ERM SO WAS KRIS THE HUSBAND OR THE WIFE?

Bruce Jenner has literally become a middle aged dyke or that's what he's looking like these days. The former husband of new money trash reality star Kris Jenner (mom of slut Kim K) was snapped leaving a plastic surgeon's office in Beverly Hills the other day after having his Adam's Apple shaved down...er what the fuck though right? We're not sure if it wants to be a chick cause we can spy some titties growing under his shirt there, but whatever anyway it's just creepy and we don't know what he is at all.

[Image via SPLASH]

ANGE KINDA PASSES WITH FLYING COLORS...

Okay so we get that Angelina Jolie is a cunt and Jennifer Aniston is a "serious actress", but c'mon people when you put these bitches side by side it's easy to see why Brad chose the Tomb Raider actress. Don't get it twisted cause we do think that Jen is cute and all, but she's always had that clownish smile going on and her looks are average with lip gloss and cute hair at best. Now when you look at Ange it's just obvious that she's got it cause she can say come fuck with her eyes and still have an air of mystery about her. There's probably plenty of girls out there who think Jen is beautiful, but we think they need their eyes testing. Cute and pretty sure...beautiful not.

[Image via GETTY/PACIFIC COAST]

GIRL DON'T WANNA REMEMBER THIS MOMENT

Nicki Minaj basically personifies all things fake and over the top, but girl seriously needs to check her hairline before leaving the house cause she looked a mess during a recent personal appearance. The ghetto singer was papped doing promo for her shit perfume and looked like a drag queen being swallowed by a cheap wig. We kinda like the music she shits out but besides that it's pretty much a ghetto train wreck.

[Image via SPLASH]

GRAMMY FOR THE MOST UNRECOGNIZABLE...?

Seriously what the ACTUAL fuck Madonna? What in God's name have you done to your face and bitch would you please just ditch the grille already cause it ain't even cool to copy Hannah Montana with an STD...that's right you know who. The alleged queen of pop was snapped walking the red carpet at the annual Grammy awards...with a cane can we add, but we're told she only needs to do this when it's damp cause it makes her dodgy hip play up. Anyhow fellow gay icon and singer Cyndi Lauper presented an award at the show and looked equally strange to be honest. Both of their faces are puffed up and bloated beyond recognition and we just don't understand how they think this looks good. Such a shame when you know you're career is slipping like quick sand and you can't do a thing to stop it cause you ain't relevant. Bad times for Madge and Cyndi ennit.

[Images via AP]

PIGS CAN'T FLY...THEY CAN SWIM APPARENTLY

Oh man what does this bitch see when she looks in the mirror! Gemma Collins once again decided to buy a bikini that was 10 sizes too small and wear it on the beach in Dubai recently...she knows exactly what gets our hearts racing and stomachs churning. Seriously though y'all what the fuck is the woman thinking when she parades her lard ass body around looking like this? We're all for inner confidence but when you've got a second cleavage and are losing thing in your rolls of fat it's time to make a change. We're pretty sure the poor fuckers who saw this walrus are now in therapy or on a major diet.

[Image via SPLASH]

WHY WAS THIS BITCH EVEN ON BB PEOPLE?

Oh dear that ain't a good shot is it Liz Jones? The former fashion editor was seen leaving Channel 5 studios after being evicted from Big Brother the other day and the bitch looked rough as shit. Now usually we wouldn't write about someone so irrelevant, but when you look like a Muppet character it's hard not to people. We don't really know what it is and we really don't understand how some bitter columnist managed to get onto a show (it's shit granted but still) that features celebs?

[Image via FLYNET]

THAT'S NOT WHAT MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL...

Now don't get us wrong cause Harry Styles is a good looking guy with great eyes, lips and bone structure, but man does he need to revaluate his skin routine cause the boy looked like a pizza face when he stepped out recently. The lead singer of band One Direction was seen out with friends and we're not sure if we should look away or try and play Dot To Dot with his acne? Anyhow we're sure that with some Proactiv his skin would clear right up so get on it quick boy.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

DID YOU FORGET YOUR BOULDER HOLDER?

Okay so we know most men would probably want Lauren Goodger to give them a tit wank, but really did the skank actually have to go shopping in the winter wearing no bra and a sheer top? The former TOWIE star was papped walking the streets of London laden with shopping bags and we're hoping there's at least a bra in one of them. On the upside she didn't look as obese as usual and we never realized how huge her fucking tits were...the poor things are suffocating and no doubt freezing in that top. You can't buy class can you people?

[Image via XPOSURE]

CADY HERON ARE YOU IN THERE SOMEWHERE?

We genuinely miss the days when Lindsay Lohan didn't look like an alcoholic housewife from Orange County cause we just don't recognize the woman above. The actress was snapped attending some shitty fashion show in China a while back and boy did she look rough. The usual bloated face and trout pout lips made an appearance and we're not sure what's going on with the front part of her hair cause it looks like straw. Poor old LiLo needs to look in the mirror cause for 27 she looks weird and haggard.

[Image via REX]

THE CAST OF 'FRAGGLE ROCK' TOUCH DOWN

Poor old Liza Minnelli never really stood a chance in life with that face, but despite looking like the back end of a bus she went on to have a successful singing career (beyond us) and star in campy musicals. Now obviously having Judy Garland as your mom doesn't hurt and we're pretty sure that the poor woman would turn in her grave if could hear how this bitch knocks out a tune. To be honest a cat getting gang raped with Parkinson's disease comes to mind. Even the butters tranny Tubbs from TV show The League Of Gentleman does a better job as passing off as a chick...pretty embarrassing ennit. Do you think Liza farted too cause that airport worker looks as though she's sniffed something that's making her gag?

[Image via NPG]

THE POOR GIRL GETS FUGLIER BY THE DAY...

Oh man it really can't be easy when you're Tori Spelling cause the bitch truly is a dog bless her. The former 90210 actress was papped shopping in Beverly Hills with her dog and it didn't look good at all. It's kinda like Barbie got raped by Frankenstein and this was the product that came out...much to shock of the mother we can imagine. We're not sure what she does these days but Tori could definitely take advantage of the many plastic surgeons in the area cause it'd be money well spent. Just sayin'.

[Image via SPLASH]

WHEN GOOD PEOPLE WEAR BAD OUTFITS!

You gotta love Sandra Bullock cause for one thing the woman looks great for almost 50 and secondly she adopts black kids and not just for publicity. Hear that Madonna? The actress walked the red carpet the other day at the Golden Globe awards and unfortunately for her it seemed her stylist may be holding some sort of grudge cause she looked like a Liquorice Allsort gone wrong. It was a crying shame that such a great actress rocked up looking like a fool but hey hopefully she hired the bitch who dressed her and has hired a fairy who can get the job done well.

[Image via GETTY]

SERIOUSLY HONEY LOOK IN THE MIRROR...

We honestly don't understand what Lauren Goodger see's when she looks in the mirror cause it don't look good to the general public. The tacky and tanned reality star was papped leaving a party in Essex recently and once again her legs looked toxic in comparison to the rest of her body. We're also not sure what the fuck is going on with her lips cause it looks like the bitch got stung by a bee. Everything about this look is just gross and the Louboutin's just add to the tacky factor cause they're so 2007 WAG now.

[Image via XPOSURE]

LOIS LANE IS LOOKING ROUGH THESE DAYS

Teri Hatcher used to be pretty back in the day and even though she was on the verge of looking like a wax figure in Desperate Housewives, it seems the actress has totes let herself go in the looks department lately. The original Lois Lane (sorry but Amy Adams ain't got shit on this bitch) was snapped on a run around LA the other day and the woman looked rough as shite. Although she's managed to stay anorexic (huge applause and great role model) something just didn't look right cause she looked tired and gaunt. Get yourself a burger and fries honey!

[Image via X17]

HAS THIS BITCH GONE AND GAINED WEIGHT?

It really pisses us off that all these lame ass fashion blogs and online showbiz sites diss the fuck out of a hot bitch who rocks up in a nasty dress to an awards show, but when mammoth Gabourey Sidibe shows up they all decide to be nice and fake. Please say you agree or even know what we're taking about cause if not you're an idiot too...vent over. Anyway the human version of Free Willy was papped walking the red carpet at the Golden Globes last night and while bitch looked kinda nice in the dress, she just looked like the ghetto version of Octomom. We love her as an actress and she's super cute but fuck does it need to lose a shit load of weight otherwise bitch gon' die. When your arms look more at home in a kebab shop action needs to be taken. Just sayin'.

[Image via GETTY]

BRITNEY IS BECOMING A REAL HOUSEWIFE

Holy shit balls! What the fuck has happened to Britney Spears lately people? The pop star was snapped attending the People's Choice Awards the other night and the woman looked truly horrific. We're obviously being a tad dramatic but her piss colored hair, spotty complexion, drag make-up and botoxed appearance made her look like a total freak show. Someone needs to introduce this woman to purple shampoo cause she's in desperate need! Britney literally looked like an extra from the Real Housewives and that's being nice.

[Image via GETTY]

DID YOU GO AND SHIT YOURSELF HONEY?

Okay so we're really not sure what Julianne Moore was thinking when she looked in the mirror and left her house cause bitch looked like she'd gone and doodied in her pants. The ginga actress was papped walking the streets of NYC the other day in what can only be described as hareem pants gone wrong. Do you think she tried to salvage the look by tucking her pants into those foul boots thinking it made the ensemble look better? We love her nonetheless but she looks like a lemon and lady can do way better.

[Image via SPLASH]

HOW DOES THIS HAVE THE X FACTOR?

Oh fucking dear. We're guessing Stacey Solomon was on a quest to make herself look even uglier when she threw this horrendous ensemble together? Now we get that this is clearly some sort of rank Pantomime theme but we just ain't feeling it and the woman looks awful. The drag make-up, horse teeth and birds nest hair do her no favors and we gotta say it's embarrassing that she's supposed to be a singer yet doing this kinda shit to pay the bills.

[Image via WENN]

WE CAN'T TELL WHO THE WOMAN IS PEOPLE...

Paz De La Huerta has always been a funny looking bird but now she's packed on about 300 pounds she's just a fugly hot mess. We've never been truly sure about what it is and at times we've doubted that it was born a woman with a face like that, but it would seem that someone does love her as she was snapped leaving a club in West Hollywood with her partner (we don't know what it is either) and the bitch looked happy as fuck. The dress is actually kinda nice but the body is ballooning and her face is just way too bloated. We all know that it's either down to overeating or drugs...allegedly.

[Image via SPLASH]

MOMMIE DEAREST AIN'T LOOKING SO GOOD

To open the new year we found this corker of old Hollywood legend Faye Dunaway leaving her hotel in London a few days ago. The former actress had either got gang raped on New Year's Eve and done too much coke or simply just aged terribly. Her once razor sharp features have been replaced with tight looking skin covered in liver spots and what's going on with that mammoth ear? We also didn't know that 72 year old stars are now dressing like chavs.

[Image via GREG BRENNAN]