DID YOU GO AND SHIT YOURSELF HONEY?

Okay so we're really not sure what Julianne Moore was thinking when she looked in the mirror and left her house cause bitch looked like she'd gone and doodied in her pants. The ginga actress was papped walking the streets of NYC the other day in what can only be described as hareem pants gone wrong. Do you think she tried to salvage the look by tucking her pants into those foul boots thinking it made the ensemble look better? We love her nonetheless but she looks like a lemon and lady can do way better.

[Image via SPLASH]

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS BEYONCE'S SISTER?

Come on guys let's face it cause poor old Solange Knowles doesn't really stand a chance when Beyonce's her sister. Although she's a less annoying and not a diva bitch it really ain't something we like to look at for too long. We get that she's embracing her natural hair and giving the finger to weaves, but we think the presence of one would actually soften up her mannish features. Like we said she puts out some cool tunes but that fuck off strong jaw is making us think something else is between it's legs.

[Image via SPLASH]

GRACE KELLY WOULD BE FUCKED OFF

Aussie actress Nicole Kidman has always struck us as the kinda gal who'd do anything to hold onto her youth and it would appear that fucking up her face is included in that plan. The walking science project was papped whilst filming a new Grace Kelly biopic in her native Australia and she looked like a stretched mess to say the least. We're not sure if she's smiling, high as kite or pissed as arse holes, but at least we know her new movie will give us a good laugh.

[Image via EAGLE PRESS]

KEEP YOUR BODY COVERED UP HONEY

 

Oh dear. Just when we thought Christina Aguilera was finally looking good, she goes and robs another make-up store. The talented singer (diva pig) was papped out to dinner with her boyfriend recently and her lovely skin tight leggings made an appearance once again. Now this isn't the worst we've seen from her, but we just wish she'd try and move away from this trashy dwarf look that she's got going on. It's such a shame cause it can belt like a cunt, but we don't wanna see this mess bouncing around in a music video that's for sure.

[Image via NPG]

L'OREAL BETTER HOPE THERE'S A CLAUSE

Lea Michele from that SHITE show Glee has to be one of the most overrated gals in TV at the minute. We get that she sing like a bitch on heat, but we've just never seen what all the fuss is about. What's even more shocking is that it recently got signed by L'Oreal to be the new face of their shampoo (for pets), but judging by the above snap you'd think that the French beauty giants were visually impaired. It looked like any old ordinary Jewish gal strolling the streets of LA for a bargain and in case you didn't notice check out her nasty bunions.

[Image via FLYNET]

WE DON'T WANT U BACK HONEY

Sometimes the young and fresh Cher Lloyd can look really cute, but lately she's been looking like a fucking ugly sister that thinks she's a punk. The trashy X Factor finalist who's currently working like a bitch to get her SHITE music heard was seen arriving for a morning show in NYC recently and it looked a total mess. The rank red hair matched her lips (not a good look), her complexion was riddled with pimples and for someone that's just 18 she's got a fair amount of wrinkles. Even if you're a fan (cause she pays you), you can't deny that she looks a state here.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

HAS IT BEEN EATING THE MEAT DRESS?

Lady GaGa has always been known for her slender frame, so the singer shocked fans in Amsterdam when she appeared on stage looking like a fucking pig in drag. We know it's Italian so she probably loves her food, but we're guessing she's gotten a lot bigger lately due to the fact that she can't resist a good old nosh on her outfits (the meat dress) in between numbers. The ass on it resembles a baby whale, the thighs have increased ten fold and that face just offends us if we're honest. It just looks a fucking mess and there ain't nothing else to it.

[Image via SPLASH]

THERE'S NOTHING ELSE WE CAN SAY

Lady GaGa has always striked us as a try hard that clearly got bullied for being Italian in high school, so it's no surprise that as a grown ass woman she dresses like a dickhead to get attention. The weird ass singer was papped leaving her hotel in Germany recently and she looked like a fucking idiot if we're honest. Just cause she's draped in vile couture sure as hell don't make her fashionable or cool in our eyes, but her fans or "little monsters" aka fags who like beaty music seem to eat this shit up like brownies. We're just waiting for her 15 minutes of fame to run out so she can go work in a deli in the East Village and spare the world of her fakeness.

[Image via ISO]

THE QUEEN OF SOUL HAS SOME BAGGAGE

Holy fuck balls! Aretha Franklin has got some TITS on her and we bet her back fucking hates her. The queen of soul was snapped at a recent charity event for Hurricane Isaac and bitch was packing some serious puppies that's for sure. We can't believe she wore this dress either cause the miniscule straps barely contain her ample bosom (fuck off mammary glands), and if she sneezed we're pretty sure they'd go flying and knock a couple people out. It's a shame that a talented icon like herself resembles such a cheap whore with a ghetto edge, but let's face it how can you educate pork?

[Image via GETTY]

YOU'RE LUCKY YOU MAKE US LAUGH HONEY

Now we gotta say we LOVE us some Melissa McCarthy cause bitch can make us laugh so hard that sometimes a little pee comes out, but what the fuck did the fitch (fat bitch) wear the other day whilst walking (shocker) around LA? The actress was seen stopping off for gas and a few snacks at her local Shell and her get-up was a fucking car crash. The combination of three tops, zebra print pants, sneakers and a lovely shoulder sandwich bag just ain't working and you'd think girlfriend would use some of her Bridesmaids paycheck to dress a little fancier. Like we said we love her but she could do with losing a bit and hiring a stylist.

[Image via SPLASH]

ALL WE WANNA DO IS FUCK YOUR BODY!

Talk about coming back with a bang huh? Christina Aguilera has finally ditched the donuts and was seen in LA over the weekend shooting the music video for her new single Your Body and lady looked shit hot. The singer wrapped her bootylicious bod up in a skin tight LBD with hot pink heels and appeared to be carrying a baseball bat. No word on what she'll be doing with it, but we wouldn't put it past her if she fucked herself with it in the new video. All we can say is keep doing whatever is your doing (not eating) cause you look good Xtina.

[Image via SPLASH]

KEEP YA EYES WIDE SHUT FOR THIS

Although we'll admit it can act, we've never really been a huge fan of Nicole Kidman cause we think she's rather overrated. The actress was papped arriving at a premiere in Australia recently and her face looked a little suspect if you ask us. The ridiculously smooth (stretched) complexion, bee stung lips and inflated cheeks say to us that lady's had a little "dental work" recently. Now it ain't ugly or anything but she's not really looking her best these days. Can you say clinging onto your youth?

[Image via GETTY]

THIS IS HOW WE SHOULD REMEMBER HER

We know it's not our most respectful post, but we must say that we were in fact avid fans of the late Whitney Houston. We recently came across a vintage pic of the late smack addict at the airport and she looked high as a fucking kite to say the least. Doncha' think it'd make an awesome greatest hits album cover? We think we spot a crack pipe hidden in her hooker weave too. Oh how we miss the days when you could rely on old Whitters for making it a good show. RIP ennit love.

[Image via WIRE]

DOES MEDUSA HAVE A FAMOUS TWIN?

Urgh this is literally making us wanna hurl. Beyonce has gone and fucked up her hair cause she was papped walking around NYC with a load of maggots wrapped around her head. The singer decided to ditch her famous weave and go au naturel, but we gotta say the bitch has definitely looked better. We get that it's fun to switch it up and get braids, but she looks like she's been cast in a new Alien movie and it looks gross. We're not so crazy in love with her anymore.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

LIFE IS ONE SCARY ASS CABARET

For some reason we've always been fascinated as to how Liza Minnelli has managed to stay relevant all these years, cause let's face she ain't the prettiest crayon in the box and it's kinda lacking oh yeah talent. We just heard the gay gasps. Anyway poor old Liza aka the past-it fag hag in drag was papped leaving her apartment in NYC this week and she looked fucking awful. We do feel sorry for her though cause it must suck living in the shadows of an iconic mother with actual talent. People need their eyes and ears testing if they think this is a legend. Nice fake Chanel bag too love.

[Image via SPLASH]

I DREAMED A DREAM OF BEING HOTTER

Oh dear, poor Susan Boyle really does look like a hairy arsehole in drag doesn't she? The new money singer has gone on to earn millions so clearly she's having the last laugh, but we still don't get why she continues to look a total mess? The make-up, double chin and heinous outfit do not spell out diva, so she needs to sack the stylist (we're guessing it's her) and get some new clobber.

[Image via XPOSURE]

ME, MYSELF AND A DOG

That's right people, even Beyonce has days when she looks like a car crash. Don't matter how much money this bitch has got cause she looked rough as arseholes when she nipped out for dinner with Jay Z in NYC recently. We know she just shat out her kid so we should be easier on her, but fuck it she's got enough money to look her best every second of the day and we don't like laziness. Not so hot without the glam team are ya love?

[Image via SPLASH]

ARE YOU IN THERE XTINA?

Wowza! In case you've not noticed The Sizzling Mess tends to say partially disparaging things about celebrities, however every now and we throw them a bone and dish out a compliment. When we saw this picture of Christina Aguilera we all got semi's so that at least shows that she's getting more attractive. Lately as you know Xtina has been looking like Babe the pig in drag, but during a performance on The Voice the bitch wrapped her shit up in a tight corset, hit the stage and looked smokin'. Keep up the good work (continue to starve yourself) cause you're looking good girl.

[Image via NBC]

OVER THE HILL MIXED WITH DENIAL

We know it must hurt when Madonna looks in the mirror, but never before have we come across a celeb who is so desperately clinging onto their youth. The above images are from the Louis Vuitton campaign Madge fronted and let's face it they're practically identical. The whole thing just stinks of denial and if she thinks she looks remotely like the person on the right then she needs to take off those rose colored glasses. Reality doesn't lie though as she looked more like an old slapper in fancy dress. We're loving the open pores, wrinkly neck, liver spots and saggy arms. Age is a fuckin' bitch.

[Image via LOUIS VUITTON]

HE'S BEHIND YOU!

Fucking hell! Just when we'd hoped Christina Aguilera had been secretly reading this blog (whilst eating) and taking some of our tips we go and find this shit. Now we're gonna be honest cause this pic isn't exactly recent (she has cheekbones here), but why the fuck does she look like a panto reject? The piss colored hair, fuck off massive eyebrows (urgh), clown make-up and ridiculous lips must have cracked her mirror before she left her gaff. Come the fuck on though, her make-up artist is CLEARLY holding some sort of grudge against her and she's so blinded by her own talent she can't see it. Isn't she missing a daisy in her hair?

[Image via GETTY]