YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA BE COCO CHANEL!

Liza Minnelli gets a lot of heat from us but if you look like this then you're bound to be our favorite hot mess. The campy singer was seen attending a charity event in NYC the other night and judging by the above snap she was trying to channel Coco Chanel and failed miserably as per usual. The dressy hat, curled sideburn, fake beauty mark and excess pearls screamed drag queen and as usual the deluded star thought she'd looked a million dollars. You've gotta love hot mess fag hag who thinks she's the shit though!

[Image via GETTY]

WE LOVE A WOMAN WITH AN ANKLE TATTOO

Angela Raiola aka Big Ang seems to get uglier by the minute cause judging from the latest pics of her sunning her massive tits on the beach in Florida she's got even more scary. The big lipped and full chested Italian reality star is mainly known for getting drunk, sucking cock and saying outrageous shit...but this is of course why we love her. You've gotta love a legend even when they're cheap as fuck and sport tattoos above their pussies.

[Image via SPLASH]

100 BUCKS SAYS THIS THING TUCKS IT...

Okay so we've never really gotten the deal with Ellie Goulding and why people like her so much cause her voice sounds like a child with a sore throat who's trying to hit different notes but failing. The erm singer was seen leaving a studio in London last week and minus the fuck off huge cock hanging between her legs (we totes didn't add that), she was once again sporting that nasty jawline. We at The Sizzling Mess like our women to resemble women and we've never been overly keen on a bird with a strong jaw if we're honest. It don't even have hips, has chunky calves and those guns seem quite well defined so we're just saying we'd like to be a tile on her shower wall to see the truth. What do you all think besides the fact that we're evil cunts?

[Image via SPLASH]

IF SHE CAN MAKE IT THERE...ANYONE CAN!

Liza Minnelli really does prove that even the most butters bitch on the planet can achieve worldwide fame and even though you may be laughed at for being so hilariously campish and ugly, who gives a fuck when you're worth in excess of $50 million right? The iconic fag hag was snapped performing in her best at a charity event in NYC the other day and the poor thing looked like a tranny clown with a gammy eye to say the least. Now we get that dressing like you're from the 60s can be cool if you're young, hip and cute, but when you're an munter who limps cause you've got a dodgy hip...it ain't so great. On the other hand we love us some Liza cause the bitch is totes cray!

[Image via PACIFIC COAST]

THE CAST OF 'FRAGGLE ROCK' TOUCH DOWN

Poor old Liza Minnelli never really stood a chance in life with that face, but despite looking like the back end of a bus she went on to have a successful singing career (beyond us) and star in campy musicals. Now obviously having Judy Garland as your mom doesn't hurt and we're pretty sure that the poor woman would turn in her grave if could hear how this bitch knocks out a tune. To be honest a cat getting gang raped with Parkinson's disease comes to mind. Even the butters tranny Tubbs from TV show The League Of Gentleman does a better job as passing off as a chick...pretty embarrassing ennit. Do you think Liza farted too cause that airport worker looks as though she's sniffed something that's making her gag?

[Image via NPG]

CRUELLA WOULD TOTES NOT HIRE THIS

Looks like another hair and make-up queen has got it in for actress Joely Richardson cause lady was looking weird at a recent product launch in London. The sister of the bird who died in a skiing accident (very sad no BS) was papped walking the red carpet and her hair looked fucking rank to say the least. The woman's only in her late 40s but looks so much older with the dated attire and horrendous makeover. Better luck next time Joely!

[Image via CONTACT MUSIC]

PLEASE THROW OUT YOUR MAGIC MIRROR!

Oh honey no what the fuck do you look like now? Natalie Cassidy braved the cruel world we live in (courtesy of us) and stepped out to get some treats from her local offy the other. We ain't gonna lie but she really ain't easy on the eyes and we don't know what she was thinking with the glasses. She's probably a really nice girl but we really haven't got a clue what is is people.

[Image via SPLASH]

WHO WOULD APPLAUSE FOR THIS MESS?

Oh dear what happened here Lady GaGa? The songstress was seen arriving at a radio station in LA the other day to promote her new gayer than life club tune and looked like a fucking state. We're not sure what the look is for this new era, but we think it's safe to say that even regular clowns will be offended by this shit. The way this bitch dresses does nothing to convince haters that she was in fact born with a pussy and not a fuck off dick. She could of at least finished the look off with a daisy in her hair and clown shoes no?

[Image via WENN]

OH HELL NO, BITCH DIDN'T WEAR THIS OUT!

Natalie Cassidy clearly can't afford a laptop or phone with internet capability, cause if she'd done the sensible thing by reading The Sizzling Mess on a daily basis, she'd know it'd be best if she didn't step outside in anything besides a tent with 2 holes...maybe 3 if she felt lucky. Anyway the former Eastenders actress was papped living it up in Magaluf recently (classy bird) and she kindly revealed her saggy ass titties to the world. Does anyone else see that bruise on her thigh too? Looks like even bathing suits get offended by being put on this mess of a body. Ouch for Natalie ennit.

[Image via SPLASH]

WHEN IS THIS BITCH GONNA STAY INDOORS?

Poor old Natalie Cassidy never learns that whenever she steps out people are gonna hate on that mug. The broke actress was papped on a run (no joke) around London the other day and it looked rough as arse holes while pacing the pavement. Sporting her usual downs appearance complete with no make-up and rank Scouse brows it looked a right mess. We can't wait for the follow up fitness DVD cause it'll be a right laugh.

[Image via DRAPER]

THIS BITCH HAS DEFINITELY GOT A THIRD ARM

To be honest we don't actually hate that much on Florence Welch, but we firmly believe that it hides a fuck off sausage between her (or his) legs cause those feet do not belong to a woman. The singer was papped strolling the streets of London looking for a surgeon to chop off her man meat, but it returned home unlucky after every surgeon said they don't touch ginga cock. Ouch that's gotta hurt Flo...or should we say Fred? Anyhow it made plenty of dough from those shit records so hopefully someone will agree to the op soon. On a side note those fucking cheekbones could cut glass and look VERY feminine. Best of luck honey...or should we say dude.

[Image via FLYNET]

BIG ANG IS DEFINITELY HIDING A SAUSAGE

For a long time now we've suspected that Angela Raiola aka Big Ang was a fuck off Italian tranny cause bitch just looks horrendous day in day out. Anyway according to Ang she was born a chick and has only had a couple plastic surgery procedures. Erm can you smell bullshit too? The trashy reality star was seen at a book signing in New Jersey the other day and as expected it was sporting that nasty ass trout pout. So much is wrong here that we almost kinda love her, but you can't deny that it looks a fucking state.

[Image via FLYNET]

OUR FACE IS TRULY OFFENDED BY THIS SHIT

Why is it that whenever we've eaten a full meal we have to stumble across a pic of downs dog Natalie Cassidy? The "actress" was seen getting her eyebrows tattooed on (like every classy gal does) and it looked fucking horrific whilst it was sat in the salon chatting away to most likely no one. Good old Sonja always pulls through with a car crash appearance and once again she didn't disappoint cause we're pretty sure this shit would turn our dog gay. We could literally sleep on it's forehead and don't get us started on the Lurch jaw.

[Image via DRAPER]

SKINNY GIRLS DON'T ALWAYS HAVE IT ALL

Yeah we get that this is like the mother of all photos but Bethenny Frankel ain't never been a looker and y'all know it. The former star of NYC Housewives was seen walking the streets of Brooklyn the other day and we think even the wind dodged this shit. It's always looked like a tranny with a Lurch esque jawline if you ask us, and even though it's rich now this just proves that money can't make you look like a woman. Good luck with your divorce though girl!

[Image via INF]

PICKING UP THE PIECES...OF BROKEN MIRROR

Now for some reason ginga singer (she does try) Paloma Faith just fucks us off cause the bitch has got the kinda face that just puts us in a bad mood. We're guessing she already got the Google alert on herself and is reading this and if so please just stop trying to sing and go work with animals honey. Those fucking evil teeth and birds nest hair are making us gag and we're not sure if it's got a third tit or something, but that dress is either fifty sizes too small or bitch needs to be in the Guinness Book Of Records. Just sayin'.

[Image via XPOSURE]