WE CAN'T FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT FOR ELT...

Poor old Elton John was finally snapped out shopping in LA the other without his famous round spectacles and let's just say we now get why he wears them all the time. The campy legend was seen browsing a wig store (shocker) in the Hollywood area and we're hoping he was planning to replace the dodgy rug he was papped wearing. What's going on with that bloodshot eye though and you'd think with all his dosh he'd get those eye bags removed wouldn't you?

[Image via GOLDEN EYE]

WHAT THE FUCK DID JUDE SEE IN THIS MESS?

It's kinda hard to believe that in her early days Sadie Frost was a model who earned thousands per day cause just the other day it stepped out and looked like a dog that'd been raped and cummed on to say the least. The gold diggin' slapper was papped at the launch for some new shitty kitchen range she'd designed and the poor bitch looked like a tired drag queen. We really can't imagine Jude giving this bitch one cause let's face it, she's plain as fuck and looks rough as arse holes. Granted she's probably a great mother to all her kids (who have different fathers) but pretty woman she ain't.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

BITCH LOOKS LIKE A SCIENCE PROJECT

What the fuck does Madonna keep doing to her ever changing face? The slutty Queen of Pop (maybe 20 years ago) was seen at the recent Chime For Change concert in London and looked like a puffy OAP whilst stood at the microphone. We know the bitch is forever on the move what with her erm career, work-outs and plucking Lourdes' fuck off eyebrows (and no doubt bush), but you think she'd of at least touched up her roots no? Oh and nice touch trying to fool yourself your young by wearing gloves, but you're a coffin dodger honey just learn to deal with it already.

[Image via GOFF]

WE WONDER IF ANTONIO STILL PORKS THIS?

Oh dear what have you done to yourself honey? Hollywood actress (senior citizen) Melanie Griffith left her gaff the other day and it's blatantly clear that she's still refusing to accept the fact that she's not 25 anymore. The over the hill star has long been a fan of the surgeon's knife, but if a surgeon butchered out lips and gave us filler like this they'd get a fuck off massive lawsuit on their hands. Why oh why do you keep doing this to yourself Mel?

[Image via SPLASH]

BEING STONED WITH YOUR MOM MUST SUCK

Oh how we feel for this poor kid. Tori Spelling took her sprog out on the town over the weekend and they did a little retail therapy, but to be honest it looked more like the kid was gonna gag from the sight of her mom's fuck off head. The has-been actress was obviously never a looker but her head seems to have grown even more and those frog eyes are just freaking us out. The poor kid even has to look away for fear of vomming.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

IS THIS BITCH EVEN BLACK ANYMORE?

No you're eyes aren't fooling you, this is in fact ghetto rapper bitch Lil' Kim but these days it would seem she's been taking tips from La Toya cause it's going whiter on us by the day. The past-it singer was seen leaving a club in NYC recently and to be honest it could've easily been mistook for a Chinese take-out owner in drag. The fucked up eyes, swollen face and trout pout don't look good honey so maybe you should take some beauty tips from the younger and better you aka Nicki Minaj. Oh yeah we went there.

[Image via SPLASH]

NICKI SHOULDN'T WORRY BOUT COMPETITION

Just what is going on up in the brain of Lil' Kim these days is what we'd love to know. The past-it ghetto singer was seen attending a charity event recently and it looked fucking horrendous compared to just a few years previous. We're not sure why she's rocking the crack whore bitch look cause it just don't suit her period. Not sure what the story is with those eyebrows or that Jackson family nose either honey, but you need to check yo self in the mirror and get it fixed.

[Image via GETTY]

FUCK SUSAN...WHAT HAPPENED TO BROOKE?

What the fuck is going on with bitches in Hollywood these days? Brooke Shields was papped wandering the streets of NYC recently and it looked rough as arse holes to say the least. The actress (TV more than movies) has fallen off the radar lately and after seeing this we're not so surprised. Maybe if she scrubbed herself up a bit she get offered a few more roles in stuff besides Tena Lady commercials. Just sayin'.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

WE THOUGHT THIS WAS DEAD ALREADY...

Oh dear. What the fuck does Donatella Versace think she looks like? The fashion designer bowed graciously after her latest show in Milan and looked more like a liver sausage in a wig than a woman. We get that she's got a good body for like 105 years old, but still that face would make any man cry upon climax. Maybe she's been dead for years and they just embalmed her to cover it all up?

[Image via STYLE.COM]

OVER THE HILL CHEERLEADER MUCH?

It must be kinda embarrassing to have your mom run around in tiny outfits looking like a desperate high school cheerleader, so we can honestly say that we fully empathize with Madonna's poor daughter Lourdes. The famous fag hag was seen performing in Italy recently and let's just say that all we can see from the above photo it desperate old slapper. Speaking of Lourdes, we wonder when Madge will get her eyebrows waxed?

[Image via REUTERS]

WHEN SHE USED TO BE RELEVANT

When we found this pic of Lil' Kim aka the original Nicki Minaj we just couldn't resist sharing it with you all. It seems that the now bitter rap star used to be fond of $5 hooker wigs and over sized accessories, but at least it looked better then than it does these days. It's a shame that she feels so threatened by Nicki too and it's just embarrassing when you don't get the memo that you're past it. We know the truth hurts honey but it's about time you started embracing it.

[Image via WIRE]

OUR CRYSTAL BALL PREDICTED THIS SHIT

If we're honest we feel a lot of embarrassment for not only Madonna, but her 50 adopted kids too. The singer (OAP) is currently touring around the world to support her latest record and she's already got her baps out here and there. What we wanna know is when will she get that's not a good look when you're mid-song and your hip breaks? Whatever goes through this bitch's head is beyond us, but we wouldn't be at all surprised if the above pic soon become a reality. Can't you just see her performing Hung Up in 20 years climbing the walls with a walker in tow?

[Image via LA BOOK BOY]

EVEN A NEW HAIR STYLE CAN'T SAVE IT

Oh dear honey. Tara Palmer-Tomkinson was recently papped leaving her flat in London and once again she gave us all a laugh. The royal (she wishes) mess appeared to be sporting a new hairdo, but it seemed to have gone tits up cause she looked like a fucking tranny. We just can't figure out what's wrong with this woman cause she must have magic mirrors all over her gaff? Oh and there's added shame cause she's carrying a VERY old season Fendi bag. Looks like even over the hill IT girls are feeling the financial pinch ennit.

[Image via GOTCHA]

ACTRESS TURNED WITCH IN TRAINING

Another day another rough photo of Sharon Stone. The actress (contain your laughter) was snapped lunching with friends in LA and it looked like she was casting a spell on the poor bastards cause she looked fucking nasty. The bitch was once a stunner that everyone wanted to fuck, but we wouldn't be surprised if animals wouldn't pork it these days. There isn't a cauldron in sight but she sure as hell looks like an ugly sister from Hocus Pocus. What the hell happened love?

[Image via SPLASH]

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER MOSSY

Now we know this was taken in the moment of a terrible facial expression, but there ain't no denying that Kate Moss is a fucking dog. The supermodel (past-it slapper) once again ditched her kid and did an "all-nighter" with the girls (fellow slappers) around London and looked like she'd been gobbed on at the end of the night. We are very miffed as to why all these companies want such overrated trash to be their muse, but maybe a coke head skank helps with sales these days? We'll admit we're pretty bitter she earns a fortune looking a mess posing in front of a camera, but if she's so hot why does everyone airbrush it huh?

[Image via OPTIC]

EVEN MONEY CAN'T STOP AGING

Who'd have thought that eligible bachelor Joe Millionaire would have aged so badly over the years? The once handsome guy who had his own hit TV show was interviewed recently and didn't look so good. Nowadays, he looks more like some member of a has-been rock band that's let himself go. The goatee is doing absolutely nothing to help his current look either.

[Image via FOX/TLC]

LIL' KIM AIN'T SO LITTLE ANYMORE

It seems that poor old Lil' Kim is getting more desperate by the minute. The past-it rapper who paved the way for other females, such as her bestie Nicki Minaj, was papped at a recent gay pride event in LA (low even for her) and she looked like a reject circus worker in drag. It's kinda sad that she can't see how lame she's become cause girlfriend needs to face the fact that time goes on and being a bitter bitch who resembles an overweight tranny won't help an already sinking career.

[Image via SPLASH]

GET THIS A PAPER BAG QUICKLY

Just when you think you've seen Tara Palmer-Tomkinson looking her worst, she steps out in public and proves that she does in fact get uglier by the day. The deformed coke whore was snapped walking around London in a very old Prada dress (embarrassing) and she looked like Gollum's twin sister. It also appears to have a receding hairline which is most unusual for women and we'd be willing to put money on the fact that we could sleep on her forehead. The lovely nose and teeth just finish off this chic look doncha' think?

[Image via FLYNET]

LEGEND OR OVERRATED HOT MESS?

Is it just us or is Liza Minnelli the DEFINITION of a hot fucking mess? We don't give a shit if she's some alleged "icon" cause we've watched numerous videos of her singing and her voice sounds like a cat getting gang raped. The fag hag has become rather reclusive since divorcing from her gay (oh come on) ex-husband David Gest in 2007, but she still manages to squeeze in a performance here and there for her adoring fans (gays). The above clip is from her performance of You Are Not Alone and we strongly believe that at this very moment in the video she was trying to fart through her eyes. Go watch it and just TRY to keep a straight face.

[Image via NBC]

WHOAAA WHAT THE HELL?

If you're an Avril Lavigne fan you'll hopefully be chuckling at the clever title we gave this post. Yeah, we just realized how sad it is that we're proud of that. The punk-pop singer (questionable) was papped arriving at the airport and we think she's been taking styling tips from Cruella De Vil. If we're honest her hair looked like a skunk that'd been fucked and then put back on her head. Wonder when she'll be dropping another catchy teen hit? Erm isn't she over 30? Embarrassing times for Avril ennit.

[Image via SPLASH]