FASHION POLICE + KELLY OSBOURNE = JOKE

Okay so we have NEVER understood why Kelly Osbourne was hired by E! in the first place to be judge on their show Fashion Police cause well just look at it for a start. The daughter of drug addict Ozzy was seen attending several shows for London Fashion Week over the weekend and although the outfit here is kinds nice by her standards, the face just goes in the opposite direction as always. The problem with Kel is that she's a chubby indie girl at heart, but for some reason she keeps trying to hide it underneath cute outfits and sophisticated shit which blatantly isn't her. When you're born into one of the trashiest families in showbiz, have a mouth like a cesspit and comfort eat through life you just shouldn't be getting paid to judge others and what they wear #truth.

[Image via GETTY]

ALL THAT $$$ AND IT'S STILL CHEAP AS FUCK

Poor old Mariah Carey can never quite seem to get it just right in the class department cause despite having a personal fortune of almost $600 million she still looks like a $2 hooker in drag at times. MC was snapped knocking out a tune at the recent BET awards and appeared to have taken some major inspiration from Jessica Rabbit. It's kinda awkward when a cartoon wins in the sexy stakes though and the seams on this dress must've been screaming for help.

[Image via SPLASH]

YOU WANNA A RANK BODY? WORK BITCH!

Oh man this kinda sucks cause we were rooting hard for Britney Spears after seeing how SMOKING hot she looked in her new video for Work Bitch. Sadly it seems digital trickery was heavily used as leaked images show the before and after and let's just say she didn't get that body from doing crunches at the gym. Long gone are her naturally rock hard abs and legs and in their place sits a flabby muffin top and chunky thighs. Now we get that she ain't fat but for Britney this is a mess.

[Image via HOAX VID/RCA]

DON'T TRY AND EAT THE MICROPHONE TOO

Kelly Clarkson has always had a good set of pipes, but for some reason the singer and former Idol winner can never seem to stabilize her weight. It seems she's either Free Willy or Nicole Richie and we don't get why it's so hard for some birds? The poor thing really needs a new stylist too cause the person behind all her recent outfits is clearly holding a grudge.

[Image via WENN]

YOU AIN'T ONE OF THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!

We always wondered what Dita Von Teese ever saw in Marilyn Manson cause let's face it he ain't exactly a looker is he? The rock star who once used to be relevant (like Xtina but bad music) was snapped at a film premiere in LA recently and boy did it look horrendous sans slap. We don't even know what it is and what's the grill too Miley?

[Image via FILM MAGIC]

EARTHQUAKE OR IS MISCHA ON THE MOVE?

Who knew that Mischa Barton would leave The OC and become so fucking fat? While we'll always have a soft spot for Marissa and her fuck off razor sharp cheekbones (well not anymore), we seriously can't excuse her for sporting these nasty ass whale thighs. Also what the fuck did she think when she put on skinny jeans? We ain't feeling the silver metallic winkle pickers either honey so please just hire Rachel Zoe again and stop eating.

[Image via SPLASH]

GET BACK ON THE ADDERALL AND QUICK!

Women these days just can't win can they? Lindsay Lohan is fresh outta rehab and while that's great news, her weight seems to have skyrocketed cause bitch was spotted rocking some fuck off chunky thighs the other day. The coke whore (allegedly) was papped filming a commercial in LA recently and it proper looked like she'd switched heroin for cherry bakewells. We're just not sure we're digging the fuller real woman look? We've always been advocates for anorexia and drugs so we do feel a little let down. Please get skinny again LiLo cause you know fatties don't get the roles.

[Image via WENN]

DID MARISSA PISS OFF CHRIS BROWN TOO?

Oh how we used to love Mischa Barton and her anorexic amazingness...until she started eating and became a beached whale. The former OC actress was snapped at a charity dinner in London recently and it looked like she'd either smeared shit over her eyes (make-up budget) or fucked off Chris Brown who we know likes to treat women with respect. Either way bitch didn't get the warpaint right at all, but we're hoping she'll start to eat less cause we totes prefer her skinny. Just sayin'.

[Image via COCO PEREZ]

KEL'S VERY LUCKY HER DAD IS FAMOUS...

Bless her! This thing wouldn't have had much of a chance in the fashion industry (let alone any) if her daddy wasn't Ozzy. Does anyone dare argue with us? Sorry but if you're gonna judge our appearance and what we're wearing then you better not be fucking Kelly Osbourne of all tubby people. We don't know what's going on with this fuck off beehive hair style, orange tan and double chin but this bitch ain't chic or fashionable. Such a joke that E! even thought of this to co-host Fashion Police. Can you say family connections much?

[Image via GETTY]

SHE WAS BORN TO MAKE Y'ALL CRINGE!

Uh huh, we're thinking the same thing as you guys. How did Britney Spears fall from grace and become such a fucking hot mess? Now that Xtina is getting her weight issues together it seems Britters has once again fallen off the diet wagon and while it ain't fat she sure as hell ain't as hot compared to her early days. The pop star was snapped rehearsing an upcoming special performance to promote the new Smurfs 2 movie which she recorded a shit song for and her outfit was tacky as fuck. Can someone please tell us why the stylist thought it would be a good idea to put her her in a bra, denim mini-skirt and white patent leather boots? This look just screams cheap hooker and lady is too old and chubby to pull it off anymore.

[Image via TMZ]

HOW IS GOD REAL IF THIS SHIT HAPPENS?

Do y'all remember watching Tarzan and paying more attention to Brendan Fraser's rock hard abs (bulge) than the shit storyline? Well fast forward almost 15 years and this is what it's become...chubby, pasty and oh so NOT hot. Such a shame when hoy guys let go of themselves cause how else are they going to gain respect in the world without their killer looks? Anyhow aside from the thinning hair, muggs (man juggs), beer belly and Muppet-like face, we'll give him credit for at least covering up cause  that torso without coverage would be a sight for sore eyes. Oh and is it just us or does he look like he enjoys gay kiddy porn?

[Image via WARNER BROS/WENN]

THEODORA LOOKS BETTER WITHOUT SLAP

Holy shit balls Mila Kunis really does look rough as arse holes minus the warpaint! The voice of Meg was seen leaving her hotel in London during her Oz promo trip and it looked fucking horrific in comparison to the previous night when she walked the red carpet. To be honest we can't actually believe this is the same frickin' person cause it's like she's got a hotter twin, but no this is in fact the same bitch minus about 4 hours in the hair and make-up chair. Life is a bitch but if you steal people's husbands then God will make you pay.

[Image via REX FEATURES/ISO]

CLEARLY IT GOT DRESSED IN THE DARK AGAIN

Oh dear honey. Poor old Lindsay Lohan just cannot catch a break when it comes to looking good lately, cause the former shit hot actress was seen boarding a flight at JFK and it looked like a ginga Miss Piggy gone wrong. It also appeared that she wanted to fuck PETA off by wearing a head to toe leather ensemble topped off with real fur. The double chin and lips are what really make this photo a classic though and we just don't understand PERIOD how bitch can think she looks good. We're anxious to see if LiLo gets thrown in the slammer so watch this space.

[Image via XPOSURE]

MRS POTATO HEAD LIKES MARRIED MEN

Okay so before you all freak out and think we're crazy for featuring actress (husband stealing whore) Mila Kunis then calm down and hear us out. Now we do love us a bit of Mila but for some reason her head just looks like a fuck-off potato and even though lady ain't fat she's packing a lot more flub compared to her Black Swan days. We like skinny girls and in this case anorexia was a good option for her cause she looked better, but of course as soon as filming wrapped the fat bitch had to go and start eating again. We're guessing she's doing something right though cause Ashton would rather tap a tubby Jewish ho than a skinny over the hill hottie.

[Image via SPLASH]

WHAT DOES JUSTIN SEE IN YOU?

We always thought Selena Gomez was a sexy (dirty Latina) import, but after seeing this shit we've had to majorly reassess cause bitch looks nasty sans the slap. Okay we get it's young and whatever but she looked like a big ole bloated mess whilst out on a shopping trip in LA recently and frankly we think Biebs can do a lot better. The overrated walking Disney billboard is apparently hard at work in the studio recording a new album, but to be honest all we give a shit about is when the pics of Justin fucking her leak.

[Image via EROTEME]

EVEN MEG LOOKS BETTER SANS SLAP

We bet you never thought you'd see actress Mila Kunis on The Sizzling Mess huh? Well let it be a reminder that even hot Jewish girls who appear in Dior commercials are not off limits. The voice of hottie Meg Griffin was papped leaving the gym in LA after a work out that probably involved tea bagging Ashton Kutcher while Demi Moore watched. Ouch, did we say that out loud? Anyway it just goes to show that even magazine cover girls have their off (dog) days.

[Image via X17]

D-LISTERS FOREVER

It's comforting to know that D-Listers will always be there for the EVEN LESS fortunate to have a laugh. At the Larry Crowne premiere in London last night, former Iceland spokesperson (coke addict) Kerry Katona was seen on the red carpet along with some wannabe WAG mess who had THE most natural lookin' tits we've ever seen. Michelle Heaton was unfortunately nowhere to be seen. Anyhoo it looks like Kerry is slowly piling it back on again, but we suppose for a D-Lister it ain't that big of a deal. Is it just us or does Kerry look like the spittin' image of a New Look employee? Gotta love a good ole northern mess.

[Images via XPOSURE]

SIMPSON IS A WHOLE LOTTA BLOATED

What exactly does Jessica Simpson do anymore besides design mediocre clothing for Middle America? The only time we loved her is when she did Newlyweds with Nick Lachey, but since then she has just BALLOONED and grown a rather unflattering "jeck" aka jaw neck. Yuh huh, that's how obese she's become. Overall her outfits pretty cute, but the chubby thighs (listen up Xtina), bloated face and blue nail polish (SO classy) make us miss the anorexic Jess even more.

[Images via WARNER BROS & SPLASH]

HOT MESS TINA

We've always had a soft spot for Christina Aguilera and in a perfect world we'd love to not hate on her, but that ain't gonna happen til lady gets her image/weight issues together! Xtina was pictured with her financial leech rebound boyfriend Matt Rutler, and her trashy white hair, chubby thighs and clown make up looked plain nasty! Chrissy, we LOVE your voice and music, but quit scoffin' on doughnuts, get on the treadmill and kick that skank GaGa off the charts!

[Image via JUST JARED]