COUSIN ITT WOULD TOTES MARRY THIS

We've always thought that Bruce Jenner had that "I bookmark a shit load of kiddy porn" look about him and this recent photo just confirms our suspicion. The reality TV star was trying to surf with his hot son Brody, but just looked pathetic and to be quite honest scary as fuck. The creepy hair (wig) and moobs ain't helping this look much either. What's going on with those weirdly wide feet too?

[Image via SPLASH]

POSH WILL ALWAYS BE A DIRTY WAG AT HEART

People seem to think that Victoria Beckham has always been chic, but if you literally go back about 5 years you can see that she was cheap as fuck. The WAG turned fashion designer can be seen at The Prince's Trust event back in 2005 and boy did it look cheap. The birds nest extensions, orange tan, tacky accessories, slutty gown and French manicure (quiver) is a world away from her current look. It just goes to show how much styles can change! Wonder what happened to natural DD tits too?

[Image via WENN]

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL...DON'T VOMIT!

Oh dear honey. Jocelyn Wildensein seems to have had some more procedures done if this photo is anything to go by. The bored rich bitch was seen arriving at a charity gala in NYC recently and apparently some kids even screamed and said they thought cats had two legs. Ouch that's gotta hurt Jossy but what'd you expect when you look like a fucking extra from The Lion King? Those eyes and lips are truly horrendous and her surgeon def needs to have his license revoked cause this is now way beyond a total joke.

[Image via FLYNET]

YOUR BODY AIN'T ON FIRE GIRLFRIEND!

Alicia Keys recently kick started her world tour and boy oh boy can the stage feel it every night judging by the above snap. The hit maker who screams rather than sings was seen wearing sprayed on skinny jeans (great look when you're obese) and t-bar heels...huge no no! The top was okay but fucking weird and we never realized how much ass and hip this bitch packs. Just sayin'.

[Image via GSI]

THEY'RE LAUGHING AT YOU...NOT WITH YOU

Yeah you took the words right out of our mind...what the fuck is that? Well if you're familiar with Spanish royalty (paella and shit) then you'll know that this is the wonderfully stunning Duchess of Alba aka an embalmed dog. The rich munter was papped dancing the night away at a charity event with her husband (yes he actually married that) and boy did it look a mess. Now we get that she's old and bla bla bla, but people really shouldn't have to look at this thing.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

HOW DOES THIS BITCH WORK IN FASHION?

We literally have no idea how Anna Dello Russo landed the job as an editor for Vogue cause the bitch is so fugly she actually offends our face. The fashion victim was seen in NYC recently and it appeared to be wearing a piece from every collection all at once. Mmm aren't fashion editors supposed to edit every aspect of their lives? It's a total plastic surgery train wreck and those fucking shoes look ridiculous.

[Image via GETTY]

EVEN WE DON'T BELIEVE THIS SHIT XTINA!

Okay so hell must've just frozen over cause Christina Aguilera was seen out again (yes again) looking totes amaze balls! The talented coach of The Voice was seen out shopping in West Hollywood with that guy who's living off her (Matt something) and bitch looked pretty damn good. The whale thighs are slowly shrinking and according to sources she's now able to paint her own toe nails for the first time in years...hoorah! All jokes aside though, lady is getting her shit together and buying clothes in the right size and we'd like to think it's cause she reads The Sizzling Mess.

[Image via XPOSURE]

MRS. DOUBTFIRE LOOKED BETTER THAN THIS

Sally Field is known by all for her bitch ex-wife role in the smash hit Mrs. Doubtfire, but right now she's just making headlines for looking like a dog bless her. After losing out on an Oscar earlier this year (fuck you Anne you can't act), she seems to have neglected her beauty regime as it was seen looking mighty rough on the streets of LA recently. To be honest it's pretty much near impossible to even recognize that this is Sally herself. With a bit of work done (especially round the neck area) she'd be good as new.

[Image via X17]

MAMA JUNE DEF OWNS A MAGIC MIRROR...

You can't help but love Mama June (aka hick whale) from Honey Boo Boo, cause no matter how fucking obese it becomes she still rocks any mess of a look with no apology. The reality TV star was papped at her own wedding (low) and the above snap shows it posing for the press in her luxurious living room scattered with her kid's pageant trophies. It must truly suck to be fat and poor, but we still love you June cause you make us feel so much better about ourselves!

[Image via SPLASH]

WE'RE HOPING NOMI WOULD STILL BE HOT

Surely you all remember that fabulous Oscar worthy movie Showgirls starring sexy slut Elizabeth Berkley from Saved By The Bell? Well if you don't you're not very cultured cause it's definitely a movie that intellects rave about. Anyway in the movie Liz portrays this whore of a stripper called Nomi and as you can see she'd have given a dog a boner, but fast forward to 2013 and things ain't looking so pretty. The days the poor bird doesn't get much work, which is probably cause it's bordering on tubby to say the least and we get that she represents the "average woman of today" but we simply don't care. Now she doesn't look THAT bad, but it sadly resembles any other chubby new mom who's too lazy to shift the baby weight and we want to look at unattainable and unrealistic. We don't think this is too much to ask of celebrity mothers, but at least this proves that kids are the root of all weight gain (evil) yet again.

[Image via MGM/SPLASH]

WE WONDER IF ANTONIO STILL PORKS THIS?

Oh dear what have you done to yourself honey? Hollywood actress (senior citizen) Melanie Griffith left her gaff the other day and it's blatantly clear that she's still refusing to accept the fact that she's not 25 anymore. The over the hill star has long been a fan of the surgeon's knife, but if a surgeon butchered out lips and gave us filler like this they'd get a fuck off massive lawsuit on their hands. Why oh why do you keep doing this to yourself Mel?

[Image via SPLASH]

THE AWARD FOR UGLIEST COUPLE GOES TO...

Beth Ditto is kinda cool in the way that she really doesn't give a shit about fashion or having a healthy heart, but on the other hand she's just an obese pig. The lead singer of Gossip was seen attending some shit event with an Asian queen for a date and the pair of them looked truly butters. If you look too closely it looks like he's gonna eat you and we don't understand why Valentino agreed to dress Beth unless she paid for the shoes herself. Is it just us or do you think Jessie J would look like this if she was obese too?

[Image via GOFF]

NEXT TIME KEEP YOUR GLASSES ON KARL

What we find so hilarious about "designer" Karl Largerfeld is that he slammed Adele for her weight when not so long ago he was morbidly obese himself. For our tens of readers, do not fear as this will be making a hilarious future blog post. Anyhow the douche bag was papped at lunch with his fashion click like every other "straight" pensioner and was a sight for sore eyes when he took his sunglasses off. Not to mention he also thought it was appropriate lunch etiquette to whip out his phone and show the girls his latest Grindr hook up. We just don't get the big deal with this thing and on a side note Chanel is looking tired these days, so just get someone who wasn't born in the 1800's to replace him.

[Image via COCO PEREZ]

DOES THE CORPSE BRIDE ACTUALLY EXIST?

Now we're not gonna be too mean here cause we do have a conscious (yeah right), but Giuliana Rancic is not looking good lately bless her. Thankfully she recovered from breast cancer and has been given the all clear, but she was snapped looking dangerously thin (as in 2007 Nicole Richie weight) and it ain't a good look. The creepy looking Fashion Police host looks very similar to Tim Burton's animated creation (minus the anorexia) and we definitely think she needs some more meat on her bones. Go wolf down a couple cheeseburgers and you'll look so much better.

[Image via E!/Warner Bros]

WE'RE GONNA HOLD THIS AGAINST YOU

Whatever happened to Britney Spears bless her? She used to look so good and her body was shit hot back in the day, but since shitting out a couple kids all she seems to do is release filler albums and eat junk food? The past-it hit maker was seen grabbing coffee and donuts (shocker) and wearing a truly horrendous outfit whilst strolling around her neighborhood the other day. We still don't get that with all her dough she can't afford decent hair extensions? Just sayin'.

[Image via TMZ]

EVEN LEGENDS HAVE THEIR FUGLY DAYS

Oh dear honey what happened here? We're guessing it was a last minute grab of clothing in order to get some fags from her local offy, but these days Diana Ross never seems to make any sort of effort unless it's a red carpet event. The former Supremes member was seen leaving a drugstore in Beverly Hills wearing a tracksuit with the pants TUCKED into her Ugg boots. Even we can feel the shame for this stunning look, but she's kinda earned the right to wear what the fuck she wants even though she looks a total state most of the time.

[Image via INSIGHT]

ANOREXIA CAN SUIT SOME PEOPLE YOU KNOW

Okay so the bottom line is that Lara Flynn Boyle used to look good back in the day and now it's just a botched surgery mess. Do you all remember the ballerina look she rocked at the Golden Globes? Oh how we miss those good old Calista days. Anyway the former model was seen running errands around LA recently and she was almost unrecognizable if we're honest. Gone were the razor sharp cheekbones and dewy complexion and in their place sat a rather puffy and chubby looking thing. These days she's looking more like an over the hill hooker rather than an ex-supermodel.

[Image via WIRE/SPLASH]

XTINA FINALLY FIRED HER BLIND STYLIST!

Holy Shit what did this woman do with Xtina! You're eyes ain't fooling you either cause this actually is Christina Aguilera looking a MILLION times better than usual thanks to some much needed weight loss and a stylist who isn't visually impaired. The talented singer was snapped walking the red carpet at the Time 100 event in NYC recently and she looked a million bucks. We literally can't think of a bad word to say and we don't often have this problem as you all know. Just keep doing whatever you're doing honey!

[Image via GETTY]

EVEN HANNAH LOOKS BETTER THAN THIS SHIT

Bless her! We love us some Lena Dunham but the other day it was papped arriving to the set of Girls and it looked a total dyke mess. It's common knowledge the girl ain't no looker, but we're more puzzled as to why it's such a pig at only 26 years old? Do girls these days not understand that in order to achieve happiness and get hot guys they need to be a size 10 max? Like we said we love her creative genius but not eating would help.

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

THIS BITCH HAS DEFINITELY GOT A THIRD ARM

To be honest we don't actually hate that much on Florence Welch, but we firmly believe that it hides a fuck off sausage between her (or his) legs cause those feet do not belong to a woman. The singer was papped strolling the streets of London looking for a surgeon to chop off her man meat, but it returned home unlucky after every surgeon said they don't touch ginga cock. Ouch that's gotta hurt Flo...or should we say Fred? Anyhow it made plenty of dough from those shit records so hopefully someone will agree to the op soon. On a side note those fucking cheekbones could cut glass and look VERY feminine. Best of luck honey...or should we say dude.

[Image via FLYNET]

HERE'S YOUR PLATE OF CRAZY FOR THE DAY

We all remember her for the line "Amanda please" but lately Amanda Bynes has been acting fucking nuts to say the least. Not only is it looking butters and insane at the same time, but we do not get why she's pierced her cheeks with diamante studs. The clown brows, fish lips and Snooki esque outfit just isn't working for her either. We think it's bout time you increased those meds honey.

[Image via SPLASH]

PRINCESS FIONA AIN'T AGING TOO WELL FOLKS

Once again we're reminded that time is a CUNT because just look at what Mr. Gravity's done to poor Cameron Diaz. The once hot actress was seen running errands around LA the other day sans slap and it looked rough as arse holes to say the least. Gone is the stunning face and in it's place is a tired looking mug resembling your average Plain Jane. It makes us sad but money clearly can't buy everything.

[Image via NEW LINE/FLYNET]

EXERCISE WON'T FIX THIS SHIT HONEY

Alicia Douvall is one of those gals who's famous for doing fuck all besides being a slut. The former models (yeah right) was papped running around her local park in London and it certainly doesn't photograph well these days that's for sure. The trout pout, bloated face and balloon tits just don't work when you're like 60 years old. It's kinda embarrassing to look this bad and be totally irrelevant.

[Image via ISO]

LOOK AWAY, YOU'LL CATCH HIV PEOPLE!

We are not we repeat NOT homophobic for anyone out there who's too sensitive, but when this munter of a being aka Perez Hilton left his gaff the other night to attend some shite event we just had to make it a post. Sorry but it should actually be illegal to look this ugly and he literally looked like he was carrying the HIV virus. To think that this has adopted a kid too...the poor thing don't stand a chance.

[Image via PEREZ HILTON]

JUDY WILL BE TURNING IN HER GRAVE

It must be pretty darn awkward when you're the daughter of Hollywood royalty and look butters, but good old Liza Minnelli braved the negativity when it stepped out for an event in NYC recently. The fugly gay icon was papped walking the red carpet and it looked like a fuck off nasty tranny if you ask us. Someone needs to tell this thing that surgery ain't gonna help her mug cause you can't alter genes when you look this fucked that's for sure. Jesus this evil looking thing didn't have a chance since birth.

[Image via WIRE]

PREGNANCY SURE AIN'T MAKING IT GLOW

If you've been keeping your fingers on the Kim Kardashian radar lately you'll notice that it ain't looking too good whilst preggers. The reality TV slapper was seen around LA eating in the streets and pulling several retarded facial expressions. We wonder if the reason behind her appearance is that she did a sick burp and some oatmeal came up, because yes even food doesn't wanna be near a Kardashian people.

[Image via X17]

HOW DOES RICHARD PORK THIS THING?

Holy shit balls! This STUNNING pic of past-it Judy Finnigan is gonna give us some fuck off nightmares that's for sure. The former host of that shit show Richard & Judy was seen running errands around London recently and not only did it look fucking scary, the bitch looked truly BUTTERS to say the least. We're sorry but her husband is way hotter than her and there's no way he's fucking this unless he's cheating on the side. Fuck though...put on some slap next time you leave ya gaff.

[Image via GETTY]

WELL IT SEEMS THAT PIGS CAN ACTUALLY FLY

For the unculured bunch who don't know who Holly Hagan is, she's a reality TV star (pig in a wig) who stars on MTV show Geordie Show aka slags from the north. The tranny mess was seen arriving in Australia with her cast mates and it looked like a chubby clown whilst walking through the airport. Apparently a customs officer asked her if she had anything to declare and she replied "I'm a dog" so we've gotta give the bitch props for her humor. Oh, that's one evil face though.

[Image via INF]

HOW THIS WON AN OSCAR IS BEYOND US...

Don't get it twisted cause we love a bit of Anne Hathaway circa her Devil Wears Prada days, but lately bitch has just got boring and on top of that it looks like a boy with a pussy now. The skinny actress could have been mistaken for a paper boy whilst walking the streets of Brooklyn the other day and we've never noticed how big it's ears and nose are. Like we said we dig a few of her movies, but at the end of the day she's just a Plain Jane who was in the right place at the right time.

[Image via EAGLE]

BEING STONED WITH YOUR MOM MUST SUCK

Oh how we feel for this poor kid. Tori Spelling took her sprog out on the town over the weekend and they did a little retail therapy, but to be honest it looked more like the kid was gonna gag from the sight of her mom's fuck off head. The has-been actress was obviously never a looker but her head seems to have grown even more and those frog eyes are just freaking us out. The poor kid even has to look away for fear of vomming.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

MORE LIKE THE FUGLIEST HOUSEWIVES...

Oh dear, Vicki Gunvalson from OC Housewives recently got chin implants and it don't look good. The dumb bitch thought she'd try and make herself look more like a dude and it kinda worked cause it was seen rocking a Lurch esque jaw at a recent Bravo press event. The horse like veneers, balding spot and tranny lashes are making us gag, so bitch should just learn to stay in doors cause no one should have to look at that face.

[Image via WENN]

IS THIS BITCH EVEN BLACK ANYMORE?

No you're eyes aren't fooling you, this is in fact ghetto rapper bitch Lil' Kim but these days it would seem she's been taking tips from La Toya cause it's going whiter on us by the day. The past-it singer was seen leaving a club in NYC recently and to be honest it could've easily been mistook for a Chinese take-out owner in drag. The fucked up eyes, swollen face and trout pout don't look good honey so maybe you should take some beauty tips from the younger and better you aka Nicki Minaj. Oh yeah we went there.

[Image via SPLASH]

WE BET HORSES ARE PISSED ABOUT THIS

Just when you think Katie Price is done making herself look like a total dick head, she stepped out to promote another cheap product of hers dressed as a slutty pantomime horse. The glamor model with herpes arrived at the photo call in this one of a kind (embarrassing as fuck) ensemble and worked the paparazzi like the whore she's always been. We seriously don't know who wilfully hands over their cash for this shite.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

GERMAN BITCHES SCRUB UP PRETTY WELL

Diane Kruger like many other German imports always look boner inducingly hot when they're covered in slap, but when it's all peeled off they make even Mila Kunis look naturally pretty. The actress (erm what's she done) was papped grabbing coffee in LA over the weekend and it looked so dog rough that apparently several paps had to get that camera lenses replaced. Also it ain't the war anymore love so get a good meal down ya cause we could literally drive through those rank legs.

[Image via FLYNET]

LITTLE MIX NEEDS TO GET RID OF THIS SHIT

Even though the shitty British pop group Little Mix are pure crap, we feel that may fair better if they trim the fat aka literally kick out that fat bitch Jesy Nelson. The overweight drag queen lookalike was seen grabbing a late night snack with her band mates and it looked like a pig who had raided a Max Factor counter. Honey please just lose some fucking weight, lay off the make-up (and food) and go get a real job for someone who looks like you.

[Image via SPLASH]

SEE XTINA LESS REALLY DOES MEAN MORE

Yeah okay so we felt like being nice again, but we couldn't help it when we saw this latest snap of Christina Aguilera at the season premiere of The Voice last night. For once we may actually have no words cause she wore an outfit that made even her look slim, laid off the orange tan and didn't sport drag make-up. See that Chrissy, if you don't dress like a slutty clown you might actually achieve something other than a flop album.

[Image via GETTY]

WOULD THIS BE ALLOWED ON WISTERIA LANE?

Like every actress in Hollywood you've got your age stages and Teri Hatcher is definitely gearing more towards the Driving Miss Daisy chapter judging by her latest snaps. The former Desperate Housewives actress was seen on a run in LA and looked dog rough to say the least. Instead of her usual manicured appearance the poor bitch looked tired and had more lines than a coloring book. Again this could just a be "bad angle" but we don't care she looks rough.

[Image via WHP]

BIG ANG IS DEFINITELY HIDING A SAUSAGE

For a long time now we've suspected that Angela Raiola aka Big Ang was a fuck off Italian tranny cause bitch just looks horrendous day in day out. Anyway according to Ang she was born a chick and has only had a couple plastic surgery procedures. Erm can you smell bullshit too? The trashy reality star was seen at a book signing in New Jersey the other day and as expected it was sporting that nasty ass trout pout. So much is wrong here that we almost kinda love her, but you can't deny that it looks a fucking state.

[Image via FLYNET]

WHO KNEW BLACK BEAUTY LIVED IN HARLOW

Joey Essex is the definition of a waste of space and for any of you who have bothered to even watch that Emmy worthy show The Only Way Is Essex you'll see that he's a closet fag who thinks he's hot. The reality TV "star" was seen running errands around the shit hole that is Essex and it looked liked he'd broken out of his stable cause his nashers looked evil as fuck. As we all know he's definitely "straight" so we're assuming he just keeps hay to nibble on in that "man bag" of his. Oh and does anyone else think he's got birds living in that nest he calls hair?

[Image via MAGIC MOMENTS]

TRUE COLORS CAN'T SHINE THROUGH THIS

Good old Cyndi Lauper is obviously a lotta fun, but bitch looked like an extra from the Addams family the other day when it stepped out for a charity event. The fag icon was papped rocking some fugly ass clown slap and can you all notice those lovely jowls that come with age? She's had a good run bless her but now it just looks scary.

[Image via FILM MAGIC]

THEODORA LOOKS BETTER WITHOUT SLAP

Holy shit balls Mila Kunis really does look rough as arse holes minus the warpaint! The voice of Meg was seen leaving her hotel in London during her Oz promo trip and it looked fucking horrific in comparison to the previous night when she walked the red carpet. To be honest we can't actually believe this is the same frickin' person cause it's like she's got a hotter twin, but no this is in fact the same bitch minus about 4 hours in the hair and make-up chair. Life is a bitch but if you steal people's husbands then God will make you pay.

[Image via REX FEATURES/ISO]

FOR ONCE VICKY B GETS IT SO WRONG

It may happen once in a blue moon but Victoria Beckham stepped out looking not so great recently. The fashion "designer" was seen strolling around London in a jacket made of hot air balloons and a pair of jeans that did her match stick pins NO favors whatsoever. To finish off this fashion fail look her feet looked like they belonged to Coco The Clown rather than an international fashion icon. Better luck next time hey Vicky!

[Image via SPLASH]

LISA WILL ALWAYS JUST BE A TV ACTRESS

Lisa Rinna is one of those actresses who will never migrate from TV and if she did it'd just be for a TV movie. The erm actress was papped leaving a gym in LA over the weekend and it looked like her lips had been stuck in a pool drain. On top of the trout pout her nips came out to play and were practically winking at the camera. Desperation has always been associated with this thing and we hope for her sake Days Of Our Lives doesn't get cancelled anytime soon.

[Image via FLYNET]

MAYBE JOLENE WAS MORE NATURAL?

We get that the pic on the right isn't one of Dolly Parton's best angles, but you can't deny that bitch is looking fucking scary as shit these days. The country (fag) icon was snapped at an event in Dallas recently and in comparison to her younger days it looked like a walking science project. Gone are the plump cheeks and youthful glow and in their place is a nasty stretched thing with clown make-up. Don't get this shit twisted cause we LOVE us some Dolly but lady has taken it way too far.

[Image via GETTY/WENN]

GERI SO HIRED THIS TO WALK PAST HER

You know you're a desperate nobody when you hire regular fatties to walk past you in the street thus making you look hotter, but we're onto you Geri Halliwell and those kinda cheap tricks just won't fly with us. The former Spice Girl was papped on the school run with her many sprogs and we gotta say it did look good seeing as it's like 50, but it reminds us that every woman could look this good if she chucked up after every meal so it's kind of a downer too. Did y'all notice that the pissed looking stranger in the great outfit is like 3 times the size of Geri?

[Image via GOFF]

HOW IS THIS BITCH NOT SKINNY ALREADY?

Okay we really don't get how there are always pictures of Gemms Collins "working out", yet the bitch still seems to resemble a walking whale from Essex. The reality TV porker was once again papped fake running through her local park in skin tight black lycra and although it wasn't white it didn't make her look good in anyway. Just looking at those vomit worthy rolls of fat and a double chin we could hide in is enough to make us purge to be honest. Usually when you exercise you lose weight so erm yeah we don't know what the deal is here.

[Image via TM MED]

FUCK NEXT TO, WE DON'T WANT THIS NEAR US...

Oh the lovely and talented and NOT annoying in anyway Emeli Sande is just the picture of perfection right here. We really don't know why this bitch fucks us off so badly, but her cocky attitude don't help for one and second of all that face (and cockatoo barnet) really makes us moody. The average singer was seen leaving LAX after performing at this years Oscars (AS IF it got invited) and it looked like a cockerel with special needs to say the least. Please just do us all a favor and go live inside a piano.

[Image via WENN]

HAPPY HOUR IS FROM FOUR TO SIX!

You all surely remember Mrs George aka Regina's drunk as fuck mom in Mean Girls? Well fast forward almost 10 years (yes you're getting fucking old) and this is what it's become. Amy Poehler was snapped shopping for food (not alcohol) and it looked like it'd gone up by at least 3 dress sizes which is such a shame cause being skinny really does equal happiness in life. The glasses look more like a comedy gab, but they are in fact worn for improving her vision. We say go back to being bulimic and wearing Juicy Couture velour tracksuits cause it's so LA chic a la 2004.

[Image via PARAMOUNT/SPLASH]

AGE JUST AIN'T BEEN KIND TO PRINCESS FIONA

Oh dear sweetie this one was taken from a "bad angle" for sure right. Cameron Diaz was seen out to dinner in LA over the weekend and we literally can't believe this is the same girl who gave every guy boners in The Mask cause bitch is looking seriously haggard these days. The actress has got some serious jowls going on and we never realized how plain it was minus all the slap, but hopefully she'll be good for a few movies before she throws in the towel.

[Image via WENN]

BITCH LOOKS LIKE SHE'S FROM A STARSHIP

What the fuck does Nicki Minaj think she looks like is what we wanna know? The ghetto hit maker was papped doing an appearance at Macy's over the weekend and it looked like black deer caught in the headlights. We're not sure whether animals are living in her barnet, but her make-up is rivaling Katie Price and her nashers were looking fucking evil to say the least. In our dreams we're still waiting for the sing off between this bitch and Lil' Kim.

[Image via WENN]