THEY'RE LAUGHING AT YOU...NOT WITH YOU

Yeah you took the words right out of our mind...what the fuck is that? Well if you're familiar with Spanish royalty (paella and shit) then you'll know that this is the wonderfully stunning Duchess of Alba aka an embalmed dog. The rich munter was papped dancing the night away at a charity event with her husband (yes he actually married that) and boy did it look a mess. Now we get that she's old and bla bla bla, but people really shouldn't have to look at this thing.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

EVEN PET RESCUE WOULDN'T WANT THIS

Oh dear. Tara Palmer-Tomkinson felt like reading more shit about herself, so she left her gaff and headed out for a night on the tiles. The royal (ish) hot mess was snapped leaving a club in London and it looked fucking evil to the point where the photos actually make us wanna throw up. What grosses us out the most is that fucking arm, the eyes, the teeth and the nose, but to be honest she needs a major total overhaul and she really shouldn't leave the house until it's been sorted out.

[Image via XPOSURE]

THE PLASTIC SURGEON NEEDS FIRING

Sorry but what the FUCK is going on with Tara Palmer-Tomkinson's face? The royally connected former IT girl (past-it coke whore) was snapped walking around London looking for a syringe and looked fucking DOG rough. It's amazing how she's got so much confidence (less after reading this) cause if it looked like our nose had been broken and we'd been spat on, we just wouldn't be able to find the courage to leave the house. Oh and if you haven't been lucky enough to listen to this thing's new song (yes it tries to sing) then we insist you watch the AMAZING video here.

[Image via GOTCHA]

THIS THING IS FAR FROM LADYLIKE

Poor old Tara Palmer-Tomkinson just NEVER looks camera ready and continually shows herself up whenever she leaves her gaff. The royal mess was papped bending over in London after dropping her coke on the floor and we almost got a glimpse of what the bitch ate (yeah right) for breakfast. It really is a pure breed DOG and that nose has just fucked her over for good. What has she done with her life besides try every drug known to man?

[Image via XCLUSIVE]

EVEN A NEW HAIR STYLE CAN'T SAVE IT

Oh dear honey. Tara Palmer-Tomkinson was recently papped leaving her flat in London and once again she gave us all a laugh. The royal (she wishes) mess appeared to be sporting a new hairdo, but it seemed to have gone tits up cause she looked like a fucking tranny. We just can't figure out what's wrong with this woman cause she must have magic mirrors all over her gaff? Oh and there's added shame cause she's carrying a VERY old season Fendi bag. Looks like even over the hill IT girls are feeling the financial pinch ennit.

[Image via GOTCHA]

GET THIS A PAPER BAG QUICKLY

Just when you think you've seen Tara Palmer-Tomkinson looking her worst, she steps out in public and proves that she does in fact get uglier by the day. The deformed coke whore was snapped walking around London in a very old Prada dress (embarrassing) and she looked like Gollum's twin sister. It also appears to have a receding hairline which is most unusual for women and we'd be willing to put money on the fact that we could sleep on her forehead. The lovely nose and teeth just finish off this chic look doncha' think?

[Image via FLYNET]

LURCH HAS A "ROYAL" TWIN

Ooo it must've taken GUTS to leave ya gaff lookin' like this love. Socialite (coke whore) Tara Palmer-Tomkinson was once again papped leaving her drug dealer's flat and even by her standards it looked rough. We don't get why she always looks like she's been fucked a thousand times times and then spat on? The one eye blinking is just classic Tara at this point and we can't help but make a fuck off massive forehead remark. Her publicist will probably respond to these allegations with: "Tara has recently taken up aerobics and it's a perfectly normal thing to perspire more so than usual." Oh yeah aerobics MUST be the reason why she looks FUCKED all the time.

[Image via FLYNET]

ROYALLY INBRED BEAUTY

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson got lucky and was invited to join the other classy gals (slappers from Manchester) on TV show Loose Women this week. Besides the Chanel top (which she paid for with her dealer profits), her face looked PROPER fucked. We know she's recently had reconstructive surgery on her conk but it looked bulbous, lop-sided and purge worthy. Let's not forget the overall bad tranny look, those lovely horse teeth (courtesy of the Royal genes) and that cheap mobile phone. Not even got the new iPhone yet love?

[Image via GOFF]

BIG REWARD FOR A LOST DOG

We must admit that watching Duchess Fergie on her OWN show made us feel an ounce of sympathy, but FUCK she really does look like a drained old ginga slapper that's way past it's sell-by date. The (desperate) former Princess cried throughout most of the show and quite frankly bored us after five minutes. We waited and waited but there was no fun finale or any scenes where she let random strangers fuck her in exchange for 50 bucks. Girl, you need to start earning your own money!

[Image via SPLASH]

A (ROYAL) MESS

It looks like (royal socialite) Tara Palmer-Tomkinson got her new nose done by the make-up team who did that Babe The Pig movie. On top of looking truly DOG rough as a result of multiple botched surgeries (unlucky genes), the blue-blooded (in her mind) coke whore has no friends left due to them being horrified by her OFFENSIVE face. Her one remaining friend can be seen above in her handbag. That's right she's resorted to cuddly toys. At least she's managed to carve out herself a "chart topping" career as a pianist.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]