G.I. JANE GONE WRONG

We all have a friend that we love to be seen with in public cause they make us look hotter, so we're guessing that Blondie (Debs) planned this "appearance" with lesbo (allegedly) mess Sinead O'Connor. We can't believe she's turned out to be such a DOG, cause she looked so angelic back in the day and now she looks like a rough bitch that would glass you outside a pub. The tattoos, shaved head and arm fat spillage are makin' us shake our heads in despair, but at least she wore a semi-nice dress from Selfridges (that she probably stole). We know she'd like to clean herself up but money ennit.

[Image via SPLASH]

LIKE WHATEVER I KNOW I'M A DOG

We're pretty sure that Cher Horowitz (you should know who that is unless you're not educated to degree level) would DIE if she ever looked this rough, but unfortunately not many gals are that hot in the real world. Faded movie star Alicia Silverstone was pictured walking around LA after a work-out and it looked like a right DOG. The complexion, weight gain, nostril size, nasty teeth and Star Wars like ear almost brought our breakfast up. Ooo love, get mirrors all over your house cause somethin' needs to change.

[Image via SPLASH]

LOOSE WOMAN AND CRAP ACTRESS

Classic beauty Denise Welch was pictured out to dinner in Skegness last night looking like a fuckin' panto reject. The chat show host (alcoholic) took a break from her Loose Women duties to treat herself and her toy boy to dinner at Wetherspoons, and we think she may have forgotten that Halloween was almost a month ago. She looked like a slapper from the north in drag, but we hear that money is tight these days for Denise so at least she made an effort. Still a dog though.

[Image via FLYNET]

FILL IN THE BLANK

We're not sure what to make of her "burnt people" expression, but we love it when the young girl (teen mum on benefits) tells her to shut the fuck up. Emma West, 34, of New Addington, London, is absolutely ________ and we ____ her.

ROYALLY INBRED BEAUTY

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson got lucky and was invited to join the other classy gals (slappers from Manchester) on TV show Loose Women this week. Besides the Chanel top (which she paid for with her dealer profits), her face looked PROPER fucked. We know she's recently had reconstructive surgery on her conk but it looked bulbous, lop-sided and purge worthy. Let's not forget the overall bad tranny look, those lovely horse teeth (courtesy of the Royal genes) and that cheap mobile phone. Not even got the new iPhone yet love?

[Image via GOFF]

YOU SPIN ME ROUND (AND MAKE ME SICK)

You'd think that Pete Burns would stop with the surgery, but it seems that he actually wants to make himself look more repulsive each year. We're not entirely sure what's up with his MESS of a face, but those lovely new facial piercings really bring out his eye color. The tumor-like cheek implants and over sized blow job lips are just atrocious, and the cheap wig does nothing to help the bloated pig look. We know your career's a joke, but quit having work done to make the headlines and just get a job in a gay bar.

[Image via FLYNET]

THE ONLY WAY IS CHEAP

Urgh what an absolute fucking state. The above photo is of walking science project and Essex slapper Chloe Sims. The star of TOWIE was pictured leaving a nightclub after being refused entry due to being such a dog. It looks like the bitch could use a pram to help push those puppies around. We wonder if they're real or not?

[Image via XPOSURE]

DON'T MAKE THIS BITCH ANGRY

We've yet to post about good old Trisha Goddard...until now. The former chat show host (bitch with too many teeth) was pictured at some crappy event that she gatecrashed in London and it looked hungry. We actually forgot how scary this bitches mouth was and how many EVIL looking nashers she has. On the upside, if she starts shagging about to pay the lecky bill she could triple her earnings and suck 3 guys at once. We keep screaming in fear every time we look at the photo, but bless her we know she's harmless.

[Image via GOFF]

SHE'S GOT THEM MOVES LIKE JABBA

Oh dear love, what the fuck did your stylist put you in now? Christina Aguilera was once again pictured wearing a vacuum packed tent (in a nice shade of silver mind you) and it looked like a right cail (clothing fail). We'll be nice on the slap cause she's not overdone it too much here, but we're not loving the wild birds nest hair at all. The outfit clung to her NASTY food baby, every curve (bulge) and made her look like a sausage in tin foil. This bitch is packin' a lot of flub lately and it ain't a good look love.

[Image via GETTY]

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL...DON'T CRACK

Wow ultra fuckin' DOG rough Natalie Cassidy was looking like a cheap gypo at a recent charity event in Great Yarmouth. The unique STUNNER seems to get fuglier by the day, as we swear she didn't look this atrocious in her first post. We reckon she's gonna get snapped up to star in the new movie adaption of TV show My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding cause she certainly looks the part here. Every time we see her face we thank God that our mother wasn't raped by a dog in college either.

[Image via FLYNET]

NO WONDER YA MOM DON'T SPEAK TO YA

We'll always have sympathy for Tori Spelling, cause she's pretty much the ultimate poster girl for proving that even though you can shit out money, it don't mean you won't crack a mirror. The STUNNER was pictured in LA looking like the spawn of a down syndrome Barbie mixed with an alien and a pig. Oh, let's not forget the flattering clown make up. It's such a pity she didn't complete the look with a red nose, daisy in her hair and clown shoes. Her mother must of screamed when the nurse placed this mess of a being in her arms.

[Image via WIRE]

WHY YOU SHOULD START BOTOX AT 18

Ooo faded 60s iconic model Bridget Bardot has NOT aged well at all. We felt like being a bit "deeper" with today's post hence why we included this dog no one cares about, but nevertheless she was someone 500 years ago. Although we wouldn't of said no to her back in the day, she was a bit gap toothed for our liking. Anyway fast forward to 2011 and it looks like everyday is Halloween for the poor bitch. The birds nest hair, witch make up and fuckin' rank skin are horrific and we bet she's wishin' she paid a visit to a surgeon years ago. Growing old gracefully is perfectly fine, but when you lose your necklace in your neck folds it's just plain fuckin' nasty.

[Image via GETTY/AP]

MELANCOLIA LOST FILM STILL

This could easily be some bird out clubbing after a hard week sloggin' over the tills at New Look, but it is in fact STUNNING actress Kirsten Dunst. Some fellow clubber (and now our best friend) snapped this pic of the EPIC dog outside a club in LA lookin' proper rough. The fag hangin' out her mouth, one eye open/one closed and chic double chin shot has that ultra shit HOT mess look about it. And to think this was in a movie called Drop Dead Gorgeous.

[Image via TMZ]

WHAT WOULD CADY HERON SAY?

What the FUCK has happened to Lindsay Lohan? The former actress and now Playboy model was pictured lookin' like a bloated hooker with bee stung lips in her latest mugshot and boy did it look CHEAP as fuck. It was a far cry from her very first mugshot back when she was 14 and actually managed to look photogenic. We don't get how she can even afford to keep up with her collagen injections, but we're guessing her latest paycheck from Playboy to reveal her russy (rank pussy) will help out. Erm they do know that it won't be the first time the world's seen her money box right?

[Image via TMZ]

ANOREXIA AIN'T ALWAYS A BAD THING

Dear oh dear. Has-been actress and Jabba The Hutt lookalike Mischa Barton is NOT looking her best these days. The fat bitch was pictured with a huge smile when she was told she'd won a year's supply of chocolate...tut tut. She's certainly giving Oprah a fuckin' good run for her money when it comes to who can be the biggest yo-yo dieter. We're gonna guess that she's not getting much work at the minute looking like Free Willy's hister (human sister), so how about erm starving yourself like back in The OC days? Times are hard love and the lecky bill ain't gonna pay itself.

[Image via REUTERS/WIRE]

SINCE U BEEN GONE I'VE GAINED A FEW

Yeah, we had to do around 10 takes before we realized it was Kelly Clarkson too. The singer (pig that does karaoke) was barely recognizable as she wondered the streets lookin' for food on Halloween. It kinda looked like a lesbian troll with subtle dwarf features that really needs to work on her weight. We're guessing she has to book two plane tickets when she flies now. Oh love, we know it sucks when your albums keep flopping, but you gotta pick yourself up (watch your bad hip) and just try harder. Fatty boom boom!

[Image via INF]

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE COKE

Worldwide vocal legend (embarrassing diva mess) Whitney Houston was pictured walking around Berlin and something seemed a tad off to us. It resembled a black tranny wearing a prosthetic mask cause she looked like a skinnier (only by a bit) version of the grandma in Big Momma's House. The bloated facial features are scary as FUCK and she's lookin' well old these days ennit. Maybe she was filming a Bo Selecta special?

[Image via REUTERS]

THANKSGIVING BEHIND BARS

We're not even surprised at the mess this bitch's life is in right now. Ultimate STEAMING hot mess Lindsay Lohan has officially been sentenced to 30 days in jail! She missed a day of community service to get her teeth whitened, which proper FUCKED the judge off, so she got a whole fuckin' library thrown at her. Back to jail honey...what a fuckin' shocker! This bitch should just live in a cell.

[Image via WENN]

GENIE DON'T FIT IN THE BOTTLE NO MORE

Now we get that this fitch (fat bitch) isn't on Kirstie Alley's level, but she really needs to know when to just STOP fuckin' scoffing. Christina Aguilera was pictured shopping (robbing a Krispy Kreme) lookin' like a bloated troll in drag. We miss her Stripped days when she just had one chin and skinny thighs...her tree trunks just repulse us now. Someone needs to put a padlock on her refrigerator, wire up her jaw and drag her down the gym for at least 3 hours a day. We can deal with the cheap hooker image later.

[Image via WENN]