GLAMOUR MAGAZINE SHOOTS TRANNIES NOW?

Although talented as fuck Dakota Fanning isn't really the best looking thing in the tool box, but she sure as hell didn't have the right team with her on this shoot for the latest issue of Glamour magazine. We're not sure what look they were going for here, but the poor bitch ended up looking like a downs clown aka Christina Aguilera. The gold curls, drag queen slap and cankles wouldn't make us pick up the issue, so we're guessing there are some blind gals out there that would wanna look like this thing.

[Image via GLAMOUR]

CLEARLY IT GOT DRESSED IN THE DARK AGAIN

Oh dear honey. Poor old Lindsay Lohan just cannot catch a break when it comes to looking good lately, cause the former shit hot actress was seen boarding a flight at JFK and it looked like a ginga Miss Piggy gone wrong. It also appeared that she wanted to fuck PETA off by wearing a head to toe leather ensemble topped off with real fur. The double chin and lips are what really make this photo a classic though and we just don't understand PERIOD how bitch can think she looks good. We're anxious to see if LiLo gets thrown in the slammer so watch this space.

[Image via XPOSURE]

WHERE THE FUCK IS SHARON...LITERALLY?

Yeah even we were like no fucking way is this Sharon Osbourne, but yes people the bitch has actually fucked with her face so much now that she doesn't even resemble her former self. The gobby wife of rock legend Ozzy Osbourne was seen shooting The Talk in LA over the weekend and it looked more like the bride of Frankenstein than a human being. The puffy face didn't even match up to the wrinkly neck, which is an immediate sign of hanging onto one's youth and desperation. Please honey just stop with everything and grow old gracefully!

[Image via PACIFIC]

SOMETIMES EVEN ANIMALS GET IT WRONG

We stumbled across this golden oldie of TV personality (pig) Vanessa Feltz and couldn't help but not feature it on The Sizzling Mess for your viewing pleasure. Now we're not sure what it's up to these days besides eating, but we sure as hell remember the bitch for her rank wardrobe choices. According to sources she actually employs a stylist but we don't know of any respectable stylist who would pull a dress from Frederick's of Hollywood (Ann Summers for English people) and put it on someone for a red carpet event. Well maybe not red, we are only talking about Vanessa Feltz here.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

SKINNY GIRLS DON'T ALWAYS HAVE IT ALL

Yeah we get that this is like the mother of all photos but Bethenny Frankel ain't never been a looker and y'all know it. The former star of NYC Housewives was seen walking the streets of Brooklyn the other day and we think even the wind dodged this shit. It's always looked like a tranny with a Lurch esque jawline if you ask us, and even though it's rich now this just proves that money can't make you look like a woman. Good luck with your divorce though girl!

[Image via INF]

ALL BLACK ONLY WORKS IF YOU'RE NOT OBESE

Good old Lauren Goodger is a crafty bitch cause it thinks that by wearing black the whole world (well the south of England) will think she looks smaller. Yeah well you didn't fool us Miss Piggy and we hate to play up to our bully rep but this bitch really is a mess crying for help. The former reality star was seen walking around London at night and even the pavements were crying as they tried to withstand the weight. We also don't get why this thing doesn't own a mirror cause her face is saying Stevie Wonder, but her neck is making us think of Bjork so maybe she should rethink her make-up? Oh dear honey just admit that those thighs were not made for leggings and go buy a hammock.

[Image via FLYNET]

PICKING UP THE PIECES...OF BROKEN MIRROR

Now for some reason ginga singer (she does try) Paloma Faith just fucks us off cause the bitch has got the kinda face that just puts us in a bad mood. We're guessing she already got the Google alert on herself and is reading this and if so please just stop trying to sing and go work with animals honey. Those fucking evil teeth and birds nest hair are making us gag and we're not sure if it's got a third tit or something, but that dress is either fifty sizes too small or bitch needs to be in the Guinness Book Of Records. Just sayin'.

[Image via XPOSURE]

DID SOMEONE INFLATE THIS BITCH'S HEAD?

Mila Kunis is by far one of THE most overrated actresses when it comes to looks...well we think so anyway and what we say goes. The voice of Family Guy hottie Meg Griffin was seen walking around with her stolen boyfriend once again and instead of wearing the t-shirt we sent her (it said I love adultery) she opted for a classy tracksuit yet again. The funny lady (whore) must have an army of make-up people cause when it's made up anything with a pulse would wanna fuck it, but looking at that pic above we'd rather fuck the dog.

[Image via FLYNET]

EVEN ROSEANNE HAS AGED BETTER

Surely you all remember the annoying bitch sister from Roseanne called Jackie? Well if you look at the left pic of actress Laurie Metcalf when she looked let's say manageable without vomming, you can see that the past decade and a bit haven't been kind to the poor bitch cause it's become a right dog. The rank hair, clown face and teeth ain't gonna help this lady get any action anytime soon. Give yourself a makeover honey cause you need one.

[Image via ABC/WIRE]

THIS MOUTH WAS MADE FOR EATIN' MORE LIKE

Okay it's officially a fact that kids just ruin everything and the proof here is the mess that former hot slut Jessica Simpson has become since shitting her sprog out. The country singer (fat ass shoe designer) was seen spending time with her daughter who is responsible for the whale we now see before us and boy did it look different. The bloated face and double chin really should be enough for her to realize that eating is totally off limits after birth if you want to be socially acceptable again, and we're guessing her earrings are so large because they contain emergency treats in case Jess gets peckish whilst out. It's times like this when we think pro-anorexia truly is the way.

[Image via FLYNET]

HOW DO I LIVE WITHOUT MARRIED MEN?

Another day another husband to steal is a good motto to live by according to singer Leanne Rimes, but the other day she took a break from riding cock and decided to get a work out in after the holidays. If you ask us she really needed it cause her thighs were looking a lot heftier after having a whole can of tuna for Christmas diner...greedy bitch. Anyway we just thought she looked like a baby pig straining for a shit minus the slap and as always we love to share world news like this. Enjoy!

[Image via REX FEATURES]

THE ONLY GAY WHO ISN'T BOTOXED TO DEATH

Seeing as Graham Norton likes to dip his pen in the homosexual ink pot, we just assumed it was standard that he'd have a totally unexpressive face filled with botox, but apparently this isn't the case as it was seen wandering around London recently looking bloated as fuck. The TV host was seen leaving his gaff and it looked as though the poor bastard had lost 50 stone around his eyes what with the saggy shopping bags underneath them. The depth of those forehead wrinkles are almost deep enough for us to move into as well. All that money and this face...what's wrong with this picture?

[Image via MEL]

CALIFORNIA GURLS SHOULD BE OFFENDED

What makes us laugh about Katy Perry is that her image is all about fun and being glamorous, but in reality she's a plain dog with thunder thighs and rank skin. The tone deaf "singer" was snapped on vacay in Hawaii with her latest and 6th boyfriend John Mayer since her infamous divorce from twat Russell Brand. Anyway we just wanted y'all to see what a fucking mess it is minus the old warpaint.

[Image via SPLASH]

PLAYING A WITCH MUST'VE COME NATURAL

Holy shit balls was pretty much our reaction when we saw the latest pic of actress Anjelica Huston taken just days ago. The has been stunner was papped in LA and looked like a fucking clown full of air and we literally had to count her chins. We know she was never really a natural beauty but what the fuck has she done to her face? All these actresses should take note and realize that if you use fillers and botox you will end up looking a mess.

[Image via GETTY/WENN]

THERE'S NO REVERSAL SPELL FOR THIS

What the fuck is Rose McGowan playing at cause bitch must be blind if she thinks she looks better than she did in her Charmed days? The former actress and now plastic surgery addict was papped arriving at some lame charity event in LA recently and it looked even more mummified than earlier this year. The nasty shade of blonde, puffy face and trout pout make her unrecognizable to most and we can't believe a surgeon even touched her in the first place. Grade A fucking tranny mess from Norway if you ask us.

[Image via AKM]

WILL IT GO MORE NATURAL IN 2013?

Why oh why does Katie Price think she looks good? It truly baffles us over at The Sizzling Mess and we'd be willing to bet that the bitch uses a magic mirror or something cause surely she can't think she looks hot. The former glamor model aka cheap tart who shags lads for a tenna was papped leaving her local offy after getting her ciggies and it looked like the fucking bride of Frankenstein...and that's being polite. The shaped eyebrows and false eyelashes remind us of slappers from the North and the lips are verging on animal territory. You just look like a big ole tranny mess love so sort ya life out.

[Image via ISO]

RINGING THE NEW YEAR WITH A CARTOON

For some reason Nicki Minaj always looks like a fucked up inflated cartoon in drag, but despite her unfortunate appearance we still love the catchy fluff she shits out that's called music. The fierce ghetto bitch was snapped walking the red carpet at the NYE party for Pure nightclub in Las Vegas the other night and we're pretty sure it's ass could second as a life raft. We wonder if she's used some of her hard earned $$$ and had a tit job too?

[Image via WENN]

IT'S NOT 1994 ANYMORE HONEY...

Mariah Carey always seems to look like she's stepped out wearing her 90s wardrobe and with the new addition of that FABULOUS perm it just steps the look up to a whole new level of cheap. The singer who's famous for communicating with dolphins was papped leaving Louis Vuitton in Aspen over the holiday season and looked like a right gypsy mess in her checkered jumpsuit. It also looks like Mimi is slowly but surely returning to her flubber self as it was looking ever so slightly chubs again. Such a shame seeing as she lost a ton of weight when she shat out her kids, but even money doesn't curb junk food cravings.

[Image via AKM]