BRITISH WOMEN ARE SO CLASSY AIN'T THEY?

No the above is not a group of pigs playing dress up, it's actually a group of women wearing their finest to the opening day of the Grand National in Liverpool. Wow we're actually surprised we kept our lunch down whilst writing that opener. Anyway we just had to give these ladies their extra 2 minutes of fame cause they really do look like a bunch of beasts...and that's being polite. We're guessing the first bird on the left pulls in shifts as a barmaid to make ends meet cause she's got that brassy Northern look and let's face it that outfit has Primark written all over it. We don't even know what the second woman is if we're honest but we'll go with a hooker that's experiencing cum erosion on her teeth. The third is obviously the best looking out of them all but those legs are just evil and the salesperson should be fired just for selling her that dress. Last but not least we'll take a guess and say the pig in the floral dress works as a hairdresser (nothing to back this theory up of course), but she does look like one of those birds that always has an excuse to not start the diet and ends up looking like Free Willy and feeling insecure in her holiday snaps. Now we ain't perfect but what you've just read is what we like to call saying it like is people.

[Image via DAILY MAIL]

YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA BE COCO CHANEL!

Liza Minnelli gets a lot of heat from us but if you look like this then you're bound to be our favorite hot mess. The campy singer was seen attending a charity event in NYC the other night and judging by the above snap she was trying to channel Coco Chanel and failed miserably as per usual. The dressy hat, curled sideburn, fake beauty mark and excess pearls screamed drag queen and as usual the deluded star thought she'd looked a million dollars. You've gotta love hot mess fag hag who thinks she's the shit though!

[Image via GETTY]

WE CAN'T FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT FOR ELT...

Poor old Elton John was finally snapped out shopping in LA the other without his famous round spectacles and let's just say we now get why he wears them all the time. The campy legend was seen browsing a wig store (shocker) in the Hollywood area and we're hoping he was planning to replace the dodgy rug he was papped wearing. What's going on with that bloodshot eye though and you'd think with all his dosh he'd get those eye bags removed wouldn't you?

[Image via GOLDEN EYE]

WE LOVE A WOMAN WITH AN ANKLE TATTOO

Angela Raiola aka Big Ang seems to get uglier by the minute cause judging from the latest pics of her sunning her massive tits on the beach in Florida she's got even more scary. The big lipped and full chested Italian reality star is mainly known for getting drunk, sucking cock and saying outrageous shit...but this is of course why we love her. You've gotta love a legend even when they're cheap as fuck and sport tattoos above their pussies.

[Image via SPLASH]

PICKING UP THE PIECES...OF BROKEN MIRROR

Holy shit balls peeps! Paloma Faith was looking fucking dog rough the other day whilst out on a run in Hyde Park and according to sources passers by were gagging cause bitch looked so fugly. Overall it's a bit annoying and he tunes are mediocre at best, but boy does the poor woman look like the back end of a bus without slap. The singer is known for her glam retro appearance and now we get why she cakes on so much shit.

[Image via GETTY]

DID ROSS GELLER WHITEN THIS BITCH'S TEETH?

What in the fuck does Stacey Solomon think she looks like cause it's sure as shit beyond our cultured brains? The former X Factor contestant was snapped walking the red carpet at some shitty magazine event in London and looked like an Oompa Loompa from Essex. On top of the toxic tan (notice the Xtina esque hands) and drag queen hair, she decided to top it off by whitening those already evil nashers that we've had the privilege of seeing since her debut. Just gome home honey, get under the sheets and eat ya feelings.

[Image via REX]

ROMEO WOULDN'T DIE FOR THIS NO MORE

You gotta admit that Claire Danes ain't looking too hot these days...especially when you compare her to the Romero + Juliet days. The actress was seen on a run around NYC yesterday and it looked rough, old and haggard to say the least. We also never realized how mannish and plain she was without the slap and we're writing this shit cause we think it's world news that everyone needs to see. We're of course lol'ing at that but in all seriousness if you take anything we say on this blog seriously then you're a fucktard.

[Image via FLYNET]

100 BUCKS SAYS THIS THING TUCKS IT...

Okay so we've never really gotten the deal with Ellie Goulding and why people like her so much cause her voice sounds like a child with a sore throat who's trying to hit different notes but failing. The erm singer was seen leaving a studio in London last week and minus the fuck off huge cock hanging between her legs (we totes didn't add that), she was once again sporting that nasty jawline. We at The Sizzling Mess like our women to resemble women and we've never been overly keen on a bird with a strong jaw if we're honest. It don't even have hips, has chunky calves and those guns seem quite well defined so we're just saying we'd like to be a tile on her shower wall to see the truth. What do you all think besides the fact that we're evil cunts?

[Image via SPLASH]

IF SHE CAN MAKE IT THERE...ANYONE CAN!

Liza Minnelli really does prove that even the most butters bitch on the planet can achieve worldwide fame and even though you may be laughed at for being so hilariously campish and ugly, who gives a fuck when you're worth in excess of $50 million right? The iconic fag hag was snapped performing in her best at a charity event in NYC the other day and the poor thing looked like a tranny clown with a gammy eye to say the least. Now we get that dressing like you're from the 60s can be cool if you're young, hip and cute, but when you're an munter who limps cause you've got a dodgy hip...it ain't so great. On the other hand we love us some Liza cause the bitch is totes cray!

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

BITCH PLEASE DON'T TWERK, YOU AIN'T SEXY!

Someone needs to seriously give Miley Cyrus the memo that says she is plenty of things but sexy just ain't one of them. We'll give credit where it's due though cause bitch has got a nice little body on her, but besides that there ain't much else going on for the skank. The face on it is evil and coupled with those teeth she ain't got no fucking chance at finding true love. Please just put the tongue away, hang up the microphone and go work in a zoo cause that's where you belong.

[Image via GETTY]

THIS SHIT TOTES MAKES US WANNA ROAR!

Another day another flattering pic of Katy Perry without make-up for us all. The singer (if you can even call it that) was papped getting her nails did in LA this week and boy did she look rough (and slightly special needs) sans slap. When this bird is made up don't get us wrong she looks nice, but she couldn't get anymore average when she puts the make-up brush down cause this is one Plain Jane right here. On top of that everyone knows her career is fluff and let's face it she ain't ever gonna win a Grammy cause the academy ain't deaf. Anyway rant over...happy weekend!

[Image via X17]

CORPSE SPOTTED WALKING STREETS OF MILAN

It seems that every time we do a post on poor Donatella Versace she actually manages to get uglier. The designer was spotted walking the streets of Milan the other day and apparently onlookers panicked as they believed they were walking amongst the dead. Seriously though everything is wrong with this woman and it's super bad considering she heads the house of Versace looking like a liver sausage in a wig. Her body is too skinny and rank for her age and we don't need to say much about that face do we? Man whoever sleeps with this must scream when they see it first thing in the morning cause we think we'd have a mini coronary if we'd penetrated something so unworthy of love.

[Image via SPLASH]

YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE A WRECKING BALL

Oh dear that ain't a good shot is it honey? Miley Cyrus was sporting one fuck off nasty hairdo the other day while on a classy cig break around LA and boy did the bitch look retarded. The singer wasn't really rocking the bowl cut well and looked more like a boy in drag than a pop star. We just don't see the fuss with this one cause not only is she butters but her voice is shit too. Just sayin'.

[Image via SPLASH]

MIRRORS MUST FUCKING HATE THIS FACE!

Jackie Stallone is one of those birds who we're not sure what they've done their whole life besides look fucking ugly. The mother of now irrelevant Sylvester was seen shopping in LA recently and even with a dab of slap it still looked horrific to say the least. Obviously this bitch has taken her plastic surgery addiction way too far, but it doesn't seem like she gives a shit. Who knows...maybe she likes looking like a corpse in drag?

[Image via COLEMAN-RAYNER]

DID THIS BITCH GET RAPED PRE-ARRIVAL?

Seriously what the fuck is Patricia Krentcil exactly? Besides being one of the biggest hot messes ever, she literally always looks like she's been gang raped and then spat on. The trashy Tanning Mom was papped arriving at some Howard Stern event in LA over the weekend (no idea why it was invited) and boy did she look fucking rough. The tatts, the body, the hair, the make-up...just the dog of a woman in general is offensive in itself.

[Images via GETTY]

WHY WAS THIS BITCH EVEN ON BB PEOPLE?

Oh dear that ain't a good shot is it Liz Jones? The former fashion editor was seen leaving Channel 5 studios after being evicted from Big Brother the other day and the bitch looked rough as shit. Now usually we wouldn't write about someone so irrelevant, but when you look like a Muppet character it's hard not to people. We don't really know what it is and we really don't understand how some bitter columnist managed to get onto a show (it's shit granted but still) that features celebs?

[Image via FLYNET]

THE CAST OF 'FRAGGLE ROCK' TOUCH DOWN

Poor old Liza Minnelli never really stood a chance in life with that face, but despite looking like the back end of a bus she went on to have a successful singing career (beyond us) and star in campy musicals. Now obviously having Judy Garland as your mom doesn't hurt and we're pretty sure that the poor woman would turn in her grave if could hear how this bitch knocks out a tune. To be honest a cat getting gang raped with Parkinson's disease comes to mind. Even the butters tranny Tubbs from TV show The League Of Gentleman does a better job as passing off as a chick...pretty embarrassing ennit. Do you think Liza farted too cause that airport worker looks as though she's sniffed something that's making her gag?

[Image via NPG]

THE POOR GIRL GETS FUGLIER BY THE DAY...

Oh man it really can't be easy when you're Tori Spelling cause the bitch truly is a dog bless her. The former 90210 actress was papped shopping in Beverly Hills with her dog and it didn't look good at all. It's kinda like Barbie got raped by Frankenstein and this was the product that came out...much to shock of the mother we can imagine. We're not sure what she does these days but Tori could definitely take advantage of the many plastic surgeons in the area cause it'd be money well spent. Just sayin'.

[Image via SPLASH]

MEG EVEN POSES LIKE A FRICKIN' DOG!

We still don't understand why Ashton cheated on Demi with this Jewish thing? Now we ain't got nothing against Jews, we simply use the term for effect but fuck Mila Kunis is one rough dog. The voice of stunner Meg Griffin was seen out with her stolen goods (boyfriend) and some random dog who by chance happened to be making the same facial expression as her. Still don't think the bitch is a dog or a husband stealer?

[Image via AKM-GSI]

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER RANK PIC OF NAT

Poor old Natalie Cassidy can't catch a break and we're guessing she's our most featured celeb (pushing it), but let's face it there's good reason here. The former Eastenders actress was seen leaving a gym in London the other day and while her body was looking better, we just can't say the same for that horrific face. Yeah we get we're evil and we're insecure but they're anyway to package this thing up as pretty and cute. If we're honest we think mannish would be the most complimentary term we'd ever use to describe it on here. Still though the bitch is driving a Land Rover so we respect her a little more.

[Image via SPLASH]