EWWW PLEASE JUST STOP WEARING SHORTS!

Something must be hiding inside Lena Dunham's thighs cause that shape just ain't normal for a white girl unless she majorly lucked out on the gene lottery. Seriously though this bitch makes Nicki Minaj look anorexic. The annoying main star of HBO show Girls was seen walking (those poor shoes) in NYC wearing some horrific shorts that showcased her nasty legs and God knows what else from behind. Furthermore we noticed how oddly shaped her midriff is and how small her tits are...it's like the textbook definition of a pear shape but gone wrong. We get that she's a good writer and bla bla bla, but all we really wanna do is shove a sock in her mouth.

[Image via SPLASH]

BRITISH WOMEN ARE SO CLASSY AIN'T THEY?

No the above is not a group of pigs playing dress up, it's actually a group of women wearing their finest to the opening day of the Grand National in Liverpool. Wow we're actually surprised we kept our lunch down whilst writing that opener. Anyway we just had to give these ladies their extra 2 minutes of fame cause they really do look like a bunch of beasts...and that's being polite. We're guessing the first bird on the left pulls in shifts as a barmaid to make ends meet cause she's got that brassy Northern look and let's face it that outfit has Primark written all over it. We don't even know what the second woman is if we're honest but we'll go with a hooker that's experiencing cum erosion on her teeth. The third is obviously the best looking out of them all but those legs are just evil and the salesperson should be fired just for selling her that dress. Last but not least we'll take a guess and say the pig in the floral dress works as a hairdresser (nothing to back this theory up of course), but she does look like one of those birds that always has an excuse to not start the diet and ends up looking like Free Willy and feeling insecure in her holiday snaps. Now we ain't perfect but what you've just read is what we like to call saying it like is people.

[Image via DAILY MAIL]

DID ROSS GELLER WHITEN THIS BITCH'S TEETH?

What in the fuck does Stacey Solomon think she looks like cause it's sure as shit beyond our cultured brains? The former X Factor contestant was snapped walking the red carpet at some shitty magazine event in London and looked like an Oompa Loompa from Essex. On top of the toxic tan (notice the Xtina esque hands) and drag queen hair, she decided to top it off by whitening those already evil nashers that we've had the privilege of seeing since her debut. Just gome home honey, get under the sheets and eat ya feelings.

[Image via REX]

THIS ACTUALLY MAKES US FEEL QUEASY...

Teresa Giudice is one weird looking bitch don't cha think? We haven't featured her on The Sizzling Mess for quite some time now, but when we clapped eyes on the above pic we remembered why it made us feel sick. We seriously can't comprehend how low this bitch's hairline is...is it for real? To add insult to injury the broke Real Housewives star was sporting an awfully blended in hair donut, but really we just can't get past that hair. If she's got that much on her head, her hubby must need a weed wacker to find her minge.

[Image via SPLASH]

HOW DOES RICHARD PORK THIS THING?

Holy shit balls! This STUNNING pic of past-it Judy Finnigan is gonna give us some fuck off nightmares that's for sure. The former host of that shit show Richard & Judy was seen running errands around London recently and not only did it look fucking scary, the bitch looked truly BUTTERS to say the least. We're sorry but her husband is way hotter than her and there's no way he's fucking this unless he's cheating on the side. Fuck though...put on some slap next time you leave ya gaff.

[Image via GETTY]

WHY DOESN'T THIS THING HAVE A LEASH?

For our US readers (we know there's like 3 of you) Stacey Solomon really isn't that relevant, but when we came across this vintage pic of the singer (dog) we just had to make it a post. The bimbo from Dagenham who looks as though she's always eating her own head gave a STUNNING pose when she was on I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here last year. Did we mention that it was on The X Factor too? Fucking hell though...the mouth on it's scary.

[Image via ITV]

UH OH, UH OH...FUCK MY LIFE

That's it bring it all up. We had the exact same reaction when we first clapped eyes on this GEM of a pic. Pixie Lott was snapped walking around London recently and she truly puts the F into fucking dog rough that's for sure. To be honest, it looked kinda evil and we certainly wouldn't wanna wake up next to her. Looks like she owes her career to both auto tune and TRUCK loads of make-up.

[Image via GOFF]

MONEY CAN'T FIX DEFORMITIES

If there was ever a poster girl (pig) to prove that money can't buy you looks, then MESMERIZING beauty Tori Spelling would definitely pick up an award. The actress (slut with a famous dad) looked like a pile of melted lard when she appeared on TV show Chelsea Lately last week (even low for her). The dog looked like an extra from the fuckin' muppets and to top off her STUNNING look she sported a lovely trout pout and double chin. We've always thought her fugly chin/jaw disorder made her look like the tranny version of Lurch from The Addams Family. Just sayin'.

Image via [POINTLESS CELEBS]

NO AMERICAN BOY WOULD WANT THIS

Fear not readers, this is just singer (we use the term loosely) Estelle and she will not, we repeat WILL NOT, come out of the screen and eat you. Just when ya think you've seen the biggest fuckin' state out there, this bitch FULL ON shits over them all. It's apparently had braces but desired results were never achieved according to her spokesperson (mum). Did someone recommend that maybe her dentist should try using reinforced steel to tame those EVIL nashers? The nasty fried hair and drag make up do nothing to disguise the fact that her nostrils could easily be double fucked. We've just received word that the casting director for the new Alien movie is looking for extras, so go on love get your application in. We wish you the best of luck!

[Image via REX FEATURES]