HOW WAS THIS A FRICKIN' MODEL PEOPLE?

This actually makes us kinda sad to see Janice Dickinson looking like she's left her retirement home for the afternoon to go play bridge with the girls, but no you're eyes ain't fooling you she really does look that fucking awful and may we stress old. The former model (shocker) was seen leaving her local market in Malibu and the bitch had either smuggled kids into the country or she'd had a fuck off nasty perm. To top it all off, the stretched skin and puffy lips just make her look even more desperate to stay young and it's really not hot. When will these LA dummies learn that less is more?

[Image via FLYNET]

BREE WOULDN'T WANT THIS AS A NEIGHBOR

It's damn right shocking when you actually realize the true POWER of make-up and Marcia Cross must be thanking her lucky fucking stars that it was invented. The former Desperate Housewives star was papped whilst running errands around LA over the weekend and it looked dog rough to say the least. All we know is that Bree wouldn't even go to the bathroom without having her hair and make-up done, so this haggard old thing wouldn't stand a chance of living on Wisteria Lane.

[Image via X17]

GET THIS BITCH A RABBIT CAGE QUICKLY!

Fucking hell that Stacey Solomon is one EVIL looking bitch and we bet onlookers were offering it carrots when she was snapped shopping recently. The former X Factor contestent (downs bimbo) ain't really done much since leaving the show and with those teeth we're hardly surprised cause we bet every record label have ran off for fear of being eaten alive. You just can't save this look with any nice words cause she looks like a fucking munter.

[Image via MAGIC MOMENTS]

XTINA HAS DEFINITELY EATEN HER KID

Christina Aguilera seems to battle with her food demons cause one minute she can be stick thin and the next there's a national food shortage. Now we ain't denying that the bitch can't blow (ghetto for sing you perverts), but she sure as hell has gotten fucking fat lately. Just comparing the photos above that are only 2 years apart is pretty shocking, but at least it proves that Chrissy can do classy if she wants to. All we know is that the latest look just ain't doing girl any favors and that fake tan NEEDS to be toned down cause her legs look like burnt chipolatas.

[Image via PACIFIC COAST/GETTY]

THE AIRBRUSH IS HAVING A DAY OFF

Well this sure don't look like a Vogue cover does it Anne Hathaway? The usually preened to perfection Jewish actress was snapped walking around NYC recently and she looked like a rat on the hunt for a cube of cheese. The flyaway birds nest hair, Dumbo ears and fuck off massive conk certainly wouldn't go down well with Miranda Priestly that's for sure. Just sayin'.

[Image via SPLASH]

MAYBE IT IS BETTER SKINNY?

When we stumbled upon this LOVELY vintage pic of Jennifer Hudson we almost vommed up our lunch cause those arms look like a nasty pair of whale thighs. Anyway our point is that maybe the singer does look better when she's anorexic but we're still kinda undecided. When it's thin she looks like a fugly horse and when it was like this (we'll call it Motown Flubber) she looks a right fucking beast that would eat you if you got in her way. What do y'all think?

[Image via WIRE]

NO DOUBT YOU'VE GOT ROUGH WITH AGE

Even though we think Gwen Stefani is eternally cool she certainly looked like she'd be dragged in by the dog the other day whilst running errands in LA. The retired pop star was seen doing the school run and even a full face of slap didn't save the poor bitch cause it looked dog rough and haggard. We ain't missing that fuck off huge "hormonal acne" zit on ya chin either honey.

[Image via X17]

EVEN MAKE-UP DOESN'T SAVE THE BITCH

Just when you think Lindsay Lohan can maybe pull it together and look good for the premiere of her new TV movie (embarrassing) Liz & Dick she turns up looking like a big ass hot mess. The actress (debatable) was snapped arriving at the airport in LA looking like a bloated alcoholic and didn't look much better a few hours later when walking the red carpet. The bloated face, fish lips and hooker dress just did nothing for her and once again we'd love to know what the fuck the stylist was thinking? Well if she can even afford one.

[Image via SPLASH/GETTY]

SO THIS IS HOW IT BROKE INTO ACTING

Why are we not surprised that the younger Judi Dench (containing laughter) Emma Watson kickstarted her acting career by getting on her knees and sucking cock? Okay so we're obviously dreaming, but is it wrong that we kinda wish this was true so people would get how much of a joke this girl is for once? On top of retaining many ape-like features, having zero acting chops and being as stiff as the dick she's holding whilst on the screen, it baffles us as to why she keeps getting offered roles. If her fans don't agree that her work ain't ever gonna cure cancer, then they're just as deluded as Emma is about her abilities.

[Image via EMMA WATSON PORN]

XTINA FINALLY BOUGHT A NEW MIRROR!

What a difference a day and hairstyle can make to one's appearance huh? Christina Aguilera was seen arriving at the American Music Awards in Los Angeles this evening and lady looked SHIT hot for once whilst walking the red carpet. It looks like Xtina finally realized that less is more (especially in her case) and we're so thankful she ditched those period colored extensions in favor of something more simple and classic. Yeah, we never thought we'd use those two words in the same sentence as her name either. Keep it up bitch!

[Image via JUST JARED]

THIS BREED OF DOG IS STILL UNKNOWN

Oh honey, this ain't a good one is it? Oscar winning actress Jennifer Hudson was snapped around LA filming a new Weight Watchers commercial and it looked positively evil if we're honest. For some reason she's tragically attached to her $5 hooker weave and that weight loss just ain't working for her bone structure cause it makes the poor bitch look fugly as hell. Please just pile it back on love cause we think you look a lot better when you're morbidly obese.

[Image via SPLASH]

GRACE KELLY WOULD BE FUCKED OFF

Aussie actress Nicole Kidman has always struck us as the kinda gal who'd do anything to hold onto her youth and it would appear that fucking up her face is included in that plan. The walking science project was papped whilst filming a new Grace Kelly biopic in her native Australia and she looked like a stretched mess to say the least. We're not sure if she's smiling, high as kite or pissed as arse holes, but at least we know her new movie will give us a good laugh.

[Image via EAGLE PRESS]

WE HOLD THE HAIR AGAINST YOU HONEY

We're not too sure what happened in the hair and make-up room, but Britney Spears looked like she was hiding an entire family in her hair on The X Factor the other night. The now not so relevant pop star wore a clingy black number that didn't really do frame any favors (not that she's obese) and those t-bar shoes just cut her legs right off and made her look like a dwarf from Louisiana. Did anyone notice how fucking low her top was cut too? We know her stylist was going for glam, but we're getting more over the hill slut from this look. Just sayin'.

[Image via BRIDOW/COCO PEREZ]

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE MAKE-UP LADIES

All you girls (and trannies) know that make-up is probably the most powerful tool when it comes to making yourself look shit hot and this has been PERFECTLY proved by reality TV star (slut with a pushy mom) Kim Kardashian. The overexposed tramp was snapped arriving at the airport in London looking worse for wear in comparison to her usual preened to fuck red carpet appearances. Now it ain't ugly by a long shot but the panda eyes, spotty skin and cross-eyed look just ain't working for us, thus proving that Kim is normal after all. We'd like to highlight the fact that "thus" is the smartest word we've ever used on The Sizzling Mess, so we've moved up a notch on the class scale.

[Image via INF]

DOES THIS HAIL FROM KENYA PERHAPS?

Oh honey, just looking at this shit makes us wanna FedEx you a fuck off burger and fries to get down your gullet. Kate Bosworth aka one of the world's shittest actresses behind Keira Knightley, was seen lingering outside her trailer in LA the other day holding what appeared to be an orange and although we're happy that she's eating something, it looked as though she should've had a drip machine on wheels beside her at all times. Her head literally looked like it would fall off if she turned too suddenly and when your Ugg boots match the width of your upper thighs, you know you've got something in common with Karen Carpenter. Just sayin'.

[Image via FLYNET]

BUFFY WOULDN'T HANG OUT WITH THIS NOW

Alyson Hannigan as we're sure you all know has recently had a baby, but the main issue here is that she still hasn't lost any of the baby weight since shitting it out. It's such an atrocious level of effort for a celebrity right? Okay we're clearly being a tad sarcastic here, but c'mon you could basically fuck Willow Summers in the chin now and it ain't hot. The actress was papped pushing her stroller round the streets of LA whilst in search for work, as according to industry sources she's become too disgusting and obese to get roles. Again this is sarcasm for all you dry fuckers who take us too seriously. Basically the point we're trying to get across here is that she's a ginga mess who needs to sort herself out.

[Image via SPLASH]

LOOKS LIKE PHOEBE NEEDS A WALKER

We know what you're thinking...when bad things happen to good people and in this case the culprit is that little fucker called time. Lisa Kudrow aka hippy slut Phoebe Buffay from iconic TV show Friends was snapped arriving at a charity event in LA recently and she looked like she'd definitely started living off her retirement account. To be honest, we can't fucking believe this and Jennifer Aniston are pretty much the same age. The greying hair, wrinkled complexion and turkey neck are making us think that the poor bitch needs some TLC and quick.

[Image via SPLASH]

OOMPA LOOMPA'S ARE AFRICAN AMERICAN

For some reason Jennifer Hudson does NOT look right when she's not obese, and if we're honest (like we wouldn't be) being thinner makes her look fucking ugly. The former Idol and Oscar winner (get it bitch) was seen attending some crappy event in LA over the weekend and looked like an orange drag queen in a hooker weave. Out of everything, and there's a lot wrong here, we find the pronounced jawline and man hands quite creepy, but let's face it this girl ain't no looker and weight actually makes it look better. We bet Kirstie Alley is jealous about that.

[Image via SPLASH]

EVEN CASPER WOULD JUMP AT THIS SHIT

We do love our child stars but Christina Ricci holds a special place in our heart, if we have one, cause she's not only talented, but she's managed not to do a LiLo her whole life which takes will power. Anyway in terms of it's appearance she's looked a lot better in the past and we always knew she had a fuck off massive forehead, but we never realized we could have a sleepover on it that's for sure. The blotchy complexion is telling us that she's either been scoffing on too many Twinkies or she's on the rags aka rank hormonal acne. Now we don't need to be told that we're cunts cause we already know that, but we like to keep it real and show the fans how dog rough some celebs are. Enjoy!

[Image via MATRIX]

USING A DYSON TO GET DRESSED ISN'T GOOD

Oh honey no! Poor old Lauren Goodger who got fired from TOWIE for being too fat was snapped out to dinner in Essex recently and her dress was crying at the seams. The human walrus appears to have an issue with buying clothing that actually fits her lard filled frame and this shit is making us shake our heads. The hair, make-up and excess flub just make her look like a total car crash of events and we'd be embarrassed to call this out girlfriend. Just sayin'.

[Image via FLYNET]

BETCHA NEVER SAW THIS ONE COMING

We're guessing most of you will either be like who the fuck is this or no fucking way, but open your eyes people cause this is in fact former star of The City and style icon Olivia Palermo. The usually fierce bitch was snapped on the blower (cell for you Yanks) on her hotel balcony in Paris recently and she looked like a total mongoloid. While we can't fault her weight or skin tone she looked cross-eyed and that hair has definitely seen better days. If this bitch can look bad, then no fucker is safe.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

FUCK OFF IS THIS THE SAME PERSON!

Sofia Vergara is well known for her luscious looks and "give you a woody in 3 seconds" effect, but it seems just like every poor bitch in the world she too looks dog rough minus the warpaint. The sexy Modern Family actress was papped out to lunch in LA this week and she looked a world away from her usually groomed to fuck red carpet appearances. In place of the usual sizzling Latina was a plain and foreign looking thing who could easily be mistaken for someone's maid if we're totally honest. This just proves that with money and the right resources anything is possible.

[Image via PACIFIC/X17]