WHY THE FUCK DOES KIMMY WEAR WIGS?

Holy shit is what we thought when we first clapped eyes on this pic of Kim Zolciak. Now we ain't her biggest fan cause let's face it; she's a trashy and talentless hick who looks like a drag queen. That is until she ditched the fake tan, wigs and clown make-up, cause judging by her latest Twitter snap lady is looking mighty fine. Now we know it totally goes against the rules of The Sizzling Mess to be nice to celebs (even to Xtina), but there ain't no denying that Kim looks pretty stunning in the right pic, albeit in the Anna Nicole Smith (non-corpse) porn star kinda way. Still though bitch looks beautiful and should keep it au naturel by rockin' her own fabulous hair more often. Remember that less is always more honey!

[Image via SPLASH/TWITTER]

LOOKS LIKE COUSIN ITT MOVED TO ATLANTA

We guess that some people will just never learn to look in the mirror (or at least buy one) before they leave the house and this does seem to be the case for the trashy as hell Kim Zolciak from Real Housewives Of Atlanta, but secretly we hope she never learns cause we love that she's a state. The reality star can be seen in an exclusive sneak peek preview into the new season of the hit Bravo show and as always her wig and it's quality looks uber questionable. We can see that she's not ditched the tacky and so 2003 nails either.

[Image via BRAVO/MGM]

WE LOVE US SOME VINTAGE HOUSEWIVES

We bet the "lovely" Kim Zolciak and NeNe Leakes were slightly embarrassed when these pics of them back in the day surfaced recently. It would seem that the classy housewives (trailer trash skanks) weren't so camera without the $$$ but Kim does look a lot fresher, however NeNe just looks weird. Fast forward about 30 years and they both scream trash and new money so well done ladies!

[Image via BRAVO]

WONDER IF THESE MADE THE PHOTO ALBUM?

We just love how some people actually believe they have taste and Kim Zolciak is a classic example of this common delusion. The trashy Real Housewives star was seen getting ready shortly before her wedding to football player Kroy Biermann (he doesn't know what he's in for) on her own spin-off show Don't Be Tardy For The Wedding. You know you're marrying a woman with standards when she brushes her teeth whilst in her wedding dress over the sink and then spits out with an entire camera crew around. Oh and like every bride out there Kim had her dressmaker measure the amount of "side titty" she wanted on her big day and as you can it was a ladylike 2 inches. We're just loving that French manicure too cause it screams class.

[Image via BRAVO]

AS ALWAYS SHE'S A CLASS ACT

Just when you thought Kim Zolciak couldn't get any trashier she goes and does something like this. Apparently she thought it'd be romantic (actual quote) to have her husband's football shirt painted onto her naked body as a gift. We have to say that even this is a new low for The Real Housewives Of Atlanta star who always seems to look like a cheap hooker in drag. Overall it just isn't a good look honey, cause that mammoth wig is raping your head and your titties are hanging too far south. All we can say is thank God this isn't our mother.

[Image via BRAVO]

BIG POPPA IS A CELEBRITY

Back in Kim Zolciak's big poppa days she truly did (and sometimes still does) look like a FUGLY hooker in drag. Her natural looking locks, immaculately applied make up and beautiful bone structure truly do OFFEND our eyes, but maybe (for some fucked up reason) she thought she looked SHIT hot at the time. Did we mention that she was 29 when this photo was taken? Yuh huh, that's right 29. Shockingly we didn't miss off a zero. Oh, doesn't it look just DIVINE how her tresses ($2 wig) reflect the light?

[Image via BRAVO]

FASHION'S BIGGEST CRISIS

Donatella Versace really is a BIZARRE (and that's polite) lookin' thing, but we can't figure out why all these bitches resort to excessive amounts of plastic surgery? Granted, maybe Donatella has improved (looks wise) since birth, but what does she think she looks like now? It looks like something that Kim Zolciak wants to resemble when she's 76, albeit 300 pounds more of facial fillers. If we're honest, we didn't post a photo of her full body cause we knew it'd just get taken down. Seeing her in a Versace (may as well be Peacocks at her DOG level) bikini is enough to make anyone hurl. You can picture it clear enough we think...tits so saggy she could use them as slippers. Oh and no, the above photo has NOT been photo shopped. Yuh huh, DOG rough.

[Image via ASSOCIATED PRESS]

LIFE & STYLE WHORE

Whenever we think about our favourite celebrity hot mess, we always seem to forget about the stunning natural beauty of Kim Zolciak. The CLASSIEST Real Housewives Of Atlanta star was pictured lunching in her native Georgia (note the classy placing of a cigarette lighter and glass of wine), but she looked more like an extra from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. We think it's safe to say that whatever "look" she was going for here was clearly a drag queen. The hair (Smiffy's wig), clown make up, VILE French Manicure (a la Posh Spice circa her WAG days) and new money watch just scream "I'm an uncultured hick who has a show on Bravo." Sorry sweetie, but this is just one major hot pile of MESS!

[Image via PEACH TREE POST]