Just when you think STUNNER Khloe Kardashian couldn't get any more breathtaking, she leaves the house and the weather decides to make her look even more fugly. The reality TV star was carrying an exclusive Hermes handbag, but even that didn't detract from her pig face and witch hair. We're guessing this is what it looks like when a tranny poltergeist from the 80s goes on a shopping spree? Despite everything she looks pretty good for a man.
You'd think the above pic was of a cash-strapped mom in the 90s, but no it's talented (and fucking obese) Alicia Keys. The star was snapped walking around NYC doing some last minute Christmas shopping (mostly food related), and she looked like a walking denim commercial gone wrong. Now we know that the holiday season is here and she's a new mom (blah blah blah), but she really needs to put down the fuckin' turkey cause her thighs are evil. She's been looking DOG rough lately bless her, but at the end of the day we bet her clothes and her toilet hate her.
Do you all remember the cutie (above left) from Matilda and Mrs. Doubtfire? If you don't then you're just weird, but if you do then you'll have already hurled over the pic on the right. Yuh huh, that is what the poor fucker's turned into. Child actress Mara Wilson is now a proud college student and she looks like a lesbian who's more into nature than dick. We wonder if she regrets quitting her career to be normal? We sure as hell would have regrets cause her life could have been SO fun and full of court cases and drug charges like Lindsay. Whatever happens we just hope that she gets those teeth fixed if she does ever decide to return to acting.
Wow this bitch is looking fuckin' haggard and we were shocked to find out that it is in fact 90s hottie Sharon Stone. Back in her prime she was known for flashin' her gash, but in more recent times it would seem that she's turned into a lesbian from Iceland. The hair is just a big fat no, but to be honest she just looks rough and used. Showing your true age is inevitable, but with all the money she's got what's her excuse?
Calling all fatties! The uber talented (and fucking fat) Christina Aguilera was pictured walking (and struggling) around LA in what is believed to be a pair of leggings from her new clothing line aimed at obese women. We think it's a good business move on her part cause she's living proof that you can be morbidly obese and still wear fashionable (ish) clothing. She's a right crafty bitch too cause we know she only wears "flowy" tops to disguise the fact that she's been carrying around a food baby for the last 2 years. We love you Xtina but please just stop fucking eating and go record some decent music.
Okay well first of all Merry Christmas from The Sizzling Mess! Second of all, what the fuck is wrong with Mariah Carey? She has FULL ON let herself go lately and we're not letting it slide just cause she shat out twins recently. The talented vocalist (fat singer) was performing an MTV Christmas special, but according to insiders she just wanted to show off her new weight loss. Erm this is where we're confused though...we don't see any. She may as well have worn a t-shirt with the words "fallen from grace but in denial", cause she looked a HOT fuckin' mess. Back in the day Mariah gave a toddler a boner, but these days she's looking more like an alcoholic (note the wine glass) stripper who does stand-up to pay the bills. Oh and the double chin, sweat and ghetto jewelry did nothing to help.
We all know that Catherine Zeta-Jones has had many stunning photo moments, but in this pic somethin' is definitely wrong. The actress (gold digger from Wales) was snapped walking the red carpet in NYC and her make-up artist was clearly pissed at her. From the buck teeth that make us wanna give her some hay and ride her to her chin aids, this bitch has certainly had better days. Is her make-up slave so lazy that they just threw a ton of bronzer on her? The poor thing even tried to save the look with some CLASSY lookin' earrings from last year's Christmas cracker, but it was just a major fail. At the end of the day it's just a cheap Welsh slapper.
Paris Hilton seems to have been blessed with the most horrendous taste known to the celebrity world. The reality TV star (wealthy slut) was pictured walking around Aspen with her down-syndrome sister Nicky, and she looked like winter Barbie with syphilis complete with a tranny edge. We're not quite sure what she see's when she looks in the mirror, but we're gonna take a guess and say she owns a magic one that hates her. Seriously though, why did she pair that RANK coat with special needs shoes? Oh please honey, just quit being cheap and hire a decent fucking stylist.
Another day, another drug-fueled party for a waste of space. Ah the wonderful life of former IT girl (coke whore) Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. The desperate fame whore was snapped leaving her drug dealer's flat in London and she looked like a hooker that had been gang raped and spat on. She really needs to get her shit together and get that mess of a nose fixed. Like we said this bitch gives dogs a bad name. Actually we take that back cause that's offensive to dogs.
Where the fuck do we start? Vera Wang who arrived in the US almost 100 years ago, now has a huge multi-million dollar wedding dress empire under her belt. However, in recent years she's kept on losing more and more weight to the point where she looks like a walking corpse. We know it's not the prettiest crayon in the box, but her arms are making us fuckin' hurl and we don't get why she used her hallway chandelier as a necklace in the above pic. She should really expand her diet beyond soya sauce smoothies and pile on a few pounds ennit. We wonder if it barks first thing in the morning?
Fuckin' hell Jess ya piling it on ennit? Former anorexic pop star Jessica Simpson was pictured signing autographs at the launch for her new Too Fat To Chew business venture. According to the whale herself, you can blend anything from strawberries (in her case doughnuts), transfer the contents to a drip bag, insert an easy-to-use needle into your favorite vein and bam you've got yourself a quick and instant food hit. No chewing necessary. We get that she's pregnant (fat), but it looks like this bitch is eating for 4 judging by the double chin and bloated facial features. Won't be long now until she's bed bound and getting sores everywhere. Yuck.
We just love to hate on Lisa Scott-Lee cause even though Steps disbanded like 50 years ago, she's still desperately clinging onto her "fame" and trying to achieve solo success. The bad drag queen is pictured above in a still from her crappy MTV show Totally Scott-Lee where her desperation is caught on camera. Never have we come across someone who wants a top 20 hit so badly. At one point during the show we thought she was gonna sell the clothes off her back to get her song played on Cheap FM, but sadly for her even they declined. Look on the bright side Lisa (urgh such a common name), you can always burn some copies of your album and then flog em at a car boot sale ennit?
Now we do love ourselves some Adele but cause she's morbidly obese and at risk of dropping dead anytime soon, we hope we can see it perform live one day. Anyhoo the singer (beached whale) didn't look so great whilst out to lunch with friends (eating again shocker) and we didn't realize it was her at first. She appeared to be wearing a beige colored tent, her rank greasy hair was tied up and it looked like she got so hungry she tried to eat her own lip. We can't help but notice that wherever she is, a glass of wine seems to follow, so we're inclined to think that not only is she a cake addict but also a piss head. Save ya money love and don't spend it all on food.
Well at least we all know that Photoshop is the reason Lindsay Lohan looks so good in her latest Playboy shoot. The actress (coke whore) was snapped arriving at court (what a fucking shocker) and she looked like Miss Piggy from The Muppets gone wrong. What the FUCK has she done to her face? The puffy cheeks, trout pout and double chin are a world away from her Parent Trap days. Never mind a deer, she looked like a fuckin' pig in headlights.
Okay we get that this isn't the worst pic out there, but even we had a hard time figuring out that it was "stunner" Cameron Diaz at first. The actress (overrated dog with nice legs) was snapped grabbing a smoothie after a hard day at the office (spa). To be honest, she looked like a Polish cleaning lady and she's well plain underneath all that war paint. We reckon that even Princess Fiona would put on some slap before leaving her gaff.
Classic beauty Jessy Nelson was brought to our attention by a reader (yeah we do have 'em thanks) and we're shocked to say that even we hadn't heard of her. We're amazed that the STUNNER never got kicked off The X Factor, cause the contracts clearly state "no dogs allowed". Anyway it was snapped leaving the ITV studios and Jessy looked like a Jersey Shore reject/Snooki's long lost lezza sister from Leeds. And that's being nice.
We could NOT believe it when we clapped eyes on this pic of DOG rough "icon" Barbra Streisand. The talented singer (pensioner that sings through her nose) was snapped walking to her local offy to get some fags and boy did it look evil. Her flat hair, nasty conk, crooked teeth and pin hole eyes are in major need of assistance. All we wanna ask is who let the dogs out? Such a fuckin' mess.
FUCK those legs almost brought up our cereal too. The talented Alicia Keys decided she was sick of lying in bed eating so she braved the paparazzi and went for a walk around NYC. Well what a fuckin' mistake that was love. Now we know she's in the "in between an album phase", which means she can stuff her face and judging by her thighs (OOO the thighs) our theory is spot on. Her tree trunk legs look like they belong in a fuckin' kebab shop spinning around and we DO NOT understand why she even owns denim shorts. Another case of a celebrity stylist hating their client we think.
Urgh fuckin' hell, it's hard to believe that this is Miranda Hobbs minus 3 days of hair and make up, but the camera don't lie people. Type cast actress Cynthia Nixon was pictured doing some errands around NYC and it looked a right lezza mess. The greasy hair, cheap clothes and cowboy boots were a world away from Miranda's classy lawyer outfits. She needs to use some of her hard earned (yeah right) millions to buy some decent looking gear, cause she looks like a drowned sewer rat covered in olive oil. Yuck.
Now we do love ourselves some Diane Keaton, but FUCK this bitch looks evil without the red carpet treatment (3 inches of slap). The face of L'Oreal anti-ageing products (no we're not kidding) was pictured walking around the zoo in LA and we're gonna take a guess and say she was visiting a relative? Urgh it looked like a fucking corpse with piss stained teeth and this bitch is so wrinkly you could easily confuse her face for a map. We're all for "growing old gracefully", but Diane's taking the piss. Please just get yourself some fillers love and quick.
We've stooped proper low this week, cause now we're so desperate for messes we're writing about nobody's from the shittier than shit TV show The X Factor. Talent show contestant (former Tesco worker) Misha B was pictured at a Talk Talk (so low) event and she looked like she'd been fucking inflated. Her tumor-sized head, beach ball hair and fuck off massive thighs looked a right state as she posed for pics. Well racist of her stylist to put chains round her waist too.
Wow ain't it amazing what Photoshop can do? Former stunner (ish) Tara Reid was photographed waiting in line to get into some crappy club in LA, only to eventually be denied entry due to being such a MUNTER. The crappy actress has certainly let her beauty regime slip and that triple chin is just fuckin' nasty. You can kid yourself all you like and say this was taken from a "bad angle", but there ain't no denying that it's looking rough these days.
Urgh, did you really have to leave ya gaff wearing this mess of a get-up love? Essex slapper and walking whale Gemma Collins was pictured walking (shocker) whilst on vacay in Spain and she looked a right fess (fat mess). This bitch is built like a brick shit house and we don't get why she chose to wear this RANK bikini from Peacocks. It looks as though she's become so morbidly obese that she's grown a third tit too. We wouldn't wanna be near this when it farts that's for sure.