Just when you think STUNNER Khloe Kardashian couldn't get any more breathtaking, she leaves the house and the weather decides to make her look even more fugly. The reality TV star was carrying an exclusive Hermes handbag, but even that didn't detract from her pig face and witch hair. We're guessing this is what it looks like when a tranny poltergeist from the 80s goes on a shopping spree? Despite everything she looks pretty good for a man.
You'd think the above pic was of a cash-strapped mom in the 90s, but no it's talented (and fucking obese) Alicia Keys. The star was snapped walking around NYC doing some last minute Christmas shopping (mostly food related), and she looked like a walking denim commercial gone wrong. Now we know that the holiday season is here and she's a new mom (blah blah blah), but she really needs to put down the fuckin' turkey cause her thighs are evil. She's been looking DOG rough lately bless her, but at the end of the day we bet her clothes and her toilet hate her.
Do you all remember the cutie (above left) from Matilda and Mrs. Doubtfire? If you don't then you're just weird, but if you do then you'll have already hurled over the pic on the right. Yuh huh, that is what the poor fucker's turned into. Child actress Mara Wilson is now a proud college student and she looks like a lesbian who's more into nature than dick. We wonder if she regrets quitting her career to be normal? We sure as hell would have regrets cause her life could have been SO fun and full of court cases and drug charges like Lindsay. Whatever happens we just hope that she gets those teeth fixed if she does ever decide to return to acting.
Wow this bitch is looking fuckin' haggard and we were shocked to find out that it is in fact 90s hottie Sharon Stone. Back in her prime she was known for flashin' her gash, but in more recent times it would seem that she's turned into a lesbian from Iceland. The hair is just a big fat no, but to be honest she just looks rough and used. Showing your true age is inevitable, but with all the money she's got what's her excuse?
Calling all fatties! The uber talented (and fucking fat) Christina Aguilera was pictured walking (and struggling) around LA in what is believed to be a pair of leggings from her new clothing line aimed at obese women. We think it's a good business move on her part cause she's living proof that you can be morbidly obese and still wear fashionable (ish) clothing. She's a right crafty bitch too cause we know she only wears "flowy" tops to disguise the fact that she's been carrying around a food baby for the last 2 years. We love you Xtina but please just stop fucking eating and go record some decent music.
Okay well first of all Merry Christmas from The Sizzling Mess! Second of all, what the fuck is wrong with Mariah Carey? She has FULL ON let herself go lately and we're not letting it slide just cause she shat out twins recently. The talented vocalist (fat singer) was performing an MTV Christmas special, but according to insiders she just wanted to show off her new weight loss. Erm this is where we're confused though...we don't see any. She may as well have worn a t-shirt with the words "fallen from grace but in denial", cause she looked a HOT fuckin' mess. Back in the day Mariah gave a toddler a boner, but these days she's looking more like an alcoholic (note the wine glass) stripper who does stand-up to pay the bills. Oh and the double chin, sweat and ghetto jewelry did nothing to help.
We all know that Catherine Zeta-Jones has had many stunning photo moments, but in this pic somethin' is definitely wrong. The actress (gold digger from Wales) was snapped walking the red carpet in NYC and her make-up artist was clearly pissed at her. From the buck teeth that make us wanna give her some hay and ride her to her chin aids, this bitch has certainly had better days. Is her make-up slave so lazy that they just threw a ton of bronzer on her? The poor thing even tried to save the look with some CLASSY lookin' earrings from last year's Christmas cracker, but it was just a major fail. At the end of the day it's just a cheap Welsh slapper.
Paris Hilton seems to have been blessed with the most horrendous taste known to the celebrity world. The reality TV star (wealthy slut) was pictured walking around Aspen with her down-syndrome sister Nicky, and she looked like winter Barbie with syphilis complete with a tranny edge. We're not quite sure what she see's when she looks in the mirror, but we're gonna take a guess and say she owns a magic one that hates her. Seriously though, why did she pair that RANK coat with special needs shoes? Oh please honey, just quit being cheap and hire a decent fucking stylist.
Another day, another drug-fueled party for a waste of space. Ah the wonderful life of former IT girl (coke whore) Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. The desperate fame whore was snapped leaving her drug dealer's flat in London and she looked like a hooker that had been gang raped and spat on. She really needs to get her shit together and get that mess of a nose fixed. Like we said this bitch gives dogs a bad name. Actually we take that back cause that's offensive to dogs.
Where the fuck do we start? Vera Wang who arrived in the US almost 100 years ago, now has a huge multi-million dollar wedding dress empire under her belt. However, in recent years she's kept on losing more and more weight to the point where she looks like a walking corpse. We know it's not the prettiest crayon in the box, but her arms are making us fuckin' hurl and we don't get why she used her hallway chandelier as a necklace in the above pic. She should really expand her diet beyond soya sauce smoothies and pile on a few pounds ennit. We wonder if it barks first thing in the morning?
Fuckin' hell Jess ya piling it on ennit? Former anorexic pop star Jessica Simpson was pictured signing autographs at the launch for her new Too Fat To Chew business venture. According to the whale herself, you can blend anything from strawberries (in her case doughnuts), transfer the contents to a drip bag, insert an easy-to-use needle into your favorite vein and bam you've got yourself a quick and instant food hit. No chewing necessary. We get that she's pregnant (fat), but it looks like this bitch is eating for 4 judging by the double chin and bloated facial features. Won't be long now until she's bed bound and getting sores everywhere. Yuck.
We just love to hate on Lisa Scott-Lee cause even though Steps disbanded like 50 years ago, she's still desperately clinging onto her "fame" and trying to achieve solo success. The bad drag queen is pictured above in a still from her crappy MTV show Totally Scott-Lee where her desperation is caught on camera. Never have we come across someone who wants a top 20 hit so badly. At one point during the show we thought she was gonna sell the clothes off her back to get her song played on Cheap FM, but sadly for her even they declined. Look on the bright side Lisa (urgh such a common name), you can always burn some copies of your album and then flog em at a car boot sale ennit?
Now we do love ourselves some Adele but cause she's morbidly obese and at risk of dropping dead anytime soon, we hope we can see it perform live one day. Anyhoo the singer (beached whale) didn't look so great whilst out to lunch with friends (eating again shocker) and we didn't realize it was her at first. She appeared to be wearing a beige colored tent, her rank greasy hair was tied up and it looked like she got so hungry she tried to eat her own lip. We can't help but notice that wherever she is, a glass of wine seems to follow, so we're inclined to think that not only is she a cake addict but also a piss head. Save ya money love and don't spend it all on food.
Well at least we all know that Photoshop is the reason Lindsay Lohan looks so good in her latest Playboy shoot. The actress (coke whore) was snapped arriving at court (what a fucking shocker) and she looked like Miss Piggy from The Muppets gone wrong. What the FUCK has she done to her face? The puffy cheeks, trout pout and double chin are a world away from her Parent Trap days. Never mind a deer, she looked like a fuckin' pig in headlights.
Okay we get that this isn't the worst pic out there, but even we had a hard time figuring out that it was "stunner" Cameron Diaz at first. The actress (overrated dog with nice legs) was snapped grabbing a smoothie after a hard day at the office (spa). To be honest, she looked like a Polish cleaning lady and she's well plain underneath all that war paint. We reckon that even Princess Fiona would put on some slap before leaving her gaff.
Classic beauty Jessy Nelson was brought to our attention by a reader (yeah we do have 'em thanks) and we're shocked to say that even we hadn't heard of her. We're amazed that the STUNNER never got kicked off The X Factor, cause the contracts clearly state "no dogs allowed". Anyway it was snapped leaving the ITV studios and Jessy looked like a Jersey Shore reject/Snooki's long lost lezza sister from Leeds. And that's being nice.
We could NOT believe it when we clapped eyes on this pic of DOG rough "icon" Barbra Streisand. The talented singer (pensioner that sings through her nose) was snapped walking to her local offy to get some fags and boy did it look evil. Her flat hair, nasty conk, crooked teeth and pin hole eyes are in major need of assistance. All we wanna ask is who let the dogs out? Such a fuckin' mess.
FUCK those legs almost brought up our cereal too. The talented Alicia Keys decided she was sick of lying in bed eating so she braved the paparazzi and went for a walk around NYC. Well what a fuckin' mistake that was love. Now we know she's in the "in between an album phase", which means she can stuff her face and judging by her thighs (OOO the thighs) our theory is spot on. Her tree trunk legs look like they belong in a fuckin' kebab shop spinning around and we DO NOT understand why she even owns denim shorts. Another case of a celebrity stylist hating their client we think.
Urgh fuckin' hell, it's hard to believe that this is Miranda Hobbs minus 3 days of hair and make up, but the camera don't lie people. Type cast actress Cynthia Nixon was pictured doing some errands around NYC and it looked a right lezza mess. The greasy hair, cheap clothes and cowboy boots were a world away from Miranda's classy lawyer outfits. She needs to use some of her hard earned (yeah right) millions to buy some decent looking gear, cause she looks like a drowned sewer rat covered in olive oil. Yuck.
Now we do love ourselves some Diane Keaton, but FUCK this bitch looks evil without the red carpet treatment (3 inches of slap). The face of L'Oreal anti-ageing products (no we're not kidding) was pictured walking around the zoo in LA and we're gonna take a guess and say she was visiting a relative? Urgh it looked like a fucking corpse with piss stained teeth and this bitch is so wrinkly you could easily confuse her face for a map. We're all for "growing old gracefully", but Diane's taking the piss. Please just get yourself some fillers love and quick.
We've stooped proper low this week, cause now we're so desperate for messes we're writing about nobody's from the shittier than shit TV show The X Factor. Talent show contestant (former Tesco worker) Misha B was pictured at a Talk Talk (so low) event and she looked like she'd been fucking inflated. Her tumor-sized head, beach ball hair and fuck off massive thighs looked a right state as she posed for pics. Well racist of her stylist to put chains round her waist too.
Wow ain't it amazing what Photoshop can do? Former stunner (ish) Tara Reid was photographed waiting in line to get into some crappy club in LA, only to eventually be denied entry due to being such a MUNTER. The crappy actress has certainly let her beauty regime slip and that triple chin is just fuckin' nasty. You can kid yourself all you like and say this was taken from a "bad angle", but there ain't no denying that it's looking rough these days.
Urgh, did you really have to leave ya gaff wearing this mess of a get-up love? Essex slapper and walking whale Gemma Collins was pictured walking (shocker) whilst on vacay in Spain and she looked a right fess (fat mess). This bitch is built like a brick shit house and we don't get why she chose to wear this RANK bikini from Peacocks. It looks as though she's become so morbidly obese that she's grown a third tit too. We wouldn't wanna be near this when it farts that's for sure.
We all have a friend that we love to be seen with in public cause they make us look hotter, so we're guessing that Blondie (Debs) planned this "appearance" with lesbo (allegedly) mess Sinead O'Connor. We can't believe she's turned out to be such a DOG, cause she looked so angelic back in the day and now she looks like a rough bitch that would glass you outside a pub. The tattoos, shaved head and arm fat spillage are makin' us shake our heads in despair, but at least she wore a semi-nice dress from Selfridges (that she probably stole). We know she'd like to clean herself up but money ennit.
We're pretty sure that Cher Horowitz (you should know who that is unless you're not educated to degree level) would DIE if she ever looked this rough, but unfortunately not many gals are that hot in the real world. Faded movie star Alicia Silverstone was pictured walking around LA after a work-out and it looked like a right DOG. The complexion, weight gain, nostril size, nasty teeth and Star Wars like ear almost brought our breakfast up. Ooo love, get mirrors all over your house cause somethin' needs to change.
Classic beauty Denise Welch was pictured out to dinner in Skegness last night looking like a fuckin' panto reject. The chat show host (alcoholic) took a break from her Loose Women duties to treat herself and her toy boy to dinner at Wetherspoons, and we think she may have forgotten that Halloween was almost a month ago. She looked like a slapper from the north in drag, but we hear that money is tight these days for Denise so at least she made an effort. Still a dog though.
Tara Palmer-Tomkinson got lucky and was invited to join the other classy gals (slappers from Manchester) on TV show Loose Women this week. Besides the Chanel top (which she paid for with her dealer profits), her face looked PROPER fucked. We know she's recently had reconstructive surgery on her conk but it looked bulbous, lop-sided and purge worthy. Let's not forget the overall bad tranny look, those lovely horse teeth (courtesy of the Royal genes) and that cheap mobile phone. Not even got the new iPhone yet love?
You'd think that Pete Burns would stop with the surgery, but it seems that he actually wants to make himself look more repulsive each year. We're not entirely sure what's up with his MESS of a face, but those lovely new facial piercings really bring out his eye color. The tumor-like cheek implants and over sized blow job lips are just atrocious, and the cheap wig does nothing to help the bloated pig look. We know your career's a joke, but quit having work done to make the headlines and just get a job in a gay bar.
Urgh what an absolute fucking state. The above photo is of walking science project and Essex slapper Chloe Sims. The star of TOWIE was pictured leaving a nightclub after being refused entry due to being such a dog. It looks like the bitch could use a pram to help push those puppies around. We wonder if they're real or not?
We've yet to post about good old Trisha Goddard...until now. The former chat show host (bitch with too many teeth) was pictured at some crappy event that she gatecrashed in London and it looked hungry. We actually forgot how scary this bitches mouth was and how many EVIL looking nashers she has. On the upside, if she starts shagging about to pay the lecky bill she could triple her earnings and suck 3 guys at once. We keep screaming in fear every time we look at the photo, but bless her we know she's harmless.
Oh dear love, what the fuck did your stylist put you in now? Christina Aguilera was once again pictured wearing a vacuum packed tent (in a nice shade of silver mind you) and it looked like a right cail (clothing fail). We'll be nice on the slap cause she's not overdone it too much here, but we're not loving the wild birds nest hair at all. The outfit clung to her NASTY food baby, every curve (bulge) and made her look like a sausage in tin foil. This bitch is packin' a lot of flub lately and it ain't a good look love.
Wow ultra fuckin' DOG rough Natalie Cassidy was looking like a cheap gypo at a recent charity event in Great Yarmouth. The unique STUNNER seems to get fuglier by the day, as we swear she didn't look this atrocious in her first post. We reckon she's gonna get snapped up to star in the new movie adaption of TV show My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding cause she certainly looks the part here. Every time we see her face we thank God that our mother wasn't raped by a dog in college either.
We'll always have sympathy for Tori Spelling, cause she's pretty much the ultimate poster girl for proving that even though you can shit out money, it don't mean you won't crack a mirror. The STUNNER was pictured in LA looking like the spawn of a down syndrome Barbie mixed with an alien and a pig. Oh, let's not forget the flattering clown make up. It's such a pity she didn't complete the look with a red nose, daisy in her hair and clown shoes. Her mother must of screamed when the nurse placed this mess of a being in her arms.
Ooo faded 60s iconic model Bridget Bardot has NOT aged well at all. We felt like being a bit "deeper" with today's post hence why we included this dog no one cares about, but nevertheless she was someone 500 years ago. Although we wouldn't of said no to her back in the day, she was a bit gap toothed for our liking. Anyway fast forward to 2011 and it looks like everyday is Halloween for the poor bitch. The birds nest hair, witch make up and fuckin' rank skin are horrific and we bet she's wishin' she paid a visit to a surgeon years ago. Growing old gracefully is perfectly fine, but when you lose your necklace in your neck folds it's just plain fuckin' nasty.
This could easily be some bird out clubbing after a hard week sloggin' over the tills at New Look, but it is in fact STUNNING actress Kirsten Dunst. Some fellow clubber (and now our best friend) snapped this pic of the EPIC dog outside a club in LA lookin' proper rough. The fag hangin' out her mouth, one eye open/one closed and chic double chin shot has that ultra shit HOT mess look about it. And to think this was in a movie called Drop Dead Gorgeous.
What the FUCK has happened to Lindsay Lohan? The former actress and now Playboy model was pictured lookin' like a bloated hooker with bee stung lips in her latest mugshot and boy did it look CHEAP as fuck. It was a far cry from her very first mugshot back when she was 14 and actually managed to look photogenic. We don't get how she can even afford to keep up with her collagen injections, but we're guessing her latest paycheck from Playboy to reveal her russy (rank pussy) will help out. Erm they do know that it won't be the first time the world's seen her money box right?
Dear oh dear. Has-been actress and Jabba The Hutt lookalike Mischa Barton is NOT looking her best these days. The fat bitch was pictured with a huge smile when she was told she'd won a year's supply of chocolate...tut tut. She's certainly giving Oprah a fuckin' good run for her money when it comes to who can be the biggest yo-yo dieter. We're gonna guess that she's not getting much work at the minute looking like Free Willy's hister (human sister), so how about erm starving yourself like back in The OC days? Times are hard love and the lecky bill ain't gonna pay itself.
Yeah, we had to do around 10 takes before we realized it was Kelly Clarkson too. The singer (pig that does karaoke) was barely recognizable as she wondered the streets lookin' for food on Halloween. It kinda looked like a lesbian troll with subtle dwarf features that really needs to work on her weight. We're guessing she has to book two plane tickets when she flies now. Oh love, we know it sucks when your albums keep flopping, but you gotta pick yourself up (watch your bad hip) and just try harder. Fatty boom boom!
Worldwide vocal legend (embarrassing diva mess) Whitney Houston was pictured walking around Berlin and something seemed a tad off to us. It resembled a black tranny wearing a prosthetic mask cause she looked like a skinnier (only by a bit) version of the grandma in Big Momma's House. The bloated facial features are scary as FUCK and she's lookin' well old these days ennit. Maybe she was filming a Bo Selecta special?
We're not even surprised at the mess this bitch's life is in right now. Ultimate STEAMING hot mess Lindsay Lohan has officially been sentenced to 30 days in jail! She missed a day of community service to get her teeth whitened, which proper FUCKED the judge off, so she got a whole fuckin' library thrown at her. Back to jail honey...what a fuckin' shocker! This bitch should just live in a cell.
Now we get that this fitch (fat bitch) isn't on Kirstie Alley's level, but she really needs to know when to just STOP fuckin' scoffing. Christina Aguilera was pictured shopping (robbing a Krispy Kreme) lookin' like a bloated troll in drag. We miss her Stripped days when she just had one chin and skinny thighs...her tree trunks just repulse us now. Someone needs to put a padlock on her refrigerator, wire up her jaw and drag her down the gym for at least 3 hours a day. We can deal with the cheap hooker image later.
We know you could easily confuse the above photo to be melted lard in a bin liner, but it is in fact former Steps star Claire Richards aka cheap tart who got lucky. The crappy 90s pop band are unfortunately reuniting for a greatest (shittest) hits album and were doing promo in Manchester. We don't get why they're embarrassing themselves and to add insult to injury only 100 fans showed up, of which 50 were paparazzi and the other 50 friends and family. Claire ain't foolin' anyone with that "add a belt to ya dress to give yourself a waist" trick either. Listen up love, when you look like flubber there ain't no point in even trying. Just go home, stick in an old Steps album and eat ya feelings. We'll be nice and give the lass some credit for her glittery River Island shoes. Apparently she was eying a pair of Jimmy Choo's but money ennit.
Looking back in time we really did think that Heidi Montag was a cute little thing, but FUCK it's looking rough lately. The $5 hooker was pictured at some crappy event in Vegas and she looked a right trollop on the red carpet. We're loving her puffy fish lips too...you'd never guess she was the poster girl for surgery gone wrong would you?
Wow, we all know that when you think of your favorite competitive ballroom dancers, Lacey Schwimmer comes straight to mind. The two-tonne heffer was pictured wobbling around LA and boy oh boy it's built like a brick shit house. We certainly ain't envious of those slimline thighs and stunnin' saddle bags. For some reason we think she'd be good in a Christmas movie, cause she kinda has elf-like features no?
Ooo super talented heffer Christina Aguilera is pretty much askin' for it now. The beached whale was photographed performing at the Michael Jackson Tribute concert in Wales over the weekend and it looked like a bloated pig in drag. We're not entirely sure what's going on with her STUNNING hair, cause it looked like a birds nest covered in cum. Her stylist once again put her in an outfit that was 30 sizes too small, and voila the result is an ensemble that resembles trying to put toothpaste back in the tube. We can't be sure but is Xtina trying to catch food in the right pic? At the end of the day we've got lotsa love for this CLASSY bitch!
Urgh skank bitch actress Paz De La Huerta aka the dirty lookin' import was looking fucking NASTY at this years Emmy Awards. To be honest, we're shocked that she paid to look like she'd been rimming a gorilla's shitbox and it's hair looked like a lesbo skunk that'd been fucked and shaved. Maybe next time you shouldn't match your lip color to your turd color sweetie.
We love a bit of Jessica Simpson, but FUCK it really looks like she's ditched the calorie counting for good. The bloated whale was pictured on a walk (shocker) in Texas and her male friend was carrying what looked like a snack...those fatties are sneaky bastards. We wish she'd just be honest with herself and wear a tent with the words "I'm really insecure about my body" written across it. On a slightly more alarming note, it appears her overeating has spun outta control as she's missing her left hand.
Holy shit balls! What the ACTUAL fuck has Jodie Marsh done to herself? The former glamour model aka poor man's Jordan (urgh that is low) has now turned to female bodybuilding to make a living and IT looks fucking horrific. Aside from looking like an Ethiopian tranny with a six pack, Jodie has just ruined the semi-nice figure she once had. We kinda feel sad for her cause she's deluded if she thinks she looks even close to good.
Urgh, this dog with downs is takin' the piss now cause she's left her house more than twice in one week. Natalie Cassidy was pictured leaving the gym (we're serious) in Manchester and IT looked a right FATE (fat state). We don't know who she's trying to kid with a top saying "magnifique" cause the dog is far from it. Her personal trainer who prefers to remain nameless revealed to The Sizzling Mess that she "brings Pedigree treats to most sessions" and on occasion when she finishes her cardio "gets on all fours and begs for a treat". What a fucking RANK handbag too.
Although we are most definitely NOT racist, we are biting our tongues with this one of fess (fucking mess) Jennifer Hudson. We can't quite believe it's the same girl (thing) and once again like every mess we've posted about lately, we reckon we could fuck this bitches nostrils too. Ooo it really does look fuckin' DOG rough though and that $5 wig belongs on a scarecrow. Ennit crazy what make up can do!