HOW'S YOUR "CLOTHING LINE" GOING HONEY?

Now we've never seen the big deal with this bitch cause even though she's got a nice set of pins and we'd happily give her one, it really ain't all that underneath the cake mix. Whitney Port aka the boring slut from MTV's The City was papped getting a massage in LA recently and the poor thing looked rough as fuck. Aside from her usual down-syndrome eyes, it looked like she'd had a run-in with Chris Brown and we don't even know what's going on with the tongue. Maybe if she wasn't so stupid as to turn down advice from fellow reality star Olivia Palermo she'd look a lot better.

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

WELL IT SEEMS THAT PIGS CAN ACTUALLY FLY

For the unculured bunch who don't know who Holly Hagan is, she's a reality TV star (pig in a wig) who stars on MTV show Geordie Show aka slags from the north. The tranny mess was seen arriving in Australia with her cast mates and it looked like a chubby clown whilst walking through the airport. Apparently a customs officer asked her if she had anything to declare and she replied "I'm a dog" so we've gotta give the bitch props for her humor. Oh, that's one evil face though.

[Image via INF]

BETCHA NEVER SAW THIS ONE COMING

We're guessing most of you will either be like who the fuck is this or no fucking way, but open your eyes people cause this is in fact former star of The City and style icon Olivia Palermo. The usually fierce bitch was snapped on the blower (cell for you Yanks) on her hotel balcony in Paris recently and she looked like a total mongoloid. While we can't fault her weight or skin tone she looked cross-eyed and that hair has definitely seen better days. If this bitch can look bad, then no fucker is safe.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

EVEN NEW JERSEY ARE EMBARRASSED

We get hundreds of requests to feature Jersey Shore's infamous Snooki on The Sizzling Mess but until now we never quite found the right photo. The reality TV skank was papped at some shitty launch recently and it looked like a bottle of fake tan had raped the bitch. It's become known as New Jersey's most famous midget and she's famous for her garish make-up and crazy outfits, but we're pretty sure that even the trashiest of states (Jersey included) are embarrassed by the connection. We bet there was a lovely missing chunk of foundation when she removed her headband. Can you say classy?

[Image via WIRE]

THE RESEMBLANCE IS UNCANNY

The only reason we've never posted about Kelly Cutrone prior to this is because she's so fugly the photos never upload. We have however been able to compromise and alas as you can see above, the animated version of the fashion publicist (bitch who thinks she's important) looks scarily similar to the real thing. Someone really needs to tell this woman that getting your roots done and erm showering in general doesn't cost that much. In case you hadn't guessed that's Whitney Port, wait no Stephanie Pratt, or shit is it Lauren Conrad? Whichever bitch it's supposed to be, it's showing them pretending to work on the computer. Just like on The Hills.

[Image via FUNNY STUFF]

SPENCER HAS AGED THIS FOR SURE

Holy shit, even we can't believe this is Heidi Montag! The former star from The Hills was snapped leaving a gas station in LA looking full on DOG rough. To be honest, we're actually shocked that she's got the cash to own a car what with her addiction to dental work (botched plastic surgery). Whatever she's been doing has clearly been taking it's toll cause it looks old, tired and bloated. Get rid of your LOSER husband girl and get down the gym.

[Image via X17]

FROM THE HILLS TO HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD

Looking back in time we really did think that Heidi Montag was a cute little thing, but FUCK it's looking rough lately. The $5 hooker was pictured at some crappy event in Vegas and she looked a right trollop on the red carpet. We're loving her puffy fish lips too...you'd never guess she was the poster girl for surgery gone wrong would you?

[Image via HEIDI'S PIMP]

ALMOST UNDERAGE TRAIN WRECK

Does anyone remember that TV show The Paper on MTV back in 2008? If any of you watched it, you surely to God can't forget the HOT MESS main character (Farmville pig) Amanda Lorber. She's the youngest train wreck to be featured on The Sizzling Mess, but we somehow think that Amanda would be the type to put a positive spin on this to avoid any embarrassment. People, you NEED to watch this show to fully understand what a CATASTROPHIC train wreck she truly is. The list goes on and on, but to sum her up just look at the 8th grade hair clips, DISGUSTING glasses, fugs nose, some fucked up ethnic lookin' necklace attached to ribbon (no you are seeing it right), and last but not least a HICKEY on her neck that actually scares us more than anything. Hope you're studyin' hard at NYU girl!

[Image via MTV]

THE HILLS TO THE SEWER

Granted, she's not exactly the biggest hot mess (or celebrity) on the scene, but the lower half of Whitney Port resembles an Ethiopian minus the tan. It was the slightly retarded facial expression, match stick legs and Hocus Pocus boots that caught our eye, but we just don't get why she's still famous? The Hills was kinda fun, but as soon as she appeared in The City, fierce rival bitch Olivia Palermo completely upstaged Whitters and showed her how it's done. Bitch better be careful though cause she could do some serious damage with them fugly boots!

[Image via SPLASH]