POOR OLD BABS IS TRYING

Poor old Barbra Streisand was papped leaving the gym the other day and it looked rough as arse holes. The icon (overrated singer) is apparently trying to get back into shape for an upcoming tour, as she's recently let her regime slip and become a fat bitch. She looks unrecognizable in the pic and highlights that once again time is a real cunt to a woman's looks. We wish her all the best for the tour but let's face it, she looks like a fucking train wreck covered in liver spots.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

WHAT DOES THIS DO FOR A LIVING?

Bet ya didn't think you'd be on this blog again did ya love? Alexa Chung aka the anorexic waste of space was snapped walking (amazing she's got the energy) around NYC recently and she looked like a white Ethiopian. If you're an avid reader of The Sizzling Mess you'll remember the only other post we've done on this joke of a being and it proves that this bitch sure as hell AIN'T naturally skinny. Let's be honest, she'd literally break her legs and pelvic bone if she fell over.

[Image via PACIFIC COAST NEWS]

JUSTIN'S SIGHT ISN'T IMPROVING THEN?

We don't get why Jessica Biel looks like a total mong in photos lately? It's like she's purposely trying to look retarded and not hot. Surely if you were banging (and engaged) to Justin Timberlake you'd wanna make an effort and not resemble a tired mom of 3 with a slight case of downs? Also, the bangs just don't work and we can't understand why she hasn't realized that yet.

[Image via REUTERS]

MEET GERI'S 50 YEAR OLD TWIN

Bad times for Geri Halliwell. You know your career's sunk to an all time low when you put your best clobber on and head out to the Marie Curie cancer care charity event. We mean no disrespect to the charity here, we're merely highlighting that z-listers such as Geri resort to anything to stay relevant. Anyway, the former Spice Girl looked like she'd been dragged through a hedge backwards and gobbed on when she showed up the other night. What's with the birds nest hair by the way love? Nothing says class like a tie necklace made of (fake) diamonds though.

[Image via GETTY]

AS ALWAYS SHE'S A CLASS ACT

Just when you thought Kim Zolciak couldn't get any trashier she goes and does something like this. Apparently she thought it'd be romantic (actual quote) to have her husband's football shirt painted onto her naked body as a gift. We have to say that even this is a new low for The Real Housewives Of Atlanta star who always seems to look like a cheap hooker in drag. Overall it just isn't a good look honey, cause that mammoth wig is raping your head and your titties are hanging too far south. All we can say is thank God this isn't our mother.

[Image via BRAVO]

FUNNY LADIES ARE INSECURE TOO

We have to admit that we LOVE good old Joan Rivers cause this lady knows how to rip into people good and deep. Anyway we've been getting masses of emails asking us to post a before and after on Joan so here ya go. To even our surprise she looked normal and somewhat attractive back in the day, but fast forward 30 years and you can see that she's been under the knife way too much. Now we know that Joan doesn't do things by halves, but she looks like a stretched liver sausage wearing a wig and it's not a good look. Still though, she does look good for 80 we have to say.

[Image via GETTY/SPLASH]

HONEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?

Dear oh dear. Debra Messing was pictured walking around LA recently and boy has time been unkind to her. How can she look this disgusting with all the money she's got? Anyway we bet Grace Adler wouldn't be too impressed and can you even IMAGINE what Karen Walker would have to say. Make more of an effort love cause you look a fucking state.

[Image via SPLASH]

OKAY...NOW WE'D GIVE HER ONE

Talk about a turnaround in the looks department huh? Britney Spears turned up to the first auditions for The X Factor USA today in Texas looking mighty fine. It appears that either herself or someone from her team saw our recent post, cause everything from her rank yellow hair to bleeding nails looked a million times better. If you look really closely you can see she had a French manicure too. Going nuts isn't she? Anyway, like we've said before sometimes we can be nice, but don't get too used to it.

[Image via SPLASH]

LIFE IS ONE SCARY ASS CABARET

For some reason we've always been fascinated as to how Liza Minnelli has managed to stay relevant all these years, cause let's face she ain't the prettiest crayon in the box and it's kinda lacking oh yeah talent. We just heard the gay gasps. Anyway poor old Liza aka the past-it fag hag in drag was papped leaving her apartment in NYC this week and she looked fucking awful. We do feel sorry for her though cause it must suck living in the shadows of an iconic mother with actual talent. People need their eyes and ears testing if they think this is a legend. Nice fake Chanel bag too love.

[Image via SPLASH]

LIZZIE MCGUIRE'S PILED IT ON

Like we've always said, time and having kids is a bitch to the female form. Hilary Duff recently shat out her kid and was papped leaving the gym (believe it or not) the other day in LA. Now we know that she's clearly got about 200 pounds more to lose, but she still looks solid as a fucking rock. Is she serious about her career or not cause good ole Vicky B was back to a size zero an hour after labor?

[Image via XPOSURE]

ERM, YOU'RE STILL OBESE LOVE

Apparently the lovely (debatable) Lauren Goodger from The Only Way Is Essex has been dieting for the past month so that she looks good on her summer vacay. Erm, well we're kinda confused cause all we can see are two sticks of fat and a cheap dress. Anyone else see the weight loss? This girl really is built like a brick shit house and shouldn't be allowed to buy clothing that goes above the knee. Also, what the fucks going on with the color difference between her face and legs? It's like Casper and Shilpa Shetty have merged into one person. We'll give her credit for the hair though cause it looks good.

[Image via FLYNET]

WE GET WHY PROACTIV CHOSE HER

For a while now we've been wondering why flawless beauty (stretching it) Katy Perry was approached to be in the new Proactiv commercials. Well it kindly stepped out yesterday sans the slap and gave us the answer...cause she actually does have rank skin. Okay we get that acne affects millions and can be damaging to people's self-esteem, but you think she'd at least use a bit of concealer? In case you're all wondering we can't stand Katy Perry cause she's a waste of music space. Oh and now a fucking dog too.

[Image via X17]

THIS WOULDN'T ACTUALLY SURPRISE US

What is it about Katie Price that always looks so cock ready? Is it cause she looks like a $2 whore in drag or does it have something to do with the fact that she (allegedly) just launched her own line of dildos? We'd be willing to put money on the fact that she was born on all fours sucking off the doctor who delivered her. At the end of the day, you gotta love the girl cause even though she's a cheap as chips slapper with syphilis, she's a smart businesswoman who laughs all the way to the bank...with a cock up her arse.

[Image via GOFF/THE SIZZLING MESS]

DID CHRIS BROWN HIT THIS TOO?

Tyra Banks is the rich bitch creator of America's Next Top Model who laughs all the way to the bank. Now being a former model herself you'd think she'd of looked in the mirror before leaving her gaff, cause she looked like an extra from the ghetto version of Star Trek. Oh and the Chris Brown makeup technique aka two black eyes belongs on a drag queen. We're pretty sure we could park a car on her forehead too.

[Image via COCO PEREZ]

SHAKESPEARE WOULD BE LIKE FUCK ME

Who knew that Gwyneth Paltrow was such a dog underneath all the slap? The actress was snapped walking around London the other day and she looked slightly different than she usually does on magazine covers. The only give away that it's Gwynnie is her bone structure, but besides that who the fuck is this? She must look in the mirror every morning and be like fucking hell I look rough.

[Image via SPLASH]

SHE HASN'T CHANGED A BIT HAS SHE?

Wow. Victoria Beckham really is insulting the world's intelligence when she continually insists that her rack is natural. You only have to look at the above to see that both her figure and tits are practically identical. Let's be real though cause this is another case of what we like to call ACS (Alexa Chung syndrome) aka a fucked up level of denial. Now don't get it twisted, Posh wasn't a fat cunt when she was younger, but she sure as hell weren't no size zero. Oh and if you think you can have tits like that after 4 kids and still be able to fit into kids clothes, you're a really bad liar and a fucking idiot.

[Image via GETTY/REX FEATURES]

KATIE PRICE IN 20 YEARS MUCH...

Patricia Krentcil of New Jersey really does put the N into natural doncha' think? She recently became known worldwide as the "tanning mom", as she is a self-proclaimed sunbed addict who spends up to an hour a day tanning. Insanity or clever bitch who craves attention? You see we have a theory that she just never showered after a spray tan and then sold this story to get a buck. Also, we hear she's already been asked to be the face of Fake Bake. Move over Kim Kardashian, there's a new fame hungry skank in town.

[Image via SPLASH]

UH OH, UH OH...FUCK MY LIFE

That's it bring it all up. We had the exact same reaction when we first clapped eyes on this GEM of a pic. Pixie Lott was snapped walking around London recently and she truly puts the F into fucking dog rough that's for sure. To be honest, it looked kinda evil and we certainly wouldn't wanna wake up next to her. Looks like she owes her career to both auto tune and TRUCK loads of make-up.

[Image via GOFF]

JESUS LOVE IS THIS A JOKE?

Who in their right fucking mind would leave their gaff lookin' like an old trollop with RIDIC tits? Poor old Chloe Sims from that GREAT show The Only Way Is Essex was caught dancing away the other night and we think it has deludeditis. Can you believe this shit is just 21 years old too? The wonky eye and buck teeth didn't help either, cause it looked like she was tryin' to eat her own fucking head. Oh love, do us all a favor and put a bag over ya head.

[Image via MAGIC MOMENTS]

I DREAMED A DREAM OF BEING HOTTER

Oh dear, poor Susan Boyle really does look like a hairy arsehole in drag doesn't she? The new money singer has gone on to earn millions so clearly she's having the last laugh, but we still don't get why she continues to look a total mess? The make-up, double chin and heinous outfit do not spell out diva, so she needs to sack the stylist (we're guessing it's her) and get some new clobber.

[Image via XPOSURE]

ME, MYSELF AND A DOG

That's right people, even Beyonce has days when she looks like a car crash. Don't matter how much money this bitch has got cause she looked rough as arseholes when she nipped out for dinner with Jay Z in NYC recently. We know she just shat out her kid so we should be easier on her, but fuck it she's got enough money to look her best every second of the day and we don't like laziness. Not so hot without the glam team are ya love?

[Image via SPLASH]

NO THIS ISN'T JESSICA'S MOM

Fuckin' hell this bitch is gonna give us nightmares she's so fugly. The STUNNING Duchess of Alba who reigns from Spain (how embarrassing for the country) was seen walking around Madrid with her daughter splashing some serious cash in high end stores. For those of you who don't know this thing we'll catch you up. It's worth around $5 billion (suck on that Oprah) and married to a man 25 years younger. Yeah that's all you need to know. All we know is that this guy is onto a GOOD thing, but fuck he must hate eating her out.

[Image via FLYNET]

WONDER WHAT MONICA WOULD SAY?

Jesus. Okay we know that Courteney Cox is almost 50, but what the fuck has she done to her face? The former FRIENDS star was snapped arriving at a charity event in LA recently and she looked like a scary science project compared to the youthful Monica Geller she portrayed on the hit TV show. We get that the angle isn't flattering but c'mon there's no denying that she's pumping her lips full of shit. It just looks like a frozen corpse with a wonky nose and this is why women in Hollywood should take the natural route.

[Image via WARNER BROS/SPLASH]

JUDGING TALENT WHEN YOU HAVE NONE?

If we were auditioning on the The X Factor USA this summer, we'd frankly be offended if Britney Spears was critiquing us, cause let's face it she can't even stay in key whilst humming. The once queen of pop (sorry gays) was papped arriving at the press call to launch the new show and to be honest she looked a fuckin' state. Bitten finger nails that were actually bleeding, liver spots all over her chest, RANK blonde hair, a ruined complexion (note the hormonal chin acne), classic Britney WE syndrome (wonky eye) and last but not least her bushy eyebrows that are in DESPERATE need of some attention. Oh love, we think you checked out of the nuthouse a bit too early.

[Image via GETTY]

LILO IS LOOKING SHIT HOT

Ooo fuck us hard. Lindsay Lohan showed up at the Washington Correspondents' Association Dinner recently and looked fucking amaze balls! We're so happy this bitch has ditched the trashy blonde locks and traded them in for her natural ginga roots. Whoever is telling her that she needs to actually take a shower before events needs a raise too. Keep it up LiLo!

[Image via GETTY]

JACKIE O WOULDN'T GOB ON THIS

Now when you think of a first lady the above pic isn't exactly what springs to mind right? We're in no way saying this because Michelle Obama isn't white, but merely because she looks like a fucking alien. We know it scrubs up well for events, but what the fuck is going on with her face? Her forehead looks like an ass cheek and her eyes look as though they're about to pop out their sockets. Bad times for Michelle ennit.

[Image via AP]

WHAT YA DONE TO YOURSELF HONEY?

Meg Ryan seems to be so quiet these days and when she's not promoting one of her shitty movies (The Women), she'll sometimes turn up to a crappy event to stay relevant. The poor thing however gets column inches for all the wrong reasons such as her failed relationships, emaciated figure and crappy career. She was papped at an event in NYC last weekend and the bitch looked like she was wasting away before our very eyes. Her face is kinda fucked and her arms are making us hurl if we're honest. What the fuck happened Meg?

[Image via SPLASH]

BILLION DOLLAR TRASH

If you're not familiar with Tamara Ecclestone then don't worry cause she's pretty irrelevant in the world of heiresses. Now we ain't gonna lie cause this gal clearly isn't short of a buck or two, but why does every rich bitch in the world have an Hermes bag, Rolex watch and fur coat. It's like saying every gay guy should walk around with a dick in their mouth. Anyway if you want our opinion, on this occasion her outfit screamed too much money and too little taste. We tried to ignore the jeans and shoes, but they're so fucking ugly they're giving us a headache. Honey, if you wanna look like an Arab woman gone wrong then keep dressing the way you do. Is it just us or is her forehead fucking huge too?

[Image via FLYNET]

DOES THIS THING HAVE LEUKEMIA?

Usually you'd think that losing 300 pounds would make a person more attractive, but in the case of STUNNER Perez Hilton it doesn't seem to have worked. Along with his new found and annoying as hell fake positive attitude to life (please bitch), he seems to have morphed into some sort of alien cause all the weight loss has made his head look fucked. Now we are pro-gay for sure, but for some reason he looks sick...like he has HIV or something?

[Image via COCO PEREZ]

THIS BITCH SMELLS OF SEX

We just had to post this snap of Kim Kardashian cause the team at The Sizzling Mess actually got boners from looking at it. What is it about about the reality TV star (slut who knows how to make a buck) that always looks so cock ready? Like we've said before sometimes we throw these "stars" a bone and do a nice post and we just couldn't resist on this occasion. We know good ole Kimmy would endorse adult diapers if the amount was right, we know every woman (including the mother) is both fame and money hungry, but it looks like being a dirty whore definitely pays the bills.

[Image via FLYNET]

BEING A FREELOADER IS SO MUCH FUN

Oh doesn't it make you sick just how easy "actress" Emma Roberts has had it her whole life? If by any chance Emma is reading this and strongly disagreeing cause she got raped or something as a child, then to clarify we're just talking about her career. We've always wanted to know if she's truly satisfied with riding on the coat tails of her famous aunt Julia Roberts, seeing as if it wasn't for her she'd be waiting on tables at TGI Friday's. The freeloader was papped walking around the Coachella festival in LA and judging by the bruises on her arm we're gonna guess that she pissed off Chris Brown? We're loving the rabbit teeth pose too it's tres chic. Don't forget to catch Emma's new flick In Julia's Shadows in theaters soon.

[Image via MATRIX]