BITCH LOOKS LIKE A SCIENCE PROJECT

What the fuck does Madonna keep doing to her ever changing face? The slutty Queen of Pop (maybe 20 years ago) was seen at the recent Chime For Change concert in London and looked like a puffy OAP whilst stood at the microphone. We know the bitch is forever on the move what with her erm career, work-outs and plucking Lourdes' fuck off eyebrows (and no doubt bush), but you think she'd of at least touched up her roots no? Oh and nice touch trying to fool yourself your young by wearing gloves, but you're a coffin dodger honey just learn to deal with it already.

[Image via GOFF]

AIN'T NO STREET CRED TO LOSE BUT STILL...

How embarrassing to be a former basketball player and then leave ya gaff looking like an ugly tranny who's proud. Well that seemed to be what was going through Dennis Rodman's mind the other day. The sports star was seen walking the red carpet at The Apprentice premiere in NYC and boy did he look a fool. The mohawk, clown slap and crazy ass outfit did him no justice (not much could) and let's just call a spade a spade...he looked a total utter douche and didn't represent for his fellow "brothers". We predict he'll come out his make-up filled closet very soon so watch this space.

[Image via FLYNET]

GIVE YOUR MAKE-UP ARTIST A RAISE!

Katherine Heigl always looks DOG rough without the slap and this has been proven with multiple blog posts on the munter. While we have no real problem with her we just can't believe how fucking awful it looks au naturel. The actress was recently seen leaving her local gym and boy was it a scary sight...unrecognizable would be a fucking understatement. The poor thing looked like a malnourished coke whore with acne and not in the good Kate Moss way. Bad times for Kath ennit.

[Image via FLYNET]

YOU CAN'T HAVE BRAINS AND BEAUTY

Oh dear honey, are you prepping for another Mummy role or do you just look this butters minus the slap? Rachel Weisz was seen shopping in LA over the weekend and although the actress always looks cock ready on the red carpet, she looked more like a fugly Jew troll on this occasion. Weird looking thing though ain't it? We also noticed how creepily skinny her ankle is too...and this bagged Daniel Craig?

[Image via SPLASH]

PIGS ARE DIGGIN' MAGALUF THIS YEAR...

At least it's half covered up right? Gemma Collins aka the walking walrus from Essex was papped on vacay with her fellow dumb ass buddies in the culture filled island of Magaluf and once again it looked like a stick of butter playing dress-up. The reality TV fatty was seen walking (yes walking) around her resort and according to a source people fell off their sun beds due to the mini earthquake-like sensation. Oh the embarrassment to cause such situations huh? We can't even imagine how sweaty this bitch's muff must of got from being abroad. Ya major fucking ew.

[Image via SPLASH]

WHERE'S AMANDA? ERM GOING TO JAIL!

We knew this shit was gonna go down since day one. Amanda Bynes was finally arrested the other day after throwing a bong out of her 32nd floor apartment window. The actress who's having a Britney moment x10 was papped in court complete with her crazy ass wig and looked like a total nutter. We do feel for the gal cause she's clearly not okay and although this shit makes amazing news we hope she gets help and fast.

[Image via SPLASH]

YOU WOULDN'T WANT THIS TO FART NEAR YOU

Lena Dunham aka the annoying feminist dyke from HBO's Girls has got one hell of a nasty physique and although some readers think we hate on people cause we hate ourselves we don't care...these thighs are making us gag. Sorry but if you're morbidly obese from the neck down you shouldn't wear denim shorts and strut around Manhattan thinking you're hot. We kinda like the show but both this bitch and her character can get kinda annoying.

[Image via JOSE PEREZ]

WHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED TO NEO?

Holy shit balls guys! Keanu Reeves was spotted at the Cannes Film Festival the other day and he looked a world away from his Matrix days. The actor has since become somewhat of a recluse and no wonder with the amount of weight it's piled on in hiding. The tits, belly and double chin ain't a good look on him but at least he's not bald.

[Image via SPLASH]

BITCH HAS KNOCKED IT OUT THE PARK!

Sorry if you hate Xtina but we simply can't ignore how good lady is looking lately. Christina Aguilera was seen rocking the stage at the Billboard Music Awards in Vegas last weekend and bitch has dropped some serious pounds. The singer and judge on The Voice will hopefully keep it up cause we'd hate to put her back in our top 10...or would we?

[Image via AP]

HORSES ARE BETTER LOOKING THAN THIS

What the fuck has this bitch done to her face? Chloe Sims from that crazy culture filled show TOWIE was seen exiting a night club in Essex (shocker) and it looked truly horrendous for her age. The actual horse teeth and orange skin would make most people run in fear, but we just don't understand why she wanted to make herself this fugly? We pity the guys she gives head to cause it can't be pretty.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

BABY YOU AIN'T NO FIREWORK IN THIS

For some reason Katy Perry can either look shit hot or truly butters and unfortunately she's hit the latter with this look. The singer (if lip syncing counts) was seen at an art exhibition in NYC recently and it looked more like a tranny gypsy than international pop star. The heinous dress, shoes and hair contribute to the overall nasty Romany look and it ain't a winner.

[Image via SPLASH]

COUSIN ITT WOULD TOTES MARRY THIS

We've always thought that Bruce Jenner had that "I bookmark a shit load of kiddy porn" look about him and this recent photo just confirms our suspicion. The reality TV star was trying to surf with his hot son Brody, but just looked pathetic and to be quite honest scary as fuck. The creepy hair (wig) and moobs ain't helping this look much either. What's going on with those weirdly wide feet too?

[Image via SPLASH]

POSH WILL ALWAYS BE A DIRTY WAG AT HEART

People seem to think that Victoria Beckham has always been chic, but if you literally go back about 5 years you can see that she was cheap as fuck. The WAG turned fashion designer can be seen at The Prince's Trust event back in 2005 and boy did it look cheap. The birds nest extensions, orange tan, tacky accessories, slutty gown and French manicure (quiver) is a world away from her current look. It just goes to show how much styles can change! Wonder what happened to natural DD tits too?

[Image via WENN]

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL...DON'T VOMIT!

Oh dear honey. Jocelyn Wildensein seems to have had some more procedures done if this photo is anything to go by. The bored rich bitch was seen arriving at a charity gala in NYC recently and apparently some kids even screamed and said they thought cats had two legs. Ouch that's gotta hurt Jossy but what'd you expect when you look like a fucking extra from The Lion King? Those eyes and lips are truly horrendous and her surgeon def needs to have his license revoked cause this is now way beyond a total joke.

[Image via FLYNET]

YOUR BODY AIN'T ON FIRE GIRLFRIEND!

Alicia Keys recently kick started her world tour and boy oh boy can the stage feel it every night judging by the above snap. The hit maker who screams rather than sings was seen wearing sprayed on skinny jeans (great look when you're obese) and t-bar heels...huge no no! The top was okay but fucking weird and we never realized how much ass and hip this bitch packs. Just sayin'.

[Image via GSI]

THEY'RE LAUGHING AT YOU...NOT WITH YOU

Yeah you took the words right out of our mind...what the fuck is that? Well if you're familiar with Spanish royalty (paella and shit) then you'll know that this is the wonderfully stunning Duchess of Alba aka an embalmed dog. The rich munter was papped dancing the night away at a charity event with her husband (yes he actually married that) and boy did it look a mess. Now we get that she's old and bla bla bla, but people really shouldn't have to look at this thing.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

HOW DOES THIS BITCH WORK IN FASHION?

We literally have no idea how Anna Dello Russo landed the job as an editor for Vogue cause the bitch is so fugly she actually offends our face. The fashion victim was seen in NYC recently and it appeared to be wearing a piece from every collection all at once. Mmm aren't fashion editors supposed to edit every aspect of their lives? It's a total plastic surgery train wreck and those fucking shoes look ridiculous.

[Image via GETTY]

EVEN WE DON'T BELIEVE THIS SHIT XTINA!

Okay so hell must've just frozen over cause Christina Aguilera was seen out again (yes again) looking totes amaze balls! The talented coach of The Voice was seen out shopping in West Hollywood with that guy who's living off her (Matt something) and bitch looked pretty damn good. The whale thighs are slowly shrinking and according to sources she's now able to paint her own toe nails for the first time in years...hoorah! All jokes aside though, lady is getting her shit together and buying clothes in the right size and we'd like to think it's cause she reads The Sizzling Mess.

[Image via XPOSURE]

MRS. DOUBTFIRE LOOKED BETTER THAN THIS

Sally Field is known by all for her bitch ex-wife role in the smash hit Mrs. Doubtfire, but right now she's just making headlines for looking like a dog bless her. After losing out on an Oscar earlier this year (fuck you Anne you can't act), she seems to have neglected her beauty regime as it was seen looking mighty rough on the streets of LA recently. To be honest it's pretty much near impossible to even recognize that this is Sally herself. With a bit of work done (especially round the neck area) she'd be good as new.

[Image via X17]

MAMA JUNE DEF OWNS A MAGIC MIRROR...

You can't help but love Mama June (aka hick whale) from Honey Boo Boo, cause no matter how fucking obese it becomes she still rocks any mess of a look with no apology. The reality TV star was papped at her own wedding (low) and the above snap shows it posing for the press in her luxurious living room scattered with her kid's pageant trophies. It must truly suck to be fat and poor, but we still love you June cause you make us feel so much better about ourselves!

[Image via SPLASH]

WE'RE HOPING NOMI WOULD STILL BE HOT

Surely you all remember that fabulous Oscar worthy movie Showgirls starring sexy slut Elizabeth Berkley from Saved By The Bell? Well if you don't you're not very cultured cause it's definitely a movie that intellects rave about. Anyway in the movie Liz portrays this whore of a stripper called Nomi and as you can see she'd have given a dog a boner, but fast forward to 2013 and things ain't looking so pretty. The days the poor bird doesn't get much work, which is probably cause it's bordering on tubby to say the least and we get that she represents the "average woman of today" but we simply don't care. Now she doesn't look THAT bad, but it sadly resembles any other chubby new mom who's too lazy to shift the baby weight and we want to look at unattainable and unrealistic. We don't think this is too much to ask of celebrity mothers, but at least this proves that kids are the root of all weight gain (evil) yet again.

[Image via MGM/SPLASH]

WE WONDER IF ANTONIO STILL PORKS THIS?

Oh dear what have you done to yourself honey? Hollywood actress (senior citizen) Melanie Griffith left her gaff the other day and it's blatantly clear that she's still refusing to accept the fact that she's not 25 anymore. The over the hill star has long been a fan of the surgeon's knife, but if a surgeon butchered out lips and gave us filler like this they'd get a fuck off massive lawsuit on their hands. Why oh why do you keep doing this to yourself Mel?

[Image via SPLASH]

THE AWARD FOR UGLIEST COUPLE GOES TO...

Beth Ditto is kinda cool in the way that she really doesn't give a shit about fashion or having a healthy heart, but on the other hand she's just an obese pig. The lead singer of Gossip was seen attending some shit event with an Asian queen for a date and the pair of them looked truly butters. If you look too closely it looks like he's gonna eat you and we don't understand why Valentino agreed to dress Beth unless she paid for the shoes herself. Is it just us or do you think Jessie J would look like this if she was obese too?

[Image via GOFF]