EVEN NEW JERSEY ARE EMBARRASSED

We get hundreds of requests to feature Jersey Shore's infamous Snooki on The Sizzling Mess but until now we never quite found the right photo. The reality TV skank was papped at some shitty launch recently and it looked like a bottle of fake tan had raped the bitch. It's become known as New Jersey's most famous midget and she's famous for her garish make-up and crazy outfits, but we're pretty sure that even the trashiest of states (Jersey included) are embarrassed by the connection. We bet there was a lovely missing chunk of foundation when she removed her headband. Can you say classy?

[Image via WIRE]

ELLE WOODS WOULDN'T TOUCH THIS

We were truly floored when we saw what Luke Wilson had become in the above snap. The actor has been out of the spotlight for sometime now and we can't say we're surprised judging by his fat ass face. He was once a silver screen hottie who out shadowed his psycho brother Owen, but now he just looks chubby, gross and erm normal. Ditch the carbs and get down the gym pronto.

[Image via WARNER BROS/GETTY]

BABE THE PIG WAS BASED ON THIS SHIT

Oh dear honey. Why does Gemma Collins continue wear clothing that's about 50 sizes too small for her? The reality TV star porker was snapped out to dinner with her whale of a boyfriend and it looked a fucking state. On top of having no neck and being so fat she's unworthy of love, she felt the need to show off her sausage legs so we could all bring up our brekkie. So considerate huh?

[Image via XPOSURE]

THIS IS HOW WE SHOULD REMEMBER HER

We know it's not our most respectful post, but we must say that we were in fact avid fans of the late Whitney Houston. We recently came across a vintage pic of the late smack addict at the airport and she looked high as a fucking kite to say the least. Doncha' think it'd make an awesome greatest hits album cover? We think we spot a crack pipe hidden in her hooker weave too. Oh how we miss the days when you could rely on old Whitters for making it a good show. RIP ennit love.

[Image via WIRE]

ACTRESS TURNED WITCH IN TRAINING

Another day another rough photo of Sharon Stone. The actress (contain your laughter) was snapped lunching with friends in LA and it looked like she was casting a spell on the poor bastards cause she looked fucking nasty. The bitch was once a stunner that everyone wanted to fuck, but we wouldn't be surprised if animals wouldn't pork it these days. There isn't a cauldron in sight but she sure as hell looks like an ugly sister from Hocus Pocus. What the hell happened love?

[Image via SPLASH]

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER MOSSY

Now we know this was taken in the moment of a terrible facial expression, but there ain't no denying that Kate Moss is a fucking dog. The supermodel (past-it slapper) once again ditched her kid and did an "all-nighter" with the girls (fellow slappers) around London and looked like she'd been gobbed on at the end of the night. We are very miffed as to why all these companies want such overrated trash to be their muse, but maybe a coke head skank helps with sales these days? We'll admit we're pretty bitter she earns a fortune looking a mess posing in front of a camera, but if she's so hot why does everyone airbrush it huh?

[Image via OPTIC]

XTINA HAS TURNED INTO A MUPPET

Holy shit! Christina Aguilera has gone and let herself go big time. The singer (screamer) was papped strolling around LA with her latest fuck buddy and she looked rough as arse holes to say the least. We've been hearing for a while now that lady is due to to drop some new music, but if she's still looking like Miss Piggy we ain't got high hopes to be honest. She should have been starving herself since January and working out like a cunt to burn off her whale sized thighs, but no she's still in the "comfortable" phase of her newish relationship so is packing food away like a bastard. We get we're being harsh but she's become a right fat bitch lately and she should take her career more seriously.

[Image via BARCROFT]

MAYBE ELECTROCUTED HAIR IS TRENDY

Mickey Rourke was once a leading man of the silver screen, however these days he's got more friends down the zoo cause he looks like a circus freak. Gone are the handsome facial features and in their place is a big old mess. We're really not sure what's going on with his hair (or lack thereof), his forehead is big enough to sunbathe on and we could play monkey bars on his ears. Why does these desperate stars always go overboard with the plastic surgery? We don't think Kim Basinger will be calling him anytime soon.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

DOES MEDUSA HAVE A FAMOUS TWIN?

Urgh this is literally making us wanna hurl. Beyonce has gone and fucked up her hair cause she was papped walking around NYC with a load of maggots wrapped around her head. The singer decided to ditch her famous weave and go au naturel, but we gotta say the bitch has definitely looked better. We get that it's fun to switch it up and get braids, but she looks like she's been cast in a new Alien movie and it looks gross. We're not so crazy in love with her anymore.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

IS THIS VICKY POLLARD'S SECRET SISTER?

Oh dear honey. Tara Reid aka the younger Meryl Streep (she wishes) was snapped wandering the streets of St Tropez recently and it looked like she was going for a trashy chav look. The matching pink tracksuit, trucker cap and Gucci sandals looked a right mess and we wouldn't be surprised if the sandals were fake knowing this skank. On the other hand we must say she's a remarkable actress who has true talent....insert joke here.

[Image via SPLASH]

NO WONDER OZZY LIKES A DRINK

Sharon Osbourne is best known for being married to the prince of darkness, but the bitch is also famous for her various cosmetic procedures. The music mogul (bully who's secretly insecure) was papped leaving her hotel in NYC over the weekend and it looked like a drowned rat with bee stung lips. Ain't it amazing what a hairdryer and some war paint can do for an old slapper these days? Anyway she doesn't look the worse we've seen her, but those lips just scream whale fat and they're not a good look.

[Image via XPOSURE]

HOW DOES THIS DESIGN WEDDING DRESSES?

Vera Wang always seems to look dog rough so it was no surprise when she was recently papped at a charity event in NYC looking like a malnourished Asian toddler. The "rolling in it" designer (The Grudge extra) who rode on the coat tails of her billionaire oil tycoon father has certainly inherited some fugly ass looks and those legs are just making us hurl. We don't know why but for some reason she just pisses us off and we wouldn't be shocked if she had some soy in her pocket cause let's face it that's all this bitch is living on.

[Image via WIRE]

SLAVE TO FOOD IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT

Looks like there was a stampede over the weekend as Claire Richards aka the fat cunt from shitty pop group Steps was papped wandering the streets of London looking for food. We knew the bitch had weight issues but she's built like a fucking brick shit house from the waist down. As for the handbag we're pretty sure Coco Chanel would be turning in her grave and the sales assistant who sold her those jeans deserves a raise cause it must've given onlookers a damn good laugh. We'd love to hit it with a wet towel and hear the squeal.

[Image via MIRROR PIX]

WE BET KATE'S FUCKED OFF ABOUT THIS

Kate Beckinsale is one of England's hottest exports, however it seems that Allure magazine thought the actress needed a lot more airbrushing than usual. To say they'd gone overboard would be putting it lightly, as it appears that the retoucher either hates Kate or was drunk on the job. Gone are her beautiful features and flowing locks and in it's place are horse teeth, retarded eyes and birds nest hair. Complete and utter Photoshop fail if we're honest and the stylist needs sacking too.

[Image via ALLURE]

GABRIELLE SOLIS WOULD JUDGE THIS SHIT

Now we've never really rated Eva Longoria that highly cause we think she's kinda plain so finding this GEM of a pic just proves that we're right. The sexy Mexican (dirty foreigner) actress was papped shopping around LA over the weekend and we wouldn't be surprised if L'Oreal were currently in talks to end her contract early. We have to say that we're surprised she looks so bad minus the slap, cause she resembles a cross-eyed homeless woman as opposed to a Hollywood actress. We wonder if her new movie will be called Mexicans Are Special?

[Image via FLYNET]

HOW DOES THIS HAVE THE X FACTOR?

Tulisa Contostavlos has been very lucky in her career cause let's face it, she's a cheap slapper who lacks talent and sucks cock. The trashy slut was papped leaving a club in the wee hours and it looked as though her hair had been pissed on if we're honest. Not too sure if she's got the figure for high waisted denim hot pants either. Oh and those nails are making us quiver.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

WE GET WHY JAMIE'S PILED IT ON NOW

We really do feel for Jamie Oliver cause if this is what he has to pork at night, then no wonder he's resorted to excessive comfort eating. His wife Jools Oliver was papped running errands around London and the poor bitch looked rough as arse holes. Her facial features used to be so pretty but now she looks like a witch in flip flops. Bad times for Jamie ennit.

[Image via GOFF]

PIGS IN BLANKETS MUST HAIL FROM ESSEX

No one in this world should really be forced to have to see the above out and about. Gemma Collins aka Free Willy from the culture filled TV show TOWIE was papped walking around her native Essex doing some shopping that we're guessing was mostly food related. The two ton Tessie appeared to be wearing some discounted catalogue curtains as a dress cause the outfit looked cheap as chips. As always she gave onlookers something to purge about and made sure a little knee (or white kebab meat) was visible for everyone to see.

[Image via SPLASH]

THIS BITCH ISN'T MEANT TO BE SKINNY

Okay so we get that we've been hating kinda hard on Jennifer Hudson lately, but lady just hasn't been looking good so she can suck it. The singer and former fat bitch was papped singing away at some charity gig and if we're honest it looked a fucking mess. The car crash outfit, bowlegged posture and Muppet-like features are making us shake our heads with embarrassment. We think someone definitely needs to sack the stylist.

[Image via AP]

DEATH BECOMES HER POTION DON'T EXIST

Fuck us hard cause we literally could NOT believe our eyes when we first spotted this picture! The above pensioner is in fact former Italian siren Isabella Rossellini and it's pretty clear that Mr Gravity's been an asshole to her and she's been a dumb bitch and not succumbed to the surgeon's knife. We don't really have any words but we wouldn't want her to spread for us anymore that's for sure.

[Image via FLYNET]

WE LOVE US SOME VINTAGE HOUSEWIVES

We bet the "lovely" Kim Zolciak and NeNe Leakes were slightly embarrassed when these pics of them back in the day surfaced recently. It would seem that the classy housewives (trailer trash skanks) weren't so camera without the $$$ but Kim does look a lot fresher, however NeNe just looks weird. Fast forward about 30 years and they both scream trash and new money so well done ladies!

[Image via BRAVO]

HAS HER FACE BECOME A SCARY MOVIE?

Anna Faris is best known for her portrayal of that dumb bitch Sydney from the Scary Movie franchise and a couple other flicks that she was shit in too. Anyway she was papped walking the red carpet at some new phone launch and her face looked a little suspect we gotta say. It looked as though Anna had visited the doctor to have some "dental work" as Kathy Griffin would say, cause she kinda looked like a puffy coke whore. Not loving the bangs either if we're honest.

[Image via GETTY]

THROW OUT THAT MAGIC MIRROR HONEY

Oh dear. Just when ya think you've seen it all from good ole Natalie Cassidy aka Sonja the down syndrome dog from Eastenders, she leaves her gaff and even makes the paps gag. The actress (pushing it) appeared to have invested in some new clown-like footwear cause they made her feet look fucking huge. It really is just a walking disaster, but we hate to be overly harsh on the poor girl cause let's face it God fucked this girl over.

[Image via WENN]

THIS WOULD HAVE KILLED ASHTON'S BONER

Holy shit balls! Who'd have thought that Demi Moore once resembled an overweight school teacher from middle America? The actress and erm nutter is seen back in the day with her real teeth and pre-surgery looks and we gotta say she definitely needed the work. It's pretty crazy that she was 28 in the left pic and is 48 in the right huh? Let's just hope this bitch gains a little more weight cause she's starting to look like Nicole Richie when she was "overworked".

[Image via GETTY/WIRE]

EVEN SVEN WOULD SHAKE HIS HEAD

Remember back in the day when Italian lawyer (slut who earns a legal wage) Nancy Dell'Olio became famous cause she was banging football manager Sven-Göran Eriksson? Well fast forward about a decade and you can see she's still the same old sad and desperate slapper she always was. The pasta loving slut was papped arriving at a charity bash in London and looked like the drag version of Liz Taylor gone wrong. She looks good for 51 we have to say but classy and her name just don't mix.

[Image via PA]

CATWOMAN HAS A LIVING SISTER

Besides being an ugly bitch, Jocelyn Wildenstein is one lucky mother fucker. The heiress is famous for fucking up her face with multiple surgeries in order to "resemble a cat", but what's even more ridiculous is that she received a $4 billion (yes BILLION) divorce settlement back in 1999, which is the largest ever divorce payout in history. Talk about obscene right? We like how Oprah worked her whole life to earn half of this, yet this bitch just banged a rich guy and walked away with a bucket load of cash.

[Image via GETTY/PACIFIC COAST]

MAYBE HER DAD IS A HORSE?

Talk about bravery. Chloe Sims from that AMAZING show The Only Way Is Essex once again gave us more to write about and decided to leave her house the other day. It was papped walking around Essex (shocker) and looked more like a freak show than a youthful 21 year old. Yeah that's right this shit is 21 years old. Even without make-up she looks like a fucking stretched mess with horse teeth.

[Image via MAGIC MOMENTS]

WORKING GIRL TURNED FREAK SHOW

Why is it that so many women in Hollywood are insecure and worried about aging? Melanie Griffith is a prime example of why you should age gracefully, cause she looks like a fucking freak show compared to back in the day. The actress used to have a natural glow about her, but now she just looks like a stretched liver sausage in a wig. We really don't get what these women see when they look in the mirror.

[Image via GETTY/WIRE]

DOES THIS BITCH LIVE ON A FUCKING DRIP?

Doesn't the lovely Alexa Chung just look like the picture of health? The overrated waste of space and "fashion icon" was seen at the launch of some shitty product in NYC recently and we're pretty sure we've seen 3 year old kids with larger legs. We'd love to know when she last ate a proper meal, cause according to sources she apparently avoids brushing her teeth as toothpaste contains too many calories. This all leads us to believe that maybe she was abused as a child or some bullshit like that? We bet she was DYING to turn around and start munching on the greenery behind her.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

WIRE HANGERS AIN'T HER ONLY PROBLEM

If you don't get the title of this post, you're either not educated enough or not gay enough. The legendary actress (stretching it) Faye Dunaway hasn't really been in a decent movie since her OSCAR WORTHY performance in Mommie Dearest and after seeing the above we can see why. Her famous razor sharp cheekbones have disappeared and been replaced by a rank complexion complete with horse teeth and wrinkles so deep you could drown in them. Okay, we're being a little dramatic we get it, but come the fuck on she's become a right dog. Bad times for Faye ennit.

[Image via GETTY/WIRE]

WONDER WHO WEARS THE STRAP-ON?

What in God's name has Cynthia Nixon done to herself? Now don't get us wrong we're not anti-gay or anything but she just looks a total mess. The former star of hit show Sex And The City was seen walking through Soho with her STUNNING wife/husband and they both kinda looked like walking car crashes. The only hint that Cynthia may be the wife in the bedroom is the fact that she wore a delicate necklace and pinkish top. If that's the case then we don't get why the other thing isn't wearing a tool belt?

[Image via SPLASH]