The media (and us) give Lindsay Lohan a hard time, but let's face with Dina Lohan as a mom you're pretty much fucked from the start. We came across this vintage oldie of LiLo as a child and upon closer inspection we realized that she had a french manicure. The words classy, respectable and age appropriate definitely spring to mind, but to be honest we're not that surprised...just look at the mother.
Ain't it shocking how much a blow dryer, bit of slap, some jewelry and a fancy frock can make you go from drab to fab. To highlight this point so perfectly we found this GREAT pic of actress (plain gal that got lucky) Reese Witherspoon while she was en route to the gym. Now we know she's always had alien-like forehead proportions, but it looks fuckin' rank from her side profile. Not much else we wanna say really cause we think the pic says it all...fuckin' dog.
Ooo we bet Kelly Rowland is PROPER fucked off that she got snapped lookin' like this the other day. The former Destiny's Child member (still clinging onto that fame) was pictured arriving at the airport in LA and let's just say the poor bitch has looked better. We're used to seeing it glammed up on The X Factor judging panel, but she looked like a cross between a monkey and a horse. We wish we'd been there cause we'd of ran up to her and yelled "Spaaaam" whilst we slapped her fuck off massive forehead. Bad times for Kel ennit!
Wowza! It really is a shame what insecurity and too much money can do to a middle-aged woman's face. Joan Van Ark from the classic TV show Knots Landing was snapped walking the red carpet at a charity event recently and IT looked like E.T. on smack. We can't decide if she looks 64 or not, but to be honest she just looks like a science project gone wrong. Sorry love but you look a fuckin' state and no man will wanna pork you with that face.
Just when we thought Janet Jackson had finally beaten her femons (food demons) we found this pic of the whale leaving the doctor via the back entrance...most likely cause she couldn't fit through the front one. Anyway the ghetto version of Free Willy has been keeping her head low lately (in a bowl of Cheetos) cause she's apparently planning a come back next year. We can't imagine what that would consist of, but as a rough guess we'd say weight loss, press about the weight loss, new album, sell out tour and then back to eating her feelings again. We'd be willing to put money on that too.
Poor old (we mean ancient) Jackie Stallone is not lookin' her best these days. Sylvester's mama (great grandma) was snapped making a VERY flattering face while she walked the red carpet at a charity event in LA recently. Erm, well we don't really know where to start. Let's just cut the shit though, she looks like she's been embalmed but somehow still attending events. The clown make up, gypsy jewelry and whale lips do nothing to help her fucked up face one little bit. Having money is a curse when it allows you to do this kinda shit to yourself!
Ooo now this is low we gotta say, but who else but the National Enquirer (and now us) to publish the LAST ever photo of Whitney Houston lying in her casket. Upon closer inspection the inside of her casket has the word "Nippy" sewn into the silk. We wonder if she's chilly or summink?
Now we know it's just a rumor, but apparently actress (chubby drug addict) Lindsay Lohan is being tipped to play the lead in the new Snow White remake. Judging by her outfit in the above pic you'd think she was trying to impress producers, cause she looked like a bloated white mess whilst strolling through the airport over the weekend. That hair color is just so wrong on her and her pasty white face and fish lips do fuck all to help. Seeing as she's now a Playboy model, we wonder if she'll have a raunchy scene in the new flick and get fucked by all the dwarfs?
We're shocked that we've managed to hold off from posting about actress (professional food taster) Gabourey Sidibe for so long, but this bitch is outta luck cause today we found this photo. Now we ain't saying it ain't talented but there is DEFINITELY a point between being just overweight and being a fat cunt. Gabby, you've even exceeded that point honey. The poor bitch was snapped at a recent charity event in NYC and it looked like a pile of whale shit in an orange tent. Is it just us or does she look like she's blind or trying to push out a turd in every photo? Maybe it's cause her eyelids are carrying so much excess fat they can't help but close. Whatever the reason this woman needs to get on a fuckin' diet and quick. Nice classy touch with the bra hanging out one side ennit.
Classy gal Daniella Westbrook was snapped leaving her dealer's flat the other night in a glam (tacky) dress and it looked like a right slapper. The actress (glorified gypsy) is trying to get her career (shit we choked) back on track after becoming a crack addict a few years ago. It don't look too bad we know, but the hooker eyebrows, fucked up nose and whale lips looked a mess. The poor thing would get her conk fixed but money ennit.
What the fuuuck is going on with Lindsay Lohan people? The actress (smack addict) was snapped walking around NYC the other evening and it looked a right state. We don't get why LiLo is still getting those RANK lip injections cause they're making the bitch look ridiculous. The white hair is also nasty and what's with the double chin and bloated facial features in every pic of her? Maybe it's a bit soon to make a Whitney reference, but surely by now we all know that a bloated face means they've got a spoon and a lighter hidden in their handbag. Wouldn't you all agree?
Holy shit, even we can't believe this is Heidi Montag! The former star from The Hills was snapped leaving a gas station in LA looking full on DOG rough. To be honest, we're actually shocked that she's got the cash to own a car what with her addiction to dental work (botched plastic surgery). Whatever she's been doing has clearly been taking it's toll cause it looks old, tired and bloated. Get rid of your LOSER husband girl and get down the gym.
Poor old Vicky B aka Victoria Beckham is looking proper tired these days ennit. The mum of (we think it's around 5 sprogs now) was snapped looking VERY chubby at a recent event in NYC wearing a STUNNING dress. Now we gotta say that Mrs Beckham looks great most of the time, but this outfit was just a total mess. The "natural" tan, protruding collar bone (fucking rank) and oily skin looked a right state. On a more positive note, we hear that Posh is apparently dressing lots of stars for the Oscars. We can just picture it...baby Harper sucking silicone from one of her tits, while she sits at her sewing machine banging out couture till the wee hours of morning. Ah she's such an inspiration!
Our best guess is that Madonna was thinking "fuck my life" when she got papped looking like this. The queen of pop (syphilis) was pictured arriving at the airport after her Super Bowl performance and it looked proper old ennit. We're not sure why Madge's cheeks look so sunken, but maybe she had jaw ache from giving so much head to get the gig in the first place?
What the FUCK is happening to Lindsay Lohan? The bitch turned up to the AMFAR gala looking like her manager (slutty mom) Dina on smack, and it looked like it was ready for a porno cameo on That 70s Show. The bloated face, coke colored hair and whale lips are making us scream no, no, no! We literally cannot believe it's only 25 years old. Get your shit together LiLo!
All joking aside, we are truly shocked and saddened by Whitney Houston's passing this afternoon. However, the above pics were the last to ever be taken of the star when she exited a nightclub on Thursday and let's face it, the poor thing looked like a coked-up mess. Does anyone else notice the pregnancy-like bump too? Such a wasted talent gone forever, our condolences go out to her family. RIP Whitney.
Over at The Sizzling Mess we don't usually waste our precious time writing about "waste of space" people such as Alexa Chung, but we just couldn't ignore the latest pics that surfaced. The talented "celebrity" who is best known for not eating was snapped arriving at the AMFAR gala in NYC and it looked like a right heffer. To compare, the pic on the left is from 2007 and we know her frame looks practically identical. Urgh just the sight of it's legs in 2012 is making us hurl, but what we don't get is why doesn't she eat? It's not like she's so successful and busy that's she's not got the time. We're gonna send her a t-shirt with the words "talentless and insecure" written on it for her birthday. We would of sent a cake but it's anorexic ennit.
Atlanta's "realist" housewife (divorced ghetto trash) NeNe Leakes looked a world away from her usual glam appearance on the hit Bravo TV show. We gotta say we do love a bit of NeNe cause the bitch could make a park bench laugh, but she was looking damn ROUGH whilst walking around NYC. The $5 hooker wig looked like a cow pie and we're pretty sure that even scarecrows have better quality hair. We secretly hope that Sheree Whitfield is reading this whilst laughing her ass off. Wonder if those earrings are paid for?
Yeah we're thinking the same as you...time is a right bitch. We genuinely did NOT make this photo worse than it is, so Pamela Anderson's make-up artist is either blind or hates the bitch. The former Baywatch star (slut with hepatitis) was snapped at a premiere in LA and it looked like coco the fuckin' clown. Didn't anyone tell Pam that pencil thin eyebrows were only for hookers? Oh wait, that means she's sporting the right trend though.
It makes us feel SO old that Mean Girls came out 8 years ago, but the movie put actress Rachel McAdams (Regina the bitch) on the map and since then she's overtaken bloated coke whore LiLo who played the lead role. Wow, that shit must be embarrassing for Lindsay. Unfortunately it wasn't a good night for Rach, cause she looked like a fuckin' tranny with a massive head. We'd be proper fucked off and fire the make-up artist quickly. You just can't find the staff ennit.
Now when it's scrubbed up it looks rather tasty, but fuck us hard and cum on us, cause we can't believe Katherine Heigl is so fugly minus the war paint. The Grey's Anatomy star looks like an alien with Chinese eyes and rotten teeth, which is a world away from her usual glam red carpet appearance. All we can suggest is that she carries a bag around with her at all times...just in case.
What a classy gal that Denise Welch is huh? The mother and TV presenter (slapper from Manchester) got her baps out whilst in the Big Brother house and it looked a right fess (fucking mess). On top of the tranny make-up, rank tits and beer belly, she simply proved that she's always been the slapper we thought she was. According to inside sources, she also got spit-roasted whilst in the hot tub, but Big Brother had to edit this out as they thought it may be too risque to broadcast. It would have boosted ratings though surely? Oh well, we suppose seeing a pig get gang raped isn't that hot anyway.
Why? All we wanna know is why Christina Aguilera continues to comfort eat, fake-tan, wear clown make-up and dye her hair a piss-colored shade of a blonde? It really did look like a walking whale in drag as it stepped out in Hollywood last night. The rumor mill is saying she's due to drop a new album (not another kid) very soon, but bitch needs to get her weight issues in check cause this sure as hell ain't gonna help her album sales. How many times have we gotta tell you Xtina...less is fucking more.
Dear oh dear, it looks like Natalie Cassidy still doesn't get that she should only leave her gaff with a bag over her head. The former Eastenders star was snapped walking around London with her daughter and once again it looked like a fucking tranny. The only new thing we noticed is her 20s flapper style haircut, although we have to say it looks fucking nasty and does nothing to make her face look less offensive. She would have plastic surgery but money ennit.