DOES KHLOE COUNT AS TWINS?

Fuckin' hell Khloe Kardashian packs one hell of an ass that's for sure. In fact we reckon this BEAST of a behind is capable of cracking a walnut. We don't really understand why she chose to highlight her slim frame by wearing skinny jeans, but we guess when you're as new money as she is who gives a shit. The businesswoman (erm pig) was papped leaving the doctor's office as she's rumored to be preggers and we'd be willing to put money down that she's having a whole litter. Jesus, those jeans are fucking sprayed on love.

[Image via XPOSURE]

YOUR FACE IS A SIN HONEY

The Sizzling Mess has NEVER come across a bad pic of actress Jessica Alba...until now. The usually stunning star was papped leaving her hotel in Paris yesterday and she looked like a character from Bo Selecta. Even though she always looks pretty hot, we feel like she always has a sort of down syndrome ish appearance. Is it just us or does she looks like she's been beaten up a little too? Maybe she "poked herself in the eye" or maybe she fucked off Chris Brown.

[Image via SPLASH]

WHEN WE SEE SONJA WE CUM HARD

Oh love, please just stay indoors and quit leaving your gaff cause you're giving us too much to write about. As usual EastEnders actress (stunner) Natalie Cassidy was snapped walking around London with some of her mates and she looked erm like she had special needs. For some reason we think she kinda looks like a drowned rat with downs. Loving the (fake) Gucci bag too Sonja. Her spokesperson told The Sizzling Mess: "Natalie doesn't wish to support the counterfeit industry and of course she'd love to buy a real one but money ennit."

[Image via EROTEME]

SOME LIKE IT NOT

Dear oh dear, it looks like Natalie Cassidy still doesn't get that she should only leave her gaff with a bag over her head. The former Eastenders star was snapped walking around London with her daughter and once again it looked like a fucking tranny. The only new thing we noticed is her 20s flapper style haircut, although we have to say it looks fucking nasty and does nothing to make her face look less offensive. She would have plastic surgery but money ennit.

[Image via SPLASH]

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL...DON'T CRACK

Wow ultra fuckin' DOG rough Natalie Cassidy was looking like a cheap gypo at a recent charity event in Great Yarmouth. The unique STUNNER seems to get fuglier by the day, as we swear she didn't look this atrocious in her first post. We reckon she's gonna get snapped up to star in the new movie adaption of TV show My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding cause she certainly looks the part here. Every time we see her face we thank God that our mother wasn't raped by a dog in college either.

[Image via FLYNET]

NO WONDER YA MOM DON'T SPEAK TO YA

We'll always have sympathy for Tori Spelling, cause she's pretty much the ultimate poster girl for proving that even though you can shit out money, it don't mean you won't crack a mirror. The STUNNER was pictured in LA looking like the spawn of a down syndrome Barbie mixed with an alien and a pig. Oh, let's not forget the flattering clown make up. It's such a pity she didn't complete the look with a red nose, daisy in her hair and clown shoes. Her mother must of screamed when the nurse placed this mess of a being in her arms.

[Image via WIRE]

FAR FROM MAGNIFIQUE

Urgh, this dog with downs is takin' the piss now cause she's left her house more than twice in one week. Natalie Cassidy was pictured leaving the gym (we're serious) in Manchester and IT looked a right FATE (fat state). We don't know who she's trying to kid with a top saying "magnifique" cause the dog is far from it. Her personal trainer who prefers to remain nameless revealed to The Sizzling Mess that she "brings Pedigree treats to most sessions" and on occasion when she finishes her cardio "gets on all fours and begs for a treat". What a fucking RANK handbag too.

[Image via GOFF]

UGLY SISTER ALERT

Here is the STUNNING heiress (talentless slut) Nicky Hilton trying (and failing) to look sexy with her over the shoulder pose. The end result is a down syndrome tranny mess minus the drool, and we wish someone would just tell Nicky to stay indoors cause the world shouldn't have to see this face. The bitch has a right fuckin' conk on her and combined with those LOVELY nashers she was destined to have a joke of a face.

[Image via REUTERS]

SOMEONE CALL PET RESCUE

Ooo fuck, this PIG of a being looked positively EVIL as it walked (believe it or not) around the other day. Kelly Osbourne plucked up the courage to leave her kennel and attend a Weight Watchers class in LA, but after being told "no dogs allowed" she left abruptly and went back to the pound to eat her feelings. We're not sure what's up with her retarded whale face and lips, but it looks like the weight is definitely creepin' back on. Can you believe this bitch gets paid (with food) to co-host that shitty show Fashion Police. Wonder what her co-stars will think of her (it's) car crash of an outfit? Ooo love just do us a favor and stay indoors.

[Image via CPR/FLYNET]

EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL DOG

Wow, this is a whole new level of a "celebrity" without make-up. Don't be confused readers, this isn't Katy Perry's down-syndrome twin sister, it's just what the starlet looks like minus 3 hours of hair and slap. The dirty bitch posted this pic of herself via Twitter whilst getting a colonic irrigation. We guess this is also her sex face when Russell Brand plays with her fart box? Urgh the rank hair, blotchy pale skin and forehead wrinkles just screams HOT MESS in need of major assistance. We're glad we don't have to wake up next to this dog in the morning!

[Image via WENN/TWITTER]

COCO THE FUCKIN' CLOWN

Oh Sonja darlin', why do you keep on leavin' the house without that Lidl bag over ya head? You know you're gonna get lots of press with that STUNNING face girl! Anyway, cheap-lookin' gal (questionable) Natalie Cassidy looked like a fucking clown in drag when she (he/it) appeared on award-winning chat show Loose Women (aka The View gone wrong). We guess that now Eastenders is over all she can afford to wear for press appearances are 'over sized' white shirts from Primark. As long as that mess of a body is covered up we'll be happy love!

[Image via KEN MCKAY/REX]

SOLID SONJA

She really is spoiling us now by leaving her house twice this week, but here at The Sizzling Mess we never complain. Good ole Natalie Cassidy (Sonja) was once again photographed outside her (daily) Weight Watchers class wearing white (yes WHITE) capri pants, which did a FABULOUS job of flattering her slimline thighs. Wonder why she ain't shifted the baby weight yet? Perhaps she should look to Victoria Beckham for some diet motivation and just STOP eating. On a happier note, Nat is apparently being tipped to play the lead role in a West End adaptation of 2002 movie Dogville. We're gonna go out on a limb here and guess she's playing the dog.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

PUSHING DAISY AWAY FROM THE CAKE AISLE

Daisy Lowe really is the most overrated "supermodel" in Europe. She's currently the face of BIBA, but we can't decide whether she's lower than the brand or vice versa? What were Louis Vuitton thinking when they used the "practically anorexic" beauty to front their swimwear campaign? Who'd have thought Marc Jacobs would wanna promote partial obesity, what with her tree trunk thighs rockin' one of their iconic bikinis.

[Image via MATRIX]