90210 MUST BE ASHAMED OF THIS

Poor old Tori Spelling never stood a chance in life with that face and even hailing from

Beverly Hills hasn't helped the bitch. The actress (really) was snapped driving around LA on a granny car with a bag of popcorn next to her, so we feel that this picture does all the talking for once. We didn't realize she'd become so obese as to immobilize herself, but hey if a girl likes her food then she shouldn't deny herself...anything. Not that Tori ever got us hard but she's full on let herself get even worse recently and that back fat just ain't attractive honey.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

EVEN MEG LOOKS BETTER SANS SLAP

We bet you never thought you'd see actress Mila Kunis on The Sizzling Mess huh? Well let it be a reminder that even hot Jewish girls who appear in Dior commercials are not off limits. The voice of hottie Meg Griffin was papped leaving the gym in LA after a work out that probably involved tea bagging Ashton Kutcher while Demi Moore watched. Ouch, did we say that out loud? Anyway it just goes to show that even magazine cover girls have their off (dog) days.

[Image via X17]

NOT HOLDING BACK THE YEARS SO WELL

Simply Red aka Mick Hucknall seems to have set a new standard, as it appears he's got even fuglier than he was in his younger years. The ginga singer was papped playing golf with some of his buddies and he was definitely looking worse for wear. What's confusing us the most is the bizarre and disproportionate upper body that he's got, and the visible tattoo is proof that they look even more trashy when you get older. He just looks like a kiddy porn pervert and his face makes us feel sick to be honest.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

ALL WE WANNA DO IS FUCK YOUR BODY!

Talk about coming back with a bang huh? Christina Aguilera has finally ditched the donuts and was seen in LA over the weekend shooting the music video for her new single Your Body and lady looked shit hot. The singer wrapped her bootylicious bod up in a skin tight LBD with hot pink heels and appeared to be carrying a baseball bat. No word on what she'll be doing with it, but we wouldn't put it past her if she fucked herself with it in the new video. All we can say is keep doing whatever is your doing (not eating) cause you look good Xtina.

[Image via SPLASH]

MAYBE SHE'S GOT A NORWEGIAN TWIN?

Oh dear honey. Miley Cyrus was recently papped walking the streets of NYC and the poor thing looked so try hard it was almost laughable. The singer (if miming counts) seems to be favoring the grunge style of late, although bitch clearly didn't get the memo that if you're from Tennessee, it doesn't really work. The country bumpkin (hick that fucks her cousin) looked more like a trashy dyke from Norway than a teen pop sensation. To top it off, her boots just made her look like Coco The Clown on LSD. All we're thinking is what a dickhead.

[Image via SPLASH]

DID YOU FART HONEY?

You gotta love Nicki Minaj cause the bitch has made a good career out of looking a total mess and rapping shit no one can understand. The erm singer made an appearance on Good Morning America recently to promote her new record and it looked as though the poor bitch had done a nasty fart mid song. The piss colored hair and hooker outfit did her no favors either, but at least it's another star who ain't promoting anorexia. Listen up Alexa (dickhead) Chung.

[Image via SPLASH]

STACEY SLATER HAS GOTTEN ROUGHER

Lacey Turner who used to play common as muck Stacey Slater was recently snapped mucking out her driveway and looking rough as hell. The actress (holding laughter) is more likely to be found working a shift at New Look these days, as all the acting work appears to have dried up. Bad times for Lacey but you think she'd step out looking a little more camera ready no?

[Image via INF]

WE BET EVEN THE DOG IS GAGGING

We knew that Sarah Jessica Parker was fugly but it's pretty embarrassing when even a dog upstages you in the looks department. The dog rough SATC actress is seen in the above pic as a child when she played the role of Annie in Annie The Musical. The poor bitch looked like a horse with a ginger wig on and we really do feel for that dog cause we're guessing it was barfing inside. If kids wouldn't play with her then what choice did she have but to turn to animals for company?

[Image via NYPL]

SINCE WHEN DID BRITNEY DRESS LIKE A MOM?

Britney Spears is still managing to judge talent on The X Factor USA without getting out an umbrella and stabbing a contestant, but her fashion choices appear to going a little downhill. The singer (we're being polite) was snapped arriving at auditions in Chicago recently and it looked like she'd become a mumsy 45 year old overnight. What's going on with the BAD hair and make-up lady? Even the dress and shoes ain't saving this mess of a look but at least she don't look nuts.

[Image via GETTY]

LILO WAS LOOKING SO GOOD TOO...

It looks like Lindsay Lohan is back to her old ways of looking like a big old mess, as the actress (pushing it) was snapped having a sneaky fag whilst chilling with friends in LA recently. What we can commend here is the hair cause it looks a hell of a lot better than that blonde mess it was sporting for way too long, but how can we excuse the double chin and droopy tits? Oh and is that a classy back tattoo we can see? The poor thing's just a state and for 25 years old she looks fucking horrendous. We want Cady Heron back!

[Image via SPLASH]

THE POOR MAN'S ANNA WINTOUR

We've always believed that Carine Roitfield is to fashion what Britney Spears is to music...completely pointless. The former editor-in-chief of French Vogue was papped at a recent charity event in NYC and looked like an extra from Planet Of The Apes to say the least. Next month is a biggie for the dirty Parisian import because she's set to release the very first issue of her new magazine simply called CR Fashion Book. Wow, we simply can't get over how inspirational the name sounds. Even though it's biannual we'll give it 5 issues tops, cause let's face it Anna Wintour will squash this shit like a fly.

[Image via GETTY]

THIS THING IS FAR FROM LADYLIKE

Poor old Tara Palmer-Tomkinson just NEVER looks camera ready and continually shows herself up whenever she leaves her gaff. The royal mess was papped bending over in London after dropping her coke on the floor and we almost got a glimpse of what the bitch ate (yeah right) for breakfast. It really is a pure breed DOG and that nose has just fucked her over for good. What has she done with her life besides try every drug known to man?

[Image via XCLUSIVE]

IS THE DEATH BECOMES HER POTION REAL?

Okay so we get that Jackie Stallone looks absolutely fucking horrendous, but for 90 shitting years old the bitch looks DAMN good. Well minus the FUCK OFF trout pout. The erm lazy bitch who rides on the fame of her son Sylvester was snapped walking the red carpet (without any help) at his latest movie premiere and there wasn't a liver spot in sight. We're still in shock that this bitch is 90 and not suffering from alzheimer's though to be honest. The whale lips, clown eyebrows and drag make-up ain't a good look, but it don't even look close to 90 that's for sure.

[Image via REX FEATURES]

ISN'T LAVENDAR POISONOUS TO DOGS?

Kelly Osbourne is well known for switching up her hair on a regular basis but the latest color the fatty boom boom reality star has opted for doesn't really do her any favors. The fitch (fat bitch for those who aren't up to date with our lingo) was papped arriving at Chicago airport, cause she apparently got forced out of LA for being too talentless. No, we're jesting but that would be kinda funny wouldn't it? Apparently it's working on releasing a new book entitled Riding On The Coat Tails Of My Common Parents, but we're told that it's just a working title so things could always change. What are your thoughts?

[Image via X17]

WHEN SHE USED TO BE RELEVANT

When we found this pic of Lil' Kim aka the original Nicki Minaj we just couldn't resist sharing it with you all. It seems that the now bitter rap star used to be fond of $5 hooker wigs and over sized accessories, but at least it looked better then than it does these days. It's a shame that she feels so threatened by Nicki too and it's just embarrassing when you don't get the memo that you're past it. We know the truth hurts honey but it's about time you started embracing it.

[Image via WIRE]

NOT SO ENCHANTED NOW HUH?

Amy Adams will be forgiven on this occasion as the above pic of the actress is thankfully just from her new Broadway play. It's amazing how she can go from looking like a million bucks (well kinda) to an inbred looking dog with birds nest hair. We're not sure what the play is about but it's evident that her character is supposed to be a munter. Wonder if all the animals in the world would listen to her singing now?

[Image via WENN]

WHY DOESN'T THIS THING HAVE A LEASH?

For our US readers (we know there's like 3 of you) Stacey Solomon really isn't that relevant, but when we came across this vintage pic of the singer (dog) we just had to make it a post. The bimbo from Dagenham who looks as though she's always eating her own head gave a STUNNING pose when she was on I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here last year. Did we mention that it was on The X Factor too? Fucking hell though...the mouth on it's scary.

[Image via ITV]

OUR CRYSTAL BALL PREDICTED THIS SHIT

If we're honest we feel a lot of embarrassment for not only Madonna, but her 50 adopted kids too. The singer (OAP) is currently touring around the world to support her latest record and she's already got her baps out here and there. What we wanna know is when will she get that's not a good look when you're mid-song and your hip breaks? Whatever goes through this bitch's head is beyond us, but we wouldn't be at all surprised if the above pic soon become a reality. Can't you just see her performing Hung Up in 20 years climbing the walls with a walker in tow?

[Image via LA BOOK BOY]

PRETTY WOMEN DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE

We wonder what Vivian would think to Richard Gere if she saw him now huh? The once hot actor wasn't looking so camera ready when he was snapped leaving a grocery store in LA over the weekend, as the wind appeared to be raping his hair. While he's a far cry from ugly he's definitely aged a fuck load since his days as Edward Lewis, so once again time and aging will fuck everyone over in the end.

[Image via FLYNET]

WHO IS THIS BITCH TRYING TO KID?

Oh ain't Alexa Chung just the picture of health! Now the only thing that pisses us off more than a wannabe fashion icon, is one who actually believes they're relevant. The triple size zero "model" (dickhead) was papped walking the streets of NYC recently with what appeared to be a packet of Cheetos and a can of Coke in her hand. Erm sorry but is this bitch having a laugh? If it's weight is anything to go by then the only coke this thing has seen is the type that you keep on a CD case. Oh and holding a packet of chips is like calling us all fucking idiots. Did we mention that we're not really a fan?

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

IF YOU READ THIS, PLEASE DON'T HIT US!

You can relax cause the above photo isn't of your maid on vacay who called in sick, it's just "supermodel" Naomi Campbell. The ghetto fabulous bitch who likes to hit people was papped aboard a yacht in France with her billionaire Russian fuck buddy and her hairline appeared to be vacationing elsewhere. Perhaps in the North Pole? Anyway the "kind hearted" model's hair looked fucked to say the least and she looked more like an extra from Alien Vs. Predator. She's not known for having a huge set of baps either, but it looks like she can't buy bikinis in the right size. Just sayin'.

[Image via XCLUSIVE PICS]

KEEP YA EYES WIDE SHUT FOR THIS

Although we'll admit it can act, we've never really been a huge fan of Nicole Kidman cause we think she's rather overrated. The actress was papped arriving at a premiere in Australia recently and her face looked a little suspect if you ask us. The ridiculously smooth (stretched) complexion, bee stung lips and inflated cheeks say to us that lady's had a little "dental work" recently. Now it ain't ugly or anything but she's not really looking her best these days. Can you say clinging onto your youth?

[Image via GETTY]

EVEN A NEW HAIR STYLE CAN'T SAVE IT

Oh dear honey. Tara Palmer-Tomkinson was recently papped leaving her flat in London and once again she gave us all a laugh. The royal (she wishes) mess appeared to be sporting a new hairdo, but it seemed to have gone tits up cause she looked like a fucking tranny. We just can't figure out what's wrong with this woman cause she must have magic mirrors all over her gaff? Oh and there's added shame cause she's carrying a VERY old season Fendi bag. Looks like even over the hill IT girls are feeling the financial pinch ennit.

[Image via GOTCHA]

WHAT'S HAPPENED TO CECILE?

Once again we're proved right that time and shitting out kids doesn't do wonders for ya looks. Selma Blair aka the dumb slut Cecile from Cruel Intentions was papped out to lunch in West Hollywood recently and looked a right dog. The actress has recently shat out a few kids and it certainly shows what with the dark circles, puffy face and rank hair. What the hell's going on with that barnet...it looks alive? It should really be at the gym and not stuffing her face. We hope the Coke is at least diet.

[Image via X17]

HE LIKES TO BE HOME ALONE WITH A NEEDLE

What has happened to the once cute MaCaulay Culkin? The child actor who is best known for his role in Home Alone was snapped walking around LA recently and he looked like he was wasting away. According to sources he's a dirty smack addict who considers "finding the vein" a hobby and if we're honest we can't say we're surprised. First LiLo and now MaCaulay...does anyone think there's some sort of pattern amongst kids who find fame young?

[Image via INF]

AT LEAST IT DOESN'T WEAR A TOOL BELT

Ah the wonders of a stylist in Hollywood! Cynthia Nixon aka the dirty dyke who played Miranda in Sex And The City was once again papped walking the streets of NYC looking like a total lesbo mess. The actress shaved her head earlier this year and thankfully it's grown back rather quickly, but that doesn't really excuse this total fail of an outfit. How can someone look so good and then just turn into something so fucking rank?

[Image via WARNER BROS/SPLASH]

MORE LIKE SLAGGER JAGGER LOVE

Why is it that only rough as fuck people seem to win The X Factor...well most of the time? Cheap as chips Cher Lloyd was snapped popping out to her local offy to get some fags the other day and she looked dog rough to say the least. Let's not forget to mention that this bitch has only just turned 19 yet looks like a slapper in her late 20's. The lovely Scouse brows, mahoosive conk and spotty complexion looked a right state and this gal is in desperate need of a make-under. She strikes us as the type of girl who would cut you if you look at her sideways.

[Image via FLYNET]

DOES THIS THING NOT OWN A MIRROR?

Gemma Collins is really giving us a treat this week cause she left her gaff again to go to some tacky party in Essex and low and behold she looked a fucking state. The reality star (pig in a dress) appeared to have a major make-up malfunction cause her face looked red and blotchy and didn't match the rest of her lardish body. We've really given it to the whale lately but it looks like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards and then wanked on. How about you stay in more next week and eat from ya trough love?

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

BEING ADOPTED DOESN'T ALWAYS SUCK

Nicole Richie is famous for being adopted by superstar Lionel Richie and being former besties with reality star (slut) Paris Hilton. The erm socialite was papped getting her nails did in LA recently and although lady ain't fugly she resembled a Latina version of Gollum. We've always loved us some Nicole cause bitch was crazy funny on The Simple Life, but these days she's looking more like a googly eyed maid from south of the border. Go back to being anorexic cause it suited you way more honey.

[Image via X17]