THE REAL LILY SURE AIN'T A PRETTY SIGHT

Lily Allen is apparently making a return to the spotlight cause for some reason she thinks she's relevant and interesting. The truth is obviously that her savings account is getting low and she wants more $$$ cause she's a fashion whore who lives beyond her means. Anyway the pop star (trying to not laugh) was snapped leaving a club the other night in London and the poor bird looked like a rough mom who needed some sleep. Also is anyone confused by the lyrics in her latest song Sheezus cause it would seem that she believes she's in the same league as some pretty big singers and it's just erm a little awkward cause she's Lily Allen?

[Image via XPOSURE]

GRAMMY FOR THE MOST UNRECOGNIZABLE...?

Seriously what the ACTUAL fuck Madonna? What in God's name have you done to your face and bitch would you please just ditch the grille already cause it ain't even cool to copy Hannah Montana with an STD...that's right you know who. The alleged queen of pop was snapped walking the red carpet at the annual Grammy awards...with a cane can we add, but we're told she only needs to do this when it's damp cause it makes her dodgy hip play up. Anyhow fellow gay icon and singer Cyndi Lauper presented an award at the show and looked equally strange to be honest. Both of their faces are puffed up and bloated beyond recognition and we just don't understand how they think this looks good. Such a shame when you know you're career is slipping like quick sand and you can't do a thing to stop it cause you ain't relevant. Bad times for Madge and Cyndi ennit.

[Images via AP]

THIS DOG WILL SNORT A LINE IN 5 SECONDS

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson really puts the d-o-g in DOG cause bitch is a fucking mess and she better know it people. The coke whore former IT girl was snapped at a party in London recently and as usual it looked like a hot mess covered in crystal meth. First off we need to point out that she's only wearing one false eyelash, but we're guessing she pulled off the other one and rolled it up to snort a line? Allegedly for the lawyers reading this! We think it's pretty safe to say that Tara ain't go chance of looking good these days.

[Image via GETTY]

NO FOLKS THIS AIN'T KATIE PRICE'S DAUGHTER

Okay so what the FUCK was Courtney Stodden thinking when she got these implants and more importantly what kind of surgeon actually agrees to put em in? The plastic fantastic bimbo was seen sunbathing in the Big Brother garden as she's currently appearing in the British reality show and boy are those melons big. We're guessing she was going for a really natural look and what's up with the pussy brushing?

[Image via CHANNEL 5]

AIN'T THIS BITCH THE EPITOME OF CLASS?

The world knows the above woman simply as "tanning mom" aka Patricia Krentcil, however all we see is a tired old slapper who sucks cock to pay the lecky bill. We don't even get how this skank gets invited to events, but lady put on her best clobber (cheap shite) and worked the red carpet looking like the corpse version of Pam Anderson with the clap. Didn't she think to look in the mirror before she leaves her gaff too? Body-con dresses just don't work when you've got saggy tits and a muffin top and we gotta say that ankle tatt finishes off this look to perfection. Wouldn't you be proud if this was your mom?

[Image via GETTY]

PREGNANCY SURE AIN'T MAKING IT GLOW

If you've been keeping your fingers on the Kim Kardashian radar lately you'll notice that it ain't looking too good whilst preggers. The reality TV slapper was seen around LA eating in the streets and pulling several retarded facial expressions. We wonder if the reason behind her appearance is that she did a sick burp and some oatmeal came up, because yes even food doesn't wanna be near a Kardashian people.

[Image via X17]

WE BET HORSES ARE PISSED ABOUT THIS

Just when you think Katie Price is done making herself look like a total dick head, she stepped out to promote another cheap product of hers dressed as a slutty pantomime horse. The glamor model with herpes arrived at the photo call in this one of a kind (embarrassing as fuck) ensemble and worked the paparazzi like the whore she's always been. We seriously don't know who wilfully hands over their cash for this shite.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

HOW DOES THIS BITCH JUDGE TALENT?

How in God's name did Amanda Holden aka the slapper with a good business brain land the gig of a judge on TV show Britain's Got Talent? The cheap whore was papped arriving at auditions recently and it looked as though the poor bitch walked out of a bad 80s time machine. The bangs and hooker outfit just solidify our theory that she's a cheap tart with zero talent herself. Just sayin'.

[Image via FLYNET]

WE WOULDN'T WANT THIS NEAR OUR FOOD

Now usually the sexy Nigella Lawson would have guys lining up to fuck her, but when it stepped out recently there were zero men waiting and we can see why. The rich bitch TV chef was seen walking around London deciding what she should cook next and it looked like Dumbo in a yellow tent to say the least. We literally cannot get over her fuck off massive ears and that hair is so flat and rank looking bless her. Maybe check the mirror before you leave ya gaff next time love?

[Image via MEL]

SOMETIMES EVEN ANIMALS GET IT WRONG

We stumbled across this golden oldie of TV personality (pig) Vanessa Feltz and couldn't help but not feature it on The Sizzling Mess for your viewing pleasure. Now we're not sure what it's up to these days besides eating, but we sure as hell remember the bitch for her rank wardrobe choices. According to sources she actually employs a stylist but we don't know of any respectable stylist who would pull a dress from Frederick's of Hollywood (Ann Summers for English people) and put it on someone for a red carpet event. Well maybe not red, we are only talking about Vanessa Feltz here.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

PICKING UP THE PIECES...OF BROKEN MIRROR

Now for some reason ginga singer (she does try) Paloma Faith just fucks us off cause the bitch has got the kinda face that just puts us in a bad mood. We're guessing she already got the Google alert on herself and is reading this and if so please just stop trying to sing and go work with animals honey. Those fucking evil teeth and birds nest hair are making us gag and we're not sure if it's got a third tit or something, but that dress is either fifty sizes too small or bitch needs to be in the Guinness Book Of Records. Just sayin'.

[Image via XPOSURE]

THIS IS MORE ANNOYING THAN RACHEL ZOE

What did Brad Goreksi think he looked like when he checked in the mirror before leaving to host the AMA's last month is what we wanna know? The celebrity "stylist" or Canadian import that attracts wealthy fag hags was seen on the red carpet with his microphone at the ready and he looked like a gay beaver who was trying too hard. The hair looked like a wall of steel and we never realized he had such huge fuck-off ears. Canadians already get a bad rep as it is, but Brad being one certainly doesn't help.

[Image via ABC]

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE MAKE-UP LADIES

All you girls (and trannies) know that make-up is probably the most powerful tool when it comes to making yourself look shit hot and this has been PERFECTLY proved by reality TV star (slut with a pushy mom) Kim Kardashian. The overexposed tramp was snapped arriving at the airport in London looking worse for wear in comparison to her usual preened to fuck red carpet appearances. Now it ain't ugly by a long shot but the panda eyes, spotty skin and cross-eyed look just ain't working for us, thus proving that Kim is normal after all. We'd like to highlight the fact that "thus" is the smartest word we've ever used on The Sizzling Mess, so we've moved up a notch on the class scale.

[Image via INF]

LOOKS LIKE IT'S FREEZING IN LA FOR ONCE

It's common knowledge that Khloe Kardashian is the ugly duckling (bless her) of the Kardashian clan so the above snap of it really ain't no surprise if we're honest. The reality TV star (tranny) was papped en route to the gym and it looked fucking rough what with the flat ass hair, bad complexion and potato head. Oh and erm what's with those fuck off coat hook nipples honey? We'll give her some points for her Celine bag but even that's unoriginal aka LA style.

[Image via FLYNET]

WE NEED THERAPY AFTER THIS SHIT

Fuck us hard and tell us this ain't the hilarious Kathy Griffin. Unfortunately for this poor bitch, she looks even worse minus the war paint and although we love her we just can't let this pic slide. Now this gal can just sit back and take it cause she's a cunt to everyone else, but not only is she fugly as hell but she looks dang scary in the above snap. The comedienne (insecure fag hag) was papped on a run around West Hollywood with her boyfriend (he's partially sighted) and it looked possessed to say the least. We swear to God we could actually eat our lunch off her forehead too.

[Image via FLYNET]

HAS IT BEEN EATING THE MEAT DRESS?

Lady GaGa has always been known for her slender frame, so the singer shocked fans in Amsterdam when she appeared on stage looking like a fucking pig in drag. We know it's Italian so she probably loves her food, but we're guessing she's gotten a lot bigger lately due to the fact that she can't resist a good old nosh on her outfits (the meat dress) in between numbers. The ass on it resembles a baby whale, the thighs have increased ten fold and that face just offends us if we're honest. It just looks a fucking mess and there ain't nothing else to it.

[Image via SPLASH]

THERE'S NOTHING ELSE WE CAN SAY

Lady GaGa has always striked us as a try hard that clearly got bullied for being Italian in high school, so it's no surprise that as a grown ass woman she dresses like a dickhead to get attention. The weird ass singer was papped leaving her hotel in Germany recently and she looked like a fucking idiot if we're honest. Just cause she's draped in vile couture sure as hell don't make her fashionable or cool in our eyes, but her fans or "little monsters" aka fags who like beaty music seem to eat this shit up like brownies. We're just waiting for her 15 minutes of fame to run out so she can go work in a deli in the East Village and spare the world of her fakeness.

[Image via ISO]

THIS BITCH WOULD EAT MONEY IF SHE COULD

Bethenny Frankel is known for her love of money, fame and erm more money. The materialistic former star of Real Housewives was snapped walking around NYC over the weekend and we're guessing she looked so shocked because she remembered how much money she has. If anyone is motivated by the big bucks then it's Bethenny cause this bitch is always seen sporting the latest designer shit. On the other hand, she could be having a fit in the above pic cause she does look slightly retarded. She gets an A+ for her body and outfit, but her eyes are freaking us out cause they're different sizes and that thinning hairline kinda ruins the look.

[Image via RPAPG]

WE'D PUT MONEY AND CUM ON THIS SHIT

The world often wonders what Kim Kardashian would stop at in order to get press, but we think that even she'd go for the above if it secured the right amount of column inches. Oh and let's not forget the right amount of dollars for that CLASSY mother Kris Jenner. To be honest, we think it shows Kimmy in a perfectly honest light cause she is a whore that gets her pussy out for fame, so why not continue cashing in on this example? We're just wondering if we should of made the cock black seeing as she's fucking Kanye now? Come to think this is her we're talking about and we wouldn't be surprised if she had a couple more guys on the go.

[Image via WIRE/THE SIZZLING MESS]

THIS BITCH SMELLS OF SEX

We just had to post this snap of Kim Kardashian cause the team at The Sizzling Mess actually got boners from looking at it. What is it about about the reality TV star (slut who knows how to make a buck) that always looks so cock ready? Like we've said before sometimes we throw these "stars" a bone and do a nice post and we just couldn't resist on this occasion. We know good ole Kimmy would endorse adult diapers if the amount was right, we know every woman (including the mother) is both fame and money hungry, but it looks like being a dirty whore definitely pays the bills.

[Image via FLYNET]