WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU LOOK LIKE HONEY?

Oh honey why have you still not bought a mirror? Lauren Goodger really doesn't understand just how fucking mucky and nasty she looks cause bitch turned up to some shitty product launch recently looking like a walking turd. The former TOWIE star seems to like resembling a diarrhea strain cause that tan just ain't going nowhere. All we wanna do it rip out the extensions, wipe all that muck off her face and stick her through a car wash.

[Image via REX]

DOES THIS SKANK NOT LEARN ANYTHING?

Seriously does Lauren Goodger actually think resembling a perma-tanned pig is a good look cause we're confused? The whale was papped leaving a club in Essex (classy) the other night and as per usual she was sporting another ill fitting outfit, thunder thighs and huge color differences all over her body. You'd think that with money and seeing yourself pretty much everyday in pap shots would be enough to tell you that you're failed beauty routine needs reassessing. Just sayin'.

[Image via LUMINOUS]

SERIOUSLY HONEY LOOK IN THE MIRROR...

We honestly don't understand what Lauren Goodger see's when she looks in the mirror cause it don't look good to the general public. The tacky and tanned reality star was papped leaving a party in Essex recently and once again her legs looked toxic in comparison to the rest of her body. We're also not sure what the fuck is going on with her lips cause it looks like the bitch got stung by a bee. Everything about this look is just gross and the Louboutin's just add to the tacky factor cause they're so 2007 WAG now.

[Image via XPOSURE]

HORSES ARE BETTER LOOKING THAN THIS

What the fuck has this bitch done to her face? Chloe Sims from that crazy culture filled show TOWIE was seen exiting a night club in Essex (shocker) and it looked truly horrendous for her age. The actual horse teeth and orange skin would make most people run in fear, but we just don't understand why she wanted to make herself this fugly? We pity the guys she gives head to cause it can't be pretty.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

EVEN NEW JERSEY ARE EMBARRASSED

We get hundreds of requests to feature Jersey Shore's infamous Snooki on The Sizzling Mess but until now we never quite found the right photo. The reality TV skank was papped at some shitty launch recently and it looked like a bottle of fake tan had raped the bitch. It's become known as New Jersey's most famous midget and she's famous for her garish make-up and crazy outfits, but we're pretty sure that even the trashiest of states (Jersey included) are embarrassed by the connection. We bet there was a lovely missing chunk of foundation when she removed her headband. Can you say classy?

[Image via WIRE]

ERM, YOU'RE STILL OBESE LOVE

Apparently the lovely (debatable) Lauren Goodger from The Only Way Is Essex has been dieting for the past month so that she looks good on her summer vacay. Erm, well we're kinda confused cause all we can see are two sticks of fat and a cheap dress. Anyone else see the weight loss? This girl really is built like a brick shit house and shouldn't be allowed to buy clothing that goes above the knee. Also, what the fucks going on with the color difference between her face and legs? It's like Casper and Shilpa Shetty have merged into one person. We'll give her credit for the hair though cause it looks good.

[Image via FLYNET]

KATIE PRICE IN 20 YEARS MUCH...

Patricia Krentcil of New Jersey really does put the N into natural doncha' think? She recently became known worldwide as the "tanning mom", as she is a self-proclaimed sunbed addict who spends up to an hour a day tanning. Insanity or clever bitch who craves attention? You see we have a theory that she just never showered after a spray tan and then sold this story to get a buck. Also, we hear she's already been asked to be the face of Fake Bake. Move over Kim Kardashian, there's a new fame hungry skank in town.

[Image via SPLASH]