THE ADDAMS FAMILY HAVE ARRIVED PEOPLE

Back in the day Sharon Osbourne looked damn good for her age, but nowadays Shazza don't even look like herself. As for the daughter Kelly she's one big retro tranny mess who gives fashion advice...sorry we just can't even go there. What the fuck has Sharon done to her lips though cause it just looks like one massive trout pout people. There is a limit to what you should have done honey!

[Image via SPLASH]

THIS AIN'T GONE MAKE A CUTE BRIDE...

Man now we LOVE us some Nene Leakes but girl really ain't the best looking crayon in the box. The hilariously blunt reality star can be seen in her new show I Dream Of Nene and it sure as hell ain't the most flattering shot of the Atlanta housewife. What's going on with that waddle fat too Nene...you're only 45 years old?

[Image via BRAVO]

DON'T TRY AND EAT THE MICROPHONE TOO

Kelly Clarkson has always had a good set of pipes, but for some reason the singer and former Idol winner can never seem to stabilize her weight. It seems she's either Free Willy or Nicole Richie and we don't get why it's so hard for some birds? The poor thing really needs a new stylist too cause the person behind all her recent outfits is clearly holding a grudge.

[Image via WENN]

THE INSIDIOUS BRIDE WOULD BE SHOCKED

The Sizzling Mess is still finding it kinda hard to get over how rough and plain Rose Bryne looks minus the slap and this occasion was no exception! The actress was snapped having a quick coffee in LA over the weekend and looked virtually unrecognizable if you compare her to Helen from Bridesmaids! It's totes shocking and tbh we're just wondering how she landed such a hot fucking husband?

[Image via SPLASH]

MILEY HONEY...YOU JUST AIN'T SEXY!

It totally escapes us as to why so many people think Miley Cyrus is hot cause all we see is a wannabe try hard with too many teeth trying to perform fellatio on a sledgehammer. The pop star can be seen in an outtake from her slutty video for Wrecking Ball and it's safe to say bitch looks like a chipmunk with an STD. We think Liam is totes better off without the skank.

[Image via RCA]

THERE AIN'T NOTHING VOID TO ENTER NO MORE

What in the fuck has happened to Paz De La Huerta? We like how that reads she's so relevant but in reality everyone is gonna be like who the fuck is this bitch? Anyway the actress (she ain't done much) was snapped partying with a pal who looked suspiciously like Paula Yates from beyond the grave and lady looked like a total bloated mess. We're not sure if she's eating scripts as opposed to reading them nowadays, but bitch seriously needs to assess her portion control. Girl's got a right pair of birthing hips on her en all!

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

KEEP YA EYES WIDE SHUT FOR THIS SHIT!

Nicole Kidman was once a beauty that graced our screens, but for some reason she felt different and had a fuck load of work done cause bitch was looking plain nasty the other day at a press junket. The money hungry actress who took Tom Cruise to the fucking cleaners was seen sporting some fuck off awful trout lips and just a bizarre face in general. Why in God's name did she do this to herself?

[Image via GETTY]

MERCEDES WOULDA CHECKED THAT WEAVE

Oh honey as if you left your dance rehearsal without looking in the mirror! Poor old Amber Riley was snapped in LA the other and it looked like she'd finally started working up a sweat...talk about overdue. The actress sported some strange kinda stocking things and her trusty new money LV bag was by her side as usual (for the ghetto in her), but what was going on with that sweaty weave and horse mouth? We love you Mercedes but next time check yo'self in the mirror girl.

[Image via GSI]

YOU AIN'T ONE OF THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!

We always wondered what Dita Von Teese ever saw in Marilyn Manson cause let's face it he ain't exactly a looker is he? The rock star who once used to be relevant (like Xtina but bad music) was snapped at a film premiere in LA recently and boy did it look horrendous sans slap. We don't even know what it is and what's the grill too Miley?

[Image via FILM MAGIC]

THIS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED AT SHOWS

Don't get us wrong, dressing cool and quirky can work but when you're as old and fugly as Anna Dello Russo it fails miserably. The editor of Vogue Japan was snapped arriving at the Balenciaga show in Paris earlier today and boy did the bitch look a fool. We just don't get how this is even "fashion cool" at 51 (and the rest) cause she looks a fucking state. The fake tan, skinny legs, hilarious get up and stoopid hat didn't do her any favors, but what do we know she's an editor right?

[Image via FLYNET]

SERIOUSLY WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS?

Nice teeth honey! This definitely gives dog a new meaning cause Jade Goody's mother Jackiey Budden was papped looking rough as pure shite recently. Jesus do you all remember when Jade paid for her mom to have a makeover? Nice to know she took it seriously huh! Good old Jackiey was back to her rough dyke self when she went shopping the other day, but this seriously takes fugly to another level. Like don't even bother leaving your house when you look like this cause you've gone and offended us bitch. It's the kind of "woman" who's proud of glassing another bird outside her local for shagging her fella. Urgh we can't deal with this amount of common.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

THIS DOG WILL SNORT A LINE IN 5 SECONDS

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson really puts the d-o-g in DOG cause bitch is a fucking mess and she better know it people. The coke whore former IT girl was snapped at a party in London recently and as usual it looked like a hot mess covered in crystal meth. First off we need to point out that she's only wearing one false eyelash, but we're guessing she pulled off the other one and rolled it up to snort a line? Allegedly for the lawyers reading this! We think it's pretty safe to say that Tara ain't go chance of looking good these days.

[Image via GETTY]

GENIE CAN FIT IN THE BOTTLE AGAIN YAY!

We couldn't help ourselves when we saw the latest pics of Christina Aguilera cause she's taking this weight loss to another level! Looking back she DEF looks better minus all the flab cause heavy doesn't look good on her. This totes proves that all women should be skinny cause if you think she looked like a "real woman" in the left pic, then you're just kidding yourselves cause you're probs fat.

[Image via PACIFIC COAST/NBC]

PLEASE THROW OUT YOUR MAGIC MIRROR!

Oh honey no what the fuck do you look like now? Natalie Cassidy braved the cruel world we live in (courtesy of us) and stepped out to get some treats from her local offy the other. We ain't gonna lie but she really ain't easy on the eyes and we don't know what she was thinking with the glasses. She's probably a really nice girl but we really haven't got a clue what is is people.

[Image via SPLASH]

THERE'S NOT REALLY MUCH DIFFERENCE NOW

Poor old Anjelica Huston really doesn't have gravity on her side cause the poor bitch has aged terribly to say the least. The actress known for her portrayal of some fugly witch was snapped at a charity event in London recently and boy did it look scary. We'd like to know what's under that wig of hers tbh...any guesses?

[Image via WARNER BROS/REX]

WE WOULDN'T WANNA PISS PAMMY OFF TBH

We're not entirely sure if we've ever done a post on classic beauty (who are we kidding) Pamela Anderson, but when we spotted this corker we couldn't not share it with y'all! The former Baywatch star was papped walking around LA the other day and let's just say we wouldn't wanna get on the wrong side of it cause she looked like a right rough bitch. Gone are the youthful looks that once made her a household name and instead we're subjected to hooker eyebrows, badly dyed hair and a hard ass face. Aging is such a shame ennit.

[Image via SPLASH]

WTF DID ANNA WINTOUR DO TO SANDY?

Okay so don't get it twisted cause we LOVE actress Sandra Bullock as much as the next mofo, but we really ain't feeling her latest Vogue cover. We're not sure what Anna was going for with this photo but we think she looks more like a dykey elf who's related to Enya than fashion cover girl. Is it just us who's seeing this cause Sandy usually looks stunning? What a fucking bad choice for the cover though guys.

[Image via VOGUE]

DESIGNERS WANT THIS SITTING FRONT ROW?

Is it just us or is the weight slowly creeping back onto Kelly Osbourne? It can't be easy for fat birds to keep it off forever cause food must be all they crave and we totes think those upper thighs have gotten chunkier in recent months. We gotta give her props for not being obese anymore, but the hair mixed with the paleness and the outfit makes us think of a bad tranny and we're floored that E! hire this to co-host a FASHION based TV show. Awkward that her boyfriend is more feminine than her huh?

[Image via REX]

XTINA IS STILL OUR CURRENT IMPROVER FAVE!

Xtina is literally on fire at the moment and we can't believe how much difference a year makes! Christina Aguilera was seen promoting her latest fragrance over the weekend in LA and bitch was looking fierce in a skin tight LBD with cut-out panels. It looks like the songstress and The Voice coach finally had enough of the haters and is now flipping them one fuck off middle finger. Let's hope she keeps the weight off this time cause nobody wants to look at a whale.

[Image via TWITTER]

LOOKS LIKE IT'S STILL EATING FOR TWO...

Seriously did Jessica Simpson go and eat her kids or something? The former singer and now food addict was snapped out to dinner in NYC recently (shocker) and boy did she look a world away from her Newlywed days. We literally don't know if she's pregnant or not cause it seemed like she was carrying a whole litter last time, but whatever she's got planned for the future we hope a diet's in the mix somewhere. Come on Jess don't you miss seeing your feet?

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS BEYONCE'S SISTER?

Come on guys let's face it cause poor old Solange Knowles doesn't really stand a chance when Beyonce's her sister. Although she's a less annoying and not a diva bitch it really ain't something we like to look at for too long. We get that she's embracing her natural hair and giving the finger to weaves, but we think the presence of one would actually soften up her mannish features. Like we said she puts out some cool tunes but that fuck off strong jaw is making us think something else is between it's legs.

[Image via SPLASH]

HOW THE FUCK DID THIS EVER GET ON 90210?!

This poor bitch has to be one of the most unfortunate looking birds out there and we really don't get how Tori Spelling ever landed a role on Beverly Hills 90210 in the first place...oh yeah cause her dad created the show. The funny looking actress was papped doing her weekly grocery shop in LA and looked butters as usual bless her. You think she'd at least get her roots done seeing as she wipes her shitter with 50s no?

[Image via XPOSURE]

SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THING?

Carol McGiffin is one fucking ugly bird and we don't give a shit if that's offensive cause our faces are offended from having to see her mug on the box. The rough TV host is currently on Celebrity Big Brother and as usual she's looking like her dog rough slapper self. Seriously though we don't even know what it is and we're being serious.

[Image via REX]

WE AIN'T RUBBING A MAGIC LAMP FOR THIS!

Now we LOVE us some Nene Leakes but lady often looks like a fuck off drag queen and on this occasion the bitch got the look spot on. The outspoken Real Housewives star was seen on the set of Extra the other day rocking a new hairpiece and let's just say it didn't do her any favors. With the addition of the double chin that perfectly finishes this look off, we think it's safe to say that this genie should stay inside the magic lamp.

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

NO FOLKS THIS AIN'T KATIE PRICE'S DAUGHTER

Okay so what the FUCK was Courtney Stodden thinking when she got these implants and more importantly what kind of surgeon actually agrees to put em in? The plastic fantastic bimbo was seen sunbathing in the Big Brother garden as she's currently appearing in the British reality show and boy are those melons big. We're guessing she was going for a really natural look and what's up with the pussy brushing?

[Image via CHANNEL 5]

GATSBY WON'T FUCK YOU LIKE THIS HONEY!

Oh dear this ain't a very good snap of Carey Mulligan is it people? The posh British actress was papped arriving at LAX with her Mumford & Sons hubby and bitch looked rough as shit. We had to do a second take at first cause we couldn't actually believe she was this plain minus the slap! What the hell would Leo say to this people?

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

THE DIVINE MISS M HAS GOT ONE BIG RACK!

Now you just gotta love Bette Midler cause the fag hag is totes hilare, but the other day the poor bitch went swimming whilst on vacay and wore THE most unflattering bathing suit. The all round talent was seen splashing around in the ocean and according to sources even the dolphins were getting hard at the sight of her fuck off erect nips. For a bird that's almost 70 years old she is packing some serious knockers. We are totes thinking that Wind Beneath My Tits is way more appropriate after seeing this...we love you Bette!

[Image via SPLASH]

MORE LIKE DYKE UP YOUR LIFE!

It's kinda shocking that we've never featured Mel C on The Sizzling Mess before, but when we clapped eyes on the above snap of her jogging around London recently her luck ran out. What the fuck is it wearing for a start and we know you're only running love but did you need to dress like a butters dyke who's partially sighted? We're not really sure what she does anymore but she could totes do with some ProActiv too.

[Image via INF]

LOOK IT'S THE MAD HATTER GONE WRONG!

How the fuck can Perez Hilton be judgmental when he looks like a fucking butters tranny? The bitchy queen was seen filming something for his crappy blog in LA the other day and calling it ugly would be a fuck off huge understatement. We just don't know what it is people? Even though it's lost 20 stone there's still button strain, moobs and belly rolls. This queen just makes our stomachs turn if we're honest.

[Image via PEREZ HILTON]

WE'D WALK STRAIGHT PAST THIS THING TOO...

We just wanna be clear that we know we're total cunts, have no morals and are deeply insecure. People this blog is driven by insecurity and we wouldn't have it any other way. Anyhow the classy Rihanna was snapped leaving her NYC hotel the other night and THE most unfortunate looking fan was papped standing behind her. Not a good comparison when your legs resemble something that would look more at home in a kebab shop. You know that the sidewalk is crying too.

[Image via SPLASH]

WHEN CHANDLER BUMPED INTO CHRIS BROWN

It's definitely a random cross of paths but according to our eyes Matthew Perry bumped into Chris Brown the other day when leaving LAX airport and it looks like the wife beater is finally doing a job more suitable. Now we're not being racist and this has nothing to do with the fact that he's black (for the rude bunch), but simply because every woman he's dated has a tendency to "walk into doors" ahem. Anyway the real news value in this story is that Matt is now fat and old, Chris is a cunt and Jennifer Aniston will always be the hottest FRIENDS cast member.

[Image via FLYNET]

SHORTY WON'T GET DOWN WITH YOU HONEY

Anna Kendrick has always kinda annoyed us and we really don't know why? The mousy actress has recently shot a feature for GQ magazine and bitch looked far from sexy if we're honest. We don't get what's going on with the birds nest hair and that pose is all wrong. Poor bitch looks like a math teacher who's trying to say fuck me in the ass with her eyes and it's totes failing. Never mind honey there's always Pitch Perfect 2 to look forward to...yay for us.

[Image via GQ]

EARTHQUAKE OR IS MISCHA ON THE MOVE?

Who knew that Mischa Barton would leave The OC and become so fucking fat? While we'll always have a soft spot for Marissa and her fuck off razor sharp cheekbones (well not anymore), we seriously can't excuse her for sporting these nasty ass whale thighs. Also what the fuck did she think when she put on skinny jeans? We ain't feeling the silver metallic winkle pickers either honey so please just hire Rachel Zoe again and stop eating.

[Image via SPLASH]

WHAT DID THIS WOMAN DO WITH XTINA?

Okay so we're becoming totally obsessed with Christina Aguilera at the minute, but c'mon people she looks fucking stunning and after hating on the former fatty for so long we feel she deserves all the praise! The belter and coach of The Voice can be seen posing for the latest issue of Maxim magazine in a series of stunning and surprisingly tasteful photos and lady is looking SMOKING hot. To be honest we're more puzzled by the fact that she looks nowhere near 32 years old...what's her secret? Keep it up honey cause we love what we're seeing.

[Image via MAXIM]

YOU AIN'T 25 YEARS OLD ANYMORE HONEY

Seriously what the fuck does Madonna think she looks like? The singer was snapped vacaying in Italy recently and for some reason she thought it'd look cool to sport a grille like Rihanna. We would of referenced Miley but it doesn't work on that bitch either...another story in itself. Anyhow the past-it slapper appeared to have had a little more work done to her famous mug cause her cheeks were plumped up like hell and it's pretty much impossible for a 55 year old to be wrinkle free. It's a shame she's so irrelevant now, but maybe if she ditched the hooker look and went for something more age appropriate audiences would start to embrace her again?

[Image via AP]

SURELY YOU CAN GET THESE FIXED OPRAH?

Now it's the first time we've ever featured a foot and not a face, but you won't believe who these rank feet belong to. Oprah Winfrey seems to be one of the more extreme cases where celebrity bunions are concerned and when we found this shit we literally couldn't stop gagging. The rich bitch wasn't just sporting a little bunion, but she was rocking 2 fuck off massive bastards and it looked painful to even walk. How the hell did her feet get in this state is what we wanna know? Please use your billions for a good cause and get these evil looking things removed you tight bitch.

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

MAKE-UP ARTISTS ARE TOTES UNDERPAID!

So we're kinda being nice lately but Jennifer Aniston looked pretty fucking hot at the Berlin premiere of her new comedy (shocker) We're The Millers recently. The actress was snapped working the red carpet like a cunt, but we can't quite believe how she can go from this to looking like a butters tranny. Do you feel us people? Anyway bitch is almost 45 so she must be doing something right, but then again money does help dunnit?

[Image via EPA]

THIS ACTUALLY MAKES US FEEL QUEASY...

Teresa Giudice is one weird looking bitch don't cha think? We haven't featured her on The Sizzling Mess for quite some time now, but when we clapped eyes on the above pic we remembered why it made us feel sick. We seriously can't comprehend how low this bitch's hairline is...is it for real? To add insult to injury the broke Real Housewives star was sporting an awfully blended in hair donut, but really we just can't get past that hair. If she's got that much on her head, her hubby must need a weed wacker to find her minge.

[Image via SPLASH]

WHAT A DIFFERENCE SIX MONTHS MAKES!

Holy shit talk about a total style make under! Christina Aguilera took to Venice Beach over the weekend to show off her new slimline physique and bitch looked good and dare we even say it...CHIC in her classy yet casual black ensemble. The talented screamer was papped shopping for furniture with her toy boy Matthew Rutler, but to be honest we can't get over those slimline thighs. Do you think maybe Xtina contacted Alexa Chung for tips on how to lose weight quickly? Whatever she's been doing it deserves a huge fuck off bravo!

[Image via GSM]

HEARING MY BONES CLICK MAKES ME HAPPY!

You know that Alexa Chung is just a fame hungry half Chinese chick who loves king prawn fried rice but won't ever eat the fucker. The former T4 presenter (she wants people to forget about that) was snapped having a crafty fag after yet another day of starvation on the streets of Brooklyn and boy did the bitch look ill. It must be so tiresome being such a trendsetting NYC hipster, so we're guessing she just doesn't have time to eat? Oh and FYI Alexa, you're from Hampshire or somewhere in China so it doesn't really work love. Either cover up those rank legs or just admit you know how many calories are in toothpaste cause everyone knows you're fat inside. Oh and if there's an annoying PC person reading this, we ain't racist cause we had a Chinese last night.

[Image via X17]

WE PREFER THIS THING AS A WOMAN

Now we've never been big fans of drag queens cause to be quite frank they scare the living shit out of us, but in the case of RuPaul we think it's safe to say it looks better as a chick. The elderly homo was seen walking the red carpet for his new book release the other night and he looked like a walking skeleton with AIDS. Seriously what's going on with that jawline buddy? It's kinda shocking how bad and fucking sick he looks without all the drag crap he usually sports.

[Image via LOGO TV/WENN]

WHO WOULD APPLAUSE FOR THIS MESS?

Oh dear what happened here Lady GaGa? The songstress was seen arriving at a radio station in LA the other day to promote her new gayer than life club tune and looked like a fucking state. We're not sure what the look is for this new era, but we think it's safe to say that even regular clowns will be offended by this shit. The way this bitch dresses does nothing to convince haters that she was in fact born with a pussy and not a fuck off dick. She could of at least finished the look off with a daisy in her hair and clown shoes no?

[Image via WENN]

OH HELL NO, BITCH DIDN'T WEAR THIS OUT!

Natalie Cassidy clearly can't afford a laptop or phone with internet capability, cause if she'd done the sensible thing by reading The Sizzling Mess on a daily basis, she'd know it'd be best if she didn't step outside in anything besides a tent with 2 holes...maybe 3 if she felt lucky. Anyway the former Eastenders actress was papped living it up in Magaluf recently (classy bird) and she kindly revealed her saggy ass titties to the world. Does anyone else see that bruise on her thigh too? Looks like even bathing suits get offended by being put on this mess of a body. Ouch for Natalie ennit.

[Image via SPLASH]

GET BACK ON THE ADDERALL AND QUICK!

Women these days just can't win can they? Lindsay Lohan is fresh outta rehab and while that's great news, her weight seems to have skyrocketed cause bitch was spotted rocking some fuck off chunky thighs the other day. The coke whore (allegedly) was papped filming a commercial in LA recently and it proper looked like she'd switched heroin for cherry bakewells. We're just not sure we're digging the fuller real woman look? We've always been advocates for anorexia and drugs so we do feel a little let down. Please get skinny again LiLo cause you know fatties don't get the roles.

[Image via WENN]

KAREN WOULD TOTES AVOID THIS IN SCHOOL

Amanda Seyfried is kinda like the younger version of Jennifer Aniston cause let's face it, she's an average actress at best who got fucking lucky. We've never really been able to take it seriously besides her role as Karen in Mean Girls (ironic much), but the above photo of her running errands in LA shocked the hell outta us! The actress who offends the likes of Meryl Streep looked like she'd stepped off a space ship cause bitch looks liked an extra from E.T. and we don't mean that shite Katy Perry tune.

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

EVEN AGING HOT GUYS AREN'T SAFE...

What the fuck happened to Nick Stokes guys? Okay we totes get that he's not a real person but the actor, George Eads, has full on let himself go in recent episodes of hit TV show CSI. Even during one of his many postmortems we used to get TV screen envy, but lately we don't know what it is to be honest. The serial killer haircut, bloated facial features and puffy eyes ain't making us wanna blow him anytime soon. Such a shame when you look at the left pic too...we owe our thanks once again to a couple of cunts called time and gravity.

[Image via WIRE/CBS]

DID MARISSA PISS OFF CHRIS BROWN TOO?

Oh how we used to love Mischa Barton and her anorexic amazingness...until she started eating and became a beached whale. The former OC actress was snapped at a charity dinner in London recently and it looked like she'd either smeared shit over her eyes (make-up budget) or fucked off Chris Brown who we know likes to treat women with respect. Either way bitch didn't get the warpaint right at all, but we're hoping she'll start to eat less cause we totes prefer her skinny. Just sayin'.

[Image via COCO PEREZ]

EVEN $3 BILLION CAN'T SAVE THIS THING...

Oprah Winfrey may have a ridiculous personal net worth, but the woman has NEVER been able to stay the same weight for more than a week. The media mogul was seen at the premiere of her new flick The Butler and the poor bitch looked like the obese version of Ru Paul. You'd think that with all that money she'd at least be able to buy a dress in the right size and hire a hair stylist who wasn't related to Stevie Wonder. We bet her heels are fucking screaming too!

[Image via REX FEATURES]

WHAT THE FUCK IS IT TRYING TO BE NOW?

So we know this thing has become kinda irrelevant, but when we saw the pic of the bitch we couldn't not share. Lady GaGa was recently snapped at some boring looking charity event in NYC and looked like an eco friendly dyke complete with a pig nose ring and classy bleached eyebrows. We've never really been sure what it is, but we wouldn't be surprised if she hid a fuck off sausage between her legs.

[Image via GETTY]

PATSY WOULD'VE HAD SOME WORK DONE...

This is quite hard for us to write cause we do love a bit of Joanna Lumley cause she's got that slight Meryl Streep legend edge, but fucking hell the bitch was looking rough recently whilst filming a new movie in NYC. The actress was papped with curlers in her hair and a full face of slap, but that did little to disguise her inch deep wrinkles and nasty yellow teeth which were practically screaming to be whitened. Whatever though cause we still love her but it'd be nice if actual talent would try and preserve their looks ennit.

[Image via SPLASH]