SPONGE BOB WAS ALWAYS A DIRTY GAY

We gotta admit that Tom Daley is TOTES one of our many illegal crushes (we feel like pedos) and it seems even Sponge Bob can't keep his animated hands (and tongue) off his hot torso. What we wouldn't give to be the pool this thing dives in...preferably minus the Speedos.

[Image via NICKELODEON/GETTY]

NEXT TIME KEEP YOUR GLASSES ON KARL

What we find so hilarious about "designer" Karl Largerfeld is that he slammed Adele for her weight when not so long ago he was morbidly obese himself. For our tens of readers, do not fear as this will be making a hilarious future blog post. Anyhow the douche bag was papped at lunch with his fashion click like every other "straight" pensioner and was a sight for sore eyes when he took his sunglasses off. Not to mention he also thought it was appropriate lunch etiquette to whip out his phone and show the girls his latest Grindr hook up. We just don't get the big deal with this thing and on a side note Chanel is looking tired these days, so just get someone who wasn't born in the 1800's to replace him.

[Image via COCO PEREZ]

WHO KNEW BLACK BEAUTY LIVED IN HARLOW

Joey Essex is the definition of a waste of space and for any of you who have bothered to even watch that Emmy worthy show The Only Way Is Essex you'll see that he's a closet fag who thinks he's hot. The reality TV "star" was seen running errands around the shit hole that is Essex and it looked liked he'd broken out of his stable cause his nashers looked evil as fuck. As we all know he's definitely "straight" so we're assuming he just keeps hay to nibble on in that "man bag" of his. Oh and does anyone else think he's got birds living in that nest he calls hair?

[Image via MAGIC MOMENTS]

JUST KEEP BALDING, YEAH KEEP BALDING!

Okay so we totally get that it's okay to become a slap head when you're older, but John Travolta looked more like an AIDS victim when he was seen grabbing a drink in LA recently. The once hot star of Grease appears to have totally let himself go and while Olivia ain't looking too good herself at least the bitch has still got hair. We used to see him as a hot stud but now the poor bastard looks more like a dirty old pedo on welfare. We're in no way saying that John likes to get "happy endings" from his male masseurs, but it sure wouldn't shock us if he did.

[Image via PARAMOUNT/XPOSURE]

HIS LOOKS SURE AIN'T GOT THE X FACTOR

Simon Cowell has definitely got a nasty tongue on him and we're pretty sure that if he saw this shit even he wouldn't be able to hold back the criticism cause he looked a fucking mess. The music mogul stepped out in LA recently and looked like a bloated whale covered in fake tan. Maybe he's had some help from the surgeon's table seeing as he's suffering from a little facial swelling? Whatever it is, we just think he needs to come out the closet and soon.

[Image via SPLASH]