EVEN SHARKS WOULDN'T RAPE THIS MESS

One of the reasons that we love Tara Reid is that she's such a hot mess and still actually believes that she's hot and everyone wants to fuck her. The actress who now does shitty TV movies (let's face it American Pie was the height of her career) posted a pic to on Twitter of her splashing around on the beach in Malibu and boy did it look rough to say the least. The poor bitch has always just had that cheap and used look and of course the fuck off fake tits and anorexic frame don't help. We're guessing Californian chicks must age amazingly well with all that sun exposure and poor diet.

[Image via TWITTER]

DID ROSS GELLER WHITEN THIS BITCH'S TEETH?

What in the fuck does Stacey Solomon think she looks like cause it's sure as shit beyond our cultured brains? The former X Factor contestant was snapped walking the red carpet at some shitty magazine event in London and looked like an Oompa Loompa from Essex. On top of the toxic tan (notice the Xtina esque hands) and drag queen hair, she decided to top it off by whitening those already evil nashers that we've had the privilege of seeing since her debut. Just gome home honey, get under the sheets and eat ya feelings.

[Image via REX]

FASHION POLICE + KELLY OSBOURNE = JOKE

Okay so we have NEVER understood why Kelly Osbourne was hired by E! in the first place to be judge on their show Fashion Police cause well just look at it for a start. The daughter of drug addict Ozzy was seen attending several shows for London Fashion Week over the weekend and although the outfit here is kinds nice by her standards, the face just goes in the opposite direction as always. The problem with Kel is that she's a chubby indie girl at heart, but for some reason she keeps trying to hide it underneath cute outfits and sophisticated shit which blatantly isn't her. When you're born into one of the trashiest families in showbiz, have a mouth like a cesspit and comfort eat through life you just shouldn't be getting paid to judge others and what they wear #truth.

[Image via GETTY]

STOP RIGHT NOW AND GET THE SLAP LOVE!

So after seeing this shit it's pretty clear that Mel B is one of the unfortunate women out there that need a fuck load of make-up to look good cause bitch looks nasty sans slap. Scary Spice was papped en route to dinner in London recently and she sure lived up to her rough bitch from Leeds name cause it looked she'd deck anyone who fucked her off. Not much else to say cause let's face it she's kinda boring and far too brassy for our liking.

[Image via AKM-GSI]

VOICE OF AN ANGEL OR AVERAGE FARM GIRL?

Charlotte Church used to be kinda pretty back in her successful pop career days, but fast forward not even 10 years and what you see could easily be mistaken for an average looking farm girl en route to mucking out the pig troughs. The pissy gold hair, bloated face and tree trunk thighs is not exactly what you'd call a former pop star so we're not sure what's going on here? We know it shat out a kid but that was a while ago now so to be honest there ain't no excuse for looking like a overweight hippy who doesn't shower.

[Image via WENN]

THIS SHIT TOTES MAKES US WANNA ROAR!

Another day another flattering pic of Katy Perry without make-up for us all. The singer (if you can even call it that) was papped getting her nails did in LA this week and boy did she look rough (and slightly special needs) sans slap. When this bird is made up don't get us wrong she looks nice, but she couldn't get anymore average when she puts the make-up brush down cause this is one Plain Jane right here. On top of that everyone knows her career is fluff and let's face it she ain't ever gonna win a Grammy cause the academy ain't deaf. Anyway rant over...happy weekend!

[Image via X17]

HOW THE FUCK DID THIS EVER GET ON 90210?!

This poor bitch has to be one of the most unfortunate looking birds out there and we really don't get how Tori Spelling ever landed a role on Beverly Hills 90210 in the first place...oh yeah cause her dad created the show. The funny looking actress was papped doing her weekly grocery shop in LA and looked butters as usual bless her. You think she'd at least get her roots done seeing as she wipes her shitter with 50s no?

[Image via XPOSURE]

HEARING MY BONES CLICK MAKES ME HAPPY!

You know that Alexa Chung is just a fame hungry half Chinese chick who loves king prawn fried rice but won't ever eat the fucker. The former T4 presenter (she wants people to forget about that) was snapped having a crafty fag after yet another day of starvation on the streets of Brooklyn and boy did the bitch look ill. It must be so tiresome being such a trendsetting NYC hipster, so we're guessing she just doesn't have time to eat? Oh and FYI Alexa, you're from Hampshire or somewhere in China so it doesn't really work love. Either cover up those rank legs or just admit you know how many calories are in toothpaste cause everyone knows you're fat inside. Oh and if there's an annoying PC person reading this, we ain't racist cause we had a Chinese last night.

[Image via X17]

KAREN WOULD TOTES AVOID THIS IN SCHOOL

Amanda Seyfried is kinda like the younger version of Jennifer Aniston cause let's face it, she's an average actress at best who got fucking lucky. We've never really been able to take it seriously besides her role as Karen in Mean Girls (ironic much), but the above photo of her running errands in LA shocked the hell outta us! The actress who offends the likes of Meryl Streep looked like she'd stepped off a space ship cause bitch looks liked an extra from E.T. and we don't mean that shite Katy Perry tune.

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

DID MARISSA PISS OFF CHRIS BROWN TOO?

Oh how we used to love Mischa Barton and her anorexic amazingness...until she started eating and became a beached whale. The former OC actress was snapped at a charity dinner in London recently and it looked like she'd either smeared shit over her eyes (make-up budget) or fucked off Chris Brown who we know likes to treat women with respect. Either way bitch didn't get the warpaint right at all, but we're hoping she'll start to eat less cause we totes prefer her skinny. Just sayin'.

[Image via COCO PEREZ]

KEL'S VERY LUCKY HER DAD IS FAMOUS...

Bless her! This thing wouldn't have had much of a chance in the fashion industry (let alone any) if her daddy wasn't Ozzy. Does anyone dare argue with us? Sorry but if you're gonna judge our appearance and what we're wearing then you better not be fucking Kelly Osbourne of all tubby people. We don't know what's going on with this fuck off beehive hair style, orange tan and double chin but this bitch ain't chic or fashionable. Such a joke that E! even thought of this to co-host Fashion Police. Can you say family connections much?

[Image via GETTY]

DOES LILO LIVE NEAR A BEE FARM PERHAPS?

Oh honey, what have you done to yourself now? On top of the fact that Lindsay Lohan has got another new (and shit) movie coming out, bitch ain't looking too hot in the newly released trailer. The actress is seen in her new flick The Canyons opposite porn star James Deen (no joke) and she literally looks like she's about 38 as opposed to 20 fucking 5. We just can't deal with the trout pout, bloated face and double chin any longer, cause this bitch needs to get outta rehab pronto and get her shit together.

[Image via IFC]

THIS SHIT HAS TOTES GIVEN US THE FEAR!

It's no one wonder Lily Allen's career has gone down the toilet, cause it looks like the bitch has fucking eaten it along with tons of other shit. The crappy singer was papped walking (struggling too bless her) at the recent Glastonbury festival and we reckon she'd have faired better in a wheelchair. We know she's always been a bit on the porky side and had dumpy legs, but she clearly took "eating for two" way too literally. Don't fool us with those shoes either cause the only running you do is to the fridge and back.

[Image via BARCROFT]

WE CAN'T STOP...HATIN' ON THIS FOLLOWER

For some reason we've never liked Miley Cyrus cause she looks like a cunt who'd deck you in the school cafeteria for giving her the wrong look. Anyway the singer who achieved fame through her hick daddy was snapped working the red carpet at a promo event for her new album in LA recently and the woman looked a fool. The hair was all wrong and does she think she's black now with that grill? Someone needs to tell the bitch that the rock chick look she's sporting doesn't work when you're from a family who plucks chickens for dinner. We can't tell whether she's a young star in Hollywood or a dyke from Norway who owns a tattoo parlor, but what we do know is that it's trying way too hard and looks lame.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

YOU KNOW JUDY CRIED WHEN THIS CAME OUT

To this day we still don't get why Liza Minnelli is considered a legend (or fag icon) cause the bitch can't hold a note to save her fucking life. The overpaid fag hag was papped at the Tony Awards (shocker) in NYC recently and it looked like a gay Bilbo Baggins covered in glitter. The old broad seemed to have had more plastic surgery since the last time we saw her too, but we don't get why she'd make her already fucked up face look worse?

[Image via WENN]

HOW'S YOUR "CLOTHING LINE" GOING HONEY?

Now we've never seen the big deal with this bitch cause even though she's got a nice set of pins and we'd happily give her one, it really ain't all that underneath the cake mix. Whitney Port aka the boring slut from MTV's The City was papped getting a massage in LA recently and the poor thing looked rough as fuck. Aside from her usual down-syndrome eyes, it looked like she'd had a run-in with Chris Brown and we don't even know what's going on with the tongue. Maybe if she wasn't so stupid as to turn down advice from fellow reality star Olivia Palermo she'd look a lot better.

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

LEAVE THIS ONE OUT THE PICK N MIX PLEASE

Jesy Nelson from that totally shit band Little Mix (twats) really ain't a looker is she? The former X Factor contestant was papped leaving her gaff in London and it looked a total lesbo mess. It seems this bitch can't do anything cause no matter what she wears it looks like she eats pussy and not in the cool Madonna way. On this occasion she left her tool belt at home and sported knee high socks (vom on these chipolata thighs), a perm even Mariah would've judged and no pants. That's right, she thinks she's hot enough to go without pants but her mirror is def talking shit behind her back.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

NICKI SHOULDN'T WORRY BOUT COMPETITION

Just what is going on up in the brain of Lil' Kim these days is what we'd love to know. The past-it ghetto singer was seen attending a charity event recently and it looked fucking horrendous compared to just a few years previous. We're not sure why she's rocking the crack whore bitch look cause it just don't suit her period. Not sure what the story is with those eyebrows or that Jackson family nose either honey, but you need to check yo self in the mirror and get it fixed.

[Image via GETTY]

HER MOM MUST BE SO PROUD

Katie Price aka Jordan has once again reminded the public as to why she's such a classy gal. The glamor model (at a push) was seen at Selfridges earlier this week to promote her 400th book of the year and let's just say that she let something out of the bag. The cheap slapper obviously loves to pose but she stretched a little too far when one of her tits popped out of her top to say hello. We must say the sun spots all over her chest and nip are just lovely, but someone needs hanging for doing that make-up. Do drag queens actually aspire to look like a clown with syphilis?

[Image via FLYNET]

90210 MUST BE ASHAMED OF THIS

Poor old Tori Spelling never stood a chance in life with that face and even hailing from

Beverly Hills hasn't helped the bitch. The actress (really) was snapped driving around LA on a granny car with a bag of popcorn next to her, so we feel that this picture does all the talking for once. We didn't realize she'd become so obese as to immobilize herself, but hey if a girl likes her food then she shouldn't deny herself...anything. Not that Tori ever got us hard but she's full on let herself get even worse recently and that back fat just ain't attractive honey.

[Image via REX FEATURES]