YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA BE COCO CHANEL!

Liza Minnelli gets a lot of heat from us but if you look like this then you're bound to be our favorite hot mess. The campy singer was seen attending a charity event in NYC the other night and judging by the above snap she was trying to channel Coco Chanel and failed miserably as per usual. The dressy hat, curled sideburn, fake beauty mark and excess pearls screamed drag queen and as usual the deluded star thought she'd looked a million dollars. You've gotta love hot mess fag hag who thinks she's the shit though!

[Image via GETTY]

WE CAN'T FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT FOR ELT...

Poor old Elton John was finally snapped out shopping in LA the other without his famous round spectacles and let's just say we now get why he wears them all the time. The campy legend was seen browsing a wig store (shocker) in the Hollywood area and we're hoping he was planning to replace the dodgy rug he was papped wearing. What's going on with that bloodshot eye though and you'd think with all his dosh he'd get those eye bags removed wouldn't you?

[Image via GOLDEN EYE]

100 BUCKS SAYS THIS THING TUCKS IT...

Okay so we've never really gotten the deal with Ellie Goulding and why people like her so much cause her voice sounds like a child with a sore throat who's trying to hit different notes but failing. The erm singer was seen leaving a studio in London last week and minus the fuck off huge cock hanging between her legs (we totes didn't add that), she was once again sporting that nasty jawline. We at The Sizzling Mess like our women to resemble women and we've never been overly keen on a bird with a strong jaw if we're honest. It don't even have hips, has chunky calves and those guns seem quite well defined so we're just saying we'd like to be a tile on her shower wall to see the truth. What do you all think besides the fact that we're evil cunts?

[Image via SPLASH]

IF SHE CAN MAKE IT THERE...ANYONE CAN!

Liza Minnelli really does prove that even the most butters bitch on the planet can achieve worldwide fame and even though you may be laughed at for being so hilariously campish and ugly, who gives a fuck when you're worth in excess of $50 million right? The iconic fag hag was snapped performing in her best at a charity event in NYC the other day and the poor thing looked like a tranny clown with a gammy eye to say the least. Now we get that dressing like you're from the 60s can be cool if you're young, hip and cute, but when you're an munter who limps cause you've got a dodgy hip...it ain't so great. On the other hand we love us some Liza cause the bitch is totes cray!

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

THE CAST OF 'FRAGGLE ROCK' TOUCH DOWN

Poor old Liza Minnelli never really stood a chance in life with that face, but despite looking like the back end of a bus she went on to have a successful singing career (beyond us) and star in campy musicals. Now obviously having Judy Garland as your mom doesn't hurt and we're pretty sure that the poor woman would turn in her grave if could hear how this bitch knocks out a tune. To be honest a cat getting gang raped with Parkinson's disease comes to mind. Even the butters tranny Tubbs from TV show The League Of Gentleman does a better job as passing off as a chick...pretty embarrassing ennit. Do you think Liza farted too cause that airport worker looks as though she's sniffed something that's making her gag?

[Image via NPG]

WE'RE NOT SURE IF SHE'S STILL PREGGERS?

Adele is one of those birds who scrubs up super well for awards shows, but in her downtime she can look rough as shit. The rich as fuck singer was snapped running errands in London with her new sprog and it look rough bless her. We get that she's tired and her tits are sore, but brush her hair and swap that KFC for salad once in a while love. At least she's wearing trainers but we still can't picture this working out.

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

HOW'S YOUR "CLOTHING LINE" GOING HONEY?

Now we've never seen the big deal with this bitch cause even though she's got a nice set of pins and we'd happily give her one, it really ain't all that underneath the cake mix. Whitney Port aka the boring slut from MTV's The City was papped getting a massage in LA recently and the poor thing looked rough as fuck. Aside from her usual down-syndrome eyes, it looked like she'd had a run-in with Chris Brown and we don't even know what's going on with the tongue. Maybe if she wasn't so stupid as to turn down advice from fellow reality star Olivia Palermo she'd look a lot better.

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

NEXT TIME KEEP YOUR GLASSES ON KARL

What we find so hilarious about "designer" Karl Largerfeld is that he slammed Adele for her weight when not so long ago he was morbidly obese himself. For our tens of readers, do not fear as this will be making a hilarious future blog post. Anyhow the douche bag was papped at lunch with his fashion click like every other "straight" pensioner and was a sight for sore eyes when he took his sunglasses off. Not to mention he also thought it was appropriate lunch etiquette to whip out his phone and show the girls his latest Grindr hook up. We just don't get the big deal with this thing and on a side note Chanel is looking tired these days, so just get someone who wasn't born in the 1800's to replace him.

[Image via COCO PEREZ]

WE'RE GONNA HOLD THIS AGAINST YOU

Whatever happened to Britney Spears bless her? She used to look so good and her body was shit hot back in the day, but since shitting out a couple kids all she seems to do is release filler albums and eat junk food? The past-it hit maker was seen grabbing coffee and donuts (shocker) and wearing a truly horrendous outfit whilst strolling around her neighborhood the other day. We still don't get that with all her dough she can't afford decent hair extensions? Just sayin'.

[Image via TMZ]

PRINCESS FIONA AIN'T AGING TOO WELL FOLKS

Once again we're reminded that time is a CUNT because just look at what Mr. Gravity's done to poor Cameron Diaz. The once hot actress was seen running errands around LA the other day sans slap and it looked rough as arse holes to say the least. Gone is the stunning face and in it's place is a tired looking mug resembling your average Plain Jane. It makes us sad but money clearly can't buy everything.

[Image via NEW LINE/FLYNET]

HOW THIS WON AN OSCAR IS BEYOND US...

Don't get it twisted cause we love a bit of Anne Hathaway circa her Devil Wears Prada days, but lately bitch has just got boring and on top of that it looks like a boy with a pussy now. The skinny actress could have been mistaken for a paper boy whilst walking the streets of Brooklyn the other day and we've never noticed how big it's ears and nose are. Like we said we dig a few of her movies, but at the end of the day she's just a Plain Jane who was in the right place at the right time.

[Image via EAGLE]

FUCK NEXT TO, WE DON'T WANT THIS NEAR US...

Oh the lovely and talented and NOT annoying in anyway Emeli Sande is just the picture of perfection right here. We really don't know why this bitch fucks us off so badly, but her cocky attitude don't help for one and second of all that face (and cockatoo barnet) really makes us moody. The average singer was seen leaving LAX after performing at this years Oscars (AS IF it got invited) and it looked like a cockerel with special needs to say the least. Please just do us all a favor and go live inside a piano.

[Image via WENN]

AGE JUST AIN'T BEEN KIND TO PRINCESS FIONA

Oh dear sweetie this one was taken from a "bad angle" for sure right. Cameron Diaz was seen out to dinner in LA over the weekend and we literally can't believe this is the same girl who gave every guy boners in The Mask cause bitch is looking seriously haggard these days. The actress has got some serious jowls going on and we never realized how plain it was minus all the slap, but hopefully she'll be good for a few movies before she throws in the towel.

[Image via WENN]

DOES THIS HAIL FROM KENYA PERHAPS?

Oh honey, just looking at this shit makes us wanna FedEx you a fuck off burger and fries to get down your gullet. Kate Bosworth aka one of the world's shittest actresses behind Keira Knightley, was seen lingering outside her trailer in LA the other day holding what appeared to be an orange and although we're happy that she's eating something, it looked as though she should've had a drip machine on wheels beside her at all times. Her head literally looked like it would fall off if she turned too suddenly and when your Ugg boots match the width of your upper thighs, you know you've got something in common with Karen Carpenter. Just sayin'.

[Image via FLYNET]

SHOW US YOUR JAZZ HANDS LIZA!

Life is apparently still like a cabaret for Liza Minnelli as the elderly fag hag was recently papped walking through the airport in LA and she just couldn't resist a little dance. It's a shame that she's become such a hot mess lately cause she looked more like a fucking clown with a bad hip, as opposed to the award winning gay icon that she (apparently) is to her fans. You know that her bodyguard is thinking please Liza just keep your shit together and don't show me up.

[Image via SPLASH]

L'OREAL BETTER HOPE THERE'S A CLAUSE

Lea Michele from that SHITE show Glee has to be one of the most overrated gals in TV at the minute. We get that she sing like a bitch on heat, but we've just never seen what all the fuss is about. What's even more shocking is that it recently got signed by L'Oreal to be the new face of their shampoo (for pets), but judging by the above snap you'd think that the French beauty giants were visually impaired. It looked like any old ordinary Jewish gal strolling the streets of LA for a bargain and in case you didn't notice check out her nasty bunions.

[Image via FLYNET]

OUR CRYSTAL BALL PREDICTED THIS SHIT

If we're honest we feel a lot of embarrassment for not only Madonna, but her 50 adopted kids too. The singer (OAP) is currently touring around the world to support her latest record and she's already got her baps out here and there. What we wanna know is when will she get that's not a good look when you're mid-song and your hip breaks? Whatever goes through this bitch's head is beyond us, but we wouldn't be at all surprised if the above pic soon become a reality. Can't you just see her performing Hung Up in 20 years climbing the walls with a walker in tow?

[Image via LA BOOK BOY]

WHO IS THIS BITCH TRYING TO KID?

Oh ain't Alexa Chung just the picture of health! Now the only thing that pisses us off more than a wannabe fashion icon, is one who actually believes they're relevant. The triple size zero "model" (dickhead) was papped walking the streets of NYC recently with what appeared to be a packet of Cheetos and a can of Coke in her hand. Erm sorry but is this bitch having a laugh? If it's weight is anything to go by then the only coke this thing has seen is the type that you keep on a CD case. Oh and holding a packet of chips is like calling us all fucking idiots. Did we mention that we're not really a fan?

[Image via BIG PICTURE]

GABRIELLE SOLIS WOULD JUDGE THIS SHIT

Now we've never really rated Eva Longoria that highly cause we think she's kinda plain so finding this GEM of a pic just proves that we're right. The sexy Mexican (dirty foreigner) actress was papped shopping around LA over the weekend and we wouldn't be surprised if L'Oreal were currently in talks to end her contract early. We have to say that we're surprised she looks so bad minus the slap, cause she resembles a cross-eyed homeless woman as opposed to a Hollywood actress. We wonder if her new movie will be called Mexicans Are Special?

[Image via FLYNET]

DOES THIS BITCH LIVE ON A FUCKING DRIP?

Doesn't the lovely Alexa Chung just look like the picture of health? The overrated waste of space and "fashion icon" was seen at the launch of some shitty product in NYC recently and we're pretty sure we've seen 3 year old kids with larger legs. We'd love to know when she last ate a proper meal, cause according to sources she apparently avoids brushing her teeth as toothpaste contains too many calories. This all leads us to believe that maybe she was abused as a child or some bullshit like that? We bet she was DYING to turn around and start munching on the greenery behind her.

[Image via REX FEATURES]