it really did look evil. To be honest we pity the poor onlookers who were trying to do their daily workout without bringing up their lunch. We just can't think of any men who would want to procreate with this mess.

[Image via FLYNET]

EVEN SHARKS WOULDN'T RAPE THIS MESS

One of the reasons that we love Tara Reid is that she's such a hot mess and still actually believes that she's hot and everyone wants to fuck her. The actress who now does shitty TV movies (let's face it American Pie was the height of her career) posted a pic to on Twitter of her splashing around on the beach in Malibu and boy did it look rough to say the least. The poor bitch has always just had that cheap and used look and of course the fuck off fake tits and anorexic frame don't help. We're guessing Californian chicks must age amazingly well with all that sun exposure and poor diet.

[Image via TWITTER]

THIS BIRD WAS BORN TO BE ON CORRIE...

When you're born in Leeds you've never got much chance of being classy and good old Beverly Callard from Corrie is living proof of this. The rough Northern bitch was papped leaving her local pub in Manchester the other night and looked like an old slapper who loves cock to say the least. We heard that she glassed a younger girl in the face for trying to chat up her fella...allegedly. The tacky metallic dress, rank gold nails and campy pose are what this woman is known for and we doubt she'll ever change. You've gotta love a rough bit who tries though don't you?

[Image via REX]

MR GRAVITY EVEN HATES ON 60'S ICONS!

Twiggy used to be known for her waif like figure and big eyed appearance, but fast forward 40 ish years and you can see that we do in fact live in a cruel world. The former model was seen running errands around London and although we know she's not 20 anymore the woman looked rough. At least brush your hair and lift the chin up when you know there's paps around.

[Image via GETTY/FLYNET]

MOTHERHOOD IS TREATING YOU WELL #LYING

Oh honey why've you let yourself turn into such a mess? We know Adele shat out a baby in the last year or whatever but it looks like she's still eating for 2 judging by the snap above. The singer was papped walking round London sans baby and looked rather special if you catch our drift. Maybe she'd recently had some dental work done cause her lips looked a little dodgy to say the least. We're not sure what she does these days besides eat and spend her royalties (rich bitch), but we hope some new music is in the works.

[Image via VANTAGE]

FASHION POLICE + KELLY OSBOURNE = JOKE

Okay so we have NEVER understood why Kelly Osbourne was hired by E! in the first place to be judge on their show Fashion Police cause well just look at it for a start. The daughter of drug addict Ozzy was seen attending several shows for London Fashion Week over the weekend and although the outfit here is kinds nice by her standards, the face just goes in the opposite direction as always. The problem with Kel is that she's a chubby indie girl at heart, but for some reason she keeps trying to hide it underneath cute outfits and sophisticated shit which blatantly isn't her. When you're born into one of the trashiest families in showbiz, have a mouth like a cesspit and comfort eat through life you just shouldn't be getting paid to judge others and what they wear #truth.

[Image via GETTY]

VOICE OF AN ANGEL OR AVERAGE FARM GIRL?

Charlotte Church used to be kinda pretty back in her successful pop career days, but fast forward not even 10 years and what you see could easily be mistaken for an average looking farm girl en route to mucking out the pig troughs. The pissy gold hair, bloated face and tree trunk thighs is not exactly what you'd call a former pop star so we're not sure what's going on here? We know it shat out a kid but that was a while ago now so to be honest there ain't no excuse for looking like a overweight hippy who doesn't shower.

[Image via WENN]

THIS SHIT TOTES MAKES US WANNA ROAR!

Another day another flattering pic of Katy Perry without make-up for us all. The singer (if you can even call it that) was papped getting her nails did in LA this week and boy did she look rough (and slightly special needs) sans slap. When this bird is made up don't get us wrong she looks nice, but she couldn't get anymore average when she puts the make-up brush down cause this is one Plain Jane right here. On top of that everyone knows her career is fluff and let's face it she ain't ever gonna win a Grammy cause the academy ain't deaf. Anyway rant over...happy weekend!

[Image via X17]

CORPSE SPOTTED WALKING STREETS OF MILAN

It seems that every time we do a post on poor Donatella Versace she actually manages to get uglier. The designer was spotted walking the streets of Milan the other day and apparently onlookers panicked as they believed they were walking amongst the dead. Seriously though everything is wrong with this woman and it's super bad considering she heads the house of Versace looking like a liver sausage in a wig. Her body is too skinny and rank for her age and we don't need to say much about that face do we? Man whoever sleeps with this must scream when they see it first thing in the morning cause we think we'd have a mini coronary if we'd penetrated something so unworthy of love.

[Image via SPLASH]

YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE A WRECKING BALL

Oh dear that ain't a good shot is it honey? Miley Cyrus was sporting one fuck off nasty hairdo the other day while on a classy cig break around LA and boy did the bitch look retarded. The singer wasn't really rocking the bowl cut well and looked more like a boy in drag than a pop star. We just don't see the fuss with this one cause not only is she butters but her voice is shit too. Just sayin'.

[Image via SPLASH]

DID THIS BITCH GET RAPED PRE-ARRIVAL?

Seriously what the fuck is Patricia Krentcil exactly? Besides being one of the biggest hot messes ever, she literally always looks like she's been gang raped and then spat on. The trashy Tanning Mom was papped arriving at some Howard Stern event in LA over the weekend (no idea why it was invited) and boy did she look fucking rough. The tatts, the body, the hair, the make-up...just the dog of a woman in general is offensive in itself.

[Images via GETTY]

CADY HERON ARE YOU IN THERE SOMEWHERE?

We genuinely miss the days when Lindsay Lohan didn't look like an alcoholic housewife from Orange County cause we just don't recognize the woman above. The actress was snapped attending some shitty fashion show in China a while back and boy did she look rough. The usual bloated face and trout pout lips made an appearance and we're not sure what's going on with the front part of her hair cause it looks like straw. Poor old LiLo needs to look in the mirror cause for 27 she looks weird and haggard.

[Image via REX]

WTF BRITNEY'S GOT AN EIGHT HEAD NOW?

Man it's actually quite disturbing to see what a mess Britney Spears is these days...and you all thought Xtina had issues when she was heavier. The pop star was snapped leaving a dance rehearsal in LA over the weekend and bitch looked a total state. What the fuck is going on with the receding hairline, that fuck off spam forehead and the yellow hair? Jesus love sort yourself out cause no one will pay to see you perform live (lip sync) in Vegas looking like this!

[Image via X17]

SERIOUSLY WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS?

Nice teeth honey! This definitely gives dog a new meaning cause Jade Goody's mother Jackiey Budden was papped looking rough as pure shite recently. Jesus do you all remember when Jade paid for her mom to have a makeover? Nice to know she took it seriously huh! Good old Jackiey was back to her rough dyke self when she went shopping the other day, but this seriously takes fugly to another level. Like don't even bother leaving your house when you look like this cause you've gone and offended us bitch. It's the kind of "woman" who's proud of glassing another bird outside her local for shagging her fella. Urgh we can't deal with this amount of common.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

MORE LIKE DYKE UP YOUR LIFE!

It's kinda shocking that we've never featured Mel C on The Sizzling Mess before, but when we clapped eyes on the above snap of her jogging around London recently her luck ran out. What the fuck is it wearing for a start and we know you're only running love but did you need to dress like a butters dyke who's partially sighted? We're not really sure what she does anymore but she could totes do with some ProActiv too.

[Image via INF]

OH HELL NO, BITCH DIDN'T WEAR THIS OUT!

Natalie Cassidy clearly can't afford a laptop or phone with internet capability, cause if she'd done the sensible thing by reading The Sizzling Mess on a daily basis, she'd know it'd be best if she didn't step outside in anything besides a tent with 2 holes...maybe 3 if she felt lucky. Anyway the former Eastenders actress was papped living it up in Magaluf recently (classy bird) and she kindly revealed her saggy ass titties to the world. Does anyone else see that bruise on her thigh too? Looks like even bathing suits get offended by being put on this mess of a body. Ouch for Natalie ennit.

[Image via SPLASH]

KAREN WOULD TOTES AVOID THIS IN SCHOOL

Amanda Seyfried is kinda like the younger version of Jennifer Aniston cause let's face it, she's an average actress at best who got fucking lucky. We've never really been able to take it seriously besides her role as Karen in Mean Girls (ironic much), but the above photo of her running errands in LA shocked the hell outta us! The actress who offends the likes of Meryl Streep looked like she'd stepped off a space ship cause bitch looks liked an extra from E.T. and we don't mean that shite Katy Perry tune.

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

PATSY WOULD'VE HAD SOME WORK DONE...

This is quite hard for us to write cause we do love a bit of Joanna Lumley cause she's got that slight Meryl Streep legend edge, but fucking hell the bitch was looking rough recently whilst filming a new movie in NYC. The actress was papped with curlers in her hair and a full face of slap, but that did little to disguise her inch deep wrinkles and nasty yellow teeth which were practically screaming to be whitened. Whatever though cause we still love her but it'd be nice if actual talent would try and preserve their looks ennit.

[Image via SPLASH]