Oh dear. Now we know that it's mean to hate on people purely cause they're fucking ugly, but c'mon Tori Spelling must apply her make up everyday in the mirror whilst crying. The erm heiress was doing a personal appearance at The Grove shopping mall in LA over the weekend to promote yet another shitty TV show she's starring in and she looked like a bad transvestite. We just don't understand what's wrong with her face?
Why does Natalie Cassidy continue to leave her gaff when she knows she's just giving us more to write about? The "unique" looking soap star was snapped leaving a TV studio in London the other day and if we're honest she looked like a fuckin' alien. Her spam sized forehead is freaking us out, her bra is suffocating her baps and it looks like she was sewn into her jeans. We bet even Sonja would be shaking her head at the sight of this.
Is it just us or is Liza Minnelli the DEFINITION of a hot fucking mess? We don't give a shit if she's some alleged "icon" cause we've watched numerous videos of her singing and her voice sounds like a cat getting gang raped. The fag hag has become rather reclusive since divorcing from her gay (oh come on) ex-husband David Gest in 2007, but she still manages to squeeze in a performance here and there for her adoring fans (gays). The above clip is from her performance of You Are Not Alone and we strongly believe that at this very moment in the video she was trying to fart through her eyes. Go watch it and just TRY to keep a straight face.
Uma Thurman is someone we've never quite understood and we find it especially confusing that she became a successful actress cause let's face it she's plain as fuck. Anyway the STUNNER was papped walking the streets of NYC in an outfit even Stevie Wonder would judge. It looked more like a boho lesbian than a Hollywood actress and although she's preggers, surely there are more flattering maternity outfits? We won't say too much about the father but let's just say he's a billionaire businessman. Crafty bitch knows exactly what she's doing if you ask us.
We've never been overly keen on Cheryl Cole cause no matter what she wears she can't seem to shift that rough slapper from Newcastle image. The "talented" erm shall we say ex footballer's wife was papped arriving at a friend's birthday party in London and the bitch looked like she'd been inflated. Now she's under contract with L'Oreal so what's with the cheap hooker wig? Her face and lips looked puffy too, but we're hoping she's not had any work done cause she looks cheap enough. On a more positive note her latest fragrance is coming out next week and is allegedly called Fuckin' Deck Ya. Like we said we've always associated class with this lass.
If you're an Avril Lavigne fan you'll hopefully be chuckling at the clever title we gave this post. Yeah, we just realized how sad it is that we're proud of that. The punk-pop singer (questionable) was papped arriving at the airport and we think she's been taking styling tips from Cruella De Vil. If we're honest her hair looked like a skunk that'd been fucked and then put back on her head. Wonder when she'll be dropping another catchy teen hit? Erm isn't she over 30? Embarrassing times for Avril ennit.
Okay we get that Cheryl Fergison's character on Eastenders is supposed to resemble a fugly pig, so we're slightly confused as to why a feature of the actress herself in Best magazine looks no different. Anyway the Two Ton Tessie was featured in the latest spread for the rag (sorry it's barely worthy of being called that) and she looked like a pig that'd robbed a make-up store. We can't really make out where her neck is either? Nice touch with the cleverly placed 50 meters of pink chiffon, but c'mon it really doesn't hide the fact that this bitch would eat your kid if she was hungry.
We have to admit that Charmed was one of our favorite shows back in the day and we loved Shannen Doherty. That is until she left for "creative reasons" aka got fired cause she was a bitch. Anyway fast forward about a decade and you can see that gravity hasn't been so kind to Shannen thus proving that age is a real bitch. Of course like any other Hollywood airhead she appears to have tried to prevent the aging process as she looked plumped up and puffy faced at a recent charity event. Interesting how her fellow Charmed cast mate looks a lot more natural. Uh huh that's how it's done girls.
Wow, talk about a triumphant return. Claire Richards aka the fat cunt, got stuck in the pod that lowered her onto the stage at the first Steps reunion concert. Now although the poor bitch must have been highly embarrassed maybe now she'll stop scoffing Cherry Bakewell's by the packet? Oh and who the fuck is styling the tour cause the above pic just screams we're gonna be pissing ourselves when you walk out onto that stage. Just sayin'.
Surely to God the world has gotta tire of this bitch eventually? Rihanna recently posted a video on YouTube of dance rehearsals for her new (235th) single to be released this summer and it looked like she'd been beaten by Chris Brown and spat on. Let's not forget the great looking hooker wig and retard expression either. Wonder what she'll be calling the new single. How about Catchy Fluff or Lucky Plain Jane? We could play the guessing game all day but all in seriousness the "singer" will be releasing her much awaited 73rd album in the coming weeks and according to sources it's called He Didn't Mean To Do It. We've vowed to only go and see her live when she can learn to speak English properly.
Just in case you're like what the fuck, this post is in fact focused on Chris Klein and not the SHIT HOT Mena Suvari. Now while he doesn't look fugly or anything he sure has got OLD since American Pie first hit our screens back in the late 90s. In fact he looks more like an overworked stock broker who likes kiddy porn than a Hollywood heart throb. Such a shame cause he was pretty fine back in the day. Mena on the other hand can sit on our face whenever she likes.
What is with all these iconic (stretching it) actresses who keep pumping their faces full of fillers and other shit? Olivia Newton John was papped walking around Sydney and to be quite honest her face looked totally fucked. The star of Grease isn't getting up to much these days and after seeing this we're not surprised. The puffy face, trout pout and hooker eyebrows mixed with weird bumps and dents all over face just isn't a good look. Keepin' it natural is the way bitches.
The only reason we've never posted about Kelly Cutrone prior to this is because she's so fugly the photos never upload. We have however been able to compromise and alas as you can see above, the animated version of the fashion publicist (bitch who thinks she's important) looks scarily similar to the real thing. Someone really needs to tell this woman that getting your roots done and erm showering in general doesn't cost that much. In case you hadn't guessed that's Whitney Port, wait no Stephanie Pratt, or shit is it Lauren Conrad? Whichever bitch it's supposed to be, it's showing them pretending to work on the computer. Just like on The Hills.
Wowza! In case you've not noticed The Sizzling Mess tends to say partially disparaging things about celebrities, however every now and we throw them a bone and dish out a compliment. When we saw this picture of Christina Aguilera we all got semi's so that at least shows that she's getting more attractive. Lately as you know Xtina has been looking like Babe the pig in drag, but during a performance on The Voice the bitch wrapped her shit up in a tight corset, hit the stage and looked smokin'. Keep up the good work (continue to starve yourself) cause you're looking good girl.
Remember the days when singer/actress (containing laughter) Holly Valance shook her stuff around in the music video for her GREAT single Kiss Kiss? Well gone are those days judging by the bitch's double chin and thunder thighs. The former Neighbors star (such a shit show) was papped eating (we're shocked) in LA with billionaire fiance Nick Candy last week and according to sources she didn't leave a single crumb on her plate. She's a right crafty bitch marrying this guy, but to be honest if we were banging someone who had billions we'd be sure to marry them "for love" too. Give it 5 years tops and she'll be taking him to the fucking cleaners.
Jennifer Hudson's career seemed to be on the up and up at one point, but in recent years she seems to becoming more boring by the minute. After losing 100 pounds on the Weight Watchers (anorexia) plan, Jen now thinks she's cool cause she's thin. Well bitch better think again cause she's become lame. Doesn't she get that we only want her fat whilst singing like a crazy bitch? That fucking wig is atrocious too.
Looks like someone has been reading The Sizzling Mess and finally decided to get their OBESE ass into gear. Pop star (stretching it) Kelly Clarkson was papped leaving the gym in LA over the weekend and although she still looked slightly funtish we'll give her an A for effort. Her face looked weird (well fucked if we're honest) and her body just screamed binge eater. We really hope she can turn her image around and get back to the top of the charts. Did you just see that pig fly?
We know it must hurt when Madonna looks in the mirror, but never before have we come across a celeb who is so desperately clinging onto their youth. The above images are from the Louis Vuitton campaign Madge fronted and let's face it they're practically identical. The whole thing just stinks of denial and if she thinks she looks remotely like the person on the right then she needs to take off those rose colored glasses. Reality doesn't lie though as she looked more like an old slapper in fancy dress. We're loving the open pores, wrinkly neck, liver spots and saggy arms. Age is a fuckin' bitch.
Good old Jordan aka Katie Price (she thinks it's classier) was snapped arriving at the launch for her new butt plug line and it looked like a Fanta bottle with chlamydia. We'll be nice and say her hair actually looks okay, but the fucking scouse brows, whale lips and clown make up make her look like a cheap drag queen. We can't believe it's only 30 too...what the fuck has she done to herself?
Surely you all remember socialite (gold digging whore) Chelsy Davy? She is of course the South African native who used to fuck Prince Harry (ginga with money). Anyway the STUNNER was snapped en route to work the other day and her baps were almost falling out of her dress. It looked as though it'd been a late one for Chelsy though, cause she looked rough as fuck and slightly hungover. Oh dear, such a difficult life minus Harry's gold card ennit.
We apologize in advance for doing this to our readers, but we couldn't resist a good old vintage classic. Lisa Scott-Lee aka the desperate member of former pop band Steps (major cringe) can be seen rockin' some GORGEOUS hair back in the day. Apparently she was attending a beauty pageant in Wales (low) as a celebrity guest judge, but if we were running the event we'd of been waiting for the celebrity all night cause Lisa sure ain't one. We bet she is LOVING the fact that Steps are reuniting this Spring and she's back in the papers. At least your increased earnings will keep the final demands at bay love.
If anyone owes their success to airbrushing then Britney Spears is a major fucking contender. The pop singer (unemployed nutter) was seen leaving a hair salon in Beverly Hills and it looked like Brit had dyed her locks back to her natural color. Erm we're not loving it, but judging by the rest it's gonna take more than some brown hair dye to improve her overall aesthetic (ooo big word). Fuck we can't get over how RANK her side profile is and what's with the double chin and puffy face? We love how we're supposed to believe she can look like the pic on the right just 4 months earlier. Mmm can someone say Photoshop?
Is it just us or does Pamela Anderson always look like she's ready to suck cock? The former Baywatch star was papped at the grocery store in LA and minus her perky and erm "natural" baps she looked DOG rough. She looked kinda fucked off too, so we're guessing it'd been more than 30 minutes since she'd seen a dick. Good grief...the tits on it!
For our UK readers (we know there's like 12), Bethenny Frankel is the former cast member of Real Housewives Of New York. She decided to quit the show back in 2010 cause she wanted a real life. Oh and she sold some crappy margarita drink she owned the license to and made a fuck load of money, which she's clearly not been spending on making herself look hotter. The businesswoman was snapped out to lunch and judging by her facial expression, the thought of how much money she has tucked away in her savings account even makes her feel sick. Such a hard life ennit.
Fuckin' hell Khloe Kardashian packs one hell of an ass that's for sure. In fact we reckon this BEAST of a behind is capable of cracking a walnut. We don't really understand why she chose to highlight her slim frame by wearing skinny jeans, but we guess when you're as new money as she is who gives a shit. The businesswoman (erm pig) was papped leaving the doctor's office as she's rumored to be preggers and we'd be willing to put money down that she's having a whole litter. Jesus, those jeans are fucking sprayed on love.
The Sizzling Mess has NEVER come across a bad pic of actress Jessica Alba...until now. The usually stunning star was papped leaving her hotel in Paris yesterday and she looked like a character from Bo Selecta. Even though she always looks pretty hot, we feel like she always has a sort of down syndrome ish appearance. Is it just us or does she looks like she's been beaten up a little too? Maybe she "poked herself in the eye" or maybe she fucked off Chris Brown.
Fucking hell! Just when we'd hoped Christina Aguilera had been secretly reading this blog (whilst eating) and taking some of our tips we go and find this shit. Now we're gonna be honest cause this pic isn't exactly recent (she has cheekbones here), but why the fuck does she look like a panto reject? The piss colored hair, fuck off massive eyebrows (urgh), clown make-up and ridiculous lips must have cracked her mirror before she left her gaff. Come the fuck on though, her make-up artist is CLEARLY holding some sort of grudge against her and she's so blinded by her own talent she can't see it. Isn't she missing a daisy in her hair?
Once upon a time Jools Oliver was the cute, sexy, girl next door wife of famous chef (binge eater) Jamie Oliver. Fast forward about 30 years and the picture isn't so pretty. The housewife (ouch) was snapped on a morning run around London the other day and let's just say it shows that she runs around after 5 kids. Her face looks kinda fucked in the above pic and the poor bitch looks worn out. Maybe her doting husband should bring her breakfast in bed and try not to polish it off whilst he walks it up the stairs.
Okay, now we just DON'T get why Rose McGowan would even bother playing around with her face cause the bitch was SHIT HOT before. We suppose when you're so rich you can wipe your ass with 50's it's hard to resist the surgeon's knife, but she definitely looks fucked up at the minute. When she played cute (whore) Paige Matthews in the hit TV show Charmed she even made 8 year old's cum in their pants, but lately it's looking more like a science project. The puffy facial features (Lindsay Lohan must use the same doctor) and whale lips make her look like a reject from The Real Housewives. Less is more honey!